After one awkward paradoxical hand job happened again, yet also occurred for the first time, Past Ron turned back to see his naked future self sprawled across his bed, smiling facetiously.

"Maybe you should have asked Neville to join?"

"You're enjoying this aren't you," asked Past Ron incredulously, "I can't believe it. Everyone's taking a shot at me even myself. When I'm you, I am going to make you pay for this. Just you wait til it's my turn."

"Go screw yourself. Oh wait, you just did!"

Past Ron snatched the Time Turner and his clothes. He quickly pulled on his attire and turned to face the wall.

"Yeah well, we'll see whose laughing once I go get the Time Turner and come back here and sodomise you!"

He spun the Time Turner and vanished back into the third year. Future Ron sighed.

"What a dick."

He got up off the bed, stretched out his arms and curved his spine flexibly. Feeling his body creak, he stood erect in the dormitory a while, allowing himself a brief moment to hang loose.

The moment passed and he clothed himself, ready to seek out Fred and George.

He grabbed the Time Turner Ron had neglected to take; they were in fact both the same Time Turners just at different points in time. This had initially confused Ron, but he decided that thinking about it too hard would do his head in.

"Another one down," he smiled to himself as he burst through the door excitedly, just like Kool-Aid Man.

"Oh Yeah!"


"Well I've got a pair of aces so naturally I fold," declared Fred throwing his cards down.

George peered over his cards and frowned indignantly.

"You fold? But that's a good hand!"

Fred smiled, "George, we're twins. We're practically the same person. Looking at your body language and psychoanalysing your intense eyebrow wiggling that even Granger would be impressed by; I can tell that you've got a brilliant, probably unbeatable hand. Am I not right?"

"Sweet Princess Celestia! This is why I hate playing Poker with you," scowled George, throwing a royal flush onto the table in front of them, "We should stop playing stupid games for Muggles."

"Don't be racist," smirked Fred smugly.

"Muggles aren't a race, you prat," retorted George, "No wonder you weren't cut out for Muggle Studies."

"Muggle Studies is a joke and you and I both know that," scowled Fred, "Let's put that fact out on the table where we can both see it. Sort of like your hand."

"Bite me," snapped George, flipping Fred the bird as he turned to sneak a glance at the Common Room's entrance, "How much longer until Ron gets up?"

"He's probably getting up as we speak," Fred replied coyly.

"Take it how you will," George grinned deviously and they both snickered.


"I'll show that Lavender who the lesbian is," glowered Hermione angrily as she stormed through the castle, "We'll see who the real lesbian is."

She huffily cascaded down the stairs and exited into the Hogwarts Grounds. Regardless of her anger, she was still on a mission to track down Mrs Norris and if that cat was out in the grounds, she would find it.

She was beginning to suspect she might be in the castle but Ron was supposed to be looking throughout the castle for her. Assuming Ron could manage it, Hermione smiled, he probably wasn't the most competent person for the job.

Not like I am, smiled Hermione, feeding her ego as she tended to do when angry. She also found anger easier to cope with when you assumed everyone else was an idiot. You got a sense of importance and of being above it all.

Sure maybe she was being a little self-satisfying and prideful but seriously. Fuck Lavender.

Lavender Brown, what a bitch, thought Hermione to herself. Openly she'd never say anything but secretly she imagined all the bad things she could possibly do to Lavender. It would be easy; Hermione was a much better witch. She knew all the spells.

But of course, a niggling little voice in the back of her voice restrained her and guilt formed. What was she thinking? She might like to think of herself as cruel and vindictive, but Hermione knew she wouldn't do anything permanently scarring.

Whatever she did to get back at Lavender couldn't directly hurt her.

With a sigh, she cast all thoughts of Lavender from her mind and resumed a long and futile search for Filch's cat.

To Be Continued…