Title: How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.


STEP I: Get Him to Know You Exist


1. Get him to know that you exist: The first step into catching a guy was to make sure he knew you were alive. This could be one of the trickiest things you could do, simply because there're so many ways you could approach this guy that you wanted. See, I've made catching a guy into a sort of art. And maybe a little like a predator hunts its prey. Or like how one of my sisters looked for the best bargain on a discount sale.

Yes, it's an art, a delicate type, a—

"Duo, what are you doing?" A curious voice asked from my left.

I blinked and looked to one of my best friends. Quickly closing my math notebook as reality crept up on me at the worst time. It was only now that I fully realized that I was sitting at a cafeteria table, in an overly crowded cafeteria, not so discreetly spying on the guy across the room from me.

"Earth to Duo, hello?" My eye twitched on its own as he yanked my braid. His whiny voice caused me to internally flinch.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. For a moment I thought he was the devil.

When people saw him for the very first time they probably thought that he's some sort of angel. That's what I had first thought when I met Quatre R. Winner. He had this soft sand blond hair, wide aquamarine eyes, a gentle smile, a pixie nose, and cream colored skin. With his cherub face of course he'd be mistaken for something holier than thou. It's all a ruse, the blond was a complete oxymoron.

Wait…did I use that word right? Damn, I really got to stop taking naps during English.

One more yank caused me to snap my head toward him, "Yes?"

He gave me that superficially innocent smile of his, "May I have some of your fries?"

"Take 'em Quatre. Just don't pull my hair again. Otherwise I'd have to shave your head bald." I threatened.

He snorted, "You'd only get to do that once I'm nice and dead."

I grinned and gave him a wink, "Oh I can always punish you into submission. So much that you'd be begging for more."

"I hope so Duo, because I won't stop struggling until you've taught me a lesson nice and hard." He gave me a smirk, which made my grin widen. I had truly corrupted this poor, innocent, boy.

Our other friend across the table, the only straight one out of our trio, coughed and glared at us with his onyx colored eyes. "Have you no shame or decency?" He demanded.

Ladies and gent's, introducing Wufei Chang. Let me tell you a little about him. At times he was a stereotypical Chinaman. All honor and wisdom and other Asian stereotypes. He was a great looking guy, with his mysterious onyx eyes, caramel toned skin, shiny black hair that was pulled back into a low ponytail. He had a bit of a hawk nose, and could be a little too strict. He was the straight and narrow type, sometimes he reminded me of a ruler. But, he was a great guy to have as your friend and watch your back. He was also the type of guy who you just loved to rile up.

Unlike Quatre, who was my partner in crime, Wufei was the one bailing us out a good chunk of the time. And I meant that literally, because last summer saw Quatre and I almost being carted off by the cops for trespassing (not that we knew we were!) and skinny dipping. If Wufei hadn't been there we probably would've had to go to the police station and wait for our parents. And knowing my mom and dad, they would've left me overnight as a lesson. I can assure you, I'm too pretty for prison.

"No, not really, I'm surprised you even asked, seeing as you're fruitier in the booty than we are." Quatre laughed pleasantly, making dark eyes widen.

"Don't say things like that!" Wufei hissed, "It'll start rumors!"

I shrugged, "'Fei, people know that me and Q are the only rainbow wearing ones in our tiny group."

He narrowed his eyes at me, "Duo, people are talking. They're saying blah blah blah…"

Okay, so he really wasn't saying "blah", but I tuned him out whenever he told me what the rumor mill was producing. I swore the boy knew everything that was circulating around the school. He was almost as bad as Dorothy Catalonia, the Queen B of gossip. Honestly, if you wanted to know something it was always best to ask her, but beware, she always demanded a price or she'd start shit about you too.

Not caring about what was being said; I continued to ignore Wufei and went back to watching him.

You could imagine how surprised I was when I realized that he went to the same school as me. I had nearly forgotten about the guy. Then, at the beginning of senior year I noticed him sitting in the cafeteria. I almost dropped my lunch…okay, I did drop my lunch. But could you blame me? I saw the guy one time on my way home from the supermarket. Then, suddenly, almost four months later, he was right there! In my face! Not literally, but you get the jist.

