Okie dokie. Here goes nothing.
"Helmsman, take us to the ship's coordinates and-"
"Captain, there's two Klingon war birds coming up starboard and they've locked weapons on us," the tactical officer says. Shit. "Make that six war birds, Captain." Double shit.
I look up at the windows where various professors are watching the simulation. They're all standing like army men, not really paying attention, but observing nonetheless. I stop at the professor standing on the far right. Pale skin, black hair, slanted eyebrows. Vulcan. An unbelievably HOT Vulcan. Figures there'd be a hot guy around when I'm no doubt going to end up looking stupid during this dumb test. He notices me staring at him and I could swear that his ears wiggle as he observes me.
"Photon torpedoes! Brace for impact!"
The simulation room shakes violently, making me fall out of the captain's chair and land straight on my nose. OWWW!!
"SON OF A BITCH!" I scream while getting up, before I remember there are professors observing. "I mean umm…. status report?" I rub my nose, feeling the cartilage to make sure it's not broken and sit back down.
"Shields at 33%, Captain."
Perfect. "Hail the ships. Let's see what they want." There. That should make the teachers happy. Starfleet IS mainly about peacekeeping, even if killing a bunch of Klingons is fun and totally worth it.
"They're not responding, Captain, and all six have locked weapons on us."
OhGod-ohGod-ohGod-ohGod. Not good. My fingers are trembling, so I grip the armrests to steady them. If this were real, we would all be goners. All the other crewmembers start realizing the same thing, and suddenly, I'm being stared at by all of them. I'm so afraid of failing the test, and afraid of the situation's severity, I can barely keep myself from shaking. I have to be strong for them. I must. I'm the Captain of this here ship!
I clear my throat. "Well then…everyone who shouldn't be here needs to start evacuating. Tell them to get away as fast as they can. Have ten crewmembers leave in their own ship and give them orders to come back to the Kobayashi Maru when we're… done fighting…and see if there's any survivors."
"But Captain, this is a suicide mission."
No duh, Sherlock. "I'm well aware of the risks, Ensign. We'll save as many as we can."
Everyone is silent in the room. No doubt they're still stunned at the situation and wondering how they would cope if it were real. It's absolutely depressing to see all of them looking like someone just shot their mom. I can't stand it. I get up and walk to the front of the bridge where they can all see me.
"I sense that everyone is not happy with this arrangement?" I'm trying to be diplomatic instead of sarcastic like I normally am. Sarcasm won't stop this pity party.
No answer.
Ah, so helpful.
"I see, so you would rather sit here and pout while the civilians on this vessel have no idea what's going on and will not have enough time to evacuate unless we alert them right now."
Uncomfortable shifting in their seats.
"So I guess you signed onto Starfleet thinking that everything would be twinkles and medals? That you would never have to sacrifice yourself to save someone else?" Ugh I sound like my dad. I can't shut myself up now. I'm totally on a roll.
I point to the tactical officer. "You. You got a wife? A kid?" He nods, but I don't know to which question. "Your family is on board this ship. You gonna sulk about protecting them?" I can't help standing just like my dad as well, hands clasped behind my back and feet apart.
"No, Captain." His face looks resolute, as if he's accepting his fate. Good job, dumbass.
I address the group again. "Your best friend is on board. Your partner from engineering class. That cute girl you keep seeing in the hallway. And you bunch of cowards are sitting here moping because you have to die for them."
An Ensign, who looks like he's about to pee his pants, speaks up. "But Captain, it's SIX war birds."
How observant. "Yes, yes it is. It's very scary. I agree. But we're going to give those civilians a chance to escape." Okay, sarcasm away! "OR you could all leave with them and leave me to man the bridge all by my onsies." I cross my arms in front of my chest. "How far do you think your families will get then."
No answer again.
I walk back over to my chair and sit down, crossing my legs. It feels so good to totally own a bunch of wetback cadets. I feel a chocolate spree coming on after I'm done here.
"Captain?'
"Mmhmm?" I'm trembling slightly again, partly from my earlier fear, and partly because of all I just said. Totally don't know where any of it came from.
"The civilians have been alerted and weapons system is preparing for battle."
Booyah.
The lights turn on in the room and we all turn to look at the professors watching us. I can tell by faces that I'm not the only one who forgot they were there.
"EXCELLENT JOB, CADET FAIRGRASS!" I jump in my seat again. "EVERYONE ELSE IS DISMISSED!"
Joy. All of the dummies leave the room, so I stand and face the professors.
