A.N- Thank you so much for your reviews! They motivate me so much. So, here's a longish chapter in return! I was thinking in making this two chapters but I thought what the heck.
Hope you enjoy!
Chapter Four: Wishing On The Same Moon.
I can feel my heart beat against my ribcage, but my blood feels like it has stopped flowing through my body. I go numb and cold, watching Kyle lying peacefully in his hospital bed, unaware that his fate now lies in my hands. In my right I have his death, what he has been expecting and preparing for the last half a year. In my left I have his life, in exchange of selling his body to the Devil's son.
What are you planning to do with him Damien? Would you commit crimes with his body? Would you engrave scars onto his body? Would you cause him to feel pain, agony, hatred and sorrow? And am I the one who has to give you that permission? To sell Kyle's body to you in order to save his life; but do I even have that right?
I always thought that being Super Best Friends with him, and loving him more than anyone else in the world, would make my body practically his, and make his body practically mine. And because of that, I believe that anything we do to each other would be forgiven in the end. But this…
My eyes stare at Kyle, still breathing into his mask. Air, air. But his breathing somehow sounds different to me now. His air seems to echo inside me. It's as though each breath he takes is a countdown. But I don't feel anything. My desperateness has turned my mind numb.
I take in his peaceful figure one last time. His soft scarlet rings of hair. His pointy cat-like lips that is so pink and surprisingly soft. His long, yet barely visible eyelashes sewed together, hiding his twinkling emerald eyes. Everything about him seems so perfect. The pureness and innocence. To even imagine Damien swimming freely inside him makes me want to choke the antichrist standing next to me.
No… I can't do it. I can't sell Kyle. Not to him, not to anyone.
"No…" My mouth voices the words forming in my head. "Not this. Not Kyle's body. Not this…"
The thin pipes in my throat all close up and my lungs turn to ice, but the fact that I can't distract myself with that pain is even more agonising than not being able to breathe. I have nothing else to do, so I keep my eyes on Kyle, my mind long since left reality.
"So, no deal then…" Cold wind sways past, carrying the quiet, icy voice to me, waking my numb mind up, and bringing me back to reality. I feel my arms and legs, my eyes and my ears, and my brain begin to function again, sinking in Damien's words and hearing the sound of his clicking black heels.
"Huh?" When I turn around, the door is wide open and Damien stands there, his hand on the white wall.
"It's a pity about Kyle..." His cold last words seem somehow sincere.
He lifts his foot to take a step forward; his pale hand slowly slides down the white wall. He's about to leave this room. His movements play in slow motion in my head, as if it's giving me time to reconsider my decision. The moment he takes that step, he would be in another world and I would lose my last chance to save Kyle and he would most certainly die. Kyle.
"Wait," A voice whispers. Damien's foot pauses in mid air, and he slowly takes it down back into the room, turning his body to face me. It was my voice that whispered.
"You can't just leave him here dying! He's gonna die in a matter of hours!" My whisper develops into a sudden yell, desperate to keep him from leaving the room. But he glares at me, eyes dark like obsidian.
"I believe I told you Stan Marsh that I'm not here for any favours. I'm here to make a deal."
"Yeah! Then take my body!" I shout at the top of my lungs, unnecessarily in this small room. Even Damien looks surprised at my sudden outburst.
"…What?"
I gulp. It was just something that slipped out of my mouth, but now that I've said it, I can't understand why I didn't come up with the idea sooner. I just use a second to bring together my thoughts and fully understand what I had just said and what it all means.
"I can't give you permission to use Kyle's body, but I said that I'll do anything to save him. And the only thing I can do, is give you permission to use my own body. And that is what I'm gonna do." He walks up to me, listening to my words contently without even blinking, as if to challenge the seriousness behind my words. But even if it was an idea that suddenly came up in the last second, I mean it with all my heart and soul, even if I have to sell those to him too.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Definitely." I say. "You said that it's easier to possess when the person hasn't been baptised. But even if the person has been baptised it's not impossible, right?"
His eyes begin to glow a simmering red. "It will be difficult." He says. "And you'll have more to lose."
"I don't care." I tell him. "And I won't lose more than selling Kyle to you."
