~Glimmer Point of View
I don't go to sleep immediately that night. Cato is asleep long before I am. I've decided that to go through the healing process, I need to acknowledge what happened. A psychologist told me that in the Capitol weeks ago, and I've been trying to come to terms with that. And now, after seeing Cato's happy family, I realized it. If I ever wanted anything like that, a nice house with a husband and children, I had to get past this. And get passed it I would. So I closed my eyes and let my mind open up the tightly locked door of my worst night in the arena.
He was standing at the opening to the enclosure we had built. I had a dagger brought up, but he put his hands up as if in surrender, making me slowly lower the weapon.
"I'm not here to kill you. I just want to ask you something." I eye him warily as he steps inside, and I wait for him to continue.
"I want to try to kill the boy from 1, and I need your help." Was he stupid? Didn't he know I was also form 1? But perhaps that's why he was asking.
"I don't know where Marvel is. After he killed that little girl, he disappeared." I snickered slightly. Her death had been highly over exaggerated, with the girl from 12 burying her in flowers. But I couldn't deny it was sweet. As I looked back at him, I noticed he was angrey. Oh no. I hadn't remembered that little girl had been from his District. I gulped, reaching for my dagger. But he was faster.
Before I knew it, the dagger was out the door, and he was on top of me. I struggled under him, but he was big and had strength on his side. Still, I was small. Maybe I could slip under his arm and hit him with a log from the fire.
He saw it coming. He had me pinned under him, his breath coming out of his nostrils like that of a bull in a bullfight I had learned about in school. I struggled and kicked, and after I managed to hit him in the leg, he pressed his knees into my thighs, making me gasp. He was heavy, much too heavy for my body to handle.
"You know what, Glimmer?" He sneered my name as he looked down at me, clearly beyond the point of rational thinking. "I will make you pay for Rue's death. Katniss might have gotten Marvel before I could, but I can get revenge on you."
And before I knew it, he had my hands tied with rope form his pack. I cursed myself silently for making the enclosure with a tree nearby, which he tied my hands too. I wasn't sure exactly what he was doing, but I found out quickly.
"What on earth..." He had pulled my pants down, stole a quick glare at me, and then did the unthinkable. As soon as I felt him, I let out a blood curling scream. He was big, he was harsh, he didn't wait for me to get used to it. And he certainly didn't care that I was a virgin. I screamed again, feeling something tear deep inside me. I had already broken in half when he first got me, and now this? I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know what happened between a man and a woman like this. But still, I kept screaming, until I finally found my voice, and through pain filled gasps, I was able to talk.
"Please Thresh, please stop! It...it hurts, please, please. No one...no one has ever done this, please, just stop, PLEASE!" I had gasped and kept screaming, begging.
But he hadn't, he hadn't until he could distantly hear someone rustling in the woods. That's when he quickly righted both of our clothing, untied my hands, and put his fists to me.
I awoke quite suddenly, shooting up in bed. When had I fallen asleep? I was panting, a sheen of sweat covering me. The bed was too warm, the room too dark as I tried to breathe deeply and catch my breath. I felt someone stir next to me, and I saw Cato's form in the dark. He put an arm around my shoulder as I stayed sitting.
"Is everything okay, what's wrong? Did you have another nightmare?" Slowly I turned to look at him, burying my face in his shoulder.
"If only it had been a nightmare." He laid us back down, rubbing my back and holding me close, whispering words of comfort in my ear. He kept telling me it was going to be okay. And as I slowly began to be soothed to sleep, I heard Cato begin to whisper to himself.
"I should have gotten to her. I should never have left. But because I did, this is what she has to deal with. How could I have made her suffer through that?"
I opened my eyes, twisting my head. He was blaming himself for what had happened. Gently, I turned on my back and placed a hand on his cheek.
"It's not your fault Cato, don't blame yourself." But he moved his face away and peered out the window to the train. And then he whispered the reality that neither of us had wanted to accept.
"He raped you, Glimmer. He took you for the first time and made you bleed under him, and I couldn't stop it. I should have stopped it. And now you're going to have with that for the rest of your life."
I sighed; taking his face in my hands and making him look at me.
"Do not blame yourself. You couldn't have stopped it. Everything's fine now." But he didn't believe me. No one would, or could.
"Everything's not fine, sweetheart. He took something that I can't give back, no matter how many times I say I'm sorry. You wake up screaming at night and all I can do is hold you. He forced you to do something that's the worst possible torture and I can't do anything. He made blood run down your legs, he broke your-"
I cut him off, a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as he described what happened. "Just stop. I know what happened. I don't need you telling me. Let's just go to sleep." I turned on my side, facing away from him in anger.
And then I felt him kissing my hair, his hand rubbing my front. His lips went from my hair to my ear, then to my jaw. He was apologizing. I turned over to tell him it's okay and that our fight was dumb. But as I opened my mouth, he puts his lips to mine, and all I could feel was a kiss that sent shivers through my whole body and electricity down my spine.
