After getting kidnapped by vampires, Aida assumed a number of morbid, grisly fates awaited her. Most of them involved being violently mauled to death, having her blood sucked clean out of her or, in the worst case scenario, becoming a vampire herself. She certainly didn't expect the vampires to be kind enough to provide her with night goggles and to spend her time playing Snakes and Ladders in the dark.
This was all well and good (Aida considered herself good at board games, so all was sort of okay with the world) but most interestingly enough were the vampires themselves. They literally blew apart all of her expectations. The vampire who had swept her out of her bed at night and taken her to goodness knows where, for instance: she had somehow assumed that he would be one of those pale, menacing figures with a black cape and whatnot. Instead, she found that her captor bore more than a passing resemblance to Papa, even down to the colour of his skin and the big lips. He was shorter than Papa, though, and his face looked a good deal thinner – probably from malnutrition. When Aida performed her Scan on him, glancing at him furtively when she thought he was not looking, she did not pick up very high scores.
"Whatchu lookin' at?" asked the vampire who looked like Papa. His name was Alfred, and he had lived in South America before he had been bitten by a vampire.
"I'm just thinking it's a little strange," Aida explained reasonably. "You vampires don't get out of house a lot, so it's not like you're getting your healthy intake of Vitamin D. So I just, you know, naturally assumed you'd be paler than what you actually are."
Alfred responded to that with a huff. "You think I'm weird 'cos I'm black."
Before Aida could say anything to that, the gravelly voice of the Benevolent One spoke out to her. It seemed to come from one of the coffins.
"You mustn't prejudge things based on narrow-minded cultural assumptions."
Alfred nodded along eagerly to this. "You bad girl," he said to Aida condescendingly. "You very bad girl." It was enough to make Aida feel as if she were almost the bad guy here.
Almost. She was positively affronted. It was her turn to respond with a huff. She even swung around and placed her hands on her hips. "I'm not racist!" Then she thought of something and went on. "Say, why did you kidnap me anyway?"
"It's like this," said the Benevolent One. "Neither Tetsuya Kuroko nor Taiga Kagami have girlfriends, so we just picked you to be the damsel in distress."
Aida pointed her finger triumphantly at the coffin. "Objection! That's sexist! You vampires are all dirty hypocrites! I rest my case."
"She got a point, o Benevolent One," said Alfred. "We're meanta be politically correct vampires!" He said this phrase with evident pride, as if he were a precocious toddler being rewarded for knowing his uncle's name.
"Fool!" responded the Benevolent One scornfully. "If we wanted to be politically correct, we wouldn't have resorted to kidnapping in the first place."
Alfred blinked. "Oh, right! We did it to be assholes!"
Aida knew then, beyond a shadow of doubt, how very wrong her early assumptions about vampires had been.
Argh, she thought. Kill me now.
Let's get down to business
to defeat the Huns
(I mean the vampires):
Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku
Chapter Five: The Training Arc of Hell
"So what's this Training Arc of Hell?" Kagami asked.
Kid explained. "If you want to have the right skills to be able to defeat the Benevolent One, then you will need to improve your Slaying skills. A wooden stake would not be enough, would it?"
"I guess not," Kagami agreed. He glanced at the sword Hotaru. "Right then, old boy. I'm ready to get down to business!"
Instead of replying, Kid started rummaging through his bag.
"Hurry it up, Kid!" Kagami said impatiently.
"Patience is a virtue," Kid said solemnly. "More haste, less speed."
At last, he finished pulling out what he wanted from the bag. It was a katana. He unsheathed it, grasping the sheath with his left hand and the sword with his right, and faced Kagami.
"Let's begin," he said, and then he launched his attack.
It took Kagami by surprise. Kid skidded forward and swung the sword down sharply. It was here when Kagami's basketball-honed reflexes came in handy and he blocked by bringing up Hotaru quickly to absorb the strike. The sound of steel clashing against steel rang out across the riverbank. Not missing a beat, Kid darted forward, his body blending against the shadows. He struck Kagami on the leg twice with the sheath of his sword while still blocking Hotaru with the blade of his katana.
Kagami refused to cry out in pain. "Tch!" he grunted, before quickly readjusting his stance and swinging his sword once more. The spar continued.
From a safe distance, Kuroko watched in interest. In his eyes, it seemed that while Kagami was clearly the bigger and stronger of the two, Kid had the better technique. This was very interesting indeed. On the basketball court, Kagami had always seemed exceptionally nimble for someone of his height and in terms of strength he had even been able to match up against people bigger than him. It seemed like sword fighting was a whole different ballgame.
