Part 3

Shepard jerked back as if to look him in the face, but Kaidan still couldn't see anything in the tiny lightless room. "How could you possibly know that?" She asked. Her voice was colored with a bitter edge.

Kaidan laced their fingers together, needing to maintain physical contact. "What happened on Mindoir was horrific. Just the thought of it happening to you makes me want to kill something with my bare hands. But when I heard your story, what stood out for me wasn't just the frightened girl behind the wall. I also saw a woman who was willing to sacrifice everything, endure anything, to ensure the safety of someone she loved. Your mother had more courage in her little finger than most people ever even dream of. By your own admission, she was compassionate, diplomatic, and quick to laugh. And in the end she proved herself to be as strong as steel. Does that remind you of anyone else we know?"

"That's very sweet, Kaidan. I'm just not sure it's that simple."

"I'm sure," he said with conviction. "Who do you see when you look in the mirror, Jane? Do you still see the traumatized teen from Mindoir? Because I see everything you just told me your mother was, and more. You are the bravest, strongest, most beautiful person I have ever met. Everything else in the room dims by comparison when you arrive."

"Don't do that," her anger was even more pronounced now. "You of all people should know better than to put me on a pedestal. I can't live up to it."

"Jane," he said, exasperated. "You know me better than that. You can always count on me to tell you like it is. I'm not seeing you through rose colored glasses. You don't need a pedestal. You simply are?"

"But…"

"No," he quickly interrupted. "Look at what you've accomplished, even just since the Reapers attacked Earth. You've given the Krogan their first hope of long term survival since the rebellion. You stopped a centuries old war between the Quarians and the Geth, because you were the first one to treat the Geth like people instead of monsters. Hell, you convinced the Rachnai Queen to ally herself with the alliance. Who could have seen that coming?

"You've amassed the biggest multispecies military force in Galactic history. The Reapers know you by name, Shepard. They came to Earth first because you are a threat to them. If anyone can lead us to victory, it's you."

"None of those things were accomplished alone, Kaidan. I am not an army of one."

"No, of course not," He assured her. "But without you to lead the charge, no one would have even come close. There is a reason that everyone you meet is either scared shitless, or ready to follow you even unto death. Commander Shepard is brave. She is both brutal and merciful, and wise enough to know which to dish out when. She is a born diplomat, charismatic as hell, but also the scariest badass marine in the Alliance. I am never more honored than when you trust me to guard your back, never more proud than when I am standing by your side. And I know your mother would be just as proud."

Shepard let out a broken sob. "You still feel that way? Even after knowing…"

"What?" Kaidan interrupted, "that you're afraid of the dark? That you are human and have demons just like everybody else? Everyone is afraid of something, Shepard. It is part of what makes us who we are. Can you honestly say you'd be as observant on the battlefield, as uncompromising in your command, and as determined to bring as many back alive as you can, if you'd never experienced those fears?"

"I…"she faltered, "I don't know."

"You never want to feel that helpless ever again, and you'll be damned if you let anyone else feel that way either. That's what makes you Commander Fucking Shepard. And if anyone has a right to be afraid once in a while, it's you."

She paused, as if thinking this over. "Alright, I'll play along. What are you afraid of?"

Kaidan stiffened as images assaulted his mind; A lifepod missing an occupant, a funeral with an empty coffin, two years mourning a love that barely had time to start... Kaidan couldn't imagine losing her again, especially now that they'd grown so close. He was sure it would kill him this time.

"Lots of things scare me," he finally said. "You took down a reaper on foot, by yourself, not too long ago, remember? Those minutes alone took about ten years off my life and added at least fifteen gray hairs to my head."

Warm fingers scraped across his sideburns. "I like the gray," she said. "It's sexy."

"Well you should," He chuckled. "Each and every one of them is named, 'Shepard.'"

The genuine mirth in her laugh made Kaidan smile and he rewarded her with a gentle squeeze. "I have a lot of fears," he continued. "But If you're asking which one has plagued me most of my life, which one has had a large hand in shaping who I am today, you already know the answer."

