It was a dark and slumberous night. Not a creature in Gryffindor Tower stirred, not even a house elf. All was quiet and students slept in their beds.

All but one red-headed boy who suddenly appeared out of thin air.

"Bloody Hell, that was an experience," gasped Ron, obligatorily stroking his chin and he said so.

He was in his dormitory exactly three years prior (well maybe not exactly, he had left in the morning and it was now night time). While he and his past roommates slept, he quickly opened Harry's trunk, quietly rummaging around before stashing Harry's invisibility Cloak on his person and closing the trunk up.

He tucked the Time Turner beneath his shirt and slunk down to the Common Room. Quickly locating the stairs to Hermione's dormitory, he began his ascent.

However, he didn't get quite far until the stairs became a slippery slide beneath his feet.

"FU-"Ron began to swear as he suddenly became diagonal and with a thump, felt the cold stone slide beneath him.

"CK," he finished as he rolled onto the Common Room floor.

He glanced upward at the smooth ascent before him. He suddenly remembered that the staircase was enchanted to prevent boys sneaking up into the girl's dormitory. This would require out of the box thinking.

"Accio Hermione's Time Turner?"

Ron paused for a minute, but nothing happened. Maybe it couldn't travel out of Hermione's room or perhaps it was enchanted to prevent such retrieval? It didn't matter, it was clear Ron needed to get into the room to retrieve it.

Time for a new tact. Ron pointed his wand at himself, an act that despite his confidence that there was no way he could fail, made him slightly nervous.

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

Immediately, Ron shot up into the air, floating up the staircase. Success.

"Let's get it on," smiled Ron as he slipped on Harry's Invisibility Cloak.


The floorboards creaked beneath Ron's slippers as he snuck into Hermione's dormitory. He slowly swung the door open, wincing at its shrieking creak as it swung open.

Yet somehow, Hermione, Lavender, Parvati and the other girls Ron had never really talked to, managed not to stir. Ron breathed a sigh of relief and wandered over to Hermione's bed.

Ron peered over the sheets and watched Hermione's chest rise and fall. He stood there for a moment before realising how creepy that kind of was. He was thankful he had thought ahead to bring the Cloak.

"Accio Hermione's Time Turner," he whispered beneath his breath.

Hermione's shirt lifted but the Time Turner failed to come out from underneath. Ron gave a forlorn sigh. Of course it would be trapped beneath Hermione's shirt! He was a fool to have ever believed otherwise.

Looking around apprehensively, Ron extended a hand from the Cloak. He paused briefly, strengthened his resolve and slowly and deliberately slid his hand under her shirt.

He tried to keep the hand as raised as possible so as not to brush her skin nor did he pull her shirt with too much strength so as not to alert her. He didn't want to look as it would feel perverted but he needed to make sure he would grab the Time Turner as opposed to… anything else.

Eventually he found the trinket and slowly lifted it from her chest. She did not stir. Success.

Ron withdrew it and suddenly felt the chain tighten and Hermione wince in her sleep. The chain was around her neck!

Ron swore under his breath. He was so close and yet there was no way he could get the chain off while she lay on her back!

"Oh Christ," he swore, his legs becoming like jelly beneath him, "Screw it."

With a deliberate yank, he prepared to yank on the Time Turner before realising he couldn't. Hermione couldn't know the Time Turner was ever stolen because three years ago, she had never been aware that the Time Turner was ever stolen.

However for once, it seemed the universe was not out of its way to screw Ron over. By sheer luck, or perhaps predestination, Hermione rolled onto her side. Ron gleefully fist-pumped and with a slight fumble, managed to slip the chain from her neck.

He quickly grabbed the Time Turner and began spinning the mechanism to return to his proper time before he screwed up the past.

The mission had been a total success!


Unfortunately Ron had forgotten one thing. While in the past, all the girls had been asleep, returning to the future years afterward did not guarantee that.

In fact, the girls were all awake and in various states of undress, most wearing pyjamas. Ron was thankful not only for Harry's Invisibility Cloak, but also for briefs.

"Hot damn," Ron muttered as he ogled the girls in a voyeuristic fashion, "Dat ass."

"Did you say something Hermione?" asked a short girl with dark hair who Ron had never bothered to learn anything about.

"No?" replied Hermione quizzically, "Why do you ask?"

"I could have sworn you just complimented me on my ass just then."

"Ha-ha, maybe Hermione is a lesbian," smiled Parvati teasingly.

"I am not a homosexual," frowned Hermione, crossing her arms angrily.

"Pfft, you are such a lesbian Hermione," sniggered Lavender, "I don't think I've ever seen you take an interest in boys despite the fact you hang out with at least two good-looking guys."

Hermione flushed angrily, "My romantic pursuits are none of your business Lavender, and I'd appreciate it if you kept your unsolicited opinions to yourself."

She stormed off angrily and Ron, seeing his chance to escape the dormitory, leapt through the door after her.

As Ron headed towards back towards his dormitory, he considered, for a brief second, whether or not he should go after Hermione to make sure she was alright. But he remembered he had an appointment to keep with his past self.

Ron sure was looking forward to being the one who was dicking around with his past self rather than being the one dicked around with by his future self. The feeling of being the future self and having one over his past self felt pretty satisfying to Ron.

Approaching his bed once again, he replaced Harry's cloak and waited hunched over his bed.

His past self looked so very peaceful. Boy, when he woke up he was in for a surpri-

"Holy Jesus," Past Ron screamed wildly, punching out and striking Future Ron in the face. Future Ron fell back, a streak of red colliding with the wall.

"Bloody hell Ron! That hurt, you damned prick!"

To Be Continued…