Warnings and Disclaimer: This is a m/m story. I do not, nor have I ever owned Harry Potter. :o(


Just A Kiss

PREVIOUSLY:

"Harry," he teased, "what are you asking me?"

Swallowing around the gigantic lump that had formed in his throat, Harry tried to work up the nerve to ask for what he so desperately wanted.

"Would you *swallow* take me to your bed? Would you..ehm..make love..ya know..to me?"

HP~SS~HP~SS~HP~SS~HP


Chapter 3: Into the Abyss

The silence was deafening to Harry's ears.

Sitting straddled across firm thighs, Harry waited for an answer.

And waited...and waited...and...,...,...,...,...

I shouldn't have asked him. Oh Merlin...I've messed this up. I'm such an idiot. A kiss is one thing...I guess...

Turning his head away from Severus to hide the humiliation and despair he felt, Harry attempted to find his shirt and leave.

He...must not... want me. Harry thought as the darkest despair began to envelope him.

"I'm sorry Severus. That..I shouldn't have...I..," Harry whimpered and in an even smaller voice "I'll go."


He asked me to...make love to him. Me? I'm not worthy of such a gift. He's so pure,exquisite. I'm..I'm not..I'm so...

"I'll go." Suddenly jolted out of his utter consternation, Snape realized he had not responded. So entangled in his thoughts, he had failed to realize Harry was no longer in his lap. Without giving the boy another moment to flee he lifted Harry, tenderly cradling him in his arms.

"Harry-"

"I'm sorry. You can put me down. I pushed too far. I shouldn't have," Harry moaned dejectedly.

"No, Harry no. I...I'm sorry I...for the first time in my life I was left speechless."

From beneath tear-filled lashes, Harry tentatively looked into Severus' eyes.

"I'm sorry my dear boy. It's just that..." Snape sighed struggling to find the right words. "Harry. It's not-"

" -you. It's me. I get it," he bitterly spat.

"No, you don't. Now if you would give me a moment to explain you might understand wh-"

"- No, I understand. I pushed too hard, too fast. Gryffindors. Hm, we kinda just rush in head first," Harry replied striving to sound nonchalant, but utterly failing. "No really, it's fine. I'll just go. You're right, I should be getting rest or firming my strategy for the battle. Anyway, thanks for before. The kisses and...stuff. Goodnight Professor."

With the commanding presence that he was famous for Snape spoke, "Mr. Potter, be still and let me speak."

Reluctantly settling into Snape's arms, Harry waited for the ax to fall.


Taking a deep breath, Snape searched for the courage, for the words to accurately articulate what he needed to convey. Filled with dread, he knew he had to tell Harry the truth. This was something he had to confess though he knew that to do so would break something within him.

Oh gods! I never thought this day would come. Maybe, it won't matter to him. Maybe... Merlin! Just breathe and get it over with. The sooner it's out the sooner you'll know, one way or the other.

"As you are well aware, I have a rather formidable reputation. Most of my students and the public at large see me as the "bogey man." I find this quite amusing at times, but while that title does have some unique benefits, it does create a problem when trying to form attachments. I have been alone most of my life. My family is long since gone, and even before that occurred, I had divorced myself from them. As a result of my limited experience with personal interactions, I have not had much experience in terms of intimate relations or relationships of any kind. I...I have only been with one other person and to say that it was ... I just never thought that anyone could ever...want me...that way."

Seeing the pain echoing in his eyes, Harry caressed Severus' cheek.

Only one? Harry marveled as he perused the striking face in front of him. Snape was no poster boy for classical beauty, but he was handsome. Strong, proud nose, beautiful cheek bones, roman jaw line; all of it pieces of the whole that made the man before him, a man he would be lucky to be with. " I...I've never been with anyone."

Brushing his hand through midnight coloured tresses (that were not in any way greasy), Harry whispered, "It...it just felt right to ask you." I can't explain it. When you kissed me, it was like coming home. I knew I was home," he softly declared.

Severus leaned forward and gently kissed Harry's soft rose colored lips.

Harry sighing as the commanding Potions Master's lips left his. "Who was it?"

"Who was who?" Severus replied.

"Who was the other person?" Harry winced as he saw the storm of emotions fill and flash across Severus' face.

Merlin, why can't I stop myself? Why can't I keep my mouth closed for once?

Pulling away from the hands on his face, Severus inwardly felt the panic, the dispare begin, surge, and devour him.

Oh gods, oh gods, Oh gods! Why did he ask me? Oh GODS! I'm going to lose him. I know I will. He'll be so disgusted. So disgusted...

Resigning himself, cementing his soul, turning his back on his last hope of happiness, Snape stalked towards the fireplace mantle, towards the abyss..."The Dark Lord."

Thinking he misheard Harry asked for clarification. "What did you say?"

Without an ounce of emotion, he repeated the most hated word in all of the wizarding world, "Voldemort."

Stunned, Harry parroted, "Voldemort?"

Unable to face the revulsion he knew Harry felt, he solemnly replied, "Yes."

"Why?"

How many times have I asked myself that same question. How many nights have I lain awake and asked," Why? Why me?"

Trying to cage the loathing and self-hatred that always emerged when he was forced to recall or reminded of that fateful night, Snape spat his toxic reply. "I had no choice."

To Be Continued...


HP~SS~HP~SS~HP~SS~HP

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who has added me to their Alerts and Favs, as well as those who have left me comments! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so happy that people are responding to this story. I don't think I would have had the cojones to do this if it had been for all of you!

This story is going to play out over 4 chpts. (Maybe 5 if the boys run away with me.) This is also a SS/HP slash story. If you don't like 2 men in love and lust with each other, please don't read.

Again thank so much to everyone. Hopefully the next chpt. won't take as long to be posted (no holidays for a hot min.) :o)