I glare into his glowing red eyes, not even flinching under his piercing stare. After a few agonising seconds of glaring at each other, he finally smirks with a shrug, and the daggers disappear from his stare.
"Fine." He smiles, then turns his heals and heads for the door. "My time is nearly up. I have to go now."
"Wait, what? You can't just leave now! Not with Kyle like this!"
"I have to. But don't worry. He won't die." He slides the door open. "I'll come back in the morning. Now I only stopped the time around him for a brief moment. I'll- hmm… 'fix' him, when I come back." He takes a step out the door, and turns back. "Happy Christmas." He says with a sly.
The moment the door clicks shut my watch begins to beep. I slide it out to press the alarm off and then I notice the time. Twelve a.m. Zero seconds to Christmas.
x
The white curtains glow bright with the sunrise, the pure light wakes me up. I find myself leaning against the side of Kyle's bed, my hand gripping onto his still one. I must've fallen asleep by his side, but it wouldn't have been for more than a couple of hours. Yet even with such little sleep my mind feels strangely soothing. I feel like I haven't slept this well in so long. Even while knowing that the antichrist would take over my body in just a few hours, I feel so calm and relaxed, like there's nothing to worry about. And there is nothing to worry about.
The sound of the door sliding open enters my ears and I turn around to see the black figure enter the white room. His black turtleneck and matching pants wraps his white thin body, but he has lost his black scarf. Yeah, it is a warm morning for South Park, I can tell from even inside the hospital. It's so quiet I can even hear birds outside. The blizzard that lasted all night feels as though it was only a bad dream.
Damien glares his obsidian eyes at me, and I can strangely tell that he's asking if I'm sure what I'm doing, if I'm sure about selling my body to him in exchange of Kyle's life. What a stupid question.
I nod, and he narrows his eyes in confirmation. That is our small sealing of the deal.
I move my gaze from Damien back to Kyle, feeling the tension disappear from my eyes. I take his hand back into my own as if to pray to him.
"Kyle," I say. "Kyle, it's all going to be okay. Damien's going to fix you, and everything will go back to normal." We'll go back to normal...
The sound of clicking heels come right up beside me, but I don't move my eyes from Kyle to look up at Damien. I slide Kyle's hand out of my grip and move away to make room for the antichrist, with no clue on how he's going to fix Kyle.
Damien moves right up against the bed, leaning over the sleeping boy's limp body, staring into his face. But I don't take strong notice of his movements. I try to keep my dazed eyes on Kyle. But my body jolts in fear when Damien suddenly rips Kyle's breathing mask off and throws it away aggressively. Yet even without the mask Kyle's calm breathing continues. I relax back down when nothing happens, sighing deeply as I sink my eyes into Kyle's free face. Damien shifts beside me ignoring my existence and rests his left hand against Kyle's chest; I imagine him feeling his heartbeat through the thin fabric of his hospital gown. His right hand places upon his forehead, setting his fringe aside and revealing the white skin. But Kyle doesn't do anything to protest against Damien's touch. And I tell myself: of course he won't. I notice Damien's eyes blazing in a flaming red, staring into Kyle's face. It makes my pulse race, but I keep myself firm in my spot; he knows what he's doing. Damien slowly leans into Kyle, until his forehead contacts the smaller boy's. I can hear my heart beat in my throat now. Damien closes his eyes at the contact, the fire disappearing under his eyelids, as if to concentrate his whole mind on Kyle, and send in his energy through that small contact.
It lasts forever, that small contact, enough to let the scene burn into my brain for eternity. But the second Damien rises up, breaking his contact with Kyle, the scene completely disappears from my mind. I open my mouth to say the millions of words stuck in my throat, but none of them come out.
"He's fine." Damien says for me. He looks into my gaping eyes and I find that the blazing fire has completely died out. Then he drops his eyes back down and takes a small breath. My eyes naturally follow his and land on Kyle. "He will live."
With those words, tears naturally flow out of my eyes. My whole body is numb, stone still, but droplets of tears fall down my cheek. It is simply a reaction.
"He will wake up soon, good as new. I will give you the whole day." Clicking of heels again, he's leaving the room. "I will be back at midnight to complete the deal."
The door slides open behind me, quickly and sharply. But before he takes that one step out, I call his name.
