I do not own CSI; but I do love to write about it. Putting these poor characters into all kinds of different situations is somewhat relaxing; thought I'd hate to be any of these characters sometimes!
Quick update; I know it has been forever. New job, finished my MBA, lots of hectic stuff going on. This isn't as long as some, but more coming. Hope you enjoy (But please don't yell at me about "out of character" moments. I think it is important sometimes to explore different 'personalities' of these characters) :)
Sara sat with her head pressed against the window, staring out at the rain outside. She had barely blinked as Gil slammed the car door, frustrated with her refusal to even utter the smallest acknowledgment of his questions. Of course, she knew, he was probably angry with the entire event and knew that having to force her to leave the hospital with him was probably the leading cause of his anger
Fuck it. It wasn't like she gave a damn.
Really
She watched as a raindrop slid down the window of his car, making its slow journey to be merged with a larger drop on the lower frame. She wondered what happened to that rain drop's independence, its freedom, and thought how her life was somewhat like that raindrop.
He came back out of her apartment, overnight bags in his arms. She didn't bother to look at him as he went to the back of the car, opening the trunk to put her things in before climbing into the driver's seat. He looked over at her, sighing, before putting the key in the ignition and starting the car.
He paused before putting the vehicle in gear, looking at her again "I wish you would not ignore me, Sara." He had had to fight to get her out of the hospital, had literally had to defend his position as her 'friend' as opposed to the abusive domestic partner they believed he was. Even friend, he realized by Sara's behavior, was pushing his limits and he instead signed her out as her "immediate supervisor". It had been, in his opinion, an utter nightmare and knew that they still equated Sara's battered appearance to an 'abusive relationship'; it had taken all of his patience to convince them otherwise
Studiously observing another slow rain drop, she did not move, concentrating instead on the water outside and desperate to join the rain drops in their migration to a larger formation. She would have given anything to be that raindrop right now
"Can you at least look at me?" He asked, his voice tinged with a sad desperation.
She closed her eyes as the raindrop was sucked into the forming water ball along with the others but did not say anything. He sighed again, loudly, before slamming the car in reverse and nearly skidding out of the parking spot, causing the water ball to slide off of the window frame to scatter beyond her sight.
Yep. Just like my life She thought as she again closed her eyes.
They drove to his townhouse in silence and he pulled in front, turning the ignition off and climbing out of the car. He went around to the trunk and took her bags out before coming back to the driver's side to open the door and look in at her. "Are you going to at least get out of the car?"
Sara couldn't help but wonder how long she would have to ignore him before he went away. She remembered being brought to a group home as a teenager in between foster homes, her caseworker frustrated with her and leaving her in the car to "figure it out". Sara had bolted, running off down the street where she ended up holed out for nearly a week before they found her. She wondered now how far she could run now and if Gil would even bother to find her.
"Sara?"
"I heard you" She said without moving her head from the window
"I am not going to just leave you here"
"Why?" She snipped "I'm not going anywhere"
"Get out of the car, Sara"
"I am not a prisoner, Gilbert" She replied with coldness, motioning towards his townhouse "I don't see why I need to stay here"
Again, he sighed and she had the urge to sigh back. "We went through this already" He said with careful calculation "You need to stay with someone, at least until you are well enough to be alone"
"That's stupid"
"So is trying to kill yourself" He replied sharply. "Now just get out of the damn car"
"No"
He replied with anger that both surprised and scared her "Maybe I should just take you to the damn psychiatric hospital, then!" He seethed "Would that make you feel better?!"
She looked at him, finally, her eyes cutting through him. "Take me there, then" She said, her voice breaking "At least it would be away from here"
He saw the tears forming before she had a chance to look away, covering her eyes with one hand as she began to sob and his anger immediately began ebbing away. He knew that of all of the things in all of the world that he could have said to her, he had chosen the absolute worst; angry or not, it was uncalled for. Dropping her bags he looked down as he leaned on the car to gain his composure, his head against his arm before he went around to her side, opening the door to kneel down next to her.
