The Magnificent Seven

Dean: What's in the box?

Lucifer: Aw, easy there, Anger!

Anger: RAWWWWRRRRR!

Lucifer: Oh God, he's in here again. What a bunch of sins I have working for me. I suppose it's the wages.

Lucifer: Easy there, Lust. You've got an appointment down at the foreign office. You saw the husband, it was Sloth.

Sloth: Mumble.

Lust: Easy!

Lucifer: How about Avarice and Gluttony, two lovely girls?

Avarice: ...I don't even remember being in this episode!

Gluttony: ...And actually I'm a guy.

Pride: Did you honestly think that something like that would work on somebody like me? I mean, me?

Lucifer: And how envious I am of... Envy.

Envy: We're not Sins, man, we're natural human instincts!

Tamara: (Shoots him)

Bobby: How about the man?

Tamara Drewe: He didn't make it.

Bobby: Uh, Tamara. It's a dangerous world out there now, thanks to me. Demons in human form. Forgone their own shapes. Anyone could be a demon.

Tamara: (Alarmingly cheerful) OK!

The Kids Are Alright

Changeling: I'm packing up a sucker punch; not going down without a fight!

Dean: ...But who says I ain't?

Changeling: WTF BOOM!

Lisa: Uh... Dean...

Ben: Led Zep rules!

Dean: Uh... is he my kid? Just cos he's eight?

Lisa: FUCK OFF OUT OF HERE.

Bad Day at Black Rock

Dean: Guess it sounds like a horror movie, but this is actually the funniest episode yet.

Bella: Guess your rabbit's foot isn't working yet.

Sam: (Falls over)

Sam: (Falls on his stumma)

Sam: (Loses his shoe)

Sam: (Is struck by electricity)

Dean: ...You OK Sammy?

Sam: It's Sam.

(Burn rabbit's foot)

Dean: That was almost too easy.

Bella: (Shoots Sam)

Sin City

Dean: Town full of drunk girls. Vice and sex abound. Love it. Nothing wrong with this place, even though old Father Gil is flirting with a girl ten years youngah.

Father Gil: The Lord brings me here.

Dean: O...K.

Sam: Look, I know there's demons here.

Dean: Fuck off.

Casey: Your brother's right, bitch.

Dean: Uh fuck... (shoots her)

Father Gil: FUCK!

Dean: You're a demon too?

Father Gil: How else do you explain black eyes, bitch?

Dean: (shoots him)

Bedtime Stories

Boyfriend: Rawr, even though we're tired and hungry and lost, let's go and visit this creepy old house inhabited by an even creepier old lady!

Girlfriend: Uh... no.

Boyfriend: Come on, she invited us in!

(Boyfriend gets stabbed to death by old lady)

(In hospital)

Girlfriend: I was being stabbed multiple times, and even though I was in terrible pain and having my stomach carved open and even though I had just eaten, even though I was having my stomach carved open all I could think of was this little girl standing in the doorway and what the fuck she was doing there. Even though I was in terrible, terrible pain, that was all I noticed for some reason.

Dean: It's a ghost.

Sam: That explains it.

Red Sky at Morning

Bella: Red Sky at Morning... a sailor's warning.

Sailor's ghost: Red Sky at Night... a ghost's delight!

Fresh Blood

Gordon Walker: Whaddya know, I'm escaped from prison, even though you never saw no such thing! Vampire bastards, come and get me!

(Is kidnapped)

Gordon: You killed my sis, even though I don't even know you.

Vampire: You're famous among our kind, Gordon Walker. Gordon Walker vampire hunter, become Gordon Walker, vampire!

Gordon: FUCK! Aw, I suddenly want blood!

Sam: (decapitates Gordon)

Sam: That worked out nice, don't you think. He could never kill me straight, me being the hero. All he did was talk.

A Very Supernatural Christmas

Jack Skellington: What's this? What's this? There's frost everywhere what's this? There's children throwing snowballs, instead of throwing heads, they're busy building toys, and absolutely no-one's dead!

Sam: I hate Christmas. Even though it's your last Christmas on Earth, I want to make you pissed.

Dean: It's working.

Malleus Malfericum

Dean: Girl got killed.

Sam: It's a witch.

Dean: I hate witches!

Sam: Ding dong, the witch is dead!

Tammi the demon: I guess Ruby never told you... she sold her soul to me.

Dean: So does that mean... all demons were once human?

Ruby: For some absurd reason, yes.

Dean: They killed fallen angels! The bastards!

Dream a Little Dream of Me

Dean: No, not the song from Glee, but the Supernatural eppy.

Maid: Sir... wake up.

Bobby: (sleeps)

Maid: HOLY FUCK I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY THIS MAN WILL NOT WAKE UP EVEN THOUGH HE COULD'VE JUST BEEN OVERSLEEPING! FUCK!

Bobby: (sleeps)

Dean: I guess we enter his dream then.

Sam: As we're about to drink something what looks like coffee, and we added something of Bobby's hair into it... isn't this like the scene from Chamber of Secrets?

(In dream)

Dean: Bobby! You're dreaming! Snap out of it!

Bobby: What? This isn't real?

Dean: NO!

Bobby: (points at dead wife) Does... that look real?

Dean: No.

(pointless half hour later)

Dean: I don't get it... are you me?

Evil Dean: You are... good Dean. Whereas I am Evil Dean!

Dean: (wakes)

Mystery Spot

Dean: Wakey wakey Sam!

Sam: I had this dream a hundred times, and you die.

Dean: Whaaaa? (Is run over)

Dean: (Is hit by a bus)

Dean: (Is hit by a piano)

Dean: (Is decapited)

Dean: (Is electrocuted)

Dean: (Chokes on sausage)

Sam: For some reason it's the Trickster!

Gabriel: That it is.

Jus in Bello

Dean: Fuck.

Sam: Demons.

Victor Henrikksen: Attacking.

Nancy: Station.

Ruby: Sacrifice the virgin, bitches!

Sam: NO. Nobody's killing any virgins!

Victor and Nancy: (killed by Lilith)

Ruby: ...Now see where your plan led to.

Ghostfacers

Sam: Who you gonna call?

Ed: Somebody else!

Harry: ...What a pair of dicks.

Ed: They erased our footage!

Both: FUCK!

Dean: The world just wasn't ready.

Sam: Yep. It sucked.

Long Distance Call

Crocotta: Come to me come to me come to me come to me come to me come to me come to me

(The Grudge moment)

Sam: (kills Crocotta)

Sam: And I did this all without Dean's help.

Time is on My Side

Doctor Benton: LIFE! GIVE MY BODY... LIFE!

Dean: Actually, you're not immortal, you're just cutting bits from people.

Sam: That is sick.

Bella: Gimme the Colt!

Dean: You had it.

Bella: I killed my parents thanks to a demon.

Dean: You bitch...

Bella: (is dragged to Hell)

No Rest for the Wicked

Lilith: Actually, there is.

Dean: Thirty hours left. Let's hunt a demon. What do demons do for fun?

Lilith: We possess little girls.

Dean: You pervert. Your face is awful.

Lilith: My evil family acted uncomfortably around me so I killed them. That's the way our American cinema works.

Dean: (Acts uncomfortably)

Lilith: (kills him)

Sam: YOU BITCH! (Exorcizes her)

Ruby: WTF BOOM? (Collapses dead)

Sam: Brother, can you spare two dimes? (When I should be like Waaaaaaaaaa waaaaa my brother's dead waaaaaaaa)

Dean: Sorry brother, can't hear you. I is chillin' in Hell.