-Say it isn't so Chapter Five-

I look up at my reflection in the mirror in front of me I in the mirror to the right and see Santana. I look back down into my make –up bag. Santana is opening up her eye shadow replaying for the rest of the school day.

"I can't find my lip gloss my mom has been going through my make-up and jewelry she's been going through this I wanna be young phase" leaves my lips

"Is she buying sexy under ware too?"

"Yup we went to the mall yesterday and she spent crazy money"

I look over and see Santana is applying foundation now.

"Maybe is she having an affair?"

I smile laughing and shake my head

"No way"

"Maybe she's planning one"

I give her a look like are you crazy. My mom would never ever consider doing something like that. My parents were high school sweet hearts. My brother Artie was born right after they were married and shortly I followed. We have always been a tight net family and there were no signs that there were problems between my parents so I don't even think that was an option.

"Here try this" she says as she hands me a bottle of lip gloss. "Just a hint of pink"

I reach over and grab the gloss out of her hand looking down at it. It was a pretty shade of pink I think it would do well with almost anything that you wear.

"It won't leave a trace of color on someone who doesn't wear your shade" She smiles at me

I lean forward bracing myself on the sink in front of me as I apply the gloss to my lips. I can see out of the corner of my eye that Santana is staring where the gloss is being applied. She watched as the applier went from left to right left to right. I do have to admit I like that she is watching me and she looked really hot today she was wearing a black tank top that complimented her hair color. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail with ringlets that hung after the hair tie. She had short, short Diem jeans the curved to fit her ass just right.

"Never thought about that, two girls two shades of lip stick" I say smiling as I turn to look at her.

"If you're planning on kissing another girl you might want to use a clear gloss with some type of aloe or moisturizer" She says

Looking at me through the mirror shaking her head up and down enthusiastic

"I have so much to learn."

"Lucky you have me"

I had her back the lips gloss and our eyes never leave each other's in the mirror. The sensation I felt running through my body was driving me crazy and we haven't even touched. I don't know how Santana Lopez makes me feel the way she does but I know I like it.

"That looks really good on you almost as good as it does on me"

"Aw how cute not you have me wearing your shade how convenient just in case we end up in some kind of spontaneous lip lock" I say

As I lean my face closer to hers teasingly.

"Trust me it won't be spontaneous" she says

As she inches closer to my face she tests my teasing only to swish past my check making me smile. I pause for a second then I turn around to follow her out of the bathroom. As we are walking out to go to lunch Quinn and Rachel walk out of the stalls on the other side of the bathroom and head to where we had been standing just before. They had smiles on their face but what for I am not sure.

Quinn and Rachel's Conversation in the bathroom

"So its official Brittany and the freak are sleeping together" Quinn says

"I dunno sounds like foreplay to me"

"Then it's only a matter of time that they are so a couple"

"Who cares at least they are out of the competition pool if they are dating each other… More male cutlets for us"

"But I wonder if Artie knows" Quinn says "I think I have a responsibility to tell him I mean he is catholic like me if his sister is gay that's going to total mess him up"

"I don't wanna play the catholic card but if you're so religious then why are you having sex before your married isn't that against the rules too?"

"Yes! But there are some things worse than others being gay sex you're going to hell forever premarital sex you go to confession and its forgiven"

"Seems like you are interpreting the catholic thing so you can go what you want"

"Everybody does"

When Quinn and Rachel leave the bathroom they head out to find Artie at lunch Quinn finds him and sits down next to him. She starts telling him that there is something that she has to say to him and that it's really hard for her to but she feels that it's her responsibility being his girlfriend and all. We all know that, that's a lie she just wants to make Santana and mines life a living hell. She goes on to tell him when she was in the bathroom her and Rachel overheard a conversation that Santana and I had in the bathroom. After shes done talking to him about it he goes looking for me.

I am standing at my locker getting my books for my next class when Artie walks up to me looking rather angry.

"Brittany I need to talk to you" He says

This catches me of guard because I have no idea what he would have to say to me and why he would be mad either. I turn my head to his direction to look at him with confusion

"Ok what's wrong you're practically foaming at the mouth" I say as

I shut the locker door

"There is nothing wrong with me but the word is there is something really wrong with you"

I look him up and down. Did he know? I don't really wanna deal with this right now I can't really deal with this. I don't even know what is going on with me anyways. I mean it's not like I know what I want yet. Part of me wants to give in and just go for it with Santana and part of me is not ready to give up everything up like my family. I know that my mom would be devastated if she knew I liked girls.

