DISCLAIMER: I do not own Homestuck. Only Hussie can own Homestuck. If I owned Homestuck, I would ruin it.
== DAVE: Watch your friends commit some of the stupidest acts of human activity know to man
You watch as John skips over to a random woman, she's decently average, middle aged judging by the wrinkles forming – looks rather desperate for male companionship.
"Hey! I haven't seen you in so long!" he gushes, you believe your boyfriend is a rather good actor (excuse you liar) considering his rather oblivious nature… "How have you been? ...Hey, don't you remember me? It's me! It's John Egbert a son of your coworker…"
You and your… self-proclaimed friends… watch from behind a corner a few feet away, you will admit it is rather fun watching the woman sweat then attempt to play along. Hey, who wouldn't? "O-Oh! John, hello… Its nice to see you again…" she laughs nervously. "I-I've been well…"
John smiles brightly, "You should keep in touch! My dads been missing you, you know, since he's divorced and all…"
"W-What? Divorced?"
"Yeah, don't you remember? He wanted to take you out to dinner, but you never called so…"
"O-Oh really? It was um, Egbert was it?" John gave an affirmative nod.
"Well I'll be seeing you around!" with that he walk away a hopelessly giddy middle aged and unmarried woman in his wake. You supposed you should have felt sorry for her but in all honesty, you really couldn't give two shits.
"Nice one John!" Wow, Harley? She's the last person you'd expect to be amused by this…
He simply grins cheekily and returns to the wall with the rest of your mix-matched little crew made up of twenty-seven year-olds and teenagers. "Thanks Jade, I'll try to do you and Jane proud!"
"What's next on the list Jade?" Rose says glancing down at Harley's cellphone.
"Uh… Oh. Something we can do fairly quickly. "3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham." So, who wants to do this? … Rose?"
"No thank you Jade. I would rather not…"
Roxy shrugged and smirked slightly, "I'll do it~. I haven't had some fun in a while." Her three friends gave her odd looks. "You're the ones who keep saying I need to slow down. Besides, good old Rosy over here has my hands tied with all the attention she needs…" You watch Rose's eye give a twitch as she narrows her eyes at her mother.
"On second thought. I will do it." She states stepping forward with a thin smile. "I wouldn't want my mother dearest getting arrested now would I?"
Roxy smiles down at her brightly and gives her a soft pat on the head, "Oh, how thoughtful of you dear. You are such a wonderful daughter."
"I know."
You could swear sparks were flying.
"Here Rose!" Says John with a grin and… holds out a finely wrapped Christmas Ham… huh… when did he have time to go and get that…?
Briefly, your ecto-sister tears her eyes away from her mother to raise an eyebrow. "Where in the world did you get that?"
"The… meat section…?" John states, raising a confused eyebrow.
"No John, I mean when did you have the time to get that."
"A few minutes ago when you and your mom were 'passively' ripping each other's throats out."
"Ah."
She accepts the ham and looks forward – theirs a… muscle man walking past you. Shit. The universe is going to force you to have to offer isn't it? Well shit… fucking genetics; who decided you had to care about your blood relatives in the first place?
"La…" before you can finish the word, sure enough a ham smashes into the back of the dude's head. He looks momentarily startled then straights back up to turn around angrily.
"Who the…"
Jakes smiles, from where you are standing you can see he is hiding the ham behind his back (so it was him… ever the gentleman you suppose) "Good morning
kind sir, I hope you are doing well."
"You… did you just punch me…?" he ground out.
"Hum? Oh no, no, why would I ever do that?"
"…"
"…"
They glare each other down. Finally the muscle man groans and turns away, "Seriously… what the fuck… am I losing it…? I think I'm losing it…" he mutters walking away. You believe he must be 'losing it' if he's talking to himself.
"Thank you English."
"That is quite alright, Rose."
Harley looks down at her cellphone yet again, "Alright… next is… uh…" her eyes suddenly focus on something in her line on vision as she drops her phone and runs off… somewhere.
Everyone's eyes follow her as she nearly tackles some old dude to the ground; "GRANDPA HARLEY!" to his credit the old man looks blissfully, blissfully confused, "YOU'RE ALIVE! YOU'RE ALIVE! You'll be so much easier to deal with now! Of Grandpa it's been such a long time… but… weren't you, like, dead…? Oh well… ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU'RE ALIVE!"
You honestly can't tell if Harley is acting or not… really, she looks just so… happy and now that you think about it the old man bears a striking resemblance to that creepy stuffed… person-thing… that you and your friends are forced to keep in your living room due to a certain 'family tradition'.
Rose picks up the phone and reads the next number on the list, "4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa! You're ALIVE! It's a MIRACLE! etc. I think she's doing the command correctly but… I can't really tell if she's serious or…"
Harley trudges back looking glum, "It turns out that old man wasn't my grandpa…" she said with a sigh, "And I thought Gamzee had given me one of his miracles too…"
You are pretty sure that everyone's (but your's and Bro's of course, you were both far to cool for that kind of bullshit) eyebrows shot up to their hairlines at that.
"You mean…"
"… You weren't acting out this number…?"
Jade simply gives a curious blink. "Number? What number?"
"…"
There is a very long silence after that.
You decide it would be best to move on.
"So…" you pull up the list on your phone this time, "The next two things on the list are… 5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _ and 6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas."
"Why not do six first? This seems like the easiest option…" Rose states with a shrug. "I believe it is that time of the week that they mop the floors – lucky for us I suppose."
"Why don't we split up to cover more ground… this is one of those bigger Wal-Marts after all…" Jane suggests.
With that everyone splits into groups of twos.
"We'll meet back at the front of the store when we cover over respective wings." Calls Jane having opted to team up with Roxy in the East Wing.
Rose and Jade head off to West.
Bro and Jake take their leave to the South – no pun intended.
And of course, you end up with Egbert.
You briefly wonder if this was going to be as lame as you thought it would be.
A/N: Ah… What a sucky chapter. Lets burn it with fire =D!
But just so you all know... yeah... me and my friends actually DID do number two lol... what you see above is our experience... Anyway, not much to say here. Expect to answer a question an anon brought to my attention, yes, yes the trolls ARE still trolls. And if one were to teleport in to help out one would assume them to be wearing an odd costume of sorts. I mean... really... who wouldn't jump to this conclusion when placed in the situation with out proof lol? We'd all stare but... yeah.
... Slightly awkward explanation over =3!
And to my fellow HetaStuckers reading this~ yes, yes I am still working on WITLI, the next chapter should be out within the next week. Homestuckers. Ignore this.
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Review and I might keep up these quick updates.
