~Chapter 3~

I slept outside that night. I didn't like it, but if Zoey wanted her space after whatever happened last night, then that was fine with me. At least she got to come back to a clean room and neat beds. Everything was nice and organized in there, just how I wanted it to be. I hope she liked it. Maybe it wasn't enough, but hopefully she wouldn't hold a grudge forever. You know, forgive and forget.

I looked up at the stars through the prickly leaves of the pine tree, the same one I'd been sitting in last night. The tree shrouded a lot of them from my view, but I could still see enough to be satisfied. I wondered if any of my personalities, aside from Manitoba of course, knew what was going on. Maybe they could use my eyes without my ever knowing about it. Or maybe they could tap into my brain or something. Sometimes I wish they knew, that way they could realize why I had so few friends. Zoey was right...my "characters" made it really hard to get to know me. I wasn't trying to offend her with all this, I just didn't want her to think so little of me. Maybe I would tell her when she got to know Mike, the real me. But for now, I had to keep making her wonder who I really was. It would be difficult though; I myself sometimes wondered who I really was, and if in fact, Mike was my true self. I hardly knew me, how was I supposed to get her to know me?

One thing I was dying to know, though...why did Zoey hate me so much? Sure, Manitoba could be pretty...well, Manitoba-ish, but I've never experienced anything like this before, even from him! What if he'd stepped out of line and said something perverted? It would definitely explain the glare and the door. It made sense why she locked me out now. I would never even think of something perverted, but I had no way of telling what Manitoba thought. I hoped he wasn't actually falling for her... If that was the case, then it was the same as two different people falling in love with the same girl. Except the two people shared one body, which made it difficult to find romance at all, let alone win Zoey over. It soon turned into a question of who would win her heart. For some reason, certain girls liked to be complimented on their body or be called sexy or hot or something of that nature. But I doubted Zoey was one of them. She was definitely a girl of morals.

I sighed, realizing that tonight would be yet another restless night. Why was it just me? Nobody ever understood me, nobody else had Multiple Personality Disorder, nobody ever realized the constant struggle I had to go through day after day! And now I was losing Zoey thanks to my abomination of a mind.
I could only wonder why this was all happening only to me. I'd never seen anyone with a disorder they couldn't control...it was like I'd been abandoned on a small, deserted island in the middle of the ocean, where no one even had a chance of finding me. So I hid my disorder to the best of my ability. I pretended to be an actor that got so engulfed into his character roles that he didn't even know what was going on around him. How many other people had that problem?

Why was I cursed to live this nightmare over and over again? It was the same routine every day, someone else stole my body, banishing me to the back of my mind, where I had no idea where I was or what was happening. Why couldn't people just understand how hard this was? I couldn't control myself! Literally! But...I guess that didn't matter in other people's eyes. The world could be so cruel, especially to those who had this kind of problem, something that "could only be cured if they set their minds to it". Well I'd been setting my mind to it for years, and I'd gotten nowhere. Wasn't there any hope out there?

I sat up on my tree branch just in time to hear the door to my cabin open. Cameron stepped outside and looked around. I assumed he was looking for me, and I assumed this had to do with Zoey. Either that, or he was going to let me back in the cabin. He quietly called out to me.

I hopped down from the branch. At least one person could be trusted, the only one who knew about my disorder, and the only one who wasn't repulsed by it. I was happy to have Cameron as a friend.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked as I walked up to him.

He frowned and averted his gaze. "I think you might want to see this..."

I mimicked his frown. "What is it?"

He took a deep breath and led me to the cabin window, motioning for me to look inside. At first, I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but then I saw Zoey by the glow of the moon sitting upright in her bed, silently crying.

"I'm no psychic, but something tells me this has to do with you," Cameron said. "And I don't mean the Mike side of you."

I shook my head, not quite understanding what had happened. None of my personalities would've done this. Manitoba and Vito, although very much into romancing girls, would much rather impress them than hurt them. Chester was just a cranky old man, but he never actually dealt any harm. As for Svetlana, she was a girl herself, and focused her attention on flaunting her incredible acrobatic skills, which meant the only blows she could throw was lowering someone else's hopes of decent acrobatic performance. So...it couldn't have been me, or any other sides of me. It didn't make any sense! It was obvious that it had been me by the way Zoey shut me out, but why? What did I do wrong? None of my personalities did this... What was happening? Why was she crying? Why was she being so hateful with me?

"Mike?" Cameron said, awaiting a response.