"I am going to be late for class"

I push past him not looking into his eyes if I do I know he will be able to tell the way I feel and I don't want him to I don't want him to know what the people are saying might be true. Artie and I back in Ohio were super close we were more like best friends not just siblings and if he wanted to all he needed to do was look in my eyes and he would know the truth that what they people were saying might have truth.

"Quinn told me she heard what you and Santana talking in the bathroom about kissing each other, underwear and all kinds of gay stuff is that true." He says as he catches up to me.

I keep my head down so that he can't see into my eyes but then rage hit me why was he listening to some stupid girl. Why couldn't he just be more understanding of my feelings and ask me if I am ok and not judge me.

"Before I answer that I just want to say that you suck you should be defending me not judging me I am your sister I get the benefit of the doubt over that booty call."

"That's only relevant if it's not true. Is it true?"

"Look what she heard could have been misinterpreted like that but that doesn't mean it's entirely true"

I start walking away from him so he couldn't see my face, I know if I don't he's going to be able to start to read me. Oh damn it's too late he already knows.

"Brittany I can see it on your face, you have a thing for Santana. You know she has a reputation of breaking in girls. You just another knot in her headboard"

I look up with sadness I didn't want to believe him I didn't want him to be right. The connection between Santana and I was more than that. I was more than just a knot on her headboard I feel it in my gut.

"I don't believe that" I tell him coldly

"Well that's what I have heard from people who have known her a lot longer then you have. God if she turns you gay it's going to kill mom"

"First of all you don't turn someone gay secondly you didn't hear any of this from me and you're rating me to mom"

I was pissed I don't know how could he be like this? I thought we were closer than this. For him to turn on me just because I might like a girl.

"Thanks for the lessen in loyalty"

I turn away as fast as I can leave him in the hall. What happens if he does tell mom. I am not ready for mom to know. I still don't know if I am going to act on the feelings I have. I might just see if dating some guy might help the feelings go away. I don't know what to do.

Later that night I ask Santana to come over and see if maybe talking it out with her might help the situation. Not telling her my feelings that I have for her or anything just letting her know that Artie heard about our conversation we had in the bathroom and that he might tell my mom.

"So what" Santana says

She's sitting on my bed and I am pacing back and forth in my room

"So what yeah maybe it's so what to you your use to being talked about front page trash but I'm not"

"Ouch" she says

She starts sitting up like she is going to get off the bed

"Look for the record I am not used to being trashed, look its Quinn of course she's going to try and use this to break us up"

"Break us up? We are not a couple Santana, look I dunno what it is we are but I just wanna figure it out first before everyone tries to crucify me."

I am freaking out now. My pacing is becoming faster and the distances between my pivots are becoming shorter. My arms are even starting to get it on the conversation as they rise up and down when I talk.

"You know what I am just sorry this is so terrible for you but what hurts more is that you don't want anyone to think that it's true even if it is a lie."

Santana is upset it's easy to tell. She sat on the edge of the bed as she put on her black heeled boots and is now standing at my make-up table putting her stuff into her purse and she's about to leave. Feelings of sadness and anger flow through my body and I can't decide which one I feel more. I hated fighting with Santana but lately that's all we seem to do.

Lunch the next day I sit at my usual table eyes close face up to the sun taking in its rays. The sun feels different here than it does in Ohio not as strong but its hotter here. After a few minutes of soaking up the sun Puck comes to sit next to me

"Hey" he chuckles

"Hey"

"Look atch u"

We sit in silence for a minute and then Puck breaks it

"So ... um what's on the books for this weekend?"

"Nothing thrilling"

"You and Santana don't have any wet and wild plan to concur West Hollywood?"

I look at him with confusion. Did he know? Did Quinn tell him too? Now I don't know how to act.

"No … not yet"

I look down at the floor. I don't want him to think what the other people do that me and Santana are a couple I am not ready for people to know I like girls. What if I go out with him see if this thing with Santana is just a fluke? Maybe I could be with Puck. He is sweet and care not to mention he is not bad to look at most would say he is hot.

"Maybe I am waiting for a better offer" I say flirtatious

Then I look away and go back to the position I was in when he first came to sit down next to me. Trying to say take it or not.

"Um I don't know if it's a better offer but my parents aren't using their tickets to the Hollywood bowl tonight so I thought maybe we could take a picnic eat dinner at the park and sit under the stars, listen to music chill." He looks at me with a smile "What do you think?"

