Title: How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy
Genre: Romance/ Humor
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I no own
Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.
Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunatly for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.
STEP III: Ask Permission
Relena had been sitting with us for over two weeks now. It's been five weeks since she and Heero fell apart. And six weeks since I first saw him at school. Six weeks since my plan had been set into motion. So far I've made very little progress.
But, Relena sitting with us had to mean something. Right? She sat right next to Wufei, taking Quatre's old seat and forcing him to sit next to me.
I slid in next to Quat, he had been watching the two across from us arguing about politics.
"They're dating now," The blond next to me muttered lowly so that they couldn't hear us. "I'm pretty sure about it. Look at them; they're practically having brain sex."
The only female in our group chose that time to realize I was there and gave me a warm smile, which slightly dazzled me.
Shit though, if they're already together than I've got to rearrange my plans. If Relena and I ended up being friends than I'd have to get the okay from her to go after Heero. There's a fifty percent chance that she'll say yes. And if she does, then she could tell me things about him. If she says no then...well let's just hope she'll say yes.
"Oh Duo, you left this on Friday," Wufei said as he pulled my notebook from his bag and passed it to me.
Crap, if I left it then there's a chance that he had read it. That's a bit embarrassing. This notebook had my entire plan, step by step. Along with all of the revisions that I had made over the last several weeks.
"Gee...thanks for giving it back," I smiled sheepishly.
The conversation eased onto another topic.
"My brother's having a party on Friday if you guys want to come? My parents are going out of town for a long weekend to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, and I'd like to have people I know there," Relena said.
"Crash a college party? That sounds fun," I grinned.
Quatre frowned worriedly. He was such a goody-goody and it felt as if his father practically owned him. He was never allowed to do anything fun, no matter how many times we've invited him.
"Relax Q, just say you're spending the night at mine's or Wufei's place that night," I stated.
He merely nodded.
The bell rang, which signaled the end of lunch.
I followed Wufei to his locker, "Dude, what the hell?"
Wufei arched a questioning eyebrow at me, "What?"
"When did you and Relena hook up? Where the hell was I when this happened?" I frowned a bit. I mean really, I hoped he wasn't just using her to help me out.
"Firstly I'd like you to lower your voice because Dorothy's down the hall and I don't want the whole damn school to know about it," He began calmly, "and secondly everything happened this weekend. She and my cousin are friends."
"Jeez, you move fast man," I stated, crossing my arms lazily over my chest.
"It's been two weeks." Wufei shrugged, "And I get what I want when I want it. I'm not the type to sit around and make rules and guidelines for myself to follow." He slammed his locker shut.
I narrowed my eyes at him, "Ouch Wu, not even trying to be subtle about that jibe are you?"
"No, I'm not. Duo, I just don't understand this whole process of yours," He told me, "what's so hard about asking? Or talking to him? It's not like he's a God or something, just do it."
I glared at Wufei, clearly seething.
As the warning bell rang I turned heel and stormed off to class.
I didn't stay after school with Quatre to watch the football team. Instead I went to a coffee shop that wasn't too far from campus. Most students went there after school, so it wasn't as though I stuck out.
I sat down in a corner, trying to ignore the world and act like the angry teen that I was. Nobody understood me and it was me against the world! I was being too dramatic there...maybe I should've angsted instead of fumed. Or maybe I should just talk to Heero already, like get to know him and stuff.
"Duo?"
I looked up and noticed Relena standing there across from me with an uncertain smile on her pretty face.
Someone explain to me how I ended up being behind the football field stadium while the school was abandoned with Relena Peacecraft?
"You know," Relena started, "I've come to realize there are about four stages to the whole 'oh shiz' factor."
Huh? What was she talking about? Apparently my face showed my confusion, so she continued.
"You know, it starts with 'oh snap'; goes to 'oh crap' , progresses to 'oh shit', and eventually, when one is comfortable enough, it evolves into 'oh fu—'"
"I get it," I cut her off and grinned. Oddly enough this whole atmosphere brought up my mood.
She merely smiled at me, "Well I just wanted to make you feel better. Wufei told me you guys had an argument."
I rose an eyebrow, wondered what else 'Fei told her.
