A/N: I' so incredibly sick right now *sniffles* So i uploaded 2 chapter because it might take me a wee while to get another one up but fear not! Nothing can keep me away from writing shizaya!


Discovery

Shizuo had been reading a psychology book that Shinra had forced upon him, worried about his newfound calmness. It was pretty funny the way people reacted to this newer version of him. But they had grown accustomed to it after the initial shock wore off.

He thought it would be incredibly boring but had found himself immersed in the book as one by one, interesting facts presented themselves. The human mind was so complex he marveled.

However.

There was a certain chapter that had sent a chill down his spine. He hadn't wanted to read on but similar to watching a horror movie, even if he wanted to look away he couldn't. His eyes were inexplicably drawn to the words, absorbing them one by one. With the entire chapter in his mind he closed the book, leaned back and rooted his fingers in his hair.

The chapter had hit a little too close to home. It was about the way people denied the notion of love or being loved. It stated that some people develop complexes where they create defense mechanisms for themselves to protect against the feeling of love and being loved completely, usually brought on by some form of trauma or fear involving love.

It had reminded him of how he had closed himself off to the very idea of love after...well after that incident. He had hurt her, the way she had looked at him, that day something inside him broke.

He had never had a crush on anyone, never felt the need for a relationship or tried to have a relationship. Instead his affection towards his brother increased rapidly, after all he was his brother.

Kasuka knew what Shizuo was, what he could do but he still called him 'brother', still loved him the same way he had before. He acted the same way with Shizuo as he would with any other person. So it was ok. He was the exception.

In fact the more Shizuo thought about the more he realised the only strong feeling he had were those of rage. But even they didn't last long...they were like small explosions, deadly and fierce but not long lasting at all. The fallout may have been but the feelings definitely were not.

Izaya.

He had felt something incredibly strong towards Izaya the moment he laid eyes on him. He had concluded it must have been hate, and he had continued hating him. With extreme passion. In fact he put Izaya before anything and anyone with the exception of his brother. But that didn't sound like hate to him. If you hate someone you're meant to stay as far away from them as you can but he always paid attention to him, always dropped whatever he was doing to go after him, sometimes he even thought about the other man constantly.

His feeling towards Izaya were indeed strong but what kind of feelings where they exactly?

Hate?

He didn't really think so anymore, not after what he had read...

So what?

...

Wait...

No...

No way...

"Fucking hell!" Shizuo shouted, staring down the book with hate, "Stupid book! Stupid Shinra! Stupid Psychology making me understand shit!" he tossed the book across the room and glared at it.

He was incredibly frustrated, why had he thought about it so much? Why had he kept digging? In a way he had dug his way into his grave. The complex he had, it hadn't made him incapable of love it had made him incapable of recognising love.

He wanted to protect himself from rejection and pain so he had unconsciously chosen to hate the person he loved.

"Can't fucking believe it, I was sure i hated him...Hell i was sure I was straight! what!...ahhhh!" shaking his head he attempted to calm himself down. Trust Izaya to shake him up without even being there. While he had no problem adjusting to the fact that he was in love with a man, hey love is love, he did have a problem over the fact that he was in love with Izaya.

Izaya fucking Orihara.

The mental case that was fruitier than an orchard.

Maybe he would have been better off in his ignorance. No scratch that, he definitely would have better off in his ignorance. Miserably he got up and made his way out of the apartment, he needed some fresh air to clear his head. This was way too much to process at once.

"Stupid discovery" he muttered to himself, trudging out the door.


Thank you psych class for making me realise this! Seriously when i learned this i mad a funny noise and the lecturer looked at me like 'da fuck?'

Haha it IS canon! psychology proves it so!

And also sorry for shizuo's potty mouth, it's something we share XD