I look back at him he is kinda cute

"I think it sounds like a better offer." I smile bit my bottom lip allowing him to think I am really into this "yeah I'll go"

"Great I'll call you later"

He seems kinda shocked that I had said yes I think he thought I would turn him down. He picks up his backpack and is on his way. I smile at him as he walks away and once he is gone my heart sinks and I don't know what I had just gotten myself into. I know this is going to turn out all wrong but I gotta try.

On the other side of campus Santana walks into the bathroom to reapply her make-up for the rest of the day. Just so happens that Santana walks into the bathroom that Quinn and Rachel are in. They already have it out for her.

"Well if it isn't it the loneliest lesbian" Quinn say and Rachel just laughs

Santana brushes it off and just laughs at Quinn's ignorance

"Look I'm not in the mood right now to kick our ass so why don't you take your get out of jail free card and have a nice day"

"Wow you really are hurt... I guess you heard about your ex and you're current hooking up"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh Brittany and Puck going out tonight on a real date you know like a boy and a girl"

"You're lying"

"I'm not"

"She's not" Rachel chimes in

"Shut up mini me"

"So pathetic" Rachel says

"I hate to be the barrier of bad news" Quinn says

"Bet you are" Santana come back with

Then the cheerleaders walk out. They leave Santana there alone to sit with the heart breaking news that she was just giving.

That night Puck and I sit on the blanket he sprawled out for us to have our picnic on. I don't know why am I am here but I figure I better but all I have into this because it's kinda a now or never situation. I am pretty sure if it doesn't work out with someone like Puck it's not going to work out with any other guy. We sit here talking about simple things. School at first and then the conversation moves more to what is happening now

"The whole picnic in the park and I dunno being out here under the stars listening to music is actually better than the music the play inside the bowl."

I wanna share my… plays in the back ground

"You mean you don't like classical music"

I am trying to be as flirtatious as I can be.

"Not really" he says shaking his head smiling

I smile back and shake my head

"Oh" I reply

"I guess what I am saying is once we get inside if you wanna leave at intermission I don't blame you I understand I am cool with that."

"I'll do whatever you want following your lead tonight"

Yeah if i do that it will make things a lot easier on me. I just go with the flow I can do that.

"Why are you doing that? Following me lead?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you have been spending a lot of time with Santana and you know getting close to her I mean everything we try and go out it's a complete disaster"

Fuck now I have to pretend that I am more into this then I already am. I look down at the floor trying to pull myself together if I am going to do this it's all or nothing.

"Do you not want to be here with me?"

"Are you kidding?"

I look up at him giving him a flirtatious smile and chuckle.

"Part of me is saying don't screw this up ass whip you have a beautiful girl right in front of you"

I move closer to him

"I bet I can guess what part of you is saying that" I look down to his pants

We both start laughing and he looks shy

"Yeah" He laughs as he has the biggest smile on his face "But the other part of me is saying" He looks more serious now "why is this beautiful girl here with you when she wants to be with someone else?"

He looks into my eyes seriously. I don't know what to say I don't want him to feel like this is something I don't want. I need to make this work.

"Why don't you stop trying to figure me out and just let me show you how I feel"

I have to do something I can't let him take me home and this be over. I lean in towards his face as I look at his lips I can't look into his eyes. Am I really going to do this, I think I have to. I put my hand on this lower check and press my lips against his. I kiss him slowly a couple times and then pull back and look into his eyes now.

"Now does that feel like someone who doesn't wanna be here?"

He says nothing looks into my eyes and presses his lips against mine again.

Over at the local teen club Santana sits at the bar tracing her finger on the glass in front of her. She is upset that I am out with Puck not because she wants to be with him but because she wants to be the one on the date with me.

At the park things are going nowhere fast. I feel nothing from making out with Puck there is nothing at all. Not a shiver not my heart beating fast nothing. I get close to Santana and with just a look she can make my heart race. When my hand grazes hers it sends electricity shooting from that spot to the rest of my body.

Luckily Puck must have sensed something was wrong and he stops to look at me. He lookes into my eyes and I knew he knew the truth, the truth about how I feel about Santana I can't hide it anymore and I don't want to.

"Are you sure about this?"

"I am here aren't I" I say still trying to cover up but I know it's over

I place my hand on my forehead and look down at the floor I don't like people seeing me so vulnerable.