"Damien," He pauses with a click of his heel. I don't look back to say it, but I mean it with every single inch of my body. "Thanks."
The door slides shut with a tap. And he's gone. He leaves without a word. But it doesn't really matter. My entire mind is focused on the boy lying in front of me.
It's hard to believe that anything has changed. Kyle is still sleeping there peacefully, without a word, just like he has been for the past few days. But he's going to wake up. His chest rises and falls subtly with the own power of his lungs. He is alive. He will wake up.
My knees crush from underneath and I fall to the ground, leaning my face against Kyle's still arm, grabbing onto his sleave for dear life.
x
"Stan?"
I don't want to wake up. Because I know that that voice is only in my head, and if I open my eyes it would instantly disappear. It is such a soft, yet clear sound that I feel like I haven't heard for a very long time.
"Stan…" The voice drops into a bare whisper, but it still sounds so realistic. I raise my head almost in sudden response, not wanting the voice to disappear. But I flinch in pain as my eyes instantly go blind from the sudden light bursting into my eyes. It is just so bright. But I see something glowing in that light, and I blink my eyes, desperate to get a hold of that figure.
"Hey dude." He smiles and it lights up so bright to my eyes, that it makes the blinding sun seem dim. But it burns my eyes in such a gentle way; it makes my tears build up and makes a smile tint my lips.
"Kyle."
I stand up, letting go of his arm, and instead wrapping my arms around his shoulders and dig my face into his neck. "Kyle," is all I can say, and squeeze him tighter. But no matter how firmly I hold him it doesn't seem enough, until I feel a pair of warm hands wrap around my back, gently. My whole body relaxes instantly, and I let myself slide away from him.
"Hi"
"…Hey."
I don't think I have smiled so honestly before. But I also haven't felt so happy or relieved before. Kyle tries to return an honest smile, but it's somewhat tensed, troubled and confused, and no wonder. But that only makes me chuckle.
"It's so good to see you again." I breathe, my voice almost vanishing under my relieved sigh. But it only turns his troubled smile into a confused frown.
"But you were here the whole time?"
"Yeah I was. But you weren't."
He makes a pout, completely lost with my words, and I chuckle again.
"So, how are you feeling?" I ask, holding in my laughter.
"Actually, since you asked," His pout instantly disappears. "I feel good. Like, completely fine. I mean, my limbs feel a little numb, but I don't feel any pain whatsoever." He digs through his hair trying to massage his head, then rubs his stomach and pinches his arms and legs; shaky, but swift, energetic movements.
"The only thing I feel agonising about is…" My heart slightly jolts at his words, until he finishes his sentence: "Severe hunger."
My mind freezes, and so does my lungs. But they slowly begin to function and I begin to chuckle, until I end up cackling with laughter.
"Hey! Don't laugh asshole! I am actually unbelievably hungry! I could even eat a whole pig if my parents weren't watching!"
But his embarrassment only makes me laugh even harder. His white cheeks dye a bright pink from humiliation and confusion, and it's so wonderful. Seeing colour return to his skin, watching him act so lively and noticing his emerald eyes shine brightly like freshly polished stones. It is so beautiful, it makes me feel unbearably happy, and it just makes it impossible to stop laughing.
"Douche…" He mutters as he gives up on stopping my laughter. He relaxes back into his pillows and looks the other way, cheeks still tinted with colour. My laughter instantly comes to a stop. I reach my hand to cup his chin, and turn his face around, my insides squeezing together.
"Don't look away…" I tell him desperately. So pathetic, but somehow, I can't stand him looking away. I want to see his face. He looks at me with a lost expression, frowning, but nods in my hold to accept my wish. I sigh, and let go of his chin.
Something inside me suddenly turns and it keeps me from looking at Kyle's face. I look down at my hand entwining around his. Because I know that frown, it has sank into me over these past few months. My heart suddenly pumps furiously and I feel like I'm desperate to keep something from exploding inside me. I want to tell him that it's okay. I want to tell him that he'll live, because I made a deal with the Devil's son. But that is something I can never tell him, no matter what happens. He can't know what I'm paying for his life.
The second the room fills with heavy dense air, the door suddenly slams open, making the both of us jump back to life.