But I didn't know how to respond, I couldn't even figure out what was going on. I could go up to her and ask her, but if by some stroke of misfortune it was one of my personalities, then what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just ask her what I did, that would bring up the question of how I didn't know. And I couldn't afford to tell her about my disorder, that would only make her hate me more. I had to do something though, I couldn't just let her sit in her bed crying silent tears. Maybe there was a chance she was crying over something else...?

"Mike?" Cameron asked again.

I took a deep breath and said, "I don't know. Could you let me in the cabin so I can ask her?"

He didn't give me a reply, but lead me up the doorsteps and opened the door, propping it open with his arm so I could go in. I was careful to be quiet, but that door was still creaky. Thankfully Zoey was too deep in thought to hear it, and everyone else was out cold. I wondered what Zoey was thinking about. Hopefully I would find out soon enough.

I crept slowly toward her, successfully avoiding any creaky wood planks on the floor. Because the cabin was so small, it wasn't long before I got to her. Even when I was so close, even when I was right there, she didn't see me. It was like me in one of my daydreams, I never knew what was going on around me until someone touched me. But I hesitated to bring her out of her thoughts. Was she thinking about me? Was she thinking about what I did? Was she considering other options, a reason, some other motive to make me do what I did or say what I said? Either way...I prayed she would forgive me.

I slowly reached a hand out, but halted halfway. The way her tears glistened in the light of the moon...it broke my heart. No words could explain how horribly this sight was hurting me. My stomach somehow managed to tie itself into a huge knot. My throat was being strangled by an invisible python. My eyes had been sprayed with some sort of burning poison. The sight of salty tear trails cascading down her cheeks, face all blotchy, eyes watery, mind distanced, chest shaking... I just...I couldn't take it. It was too much for me. This was my fault, I made her this way. She didn't deserve to have me around, unintentionally hurting her more.

I glanced at Cameron, who was motioning me to go on, to ask her what was wrong. I knew what was wrong, it was evident, written all over her face. I was what was wrong. I didn't know who did this, I only knew that it had been my body. But Zoey probably wouldn't care, and I couldn't up and tell her about my disorder. People with disorders were freaks, a burden to the world... How could I possibly be an exception? It was the reason every girl dumped me the moment another one of my personalities came out. I'd tried telling them up front about my personalities, but when they heard what I had, they stopped answering my calls, never acknowledged me, and utterly ignored me. So I kept my disorder a secret and tried to hide my other selves from everyone else. I had to face facts, I was nothing more than another mistake. And now Zoey knew that.

I pulled my hand back and shook my head. I'd already lost her, there was no way I could make amends for this. She didn't want me near her, and she'd even made it very clear. She could hate me all she wanted, but I would show her how much she meant to me. Maybe I didn't have the guts to say it, but I could show her by doing what she wanted.

I shook my head again, but the memory of what I'd just seen was burned into my mind. It would never go away. I would remember this night for the rest of my life, and each second of each day, I would regret whatever happened during the time I was gone, to be replaced by someone else. They were always trying to get rid of Mike, always trying to take over and control me. They literally had me on a chain here, I couldn't get loose! But I would stay away from Zoey nonetheless, because at least I could control that much of myself. Even if one of them managed to overthrow me, at least I was away from her, at least I was still doing what she wanted me to do.

I started toward the door, hoping the noise from it wouldn't snap her out of it. Cameron stood looking at me. There was disbelief written all over his face. He didn't understand why I was leaving, but I knew it was for the best. If he followed me outside, I would tell him everything, I would explain why I left without trying to cheer Zoey up or asking her what was wrong. I let out a long breath when I heard footsteps shuffling behind me. No...he wouldn't...!

I turned around just in time to have a pillow thrown at my head. I ducked quickly, letting it hit the wall behind me. I put up my hands as someone's sweaty sock was hurled at me. It landed a few inches from my feet. I opened my mouth to tell her to stop, but no sooner than the first word formed on my lips, she threw a shoe at my head. It hit me on the forehead.

"Zoey, wait!" I yelled as I rubbed my head.

The other shoe was thrown at me. This time it hit me in the gut. For someone so upset, her aim was surprisingly accurate. I sped out the door as everyone else was waking up with complaints about all the noise. Cameron mouthed, "Sorry!" The door closed and I heard a thump from where Zoey had thrown something else. She had no intention of hearing anything I had to say.

I sighed. The glare, the door slamming, the crying, the aggression...it all sent a pretty clear message. I was no longer welcome in her personal space. Or the cabin, on that note.

A strong wind brought cold water drops. A storm was brewing again. Looked like I would be spending another night taking an all natural shower.