"Your biotics."

"Yes." Kaidan raised a hand, and suddenly their tiny space was illuminated with a soft blue glow. "I was five years old the first time I accidentally set the kitchen on fire; ten when I overloaded all of the appliances in the house, because my dad wouldn't let me go out with some friends. When I was sixteen, the Men in Black were on my doorstep, waiting for me when I got home from school. Two weeks later I was light years away from my parents, getting mandatory brain surgery. At seventeen, I killed a man. It was an accident, and frankly he deserved it, but that didn't make it any easier. I had become a weapon, without the need for bullets, explosives, or heat sinks. It didn't matter where I went; I would always be the most dangerous thing in the room."

Shepard stared back at him, her face damp with tears and slightly gray from the blue light. "I've never been afraid of you," she said, reaching for his glowing hand. Their fingers intertwined and Kaidan's corona expanded to surround her hand as well. "Your L2 implant allows your biotics to be stronger than almost every other human, and yet your control of them is nothing less than spectacular. I know you would never hurt me. I trust you more than anyone."

He smiled, overwhelmingly pleased by her statement. "I wouldn't be a fraction as controlled as I am, had I never been afraid of myself. It has forced me to work harder, be more careful, and think things through more often. The very fact that I can touch you like this," he gestured towards their linked, glowing palms, "seems nothing less than a miracle to me. And yet, I know it is only possible because I was once, and still am at times, afraid of losing control."

Shepard frowned at him, "I just can't wrap my head around that happening. You are so careful with your powers, even in battle, even when using your full strength."

Kaidan lowered his eyes, studied the floor for a second. "I almost caused a hull breach after you died."

"What?"

"We were in those lifepods for close to eighteen hours. Communications were down between pods, so all we could do was sit and hope the Alliance heard our distress call. I kept telling myself that you were fine, that you must have gotten Joker out of the cockpit and joined him in the last pod. It was the only thing that kept me sane while we waited." Kaidan scrubbed a hand across his eyes a few times, while Shepard clutched his other one more tightly. The corona around their fingers intensified a little.

"When we were finally loaded into the cargo bay of a passing cruiser, my heart was in my throat. I couldn't wait to see your face and know that you were okay. I knew I wouldn't be able to take you in my arms like I wanted, with all of those soldiers around, but if I could just look into your eyes, see your smile…."

"I'm so sorry, Kaidan." Shepard bit her bottom lip, trying to stop it from trembling.

"When I realized you weren't there, I just lost it. My emotions were everywhere. I could feel my biotics spiking, but couldn't rein them in. I don't remember much of what happened next; some yelling, someone tackling me to ground. I woke up tied to a gurney in their medbay, a migraine screaming through my head. My amp was burned to hell. Doc said they had to sedate me to keep me from hurting anyone, including myself. I'd taken a chunk out of the hull and damn near spaced the entire crew. Had to go through a psyche eval after that, but it wasn't like I could tell anyone what was really the matter, unless I wanted a court marshal. That was the worst part, I think; not being able to talk about how much I missed you."

"God," she exclaimed, her voice trembling a bit. "I don't even know what to say to that."

"You're here," he said, reaching up to brush her tears away. "I have you back. That's all that matters to me."

"I love you so much," she said, her voice breaking. "More than I ever thought possible."

Kaidan touched their foreheads together and closed his eyes, overcome with emotion. "And I love you, Jane Shepard; every inch of you."

She laughed, "Warts and all?"

He returned her smile, knowing for a fact she didn't have a single wart on her spectacular body. "Every inch," he repeated. "I love every fear in your head and everything you triumph over." He brushed his lips across her cheekbone. "I love every scar, every bruise..." His fingers traced down her arm, leaving a trail of blue fire and coming to rest on the curve of her side, "…every toned muscle and every soft, secret place."

Shepard moaned as his lips traveled down the curve of her neck. Her fingertips dug into the fabric of his shirt.

"There are some good things about the dark, you know," he said, rearranging her legs to straddle his hips. "Would you like to explore them, or do you want me to keep this up for a while?" Kaidan asked, gesturing towards his glowing hand. "I don't mind, either way."