"You should've joined the army, Cadet Fairgrass," one of the professors says over the intercom. Thank God the yelling stopped. "That was a heck of a motivational speech if I ever heard one."
The door opens for me. I can't tell if the guy is serious or if I just got insulted. Either way, the stupid thing is over.
----
I fucking hate our cafeteria. Not only is it outdoors because the medical officers want to make sure we get enough UV rays (Yeah, like there's UV rays on a starship, idiots), every Wednesday is "international planet food day." Let's just say that fish juice and Andorian tuber roots aren't exactly edible. Ugh. I think it goes without saying that almost everyone buys their Wednesday meals somewhere else. Everyone except my best friend, Armas, whose species is Trill, and Andorian tuber roots are like her favourite food.
She sits across from me and plunks her tray down with a grin.
"God, I just love Wednesdays. Don't you just love-" She sees my face and shuts up. She sips some disgusting Trill drink and reaches up to scratch the spots that line her forehead. "So…how'd that test go yesterday?"
I move my food around with my fork. "Ugh, don't ask. It was so fucking humiliating. Not only did I almost break my nose, I got up in front of a bunch of people and gave a speech my dad would've been proud of."
Armas whistles low. "That bad?" She chews a bite of root. "Any cute guys there?"
The hot Vulcan guy pops into my head. My fingers curl up at the thought of touching his pointed ears. I've always had a pointed ear fetish, but no one knows about it.
"Umm, nope. Just a bunch of cowards and weenies."
"Bleah. If they WERE hot, it'd be a waste of resources."
I space out while staring at Armas's spots. I still can't understand why she willingly gave up her existence to host a Trill symbiont. Sure, the symbiont took on her personality and mannerisms, but she the person was destroyed. I didn't know her before she got her brand new symbiont, never hosted by anyone else. I don't think I would've been able to handle the change if I had known her. It'd be like losing a friend forever, even if you got a new one to replace them.
"You know, if you like my spots so much, we can always get them tattooed on you."
I look up at her quirky grin. "You paying?"
She rolls her eyes with a snort. The moment dies in two seconds when I spot the three pains in my ass. Jhara, the blonde leader of the school's preppy group; Memnet, number two blonde girl and a total idiot; and Narpe, the smart but timid Bajoran brunette who's only in the group because she makes a good flunky, and because she's Bajoran. She adds to the 'cool factor' of the group. At least that's what the less intelligent part of the student body thinks.
Armas follows my gaze and spots them too. "Oh gods in heaven! WHY didn't preppiness die when oppression did?" She stuffs a root in her mouth and chews it quickly in irritation.
"Well if it isn't the parasite and the school virgin," Jhara says when she reaches our table. Even though I'm not fond of the whole Trill symbiont thing, I hate it when Jhara calls Armas a parasite. As for the virgin thing…yeah, Jhara's just jealous because my entire family is in Starfleet and hers pick coffee beans or something. At least I don't have to get HIV shots every three weeks like Jhara does. Heh heh.
"Enjoying the fish juice, Jhara?" I smile and gulp mine, even though it takes everything I have to not gag.
She does a pretend laugh. "So, I heard you flunked that new test they made for nerds like you. I bet your father will be REALLY proud of that." All three of them give me this weird preppy look, which I've come to expect from them, that involves sticking their bottom lips out. They think it's intimidating but I think it makes them look stupid,. W/e.
"Funny," I say as I stand up. "I heard that you passed the oo-mox home study course and now there's even MORE Ferengis sniffing your ass. Of course, you'll have to get rid of the one you already have first." I shrug and give her a sweet sarcastic grin before Armas and I leave.
Armas can hardly keep from bursting out with laughter before we're out of earshot and in one of the lifts.
"I have to admit, Grace, that was a pretty good come back. Jhara sleeping with a Ferengi." She giggles. "Classic!"
I grin. "Best part? It's completely true." I shudder inwardly. Sex with a Ferengi is just disgusting.
Armas's mouth falls open. "NO!" I nod and she laughs more as we step out of the academy building. "How do you do it, Grace? You always find dirt on her!"
I pantomime zipping my lips closed. "I'll never tell," I say dramatically, walking forward in a model strut. What I fail to notice is that the front steps are closer than I thought, and I trip on the first one, falling clumsily down the rest. I land in a heap at someone's feet.
"Are you unharmed, Cadet Fairgrass?" a man's voice says as two hands help me up.
"I'm fine, thank you-" I cut off as I notice who I'm talking to.
The hot Vulcan professor.
And I thought the Kobayashi Maru was embarrassing.
