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Chapter Five
Visions Left
Buffy's POV
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
Voltaire
And finally, I was back to myself. My chest and my back were consumed by flaming pain, but there was something cool and refreshing under my cheek. And that's when I realized I was on the floor. I hadn't even opened my eyes yet. I think I would have been content to lay there on that floor forever. Which was good, since death is one of the few things you could do just as just as well lying down.
"What the hell did you do to her?" I heard Whistler say. "Kid! You alright?"
I didn't even want to muster up the energy to speak. I blinked slowly and the long expanse of the metal floor swam into view, the window and the sunset slowly materializing behind it. I took a few deep breaths and I heard my voice rasp out, "Gimme a sec…"
I lay there flat on my stomach, soaking in the warmth of the air and the coldness of the meal floor and the searing pain in my abdomen that was grounding me happily in reality. It was nice to feel again. Anything. Even if it was pain. And then the sickly tang of coppery blood hit my nostrils. I knew I had to get up.
I groaned and stiffly got to my feet. My shirt, right under my ribs, was wet. I pulled up the hem and found a thin cut slowly weeping blood and I could feel a matching one on my back. Just as I had experienced in Aerith's memory when I had been in her body. Her killing blow made flesh on mine.
I rolled my eyes up to meet her shocked ones. "The blood had better come out. This is my favorite shirt," I said menacingly.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much power I was putting into that last memory," she said softly.
I watched her silently for a moment. "I get that it's hard to experience your own death objectively and all. And you're pretty lucky really. That's not the most painful way I've died. But just a word to the wise…" I stalked forward and stood before the taller girl. "Don't ever do anything like that again. If you weren't already dead, I would seriously kick your ass for that. Or possibly kill you."
She furrowed her brow at me like she was confused and it made me ridiculously angry.
"Are you stoned? I mean, how naive are you? Do you have any idea what you did?" I hissed at her. "You don't know anything about me. How could you give a complete stranger access to your memories like that? How do you even know we are who we say we are?"
She looked stunned for a second, glancing back and forth between me and Whistler like one of us was going to turn into Sephiroth at any moment.
"I mean, he's a demon and I'm not exactly human either. And now I know all these peoples names, back stories, weapons, and the way they fight. What could Shin-Ra do with that information? Or Sephiroth for that matter?" I asked incredulously.
I found a very large blade parked right beneath my chin. I looked at the blond SOLDIER in distaste. "Ease down, hero," I chided. "It never crossed my mind to betray you, but the point is, you've already found a spy in the ranks."
Cloud's bright mako enhanced eyes narrowed at me. "Who are you two?"
"Uh…I'm Whistler. I'm a Balance demon."
"And I'm just a girl," I said wryly as I pushed the blade away from me with one finger. "A girl that had been zapped here from elsewhere in the multiverse just to help you out. Whistler doesn't care about who wins the final battle, just as long as 'good' and 'bad' are equal when the fight starts." I actually used finger quotes on the words good and bad.
"But I also know better than to place you on the side you consider evil. You wouldn't lift a finger then," Whistler said fondly.
I hopped up to sit on the lid of my trunk, crossing my legs and trying to ignore the tickle of blood as it ran down the small of my back. "Damn straight!" I agreed. "Right and wrong…good and evil…love and hate…heaven and hell…light and darkness. That's not what separates us from our enemies. It's our different perspectives that separate us. There's no good or bad side…just two sides holding different views. And in that spirit," I continued, "Whistler, I have a question." I looked down at my hands, suddenly shy and trying desperately to figure out how to ask what I wanted without alienating the team I was meant to help.
"You want to know if I put you on the correct side," Whistler supplied.
"Yeah," I mumbled, embarrassed.
"Because you see so much of yourself in Sephiroth," he continued.
God, I didn't even want to look up and see the stares I could only guess I was getting from the group. I muttered another affirmative and prayed for an answer that could explain better than I could.
"We had considered," Whistler began, "sending you to help Sephiroth regain his humanity, but the Powers have deemed him a lost cause. If you had gotten here five years ago, maybe…but now he's too far gone."
I looked up. "Then why wasn't I brought in five years ago? If anyone understood what he went through, it'd be me. All of this could have been avoided."
"Well, that's true, but you were helping the Winchester's kill their demon at the time. But this was always meant to happen. Can't change destiny, no matter how much one wants to. But you, of all people, know that. You were supposed to be here now anyway," he said. He looked at me carefully and although I desperately wanted to ask what he meant by that, I knew damn well I wouldn't get an answer. He was like that. "And you shouldn't empathize so much with Sephiroth. Even though there are sizable similarities, it's entirely different."
"How do you figure?" I asked skeptically.
He considered for a moment. "Look at the two cases, kid. He found out he had been created and he went mad and slaughtered a town. You found out how you…uh…your power was created…and how that created you…you internally freaked out, but you soldiered on and kept fighting as you always had. You worried about your humanity, but the choice you made proved that you had it. And that's why you're here now."
