A/N: Sorry i didn't update yesterday :O well here is some more on that kiss, i promised it wasn't random didn't it? XD
aaaaah i'm sooo sorry shizuo *sobs*
Nothing to lose
Why had he gone and done that?
He kissed Izaya. Kissed him! And it hadn't been a little chaste peck on the lips either, he really put a lot into that kiss. But he hadn't kissed him just for the sake of it, he had a totally valid reason.
He had been seduced.
So technically it wasn't his fault at all.
Ok, so maybe not seduced but it was still Izaya's fault. Shizuo had been too caught up in his fantasy world, thinking about what could happen if Izaya possessed sanity and then out of nowhere he appeared. Shizuo still hadn't been ready to face him, he was still wondering how to approach him after the whole hug incident.
Shizuo had decided that scripting his speech was necessary for whenever he bumped into him again because if he didn't he could unwittingly...well 'come out'...and Izaya was the last person he wanted to be find out. If Izaya got wind of his little 'secret' then he would surely use it to mess with him and screw his life up as much as possible. That threatened the newfound calmness in his life and he couldn't have that happen. Or so he told himself.
But alas he never had the chance to do that. Watching Izaya study the broken lamp with worry took him by surprise. Normally Izaya would have completely ignored it but here he was biting his lip as he pondered what to do. Shizuo had to smile, it was just too cute, besides he could just put the smile down to his new outlook on life. Simple.
But then Izaya went and talked. And got flustered. In front of him. Shizuo had never before felt the joy of making Izaya squirm like that, so it was only natural that he was going to push it as far as he could. Shizuo may have been attracted to him but he still held a grudge against him for all the crap he had pulled over the years. Endlessly annoying and frustrating him, injuring him, messing up his life and always smiling through it. He had to pay him back for that and what better way than this?
With this thought in mind he had closed the distance between them and teased the smaller man, thoroughly enjoying not only making him twist but also the proximity of their bodies.
Why didn't you move when I flew at you?
When Izaya had asked him that question he honestly had no idea what to do. Caught between wanting to tease him more and having absolutely no idea what to say he hesitated. But then when he saw the desperate look in Izaya's eyes he couldn't help but speak the truth. Maybe he had pushed him too far with the teasing, after all Izaya almost certainly didn't feel the same as he did. After being so cruel to him he had to at least have the decency to tell him the truth. So he did. But as soon as he had said it he found his body moving uncontrollably as his mouth spouted nonsense he hadn't planned on saying.
However he let it happen, there was no sense in stopping himself because when all was said and done Izaya would probably slash him and disappear out of his life forever. But before he did that Shizuo had to have just one kiss. He couldn't let it end just like that, he needed something to remember, something to savour and something to prove to himself that it had been real. Because after what he had just said there was no way Izaya would stick around for long.
After what he had said not even Izaya would put up with it, and that was exactly what Izaya had been doing thus far. Putting up with him. Putting up with his baseless hate of him, putting up with his fits of anger, his short fuse and all his selfish nonsensical behaviour. But after this surely even Izaya would stay away from him, he'd be disgusted and creeped out. He would want to stay as far away from him as possible and Shizuo could understand that.
Which was why he wasn't really laying anything on the line when he kissed Izaya. He had never had Izaya to begin with and had nothing else to lose.
So he kissed him.
He savoured that sweet and too-short moment for all it was worth and prepared himself for the worst as he let go. Izaya may have been able to hear the gentle breath he let out but he wouldn't hear the sound of his heart breaking as he let him go.
aaaaah shizuo! *cries into pillow* i'm sorry i'll make it all better! promise, i'll totes make it up to you ;_;
on another note woah did i just use the word totes in a sentence? *slaps self* what's wrong with me?
*sigh* you can add to shizu~chan's ice-cream fund by reviewing, and believe me he eats a lot of ice-crem when he's depressed...
:O now i want to write some ice-cream smut with these two dammit!
