Ron's heart rate had increased rapidly over the last few hours. He had managed to send Hermione on a wild goose chase across the Hogwarts grounds while he headed straight to the Room of Requirement. It would have only been a matter of time before she decided to search the castle anyway, Mrs Norris typically skulked the halls with Filch.

Ron couldn't count on Hermione not thinking to search the Room of Requirement as she obviously knew of its existence. His plan had already been uncharacteristically brilliant but he would have to up the ante to outsmart Hermione.

He could of course explain the whole situation to her, but he didn't want to. He couldn't stand the thought of her lecturing him for poor decision making, poor choice of trust, poor time management…

She just didn't get him.

He just struggled with work; it was hard to keep on task. She was determined, focused and driven and he was just a slacker. Snape was right, he would always be a slacker and no Weasley in the history of Hill Valley would ever amount to anything. Ron suddenly wondered where Hill Valley was.

Regardless, he didn't want Hermione lauding moral or intellectual superiority over him and as such, he couldn't tell her. It had to stay secret.

And so, with a heavy heart, Ron returned to the Room of Requirement regretfully but resolved all the same to rectify the situation. Spurred on by alliteration, and ignoring the niggling feeling of discomfort in the back of his mind, he pulled out his wand and entered the Room of Requirement, ready to make the necessary changes to ensure Hermione wouldn't be able to access Mrs Norris' room.

As he entered, Mrs Norris looked up with a snarl. With gleaming claws and teeth, she darted forward angrily. Ron was glad for the aggression; it made him feel less guilty about her relocation.

Grabbing the cat by the scruff of the neck, he exited the room before asking the Room for the new location he had in mind. Mrs Norris began to shriek as the new Room revealed itself and with a pang of regret, Ron threw Mrs Norris in and sealed her in for what he hoped would be a week's duration.


"That was a hell of a close call earlier today," smiled Fred (Ron was quite sure it was Fred) in a reproachful way. Ron had seen few reproachful smiles before and it made him uneasy. "Ha-ha, please don't smile at me like that Fred," he nervously stuttered.

"What's the matter Ron, something wrong with our faces," beamed George forlornly.

Wild eyed, Ron shook his head.

"Look I don't care whatever ungodly face magic you guys are experimenting with, I just want to get this all over with. Hell, even after my secondary precautions, there's still a chance Hermione might find Mrs Norris, and I'd rather deal with just the one threat to my life as it is."

The twins raised their eyebrows, "What did you do to Mrs Norris? Nothing we wouldn't, we hope. Look Ron, we don't want you dead. Embarrassed and possibly no longer viewed as socially acceptable, but dead? Definitely not."

"Oh right, that's very reassuring. Look all you need to know about Mrs Norris is, that unless Hermione takes a very direct approach, it's highly unlikely she'd know what to look for. If she did, I'd be very worried. And completely screwed I guess."

"Yes, but where did you hide her?"

Ron mumbled something indistinctly, not even directed to the twins but to himself. They couldn't quite catch what he said and didn't press him on it.

Their curiosity could wait, they would have plenty of amusement with Ron's reaction to the next two points of the contract.


Point 2/7– The obligated, one Ronald Bilious Weasley, is under Unbreakable Vow to complete the following to the very best of his ability. He is to approach one Professor Sybil Trelawney and partake in the act of 'sloppy makeouts' with her, or what is colloquially known as the act of kissing. He may or may not use tongue at his own discretion. Failure to complete this task within a week will result in Ronald Bilious Weasley's death.

Point 3/7– The obligated, one Ronald Bilious Weasley, is under Unbreakable Vow to complete the following to the very best of his ability. He is to follow up the kiss with one Sybil Trelawney with a follow up offer to "head back to his room", insinuating that the act of coitus or 'physical lovemaking' will ensue. He may or may not choose to follow up on this offer depending on the circumstances. Failure to complete this task within a week will result in Ronald Bilious Weasley's death.


"What." said Ron bluntly, "I have to what? Are you serious? Because- there... there is no way-"

"You read correctly Ron. Those are your obligations. Your life is at stake, so don't get to indignant about it," beamed Fred evilly.

"Just smooch the seer Ron," George grinned, "It can't be too hard, but maybe you will be."

The twins raised their eyes browsed and whooped. Ron face palmed with a shudder, running his hands through his hands in frustration.

"What happened to all that crap about looking after me? Do you to get me expelled? I'm pretty sure that's sexual assault or something, I could get expelled you fucking twats!"

"We said we wouldn't let you die, not that we wouldn't embarrass and emotionally cripple you. Besides, this could have been so much worse Ron," scowled Fred indignantly, "if we wanted, we could have forced you to sodomise Malfoy. How does that sound Won Won? Nice and romantic?"

"I hate you both. Words cannot describe. You're fucking sociopaths."

"Oh stop it you, you're embarrassing us," spluttered George in mock embarrassment, "now get out of here you crazy kid and pucker up and kiss that teacher! And while you're there, you might as well do that other thing."

Ron stormed out of the room in a huff of profanity and rage, farewelling his brothers with all manner of obscenely rude gestures as he left.

The twins high-fived each other.

"Sucker."

To Be Continued…