He always sat in a group with consisted of mostly jocks and cheerleaders. I was surprised when I heard that he was dating the head cheerleader (that was sarcasm).

He laughed at something someone on the football team said. I'd bet anything that his laughter was musical.

…Okay, next time I thought anything sappy, someone please slap me. Okay? Okay.

"Mother—!" I yelped when someone kicked me in the shin. Hard.

Poor shin. It never did anything wrong.

"Served you right for not listening to me," Wufei gave me a smug look, humor dancing in his eyes. I swore to God he was a sadist of some sort.

"What were you staring at?" Quatre asked me while he looked in the direction I was.

I felt my face flush with embarrassment, "Nothing. Here, let me throw away the trash." I offered.

I picked up our garbage and quickly headed toward the trash bins. I wasn't thinking while doing it, otherwise I'd have noticed that the only ones near us were the ones near him. Cautiously, I threw the food wrappers away, and tried my hardest not to stare.

I was about to pass by his table unnoticed when a girl called out my name. See what I meant? They all wanted me.

"Hey! Aren't you Duo Maxwell?" Okay, so she hadn't really 'called out', more like 'asked'.

I turned toward the table. A cheerleader had asked me the question.

Honey blond hair, sky blue eyes, a full mouth, Elvin nose, she was very pretty. Especially as she smiled at me like that. I thought her name was Relena, but I would have to ask Wufei to verify since he knew everyone.

"Yes." I tell her while putting my thumbs in my pockets. It was a nervous habit of mine, and I was definitely nervous since all the jocks and cheerleaders were suddenly giving me their undivided attention.

"That means that you played Benvolio in Romeo and Juliet, right?"

"Marcutio," I automatically corrected. "Why do you ask?" Most people teased me for being in drama.

Her eyes seemed to light up, "I loved the part where you cursed the families!"

"Thank you."

Honestly, I don't know why everyone always made such a huge deal out of the play. I knew for a fact that I could have acted much better. I had really let myself down on the days we had preformed; I had gotten pretty sick during the time but refused to go home. On the last night of performance, at the part where my character died, I fainted during the part where I was supposed to fall. My fever was so high that I passed out. It was a major disappointment for me, and even though it made me happy that others thought I did a wonderful job, I knew I could have done so much better.

"I thought that you sucked."

The voice froze my insides and I slowly turned my head in the direction where it had came from. He had spoken to me!

His eyes burned into mine, which made me feel like a helpless fly caught in a spiders web. I hadn't expected them to be so blue.

"You played the character half-assed." He continued.

The comment struck a nerve, but instead of lashing out I allowed a crooked grin to spread across my face. Who the hell did this guy think he was? He might've been cute, but what a dick.

"Really now?" I asked him, my voice terse and the grin still on my face. Our eyes had yet to part.

"Heero," The blond girl scolded him.

Heero, huh? I'd have to ask Wu about him when I had the time later.

He was still looking at me.

My grin turned into a cheeky one. "Thanks for being honest; you're the only one who noticed how bad it was." I bowed dramatically, arms spread. "My hat off to you good sir. Tell me the next time you're coming to a play, if I'm in it I'll do my best."

I stood back up and took my leave.

Despite the fact that the guy practically insulted me and came off as a complete asshole, I still felt like a giddy school girl. The fact that he had actually seen one of my plays excited me.

As I sat back down at my usual table, I ignored the questions that my friends were asking me, and stared off into space.

He knew that I existed, now I had to get to know what he liked. I had to know everything about him. Yes, that was right. I, Duo Maxwell, had to become somewhat of a stalker.


TBC


Originally posted: 11/1/07

Reposted: 7/21/11


MoonLLotus: I was re-reading this fic the other day and I realized how cute it was, and also how many grammatical errors it had lol. And while I'm not the best when it comes to grammar, I'm better than my younger self was.

If a person is reading this again, I hope you don't mind the slight changes I made. I just wanted everything to run smoother.

That aside, please feel free to review. Flames are always welcome.