"Kyle!" A voice shrieks. Before I can even look back, a tall tower of red hair pushes past me and attacks the boy sitting in his bed. Strong sobbing embraces him as more footsteps tumble in after her. "Oh Bubulah, I'm so happy you're still alive! We didn't think you'd survive the night so we were going to stay here but when we all noticed we were in our beds and it was already morning! Oh, we were so frightened you might've left without us!"
Sheila Broflovski, with her overly large body, crushes Kyle under her arms and douses him with her words without pausing for a single breath. (At least I know now what Damien did to them.) I see Kyle's hand twitching out of her grip but I just silently apologise, not able to help him. Instead of me, a slightly younger hand rests on Mrs. Broflovski's shoulder reassuringly.
"Ma, let him breathe." Mrs. Broflovski looks back with a river of tears falling down her face, making her heavy make-up run down her cheeks. "Let us see him too." He gives her a relaxing smile, his blue eyes damply shining.
"Ike…" Mrs. Broflovski hiccups, but silently lets Kyle slide out of her grip and takes a step back.
"Kyle, how are you feeling? We were really worried last night." Ike says calmly, not dropping his soft smile even as Kyle's lips turn into a pout.
"I don't know Ike, honestly I feel fine. Nothing hurts, and my body feels so light-" He suddenly chokes on his words and arches his back to squeeze his sides, something deep inside his stomach roaring. He lifts his head up in great difficulty, his face pale; it makes my heart drop in worry, until he croaks, "I'm just unbelievably hungry."
x
I sit on the uncomfortable couch situated in front of the doctor's room; my back slumped, leaning into my knees with my elbows, creating a black curtain over my eyes with my fringe. It's weird. I know that everything has to be all right, but I can still hear my heart beat in my ears.
After hearing Kyle's words, Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski hurried out the room to call a doctor. Their minds all tangled in confused knots with the sudden immerge of a string of hope.
Kyle groaned as the nurses took him out of the room for tests. I was afraid that he would start raging for a piece of bread, but he gave up and sunk back into the mattress, dizzily. Even if he's all better, his body is still empty of energy and the lack of muscle and bone.
My hands fiddle with the button on my jacket and I focus my eyes on the fading leather. How long are they going to be in there for? They offered me to come in, but I politely turned it down. I acted as though I was too nervous to hear the results then in there, but honestly, I know the results already. I just don't know what reaction to make in front of them when I hear the news. And yes, I am nervous; my fiddling hands, dazing eyes and thumping heart proves it.
I finally can't take it anymore, and I get up to take a walk, and that is when the door slides open to reveal a completely dazed Ike.
"Ike, what did he say?" I ask the frozen boy, resting my hands on his shoulders. He looks up at me blankly, but his eyes suddenly swell with tears and he looks back down, shaking his head frantically, as if to get a hold of himself. He's only thirteen, yet he can't forgive himself for showing tears.
"Kyle's back in his room. I think he wants to see you."
I gulp after listening to his shaky voice, but quickly adjust my mind, pat his shoulders and rush for Kyle's room.
The door slides open and inside the room feels like another world. The white wall reflects the morning sun more brightly than anywhere else in the building, and Kyle sits in the middle of it, staring out the window silently. His scarlet hair is the only colour I see, and I crave for a sight of his emerald orbs.
"Kyle," I say as I shut the door and Kyle nearly jumps at the small tap of the door closing. My pulse runs nervously as I watch Kyle slowly turn his head like a ridged robot, the muscles in his body clearly not under complete control. There is no strength in his face, the only muscles working being his knotted eyebrows. His eyes glow pink, water filling up in his eyes to the limit.
"Stan, there's nothing-" He shakes, large drops of tears finally falling out of his full eyes, revealing the clear green. "It's all gone. There's nothing wrong with me…" His eyes suddenly fall to his hands, open upwards as if to catch the tears falling from his eyes. But he instantly looks back up at me, begging me with his eyes for something I can't fully understand.
