As Ron exited the shower, newly clothed and heavily soaped, he couldn't help but feel that in some way, the universe or some other cosmic force was purposefully screwing him over. Or at least, that would seem the case, if most of this misfortune hadn't been brought about by himself.
All the same, the distribution felt quite disproportionate.
As he re-entered the common room, seething with anger, he waltzed over, ready for worse news.
There were still remaining points he had to tackle. He snatched the contract angrily from the twins, who had made sure to slip in some jibes before he inevitably stormed off.
"How's she'd taste Won Won?"
"Did she see it coming? Or should I say, did she see you coming?"
"Oh snap! Hope you didn't catch Sybil-is!"
"Ha! Good point; you never know where she's been."
Ron loathed the pair of them.
"Shut it. I just want to get this over with. What else is there, or should I just check it myself?"
The twins exchanged glances.
"Well actually, we struggled to find additional points after the first few, so we figured we just force you to give us blowjobs."
Ron started, opened his mouth, closed it and then slowly opened it again.
"You- give you- on my- what?"
George spread his legs, "Get to it kiddo."
Ron just gaped.
"On your knees boy, don't be a tease," cackled George with mad glee.
"Oh the look on your face," laughed Fred, "Just kidding, that's completely up to you," Fred winked, "If you're feeling a little incestuous later."
"You're sick," spat Ron, "Just give it to me straight."
"That's what she said," smiled George and he dutifully high-fived Fred.
Point 4/7– The obligated, one Ronald Bilious Weasley, is under Unbreakable Vow to complete the following to the very best of his ability. He is required to state the phrase, "Bloody Hell" on demand. The signal to comply with this task will be the stroking of the chin. When Mr Weasley views this action, he is to comply with the task and state the phrase. Failure to comply within the duration of a week will result in Mr Weasley's death.
"Wow really?" giggled Ron, "That seems like a bit of a waste."
George stroked his chin, "Well my dear Ron-"
"Bloody Hell!"
"-we weren't entirely joking. Although you do sound quite funny when you say that, it was sort of a waste wasn't it? It was quite difficult to find points that wouldn't result in your immediate death. But after we wrote this point, we figured what the hell? This was pretty lame, and the only way to have any real fun? Cross some lines. Sure we still took some precautions, like misspelling your name but we don't know whether that would negate the effects of the unbreakable vow. You swore to fulfil the points of the contract, and I wouldn't hope on a mere misspelling preventing a painful death."
"Oh god," whispered Ron.
Point 5/7– The obligated, one Ronald Bilious Weasley, is under Unbreakable Vow to complete the following to the very best of his ability. He is to detonate a pound of firecrackers or similar incendiary device in Professor Severus Snape's dungeon during a Potions class. Failure to complete this task by the end of the week will result in Mr Weasley's death.
"Oh great, that can only end well," snarked Ron, "but hey, it's not quite life-threatening is it? There's worse isn't there."
The twins nodded gleefully.
Point 6/7– The obligated, one Ronald Bilious Weasley, is under Unbreakable Vow to complete the following to the very best of his ability. He must obtain, legally or otherwise, one Time Turner, fully functional in the proper properties (capable of time travel) and deliver it unconditionally to the dynamic duo, Mr Fred and George Weasley. Failure to complete this task by the end of the month will result in Mr Weasley's death.
Point 7/7– The obligated, one Ronald Bilious Weasley, is under Unbreakable Vow to complete the following to the very best of his ability. He is to manipulate events so that one Ms Hermione Granger is to kiss him, without undue force on his part. Furthermore, he is not to inform her of his agreement to make this Unbreakable Vow. In addition, he is to inform neither her nor anyone else outside of the Weasley family of this condition. Failure to complete this task by the end of the month will result in Mr Weasley's death.
"You've killed me. I'm dead, I am… so dead..."
"Nah, we haven't. Look we've extended the time limit for these! You've got a whole month (minus today obviously), but I would advise you get to it as soon as possible. After all, the clock is always ticking."
"Oh awesome. When you put it like that, it looks easy as."
"Cheer up Ron, just think! Soon as you finish this, you're free. Until the next assignment at least."
"Go to Hell."
And with that, Ron finally stormed off. The twins shook their heads.
"Oh the things we do to help that poor kid," frowned Fred sadly.
George patted Fred's shoulder reassuringly, "One day, he'll look back on this and thank us."
The twins shared looks.
"Yeah right!"
To Be Continued…