"Sara..." He said quietly as she sat with her hand over her face as she tried desperately to stop her tears. "Honey, please...I'm sorry..."
She continued to sob, choking sounds that cut off her oxygen supply and made her entire body shake. He reached out, brushing a hand through her hair and was taken aback as she jumped away, holding one hand up at him as she cried. "Don't..." she choked "Just don't..."
He stopped, looking away before back at her "I just don't know what you want me to do" He said with defeat.
"Just...leave me...alone..." She choked out, the words coming between gasps. "I--don't--know--what's--wrong with me..."
His heart broke at the sight of her and he found himself at a loss for what to do. His knees were killing him, but he did not dare to move from his perched spot. He looked around them at the empty streets, the darkness of the evening closing in around them as the light rain continued to fall "Well, I cannot just leave you alone" he said, trying to sound reaffirming.
Her hand still over her face, she began calming down, her breaths still coming in short gasps. "I don't...want to stay here..." She said through her sucking breaths
Reaching out, he grabbed a napkin from the glove box and placed it in her hand, afraid to touch her again. Despite his turmoil over her emotional state, he felt himself getting frustrated. "I do not know where else you are going to go" He stated with more patience than he really felt
She took a breath, wiping her eyes with the napkin, as she kept her face covered. "I am not going to stay here" She said "This isn't... where I belong..."
He felt himself losing it and clenched his jaws, looking down at the ground before back at her. "And in the hospital having your stomach pumped is where you belong?" He snapped. Standing slowly, he grabbed her arm; he'd had enough. "You're staying here, Sara" He said forcefully "Whether you want to or not really isn't your option right now, so get out of the fucking car"
Steel, red-rimmed brown eyes met his as she hesitated only momentarily before allowing herself to be pulled out of his car, the door slammed shut behind her. He held onto her as he went around to pick up her bags, leading her into the house where he gently shoved her inside. He said nothing the entire time, letting her go as he went into the bedroom to drop her things on the bed.
She stood, completely still in the entryway to his home, her urge to bolt stronger than ever. As he came back in, he barely acknowledged her as he brushed past her to slam the front door. "Maybe you should take a shower." He said, looking at her curtly "I'll make us something to eat and then we can discuss what your options are." He nodded, his voice softening "But, I will be damned if I am going to allow what Conrad did to you to ruin us, Sara. I am not going to fight with you and I am not going to allow you to hate me. So, let's both calm down and discuss this like normal people, okay?"
She wanted to tell him that she did not want to discuss anything with him, she wanted to tell him that nothing could stop her from hating him because she hated everyone right then, and she wanted to tell him that he had no right to tell her what her options were or were not. As a matter of fact, she wanted to tell him to go to hell. Instead, she nodded without a word and went past him, heading down the hallway where she disappeared into his room. A few minutes later he heard the shower running and went into the kitchen for a shot of Scotch before beginning dinner.
Two hours earlier, he had been lividly prepared to take someone's life. Now, he was just trying to hold his together; just for awhile. The overwhelming conundrum of emotions he was feeling was washing over him like a tidal wave. He loved Sara; his heart ached for everything she had gone through, for the fact that he was partially to blame. He did not protect her; he'd allowed someone else to touch her, to hurt her. So, why did he suddenly feel such animosity towards the woman he should have protected?
On second thought, he would have another shot of Scotch.
Forty-five minutes later they sat at the table, each absorbed in silence as they ate. He watched as she pushed around the food on her plate, having not taken a single bite; the only thing she had done, he noticed, was to make an interesting shape out of the vegetarian pasta he'd prepared.
That and down an entire bottle of beer and was working on the second
He watched her for a moment, noting that even though the swelling had gone down around her eye, the right side of her face was a dark purple nearly matching that of her neck. "It helps if you actually eat it" He commented, motioning toward her dish. When she made no move or response, he continued "I know you haven't eaten anything in days, Sara...you have to be famished"
Her eyes bore through him while she took another swallow of beer. "I don't feel hungry"
"When under great duress, the body can hide those things from you" He replied, trying to avoid her eyes. "Would you care for something else?"