"Excuse me," Nanaki said politely. "But you have implied that she was created as well. What do you mean by that?"
Whistler looked at me as if to ask permission. I shrugged. I already knew everyone else's stories, so they may as well know something about me. It was only fair, after all.
"The kid's part of a chosen line of warriors for her world. Her body houses the essence of a demon. It can't manifest or anything like that, but it makes her stronger, faster, and gives her better senses that a normal human. But of course, she's got that whole immortality thing going on now so…"
"Yeah, yeah," I moaned. "Not really human now if I ever was before, but on the plus side, it gave me a brand new outlook on life."
"Yes," Aerith said and I turned to look at her. "Watching your reactions to everything we've been through was really entertaining!"
"Well, at least I thought to bring entertainment," I said dryly as I hopped of the trunk.
"And I think you and Vincent are going to get along really well," the dead girl said giggling.
I stared at her. "Why? Because I think Cloud should have killed Hojo on the beach in Costa Del Sol? I still think you should have."
"But to just kill someone like that? He was unarmed and just sitting on the beach. That would be wrong!" Tifa exclaimed in complete indignation.
"I understand that you guys are new to this, so let me clue you in," I said with a smile. "The Big Bads aren't going to formally challenge you every time they want to fight. What do you think Hojo's doing right now? Sitting in a comfy chair catching up on his reading? I doubt it. The guy's a madman and a monster. He could be up to his elbows in someone else's guts in the name of science right now. He could be killing and torturing people as we speak and that could have been prevented if you would have just taken the man's head when you had the opportunity! Believe me, I know what happens when you don't kill your enemies when you get the first chance. It'll come back to bite you in the ass later."
"And yet you believe I should have saved Tseng," the flower girl said softly.
"Absolutely," I confirmed. "If that man was ever your friend, you shouldn't have left him there to die like that. That was a whole level of cruel I don't understand. I've had friends go dark side on me, but I never just let them die. Totally separate circumstance than the mad doctor, whom you should have dismembered on principle."
"This is one of the reasons I showed you everything," Aerith said with a grin. "You have all sorts of experience with…"
"Being a cold blooded killer?" I ventured. "That may be true, but that's not the real reason you showed me. And for the record, I do know why you did it. Not exactly a mystery."
"I don't know what you mean," she said innocently.
"I've been doing this a long time, but not once has anyone felt the need to invade my mind like you did." I was almost growling at her. She was sputtering, like if I gave her the chance, she would deny everything I was saying, so I soldiered on, not letting her get a word in edgewise. "But I know why you did it. I'm only required to help for the next two days. So you thought that I would see their sad puppy dog eyes and hear their sob stories and what? I would fight harder for them? You can't make me care about them!" I screamed.
I really hadn't meant to get so emotional about that, but damn it all, I was pissed. I was betting I had lived through at least five months of her memories, of her life, and no more than a minute had passed here, judging by the sunset. It was such a Glory move, to go into someone's head like that. It didn't matter to me whom she was best buddies with, who she had a crush on, or whom she was terrified of.
"I would have fought for them anyway," I continued, much softer now. "I never had to know anything about them. You could have just pointed me in the right direction and…" I paused, swallowing hard. "I would have done it to my dying breath never knowing their names. I would have bled and died for them because that's who I am."
I looked up into the dead woman's eyes and there was a softness, a kindness, and just maybe, some understanding there. And as my gaze flitted over the assembled people, it seemed their gazes were softer as well. Damn, I think I may have lost all my cool points then. I felt like I had revealed too much, too soon. I was emotionally slutty.
"You don't like me much, do you?"
My eyes flew to the flower girl in surprise. It came out of nowhere. "You were in my head, so you already know the answer to that. But to be fair, I don't know you. And maybe if I had, I would've. But looking at your interactions from a neutral point of view…kinda can't stand you. I would love nothing more than to beat you within an inch of your life for some of that shit I saw you pull, but hey, you're already dead. So no, don't like you. But you know that. And you know why."
Flirting with Cloud when it was clear Tifa loved him, and not only that, but doing it in front of her. Flaunting it. Being rude to Vincent just because she was afraid of him. People never liked what they didn't understand, did they? Leaving her childhood friend, Tseng, to die so painfully like that when she could have saved him. And I was still convinced she was projecting her feelings about that guy we had heard about, her first love, Zack, onto Cloud because it was convenient. Nope, I pretty much thought she was manipulative and shallow, so I decided to ignore her for the time being. And all the others, who were glaring at me with contempt at this revelation. Minus Vincent, of course. I don't think his expression changed at all.
I cleared my throat and turned to stare out the window. "Uh…Whistler? My sword was on my bed on the Celsius. Can I have it back now?"
"You left your sword on the airship?" the balance demon asked me incredulously.
"Yeah, I know. Some hero I am," I groaned. "Can I just have it back?"