What didn't change was the fire in Kagami's eyes. Kuroko could recognise it from a mile away. It was that obstinate, somehow eager look he took on whenever he was outmatched.
"That's enough," Kid said after about twenty minutes of fighting. "I see where you are lacking, my son."
"I'm not your son!"
"You struggle when someone comes very close to you," Kid went on. "That has to do with the reach of your sword, of course, but I think you will be even faster if you adapted to certain handicaps, if you know what I mean."
"No, I don't," said Kagami frankly.
Kid smiled. "Well, imagine if you had a body like mine. You wouldn't just rely on brute strength then, would you? So what I will do is this: I will enchant you so that you take on a smaller, weaker body, which you must get used to. When you do, only then will you be a master of the sword."
"All right then!" Kagami said, grinning. "I'll do what I can to get stronger!"
"Very well, then." Kid drew himself up and started to chant something in Latin.
Kuroko blinked.
Before his eyes, Kagami started to shrink. His arm and leg muscles vanished and his shirt started to look like it was several sizes too big. At the same time, his eyebrows thinned, his eyes grew bigger and the shape of his face became less angular and instead rounder, softer. What was most interesting to watch was his hair. It just kept growing longer and longer until it fell halfway down his back.
It was only when the changes actually stopped happening was Kuroko able to get a proper look at his friend and realise what had happened: Kagami had become a girl.
No doubt about it. He – well, she – did not have any breasts (something that was probably for the best, all things considered) but the rest of her body was short and slim. Her limbs were stick thin. Her face barely resembled Kagami's now; it was a sort of round, delicate, girly-looking face, lacking the heavy set eyebrows that made Kagami Kagami. Yet as soon as she started scowling, Kuroko could see the soul of his friend coming through keenly. She looked ready to bite something – anything – as long as it was within reach.
"What the-? What the hell happened?" Kagami demanded, dropping Hotaru reflexively.
"Taiga Kagami, you have become a girl," Kid proclaimed.
"Oh, fuck," said Kagami.
Her pants had fallen off her hips and lay crumpled at her feet. This was surprisingly okay, though, because her shirt was big enough to act as a dress and preserve her modesty. Kagami lifted her shirt and stared down at herself.
"What are you doing?" asked Kuroko.
"Just making sure," Kagami responded numbly. Then she said, "Oh, damn." And then, "So that's what it looks like from this angle."
"Stop perving on yourself, Kagami-kun."
"I'm not perving!" Kagami shouted, or perhaps it was more correct to say that she screeched. Her voice was several octaves above her range as a male. "What are you doing looking anyway? You're the one perving, you pervert!"
Kuroko stared blankly at Kagami's blushing red face for a moment, and then something very peculiar started to happen.
"Ha ha," Kuroko interposed. "Ha ha ha ha."
It took Kagami several moments for him to realise that the obscene, foreign noise Kuroko was making was actually laughter.
"Screw you!" she huffed and folded her arms, turning away with a loud hmph sound. "It's not like I like you anyway." Quickly, she faced Kid. "Oi, turn me back already."
"I will not turn you back until you defeat me as a girl," Kid said sternly.
"I have a feeling you just did this for shits and giggles," Kagami said suspiciously.
Instead of replying, Kid started examining his nails with great interest. It was as if Kagami did not even exist to him.
"I can't call him Kagami-kun now, hmmm… Kuroko-kun, what should I call him?"
Kuroko cocked his head and peered at the diminutive Kagami carefully. "Palmtop Tiger?" he suggested nonchalantly.
"If you start calling me that, I will carve you a new asshole," she said, picking up Hotaru as she spoke.
… only to drop the sword within a second, cursing like a drunken sailor.
It was clear enough to everyone present that Kagami's strength had more or less dissipated upon his transformation. Kuroko had the slightest feeling that Kid had made Kagami a bit too weak. Well, there was only thing to do now.
"Kagami-kun, let's have an arm wrestle," Kuroko said randomly.
"Huh? What? Okay."
They locked their hands together. For a moment, their grips struggled against each other's, and then Kuroko brought Kagami's hand down to the ground in submission.
At this point, Kuroko's face actually lit up, but I shan't bother to describe how that must have looked like. Go imagine it for yourself.
"That was my first time winning an arm wrestle," Kuroko said blandly, while wearing that expression of indescribable, exquisite exuberance on his face.
"Ugh, I've never seen you look so disgustingly happy," said Kagami with distaste.