"Who are you trying to convince me or you" He says

Still looking down at the floor I try one more time to convince him

"Look I really like you and I wanna be with you"

I am holding back tears now

"It would make things so much easier" I finish

"For who maybe for everyone else but not for you" he pauses

I still am looking down at the floor

"You are who you are"

I look up at him

"But what if I am not ready to be who I am?"

"You are alright you are gonna be fine in the one who has now turned two girls gay"

He is sweet he trying to lighten the mood which he does. I start to laugh.

"You laugh but you have to promise to tell everyone that this is not my fault…. Please?"

He makes me laugh again. Too bad I don't like guys or I would be all over this one. I place me head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me to hold me tight. There is this new bond that we have like he's my big brother protecting me.

Back at the club one of Santana's ex's spots her at the bar alone. She's used Santana before but they left on good terms. She makes her way through the club and stands next to Santana who is now on her fourth drink.

"Are you alone or are you waiting for your girlfriend" she asks Santana

"No I am alone"

They look at each other and the girl is pleased with what she hears.

"Look at my good timing to catch you in between"

Santana looks up at the girl and smiles and reaches out to hold the girls hand. The girl whispers something into her ear that makes Santana smile widely. The girl gets really touchy touching her arm thigh and hair. She brings her face close to Santana's and pulls away teasing her. Finally she kisses Santana and grabs her hand leading her to the bathroom. In the bathroom the girl pushes Santana down on the chair and straddles her kissing her rough. Someone walks in on them and they decide to go back to Santana's house so they won't be bothered.

Santana is so gone right now she doesn't know left from right or up from down. She knows that someone is there kissing her and making her feel a little but better about the fact that I am out on a date with Puck. She could have been kissing a guy right now just to take the pain away.

Back at the park Puck tells me he is going to help me out with getting Santana I am a little nervous though cause I don't know if I am really ready for this or not but I guess I gotta go for it if I ever wanna find love.

"Did you call her? Did she answer?"

"Puck you're a good friend"

I help him pack up the rest of the picnic stuff and put it in the car. We open the doors to his old truck and get in. He starts the car and we sit there for a minute.

"Second choice but I will take it" he says

I pick up my phone and dial Santana

"Hello"

But it wasn't Santana who answers

"Who is this" she asks

"Brittany put Santana on the phone"

"Sorry she doesn't want to talk to you later" click

She hung up on me. I don't know what to think. Did I fuck up my chance of being with Santana? I hope not that girl makes my world go round. I don't know what I would do if she wouldn't be with me. No I am not going to give up not when I finally know what I want I am going to have her.

"Can you drive me to Santana's house" I ask

"Why not let's make sure I am completely whipped"

I am so upset right now I don't even know what he said I just know that the car is moving and I am pretty sure we are headed to Santana's house. The whole drive there I am quite things keep spinning around in my head about how I might have messed up the best thing that has yet to happen to me.

When I get to Santana's room she is passed out on her bed she is so gone from all the drink she had earlier. The unnamed girl is going through her wallet take all her cash.

"Who are you and does Santana know you are stealing from her?"

"Let me guess Brittany?"

She says as she stands up placing the cash into her pocket.

"How did you know?"

"You called remember? And for someone that Santana didn't want to talk to she talked about you all night long"

"She did?"

"Yep I guess she's no longer in between"

She walks past me and towards the door

"What?"

I turn to look at her as she gets closer to door

"Forget it"

She leaves. I put my purse down on the table and walk to the bed were Santana is lying with her hand covering her face. I place one leg up on the bed up against Santana's and lean down close to her face. I pull her hand off her face so that I can see her better. God she is so pretty even in the condition she is in.

"I'm sorry" I tell her

She pulls herself up so that she is lying on one arm and closer to me now.

"I was stupid"

She looks into my eyes and I stare back her eyes bring me into another world where everything is ok.

"I was freaked out and couldn't deal with being gay"

She looks down to the bed

"But I couldn't deal with not being with you"

Her eyes shoot up to mine

"I'm not easy" she manages to say

"That's not what I heard"

That makes her smile

"I meant to be with"

"I know but we are already friends and that's the hard part" I pause look into those dark mocha eyes and feel electricity course through my body. "So let's just start there and see what happens"

She moves close and places her head on my lap and I start to play with her hair. After a few minutes I help her up to the top of the bed slide in next to her and bring the covers up to our waist. I move so her back is into my front and wrap my arm around her waist just below her boobs. I don't wanna move to fast you know. I feel her body move up and down it starts to slow in pace and I know she is falling asleep I squeeze her a little, place my chin on her head and drift off to the dream world.