Whistler reached behind his back and did whatever nifty trick he did and then was dragging my sword around, using two hands as soon as he could reach, the point drawing along the metal floor, scoring it. It made a horrible shrieking sound and I knew I was going to spend time resharpening.
"Jesus, Whistler…" I moaned. I mean, yeah, the sword's six feet tall and I'm sure it weighs a good hundred pounds. But as funny as it was to see the demon struggle with it, I didn't want Cid to get his panties in a twist if there was a permanent scratch on the floor of the airship.
I took the sword one handed. It's a thing of beauty. I can say that because it really isn't mine. I mean, I suppose it is now…a man that I respected probably more than anyone I had ever met had given it to me right before he passed on. I don't know if it was because he actually cared about me too or if it was because I was the only person who could comfortably lift it. Either way, I was truly touched.
Auron had always called it a katana, but it looked more like a nodachi to me. That's a large two-handed Japanese sword, but I guess it couldn't have been that since there wasn't exactly a Japan on Spira. He had carried it for fifteen years and I had had it for almost three. Anyway, the blade was like that of a huge kitchen knife, flat on one side and sharp on the other. The steel of the blade was inlayed with a bit of gold filigree. The hilt was wrapped with leather and cloth, once bright, but dulled now after years of use and the oils from his hands and mine. But there was something new. A yellow ribbon was wrapped around the handle, a piece of paper threaded on it. I pulled it off and slung the sword up onto my shoulder.
"Well?" Whistler asked. "Gonna read it?"
I shook my head, stashing the folder paper in my pocket. "Nope, not ready to say goodbye to my best friend in a century, especially not in front of strangers," I replied. "Rikku deserves better than that."
I pushed down my storming emotions and opened my trunk again, pulling out what looked to be a complicated series of straps. My sword holster. I slipped it over my shoulders and buckled it across my chest. It felt good. Normal. And when I slid the sword home onto my back, I felt even a bit more complete. After all, I had been carrying that sword for the nearly three years. I bounced a bit on the balls of my feet, shifting my shoulders a little so the holster settled comfortably. Perfect.
"You ready for this, kid?" Whistler asked, just was he always did before he deserted me in some crazy foreign dimension.
So I decided to answer the same way I always did for old times sake. "Do I have a choice?" I asked with a wry grin.
"Always. Just make the right one."
As the two otherworldly beings faded out, back to wherever it was they hung out when they weren't screwing with my life, I turned back to survey the new group I had been saddled with. Everyone was staring at me with varying degrees of distrust and hostility. Everyone, that is, except the man in red I now knew to be Vincent, who was looking at me blankly. But I understood why they didn't trust me. Wasn't exactly rocket science. Not only had I killed a demon within the first few minutes of being in their presence, but then I had threatened the ghost of their friend. Twice. Not like that would really do anything, but I was betting that it was the thought that counted. And, oh yeah, if she was solid, I would have seriously done that ridiculous girl some bodily harm for the mind rape.
"Well," I said, making it a point to show that I was in no way nervous. "I'm kinda required to be here for the next two days and if you want, you can kick me off after that, preferably near the ground and not over an ocean or something like that." I stooped to pick up my enormous trunk. "You don't have to say anything to me. You don't even have to learn my name if you don't want to. Just tell me where I can bunk," I said amiably, trying not to grin at their shocked expressions that not only had I hefted the chest up, but because of my superior strength, I was holding it quite comfortably.
The leader, the spiky haired blond man, Cloud, glared balefully at me. "We don't have any spare beds," he said coldly.
I looked at the girl next to him. Tifa. She glanced at him and then quickly away, keeping her eyes on the floor, thus giving away that he was lying through his teeth.
I smiled serenely at
them both. "That's okay. You don't want to sleep next to a
monster anyway. I get that. But," I said, looking at my
surroundings, "judging by the size of the bridge, I'm sure this
airship is big enough for me to find a corner and hang out until you
figure out whether or not you want my help. And until then, you're
more than welcome to treat me like a social pariah." With that, I
walked out, expecting pilot man, Cid, to stop me from wandering
around on his ship unattended, but he didn't. No one did. I walked
until the sounds of the engine grew the loudest. I set down my
massive trunk and opened the metal door in front of me. The Engine
Room. Perfect.
Back on the Celsius, I had spent a lot of time in
the Engine Room. First just from a desire to get away from everyone,
but then I had become accustomed to the noise and actually kinda
found it comforting. I breathed a sigh of relief as I hauled my trunk
into the room. It almost sounded the same as my ship. I guess,
whatever dimension you go to, engines pretty much stay the same.
Small comforts.
I pushed my trunk into the center of the room, removed my sword, leaned it against the wall, and did a handstand. The corrugated metal bit into my palms slightly, but I just didn't care. I needed to meditate, to concentrate on what I needed to do. I pulled up my arm so I was balanced on one hand and I slipped into the sweet oblivion of my subconscious.
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