"I'm not going to die…" He finally croaks. The words said with such pain sets me off like a gunshot in a race. I run to his side and wrap my arms around his fragile frame, giving him warmth and supporting his thin body limp in shock. But most of all, to tell myself that he's alive. He digs his fingers into my arms around him and repeats the same words over and over: "I'm not going to die, Stan, I'm not going to die…"
It makes me realise for the first time that he's not going to die.
x
He didn't calm down for quite a while, but I wasn't planning to let him go even after we both fell into silence. Kyle's hands didn't leave me either. We sat there, completely at ease for what seemed like hours, but what only felt like seconds, until the door opened and let in Kyle's family. I left his room for a while after that, to let them have some family time alone. I took that chance to call Kenny and Cartman, to inform them the best news of our lives.
"WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?" Cartman roars to me as he tumbles out the bus. "I swear to god I'm gonna make him pay!" His hand clenches into a tight fist. From behind, Kenny gives the raging fatass a slap on the head to calm him down. But it only makes him rage even more.
"Come on fatass we don't have much time." Kenny says, pushing Cartman's back. And I laugh. It's almost magic how one single phone call can turn everything back to how it was. Even if it's just for now.
"What the hell are you talking about Kenny? We have all the time in the world!"
But the second I say that, and the second the other two walk past my frozen form and into the hospital, my insides drop. Yeah. I completely forgot. I don't have all the time in the world; I only have till midnight.
"What are you doing dickward! Hurry up!" Cartman cries, breaking my time freeze. I quickly run into the hospital before they get any suspicion about my behaviour.
Cartman is the first one to crash into Kyle's room, spilling his rants all over him, making the redhead narrow his eyes in nuisance. When I enter, I see that his parents had already left.
"They went to get some food and books." Kyle tells me, trying to ignore Cartman's rants until a vein finally pops in his head. "What the fuck are you on about anyway fat boy? What the hell do you want to make me pay for!" He spits at Cartman. But the fatass flinches at his words, suddenly tensed and defensive.
"Oh, he's just mad about you making us worry so much." Kenny says sliding the door shut before pouncing onto Kyle. "Mmm… you need to fatten up some Kyle…" He purrs.
Despite it being so long since I last saw Kenny so intimate with Kyle, I quickly grab him off of the skinny boy by the back of his collar like a cat. "Give him some room will ya Ken?"
He pouts but smirks at me mischievously. "Jealous?" I karate chop him on the head.
"So when did the doctors say you could leave the hospital Jew? Not too soon I hope."
"Hey, fuck you fatty." Kyle shows his teeth in a sly grin, but it quickly falls into a frown. "It sucks. I feel completely fine, awesome, except for the slight numbness in my body, but the doctors said that I had to stay here for a week or so just to make sure. So I'm here, perfectly healthy, but I can't even leave the friggin' building."
Cartman grunts sarcastically. "Hey, just because you're not dying anymore doesn't mean you're healthy dude. I mean look at you; you look like a fucking skeleton!"
"Hey, just because you have the fat equivalent to two people."
Kenny and I laugh, watching the two glare daggers at each other.
The way we are so energetic and happy as if the past five months had never happened, exhausts me, and I know the others feel the same too. It's as if we are all forcefully swallowing down our feelings of doubt and confusion, and the only thing we can do is act like our previous selves. But there's no worry. Things would soon go back to normal, without acting or feeling exhausted to be happy. Even without me.
Just about time we suspect the Broflovski family to come back, Cartman and Kenny decide to leave, thinking it would be uncomfortable to get in between some family love. Maybe my saying before 'We have all the time in the world' has done something to them.
"Aren't you leaving too?" Kyle peaks up at me, a small smile on his face that makes me melt inside.
"Nah," I say scratching the back of my head, ignoring the squeezing feeling in my chest. "I'll stay a bit more. Just for today."
x
I practically spend the whole day in his hospital room. I watched the Brfolovskis bonding but made sure I didn't interfere, sitting silently on the stool beside his bed. I spend most of the time talking to Kyle, but the visiting hours weren't enough. After visiting hours we pretended that I left, only to sneak back into the room.
Every time a nurse came in Kyle hid me under the bed, making a curtain around me with his blanket. I know if Kenny and Cartman were here they would think that my action contradicted my words, 'we have all the time in the world', but they don't know that I only have until today, my time with Kyle.
I scoop myself up from under the bed after the nurse leaves for the one last check-up of the day. Kyle chuckles as I lose my balance and fall on top of him, but my stomach twitches queasily from inhaling his sweet sent and feeling the sudden warmth of his breath caressing my cheek.