Shepard frowned, obviously torn. "I don't want you to get a migraine just so I can have a nite light."

"I'm alright for now," He said with a chuckle. "I think I rather like this, actually." Kaidan couldn't suppress a groan as Shepard ground her hips down onto his erection. His whole body flared light blue.

"I can tell," She smirked, before leaning in to take his lips in a tender kiss. "Thank you," she said, pulling back a moment later. "For this," she gestured to the semi-darkness around them, "for not judging me, for sharing yourself."

"Anytime," he promised, right before reclaiming her lips with his own. "Anything you want; whatever you need."

"You," she panted, managing to sneak her hand underneath the hem of his shirt. "I just need you."

Kaidan buried his fingers in the soft strands of her hair and leaned enthusiastically into their kiss. A shot of pure desire ran through him at the breathy moan she made and he couldn't help thrusting up against her clothed hips. "Is there surveillance in this elevator?" He asked between panting breaths.

"Of course," she confirmed, popping the button on his fly and easing the zipper down. "But if everything else on the Normandy is shut down, I'm sure that's not working either. That is unless EDI considers voyeurism an essential function."

"I wouldn't be…ahhh." Kaidan gasped as her warm fingers wrapped around his length. "I wouldn't be surprised." He kissed her again, more desperately this time. In a heartbeat, he had her shirt pulled from her belt and his hands underneath her bra. She stroked him steadily, and he shuddered, breaking away from her lips to trail hot kisses down her neck and shoulder. She moaned when he rolled her nipple between his finger and thumb. Needing more of her, he leaned in, ready to take the little nub into his mouth, when the lights flicked on in a blinding flash.

"Oh damn," he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face against her bare chest. "Damn, damn, damn."

Shepard threw her head back and let out an uncharacteristically girlish giggle. "I'll make it up to you later, Major," she said, before climbing off his lap and beginning to set her clothing to rights. "EDI," she shouted into open air, "what the hell just happened?"

Kaidan tucked himself back into his clothes as the disembodied voice of the Normady's AI filtered through the small space. "Commander Shepard," she said, in an infuriatingly calm voice. "I apologize for the inconvenience I have no doubt caused you and Major Alenko. Although from the look of things, you both found something worthwhile to occupy your time."

Heat flared in Kaidan's cheeks. Shepard just glared at the walls. "Cute EDI," she said dryly. "What's our status?"

"As I'd feared, it became necessary to shut down all non-essential ship functions in order to elude the reapers. Since our heat sinks are nearly over capacity, we could not run our stealth systems without that necessary action. The two reapers who nearly overcame us are now out of scanning range. We can proceed to the nearest Mass Relay to dump our heat load and then travel to a new system to escape detection."

"Good." Shepard replied tersely, futilely brushing her fingers through her messy, ginger locks. "How's the crew, any casualties?"

"Other than some mild anxieties at being left in the dark for an indefinite amount of time, and a sprained ankle on the engineering deck, all crew members are healthy and accounted for. The elevator should start up momentarily and I will have Admiral Hackett back on vid com in five minutes."

"Thank you EDI. That will be all." Shepard reached down to give Kaidan a hand up. He was just getting to his feet when the elevator lurched into action. He moved to straighten his uniform, needing to correct his disheveled appearance before the rest of the crew could see, but she held him tight.

Kaidan looked up into her beautiful green eyes and saw just a hint of apprehension there. "You've got my back?" She asked needlessly.

"Always," he promised, giving her hand a light squeeze. "Never doubt it."

Shepard smiled back at him and let his hand drop just as the doors hissed open. She squared her shoulders and marched onto the command deck, at once the confidant and charismatic Commander.

Kaidan watched for a moment, letting his pride for her wash over him. She'd overcome so much, and yet had so much further to go. But he assured himself that this time, unlike on Mindoir, she wouldn't be alone in her trials. Kaidan would follow her; into the war room, back to Earth, into Hell itself, and anywhere else she needed him to be…until the end of time.

fin

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