"Quatre is over at his house, and I figured that this would be a great chance to get to know you better. As cheesy and nerdy as this sounds, but I do want to lie down a foundation of friendship with you," she shrugged sheepishly, "I'm sorry, admitting it makes me sound so selfish."
Immediately I felt guilt flood throughout my being. I felt ashamed of myself. Jeez, part of me wished that Relena was a cruel bitch. It'd be easier to take Heero that way. Alas, she wasn't, and therein lied my problem.
She continued to smile at me, "Ok, so we've successfully trespassed and all that, but honestly this would've been a better idea if it were summer. Would you like to come to my house? It's a ten minute walk from here."
I merely nodded, not even bothering to mention that my house was only a two minute walk away.
Relena's house was way bigger than mine. The best word I could use to describe it was mansion. The foyer itself was probably as big as my bedroom. The floors were all tile, or marble...marbled tile? The ceilings were high, there was a chandelier hanging right above our heads.
I followed Relena deeper into the house, despite its size the house seemed cozy and warm, like a home. Which surprised me, but at the same time not really, Relena came off as a warm person so her home being warm should be expected.
We walked up to the staircase which was in the middle of the house, right before the entryway to the kitchen.
"Milli! I'm home!" Relena yelled up the stairs.
"Milli?" I asked her.
"My older brother."
As soon as she said those three words a tall, mysterious, handsome (sexy as hell!) long blonde haired man walked down the stairs from the second floor. He was wearing skinny jeans which suited his super long legs perfectly, a red turtleneck and black boots.
Wait a second...I swear I've seen her brother before.
"Where are you going Milli?" Relena asked innocently, next to her brother it was obvious that she was still just a kid.
"To the publishers, who's this?" He asked, his voice was deep and was soothing to hear.
"This is Duo," She then turned her heard to look at me, "Duo, this is my brother Milliardo."
"Hi," I said feebly.
"A pleasure," Milliard nodded at me before looking back at his sister, "I must be going now. If anyone calls for me tell them that I'm in a meeting."
"Yes Milli." Relena replied simply.
"I'll be back home later tonight. It was nice meeting you Duo," And with that he turned a corner and disappeared.
I looked at Relena; we were in her kitchen enjoying some cocoa while listening to the radio. Her older brother had left a little while ago, not seeming to care that a random boy was left alone with his dear baby sister, maybe Relena did these types of things all the time?
Said blonde suddenly turned her sharp blue eyes to me, "Duo, may I ask you a personal question?"
I nodded, a little confused.
"Are you gay?"
I nearly choked on my beverage, "What?"
"Gay, you know homosexual? Do you prefer someone of the same sex as a life partner or such and such?" She asked with a straight face, which made me feel totally awkward. Not that I'm uncomfortable with my sexuality, I've just never had someone out and ask me before.
"Uh...yes." I answered, unsure of myself all of a sudden. Something about the way Relena looked while she asked me...she intimidated me for a second.
"Good, then my request shouldn't be too hard," Relena suddenly said, taking me out of my thoughts.
"Huh?" Oh yeah, that was my intelligent response.
She gave me one of her typical sunny smiles, "Well you see there's this friend of mine. My best friend in the entire universe actually, and he's in the closet and I was wondering if you could help him out a bit. Woo him. Help him feel more comfortable with his sexuality."
I stared at her for a bit, letting her "request" sink in. She wanted me to go out with her best friend? What the hell? God, I should just tell her I have the hots for her ex and get it over with! Damn it Duo, you're such a pussy at times.
"Um... why me? I mean, what if I'm not interested?" I asked her cautiously, eyeing her.
"I'm asking you because you seem like his type, as a matter a fact he has noticed you before many times. If you're not interested then that's fine, but at least give him a chance." Relena nodded to herself while answering.
I let her answer sink in for a moment, "Who's this 'friend'?"
Relena gave me a beautiful smile once again, "I thought it was obvious. My best friend's Heero of course."
TBC
Originally Written: 10/27/08
Rewritten: 7/19/12
MLL: Ah, to reread all of this while fixing it reminds me of how I was when I was 16 and originally coming up with the idea. Please review. Flames are always welcome.