"So, how long are you planning on staying here Romeo?" He mocks as I stumble back onto my feet. "Don't you think it's getting a bit late for your secret sneaking?"
"Yeah…" I mumble, straightening myself up, not exactly comfortable with my warm cheeks. "And the nurse said that you do need your rest." But when I notice that that meant leaving Kyle, my stomach sinks like dumbbells.
The windows have dyed jet black with the night-time sky, millions of small stars glittering over the dark screen. No clouds, such a rare clear night. It tells me that I don't have much time left.
"Stan?" My eyes shift back to Kyle's alarmed ones at his worried call. "You alright dude?"
I notice that I've been staring out the window blankly in silence.
"Yeah, it's just…" I wipe my mouth with my palm, thinking what to say. "No, it's nothing."
I can hear my pulse pump in my ear; feeling Kyle's suspicious, yet worried gaze on the side of my cheek, I get nervous. I decide to leave before the pressure becomes too much and accidently tell him the truth.
"Kyle, I better leave-" I say, grabbing my leather jacket, scarf and beanie from under the bed and ripping them onto to me, ready to get out of the room.
"Wait, Stan," My hand pauses in the middle of my jacket, my ears focused on his voice. "…Take me."
The murmur sends a shock through my chest and I freeze on the spot, my face burning.
"Huh?"
"Take me with you. Help me sneak out. We can go on a night-time date."
Oh- I let out a breath, but my cheeks stay warm from the word 'date'. "Why?"
"Because dude, you're acting so weird, and it's not even nine yet." He shrugs and slides out of his bed, wobbling under his weak legs. But he uses those unsteady legs to walk forward, his arms swaying in the air wondering if they should be used for balance or to reach out for me. My brain quickly switches thought and I rush towards him, letting him collapse against my chest.
"Dude, go back to bed-"
"Shut up." He snips into my words. Then he opens his mouth and glares into my eyes. "Stan, listen. I've been dying for six months; I've been lying in that fucking bed for three months. This is practically the first day of my life. I don't want it to end with you acting all weird and running away from me. Got it?"
He puffs into my face and keep his eyes firm. He's so stubborn sometimes, and it makes it impossible to turn him down.
"Fine." I give up with a sigh, but I can't deny the joy that is rising inside me. "But you're not going like that are you?"
His glare instantly brightens up, blinding my eyes. "No way dude. I asked my parents to get me some clothes, just in case it gets too cold."
He leaves my arms and drags himself to his bag lying in the large chair placed in the corner of the room, the one no one sits on. The insides of the bag are emptied all over the floor by the inpatient Kyle. He groans as he digs through his possessions scattered all over.
"My parents didn't pack me any shirts or pants." He moans; slipping on some woolly socks that he salvaged from the floor for extra warmth before tugging on his snow boots. "Well, I guess this would do."
I lift him up, slightly taken aback by his feather-like weight as he rocks up onto his feet.
"Full-gear" He grins, punching his knuckles together armed with thick mittens. A log scarf wraps around neck, making half his face bury into it. The old ushanka rests on his head proudly, as if it was the warmest piece of clothing that ever existed. His thin hospital gown sneaks from underneath his long duffel coat, leaving his legs exposed. Despite how 'full-gear' he is, his pink knees left without clothing leaves me knotted.
"Are you sure you're going to be warm enough?"
"Yeah, yeah." He says, looking down at himself, following my eyes. "I mean, I have underwear on. And besides, girls do it all the time. Wear skirts in the cold I mean." None of that makes me relieved but I leave it at that. Despite how worried I am I'm not willing to give up my jeans for him. I mean, it would be a much nicer view for him to be wearing a dress than me…
"Come on Stan." Kyle calls, already half way out the door. I quickly shake that last thought out of my head and follow him out the room.
x
"…Sorry Stan." He moans into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "I wasn't intending to make you do this."
I grunt through heavy breaths and adjust him against me, finding an easier position for me to move. "Don't worry. I was kinda, prepared for it."
He lets out a deep sigh, completely disappointed in himself. "I just don't remember this hill being so steep."