She turned back to the sword and tried once more to pick it up without toppling over.
"I can make it a little easier for you," Kid began, looking a little bit guilty now.
"No!" Kagami snapped. "Shut up. It's not a challenge unless I do it on my own."
Grunting with exertion, she began to lift the sword up above knee level, and from there, she held it over her shoulder. Kuroko could see her thin white arms tensing, even though there were no muscles in her biceps. This made Kuroko feel strangely amused – Kagami was still Kagami when he was as a girl.
"Okay," Kagami said, panting. "I did it."
Kid was visibly impressed. "Oh, to be young and sure of oneself," he remarked.
Gritting her teeth, Kagami prepared to strike. The fire was back in her eyes with a vengeance. With a roar, she launched herself at Kid, bringing the sword down, not with overt strength but with the power of gravity.
Kid dodged the attack neatly and drew his katana. Once again, he held the katana and sheath like dual swords.
"Don't go easy on me just 'cos I'm a girl!" Kagami shouted, lifting the sword off the ground and swinging it once again. It was quite a remarkable feat for someone her size – the sword was as long as she was tall and the blade was almost as thick as her waistline. And still, she kept on the attack.
It was strange, but Kid visibly exerted more energy fighting back now than he did before. He was actually starting to breathe heavily, though his noise was drowned out by Kagami's.
That was just how Kagami did things, Kuroko knew. The higher the stakes, the lower the odds of succeeding – these were the things that pushed Kagami up to and beyond the limits. Even now, as Kuroko watched, Kagami started to push Kid onto his back foot through the sheer ferocity of his attacks. "It appears I have underestimated you," said Kid, smiling. Then quite suddenly, he dropped to his feet and swept his legs across to trip Kagami.
"Urk!"
Kagami's eyes widened. She cast her head around frantically as she lost her balance. For a brief moment, her eyes met with Kuroko's.
Kuroko peered straight back at her unfailingly, saying silently what he did not need to say aloud. In response, Kagami gave a small, imperceptible nod. Swinging her head back towards Kid, she grinned wolfishly. She was still falling, but she thought nothing of it now. She let go of Hotaru and let it fall with a muffled thud against the grass.
"What are you-?" Kid began, but Kagami interrupted her by snatching the sheath in Kid's left hand and leaning on it like a walking stick. It supported her weight perfectly, preventing her fall. Then, twirling around in a swift circle, Kagami pointed the sheath to Kid's neck. If she had been holding a real sword, she could have cut off the boy's head.
"I win," Kagami declared.
For a moment, Kid was silent, contemplating how Kagami had turned his own weapon against him.
Then he smiled.
"Yes, it appears the victory is yours."
After Kid turned Kagami back into a boy (Kagami spent several seconds checking that all his body parts were the ones he was used to), he said, "Well, it's time we're off to the Den of Vampires."
"Hey, what about Kuroko's training arc?" Kagami asked.
"Oh, he doesn't need one," Kid responded, shrugging. "All he needs to do is point a gun and pull a trigger. It's really not that difficult."
"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE ME A GUN TOO?"
"Because you're the meat shield," said Kid.
"I'm the what?"
Next chapter: Getting sick of fighting yet? Well, too bad. Suck it up, princess.
Author's note: A couple of weeks ago, when I saw Kuroko no Basuke for the first time, I must profess that when Taiga Kagami was first introduced, I immediately thought of Taiga Aisaka of ToraDora and Kagami Hiiragi of Lucky Star. Taiga Kagami was the composite of my two favourite tsundere characters ever! Just for that, he's on my list of favourite people.
And yes, before you ask, fem!Kagami/Kuroko is my OTP. You saw it here first. Write, my pretties! Pollute the fandom with this garbage! Screw fem!Kuroko, it's fem!Kagami all the way. I'd so tap her.
Omake:
Meanwhile, in the Den of Vampires, Aida found that board games got old fast. None of the vampires were willing to talk to her, preferring to snooze in their coffins. So after she got bored with playing Snakes and Ladders, Aida had nothing to do. So she resorted to singing nursery rhymes to herself.
"Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?" she sang under her breath.
She was startled almost out of her skin when Alfred's coffin swung open and the vampire in question glowered at her.
"Wrong!" he declared. "Stupid human!"
"Wait what?" said Aida confusedly. She feared she had done something wrong in the eyes of the vampires, something that could cost her life.
"It's not 'baa baa black sheep'!" Alfred insisted. "It's 'baa baa rainbow sheep'!"