She was quiet, staring at the food in front of her for a long while before looking at him. "My mother used to always say that ice cream had the power to make everything bad go away" She said, her voice somewhat hoarse. "I don't know if that is true..."
He put his own fork down on his plate, pushing it away "I have ice cream. Remember? That chocolate cherry stuff we bought..."
Her mouth nearly turned up in a smile "Yeah..."
"Shall we?"
She nodded, pushing her plate away and standing with him to head to the freezer. They prepared sundaes in silence, glancing at each other occasionally as they piled on whipped cream, nuts and chocolate before heading to his couch where they sat, each against the opposite arm.
After a bite, she closed her eyes as the cool cream slid down her throat. "Now, this is just what I needed."
"Guess I should have just made this for dinner"
She looked at him, this time her eyes free from accusation "I'm sorry; you went through all that work..."
"Not really" He admitted. "Everything was pretty much pre-prepared in a can or bag"
She smiled at him softly "I don't hate you, Gil"
He looked down. "I know that you are very angry..." He said, looking back at her "And I think you have every right to that anger, even if it is directed at me"
She took another bite of her sundae as she thought. "I am angry at everyone."
He nodded "Is that why you tried to kill yourself?"
She sighed "I don't know" She admitted. "I don't even remember taking the pills. I was drinking, I remember that. By the time I ran out of mixer, I was drunk enough to just drink straight out of the bottle. The last thing I really remember is dropping the bottle out my kitchen window. But I do not remember the pills"
"You nearly died..."
"I know!" She insisted "I know, okay? It isn't like I would have ever done anything like that normally. I would never try to kill myself...not knowingly...you know that, right?"
He did not say anything, trying hard to remain objective. "I am not sure what I know"
"I just can't stand the way you look at me." She admitted quietly
"How do I look at you?"
"With pity" She said, looking into her bowl "And I know that you will say that isn't so, but it is sitting here right between the two of us and I don't think any amount of alcohol or any number of pills will make it go away."
He put his bowl onto the coffee table, clasping his hands in front of himself as he tried to think of something to say. He suddenly felt like he wanted to be sucked inside a giant vacuum into space where there was no sound or sight at all. "That isn't what I feel..."
"Yes, it is." She insisted. "Look, I did a dumb thing, okay? I went off the deep edge and took a bunch of pills and drank a whole bottle of Vodka...hell, I don't even remember taking the pills. But, I do know that I wanted to get so drunk that I forgot about everything...to forget about you"
"Sara..."
"No, Gilbert." She stopped him. "You can tell me whatever you want, but there is nothing you can do to take away this elephant that has moved in between us because everytime you look at me, you are looking through that elephant" At his silence, she continued "I see it in your eyes. Everytime you look at me. I used to love your eyes; they show everything you are feeling. Well, now...they show nothing but sympathy and regret...and there is nothing I can do to change that"
He listened to everything she said with great attention, listening intently to every single syllable and enunciation, not missing a hint of any incantations. She was talking to him, and he did not want to miss anything she said "So, you tried to kill yourself."
"No..." she said with frustration "I don't know...I just...everything is so screwed up right now and I just don't know what I feel. One second I am angry, the next I am depressed. Half the time I just don't feel anything...I just don't care. But, mostly I am angry."
They were quiet as the ticking of the clock filled the room. "What can we do to fix this...to fix us?"
"I don't know"
In a single action he moved next to her, taking the bowl out of her hands to set it on the table as he pulled her onto his lap. He held her close, his face against her hair, relieved that she did not pull away or stiffen. "I love you, Sara" He said softly "And I just really want to hold you right now...just promise you'll stay with me, just for now..."
He felt her nod against him and he closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her hair. Kissing the top of her head, he lay down, holding her pressed closely against his chest as her head rested on his shoulder.
She lay still, feeling the comfort of his strong arms around her as he held her as though his life depended on it. She could feel his heart beating, the sound lulling her into relaxation. As he kissed the top of her head, she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep as their dinner went cold and the ice cream melted on the table next to them.