I chuckle. Even while clinging onto my back like a child he still has the spirit to make excuses.
"You barely made it out the hospital with those wobbly legs."
"Shush!" He tugs onto my beanie, blinding my vision from behind.
"Hey, just because you're as light as a feather, doesn't mean I can carry you down this hill with my eyes closed!" But it's too late. I stumble over the snow, making us both clash into the whiteness. I groan into the cold and puff the white flakes stuck to my mouth.
"Where are we going anyway?" Kyle asks as he slides off my back so I don't sink any deeper into the snow, completely ignoring the fact that he just caused us to crash.
"I don't know. You're the one who came up with the idea to go out so late." I flip onto my back and pinch the bridge of my nose. But when I let go and open my eyes, I lose myself in the view cast above me. I forget to breathe for a second, but quickly clench my teeth and get up, before Kyle notices what I'm looking at.
"Come on."
"Huh?" he mumbles.
"Come on." I repeat and cast him up into the air. "I have an idea on where to go." And he's on my back again, giving up walking by himself after a few tumbles into the snow.
We silently agree to each other when we reach South Park, to let him walk on his own feet. I let him slide off my back and wrap his arm around my shoulders for support as we walk down the hill and through the bushes of the end of town. He definitely knows now where we're heading.
He wisps out of my grip at the last few steps of the hill, trotting down and into the wide-open space of stark's pond. He breathes in a deep breath, extending his arms into the air to feel the cold air cleanse his body.
Just as I think that I reached up to him he starts rushing around again to the bank of the lake, its surface solid frozen, thick ice. Before I can stop him, he does exactly as I fear. He taps the ice with the tip of his right boot, checking its strength and then stepping onto it.
"Wow!" He says, wobbling on his spot. Even for a normal person walking on ice isn't an easy task, let alone for a person who has just recovered from a terminal illness. I frown at my use of English but let it slide, focusing my mind back on Kyle.
"Kyle, come back it's dangerous!" I begin to flinch as Kyle nears the centre of the lake.
"No shi-iiit" He shakes, his feet sliding in different directions under him, until they finally break into the splits and bring Kyle down onto his back, forcing out a shriek from inside him.
In panic, I rush onto the ice and slide clumsily towards the fallen redhead, my breath rigid.
"Kyle!"
But something suddenly tugs onto my hand and pulls me down onto the ground, making me crush onto the empty space of the ice right next to Kyle. Our bodies parallel to each other.
"OW! Fuck! Kyle that hurt!" I indicate to his grip around my hand that sent me crashing down.
"Yeah I know! It fucking kills right?" He laughs, rubbing his back that crashed onto the ice. Confused, I chuckle then slowly burst into laughter at Kyle's ridiculousness. White air dances energetically around us as we laugh.
"So, why did you want to come here anyway?" Kyle asks, wiping away a stray tear on his cheek that leaked out from laughter. The question brings me into silence, remembering what I came here with Kyle for.
Keeping our eyes locked together, I nudge my head in indication of the sky. He blinks, and follows my movements and looks up. I watch him as his eyes widen, letting thousands of little lights glitter in his emeralds. I came here because I wanted to share with him the beauty of the night sky. But I wasn't expecting that I'd see something even more beautiful here.
"It's not everyday that we have such a clear night is it?" He murmurs after a while. I finally get my eyes to move away from the redhead and onto the glowing sky.
"Yeah."
I drop my eyes back onto Kyle; his lips spread into a smile, eyes closed in relaxation, completely set free from agony and depression, not a single cloud on his face. As if noticing my gaze, he opens his eyes, letting the moonlight make his eyes glow, and tilts his head to face me. The wide smile disappears from him, leaving his lips slightly parted in hesitation. His straight, pure gaze empties all thoughts out of my mind, all senses focus on my vision of Kyle.
"Don't let go." He pleads a whisper, and moves his hand so that our fingers entwine.
It puts me into a daze. His eyes are not only glowing emeralds, but they shine off all different colours I never knew existed. I respond to him by squeezing his hand tight. My insides feel like they're twisting together. The back of my eyes heat up.
"No. No I won't."
