So something I just wrote at work real fast. Please enjoy.
Life is beautiful:
You can't quit until you try
You can't live until you die
You can't learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie
You can't breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you're the joke
There's nothing like a funeral
To make you feel alive
It was cruel how the sky could shine so beautiful; how the sun could be so bright and the sky so blue? It was upsetting, because he knew that outside of the gates of the cemetery, there were people walking in the park, swimming, having picnic with their families and being happy. They would enjoy this weather and think themselves so lucky, that a day like this came in the dreary month that it was, when it should be cold and rainy outside.
Alex wished it was still cold and dreary, because there was nothing to be happy or celebrative about.
He looked at the tall masculine man a little further to his left, his eyes where steely and his mouth set in a tight line. Next to him stood a delicate figure, her frame was shaking and her hair was pilled on top of her head and her skin was shallow. But even so her likeness of her daughter was too clear. She was a stark remainder for Alex about just who was the one who was about to be buried today.
The casket was carried out and a song came on and then it was all quiet. The top was opened and there laid Jack. Her flaming hair spread out like a halo around her head and her expression peaceful, not at all like how she had looked when Alex had found her. Found the blood on the floor and broken dishes and glass littered everywhere. Jacks body had looked small, frail and far too empty. It had not looked peaceful, it had looked wrong.
Those days had passed so quickly and with such a blur that Alex had no time to think or even an idea of what was going on. It had happened to fast the funeral. It had come too quick and too quick it would pass. He knew MI6, they wouldn't care. They had given there condolences and sent him a get well gift and told him to take the week off. The audacity they had to tell him to take the week off, when all he wanted to do was go on a rampage. He wanted to destroy and he wanted to fight and he wanted to cry. His emotions where in such turmoil and they refused to tell him who it was that had attacked. Alex did not think they cared that Jack had died, for them she was the one thing that stood in their way of making Alex the ruthless spy/assassin that they seemed to want him to be. Alex had thought of this the days leading up to the funereal, he wondered if that is what he would become now. But the empty feeling in his chest and head made him not care. He was tired of fighting and tired of wanting, wanting peace and wanting love and wanting friends. He was tired of watching the ones he cared for taken from him in such cruel ways. What had they ever done, but smile at him and tell him he could still be loved, even after all the things he had done.
Looking down at her Alex felt wrong, it should be the other way around; Alex should be the one in the casket.
Just open your eyes just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful
Will you swear on your life
That no one will cry at my funeral?
Her skin looked too smooth and clean and perfect. It did not make her look nice, if anything she looked more dead now than she had when he had found her, bloodied and destroyed on the kitchen floor.
Alex was not certain what had possessed him to step forward, to walk away from his place in the shadows and reach his hand out. He stopped though, letting his hand hover over her before hesitantly as if touching something delicate Alex laid his finger tips upon her cheek, sliding them over her eyes and down her other cheek. Watching in fascination as a drop of water landed near his fingers.
I know some things that you don't
I've done things that you won't
There's nothing like a trail of blood
To find your way back home
I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive
His throat constricted and for a horrible second he thought he was going to break down and cry. But he retracted his fingers and let his eyes linger over the familiar face of this stranger beneath him; before he turned around and pushed passed the people circling too close around the coffin.
Just open your eyes just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful
Will you swear on your life
That no one will cry at my funeral?
A heavy hand fell on to his shoulder and he had to stop himself from turning around and attacking. His instincts where screaming at him to throw the hand of and to rebel. Alex did none of that and turned slowly around; meeting dark hazel eyes that were sad and old. Jacks dad.
"You must be Alex, Jack talked about you a lot. Thank you for taking such good care of our daughter. I know she was happy living with you."
No! Alex's mind screamed, stop, I don't deserve a thanks, don't deserve those kind eyes and gentle expression. I don't want forgiveness or understanding.
"I just want you to know, that her death is not your fault, you could not have done anything. I am happy at least one of you survived and I am sure Jack would also be."
She was too kind to die.
The man continued talking some more but Alex was not listening. The words hurt him too much, because if he had been stronger, than none of this would have happened; if only he had not been so weak.
He parted from the man with a bow of his head and he was unable to make eye contact with Jacks mom. He had caused their daughters death, how could he possibly stare them in the eyes as if he could expect them to give him that kind of forgiveness
Alive, just open your eyes just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful
Will you swear on your life
That no one will cry at my funeral?
Just open your eyes just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful
The cemetery seemed so big as he walked away from the grave and the darkly dressed people in funeral clothes. His steps seemed heavy and the air thick. Ignoring the driver that was supposed to pick him up, Alex walked on the side walk. His eyes fixed upon the concrete ground beneath him that felt so unstable. He was certain that if he stopped looking, that it would go away and he would fall. And there would be no one around to catch him and the thought scared Alex. Because he was not sure what would happen then.
Jacks calm distorted, perfect face kept flashing in his mind and everything else seemed to disappear around him as he thought back to her and who she was and what she had now become and his eyes grew dim and misty and his face felt hot and his hands trembled. He was afraid and sad and wishing he could go back to feeling empty, cause the emotions welling up in him were too much and too heavy. And the side walk was too empty and he was too young to be so alone. So when the hot liquidly tears spilled over his cheeks and down his neck, he let them fall watching with unseeing eyes as they dripped unto the hot concrete ground that sucked them up to leave no evidence behind
Will you swear on your life
That no one will cry at my funeral?
-Tsubasa-