Three hours earlier:
"You think you could slow down?" Greg yelled, gripping the seat of Nick's truck as though letting go would propel him through the window. It was rush hour in Vegas, and Nick was going at least double the speed limit as he bounded around vehicles; even driving down the center median to get around stopped traffic
Nick's jaws were clenched as he swerved around a semi, causing Greg to gasp. "Dude!" Greg yelled again "You're going to get us both killed!"
"You know, Greg" Nick seethed "I think I'll just beat his head in, leave him for dead somewhere. We could hide it, y'know? We're CSI's after all...no one would know..."
"You can't just go beat up Ecklie!" Greg insisted "You don't even know what happened!"
"LIKE HELL I DON'T!" Nick erupted "Did you see her? DID YOU SEE HER?" Before Greg could respond, his explosive babble continued "He beat the shit out of her! He raped her, Greg! Do you realize that? Do you know that?"
Still clinging to his seat, Greg felt dumbstruck. "Did she tell you that?"
"Yes!"
"But, she was under the influence of sedatives" Greg insisted "It doesn't make sense, Nick. Why would Ecklie do that? Maybe Sara was hallucinating; maybe she wasn't thinking straight..."
"No. She knew what she was saying"
"What about Grissom?"
"I don't know!" He yelled, taking the exit towards downtown "But I know that Sara almost died and it is because of that sleaze bag Ecklie!"
"And you think that killing Ecklie will make that better?"
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Nick exploded. "Do you just not give a shit or what?"
"I just think that you need to slow down and think rationally!" Greg shot back "You're a CSI for God's sake! You think Sara would want you running off and doing something stupid? Don't you think she has enough to deal with without you adding to her problems?"
"Her problem is Conrad Ecklie" Nick responded "If you do not want to help me deal with him, then I'll just let you out right up here"
Greg was quiet. He could not in all sanity allow his friend to go through with this. But, he also could not allow Conrad Ecklie to get away with what he had done, if he had done it. He did not know what to think; his mind was clouded with confusion and nothing seemed clear. Before he could respond, Nick's truck suddenly swerved and Greg felt himself jolted forward as the front end made contact with another vehicle. Greg looked up in time to see Conrad Ecklie glaring at him from behind the wheel of his sedan
Nick was out of the truck, bounding towards Ecklie who opened his car door to climb out. As soon as the man had his seat belt undone, Nick had him, yanking him from the car with force as he shoved him against the frame. Greg was just scrambling out of the truck as Nick's fist met Conrad's jaw, sending him to the ground where Nick picked up a leg to kick him square in the side. The sound of sirens could be heard as bystanders called police and Greg was out, grabbing Nick's shoulders to pull him away.
"Nick!" He screamed "Stop! You need to stop!"
Nick fought him off as Conrad wiped his jaw, staggering to a standing position. No sooner had he gotten his footing than Nick broke free, slamming his fist into him again. "COME ON!" He screamed "FIGHT BACK! FIGHT ME BACK!" He hit him again, sending him against the frame of the car again "IT'S NOT SO EASY WHEN IT ISN'T A WOMAN, IS IT?!" Nick continued, hitting him again "HIT ME BACK YOU FUCKING COWARD!"
The police cruiser skidded to a stop as Nick moved forward again, this time being tackled by the officer who jumped out of the car. He threw Nick to the ground as Greg sank against the truck, covering his face. He looked over at Conrad who was wiping blood from his face, glaring over at him.
"You want to take me, too!" Conrad yelled over at him and Greg simply stared back, everything around him moving in slow motion as a medic came over to Conrad, taking him from the scene as Nick was handcuffed and walked toward the squad car. As if in one final attempt at revenge, he spit on Conrad as he passed him before he was placed into the car and driven away.
As Greg watched the car recede, he flipped open his phone and hit Jim Brass's number "We need your help" He said as he watched the tow truck arrive. "And I need a ride"