As if my words were a trigger, tears begin to build up in Kyle's eyes and run like streams down his cheek, creating transparent dots on the ice it falls on. His cry, such a rare sound, echoes inside me so loud and clear. I listen to him in silence, my hand shaking from squeezing his hand too tight. I want to say his name, over and over again. I want to say that it's all right and take him into an embrace. But I can't. My whole body is frozen as if to keep me from interrupting Kyle's honest cry. So instead I make a silent promise: that no matter what happens, I will protect him. I won't make him cry like this ever again.
And then I'm mentally prepared. Nearly midnight. I'm prepared to give my body to the antichrist for the boy who is lying next to me.
x
I slide the hospital door open, quietly and carefully so that Kyle, hanging from my back, doesn't wake up. He twitches as I pull his boots off and moans us I unbutton his coat. The fluids in my body stir, heat rising to my face, and I suddenly feel like banging my head against the white wall. It would wake up Kyle though, so I don't.
Giving him one last glance, sinking in the sight of him sleeping peacefully in the hospital bed, I stand up. His cheeks still pink from the cold air outside, his chest rising rhythmically in his sleep; I tell myself for the thousandth time that he's alive, and he'll stay alive. I turn my heels and walk towards the door, hesitantly placing my hand on the handle. But just as I prepare my heart to open it I hear the sound of rustling sheets behind me.
"Stan?" I turn back to meet emerald eyes. They are a sudden deep green, so deep that I can't read the emotion hidden inside them. "Can you pass me my hat?"
"Oh," I gasp, rushing to the table and then to his bed, handing out his hat. But he only stares at it as if thinking, then ignores it completely and turns his eyes up to mine.
"See you tomorrow, right?" He whispers, eyes exploring mine doubtfully. My heart jumps, but I gulp to keep my calm.
"Yeah, sure" I lie, because even if he seems me tomorrow, it won't be me inside.
Without a clue, Kyle nods with a stiff smile, trusting my words. It breaks my heart to lie to him, but even more to say goodbye to him nonchalantly and leave him not knowing the next time I'll meet him.
Kyle's ushanka slips out of my hand as his gaze drops away from my eyes. My free hand places itself on Kyle's cheek, moving it so that our eyes meet again. He's awake now, but I'm not afraid.
Carefully, I lean down and place my lips on his, so soft and warm, I focus all my senses into the kiss. There is small tension left in me from hesitation; I expect him to freeze, I expect him to push away, but when I feel a warm hand move to the back of my neck all the knots in me loose free. No more hesitation, just a bit of self-control. Warmness flows through me and makes me melt as I taste him and inhale his breath, but I make sure that I don't take it too far: just the rims of his lips, deeply and contently.
Leaving him nonchalantly? Who am I kidding; I know I can't do that.
We part our lips and look into each other deeply, my hand still on his cheek.
"…Bye Kyle."
The words hurt as I breathe them out, but I have no regrets. I pull back and Kyle's warmth leaves my hand. Confused, he doesn't say anything, just searches my eyes for an answer that I won't give him. No, I definitely have no regrets.
x
The second I slide the door shut behind me my watch starts beeping, but I don't look at it. I notice by the atmosphere that one step outside the door is another world waiting. The air is piercing, colder than it was a minute ago. No signs of any presence of the nurses I sneaked past with Kyle. The lights are all out; the moonlight shining through the window is the only source of light. The beeping echoes through the hollow corridor, until it meets another sound in the distance: the clicking of footsteps.
The sound becomes louder and louder as it harmonises with my watch. A shadow is casted every time the figure walks into the moonlight, and disappears with the gaps between each window. I feel oddly soothed and relaxed, but I hear my heartbeat thump in my ears, watching the figure come closer. My watch suddenly falls silent as the figure takes one last step forward.
He stands right in front of me, the moon lighting him up, giving me one last good look of him. His eyes a flaming red glow brighter than the moonlight, making his slit eyes the brightest things in this corridor. His face is the same deathly pale, but I notice that his round lips are almost a burning red; small white fangs sneak through them as he opens his mouth.
"It's time." He says calmly.
A.N- I like stars… Well that was a happy chapter wasn't it? I was totally inspired by 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' because I watched it on valentines. Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope it wasn't too agonisingly long. I would make any long chapters in the future double if that's better.
(*Wishing on the same moon, song by Powder finger)