He gently stopped kissing me, both of us opening our eyes. He's got his arms wrapped around me, and I'm so close to him yet not afraid. He rests his forehead against mine, almost as if he's going to kiss me again. My left leg is over his right one, and I realize that my other is bent down. If he wanted, he could flip himself on top of me and I'd be very vulnerable. But he doesn't. He moves away, letting us both get comfortable until he takes me in his arm, presses one last kiss behind my ear, and we tumble into the world of sleep.
Cato Point of View
We're in 3 now. I don't really remember the tributes from there, and any dirty looks just bounce off. Hey, they aren't Careers, deal with it. But Glimmer is clearly hurt by the glares, and doesn't wave as big or smile as brightly as she had in Districts 1 and 2. We don't spend long there, and it's only a few hours ride to 4. So after getting off and doing our thing, we board the train again. This time it's during the day, and I take Glimmers hand before she can scamper off to her room.
As I sat her down in my room in a pair of chairs, she pouted at me, pulling her hand from my grasp and putting it in her lap.
"What do you want?" She didn't look at me, just stared at her hands as she fidgeted in her seat.
"I want to talk." I looked at her, waiting for her to meet my eyes. She did, but only for a moment before she answered me.
"Why?" Anyone could tell she was grumpy, that she very obviously did not want to talk right now. But I wanted to, I had lots of questions and very little answer, and I had a feeling she might be able to answer a few of them.
I sighed before answering her. "I have questions, and I think you might have answers." She just nodded, waiting for me to continue, so I brought up my first question. "Why do you hole up in your room all day and only come to me at night?" She stared out the window for a moment before slowly opening her mouth.
"I don't really know. I guess, because people will expect me to be the old me, they'll expect me to be happy and...different. During the day, I just, sort of, prefer to be alone."
I nodded slowly, looking out the window as well. Her answer didn't exactly surprise me, because I hadn't known what to expect. But still, I wasn't sure what to say next. Surprisingly, she asked me a question, though it wasn't really a question, it was more of a statement.
"Your mother said you adore me." She looked at me finally, glancing at me from under thick lashes, coloured dark with mascara. I chuckled a bit, blushing slightly.
"Perhaps I do." I reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, and she smiled at me. Then her eyes grew dark, and she asked me a more serious question.
"Is all you want me for is to get me in bed?"
I drew in a breath and stared at her. Her eyes held hurt, and the fear of future pain and betrayal. Slowly, I got up and went over to her chair, sitting on the arm and running my fingers through her hair. I had to answer her honestly, and I knew that would scare her. But I did anyway.
"That's not all I want you for, sweetheart. You most certainly are beautiful, but that's not your only worth. There's an amazing person inside you, and I want to get to know that. And to answer you honestly- please don't be scared- yes, hopefully one day I'll get to have you like that. But only if you want to and only if the time is right."
She's gone stiff, though my fingers are still running through her golden locks. The room is so silent I can hear her breathing. Gently, I get down on my knees in front of her, taking both of her hands in mine. Tears have welled up in her eyes.
"Please Glimmer, don't think that's all I want you for, because it isn't. I want the girl underneath." I wipe a tear off her cheek, though she remains stalk still before slowly opening her mouth.
"You promise?" She's starting to shake, the poor thing is so scared.
"Promise what exactly?" She sniffles slightly before answering.
"Promise that one night you won't...you won't let that look in your eye go too far." So she has seen it. Yet she still trusted me enough to hold her at night, still trusted me enough to come in here with me. I nod, placing a kiss to her brow. Her quick excuse is that she needs to change, and I let her go. At least now there aren't so many mysteries on both sides.
District 4 is just as boring as 3 was, with the same responses from the victims' families, the same forced cheers for the gruff looking Peacekeepers. We're back on the train quickly, but they tell us it will take through the night to get to 5, so we board the train at dusk and prepare for another night of sleep.
I go to her that night. She's already lying in bed, but she pops up when I come in. I like the way she smiles at me, especially at night, when it's sweet and innocent and full of trust, a little like Brena. Tonight though, instead of letting me hug her around the waist, she puts a hand on my chest and closes her eyes, meaning she's facing me. If I let out a deep breathe, I can see it in the hair beginning to fall over her eyes. She's a beauty. But I can tell she's not asleep, just as I'm not. She opens her eyes and peers up at me, and I rub her back in the darkness.
"Do you want children one day, Glimmer?" She quirks her head at me, curious at my question and why I'm asking it.
"Yes, someday, what about you?" I sigh before I answer, and she snuggles closer in the dark.
"I don't know, I haven't given it much thought. But I think that someday I'd like a wife and maybe a kid or two." She nods in the darkness, and I hold her close. I feel her breathe before I hear her question.
"Do you like me, Cato?" I look down at her. She's picking at my t-shirt with her fingers, letting me know she's nervous. I smile at her.
"Yes Glimmer. I kissed you, didn't I? I hold you in my arms every night and sooth you to sleep. I most defiantly like you."
She grins up at me, and leans up to place a small kiss on my lips. I take it as the sign of 'I like you to.' I rub her back again, putting my head on top of hers. When we fall asleep, I'm not sure, but I know she's got her arms around my neck, so we're both tethered together in the darkness.
