Albus was slouched on the bed with his notebook on his lap and ink smudged on his fingers. He just stared at the page that was now filled with absent doodles and shapes. He couldn't get anything out of him because he was feeling much too down. He groaned and thumped the back of his head against the headboard. He contemplated just curling up and going to sleep despite the fact that it was one in the afternoon. He had never, ever, ever realized that mortification could be such a huge writer's block.
A soft knock sounded against his door. "Come in," he mumbled despondently.
His eyes widened and his heart started to hammer away at his chest when he saw Scorpius standing at his doorway.
He hurriedly pushed the blanket off of him and struggled to get out bed, upsetting the inkbottle and dropping his book on the floor. "Um… um, ah, I… What are you… um."
Scorpius watched Albus move about, so plainly flustered. "Sorry… Were you busy?" he asked.
"N-no," Albus was quick to say as he brushed his shirt smooth and straightened his glasses. A furious blush was working its way up to his cheeks and he couldn't keep his eyes on Scorpius. "Did you need a book?" he managed to force out.
"Yeah," Scorpius said vaguely while scrutinizing Albus.
"Okay." Albus shuffled on the spot for a bit before making up his mind and moving towards the door with the intention of leaving Scorpius be and escaping the foul atmosphere.
Scorpius stopped him just as he brushed past. "You don't have to leave."
"It's fine," Albus mumbled while easing out of Scorpius' grip. "I need to do something anyw-"
"Albus."
Albus flinched. At the moment he felt as though he were about to die from embarrassment. He just didn't want to do it in front of Scorpius. "Y-you can find your book," he rushed, quickly turning away and opening the door.
Scorpius reached over and pushed it shut. "Were you being serious, Al?"
"I don't know what you-"
Scorpius jerked Albus around forcibly. The younger man stared up in blatant shock. His tense arms were wrapped around his stomach, his fingers tugging at his shirt. Scorpius was trying to read his face, becoming more confused when he saw nothing deceptive. Albus looked scared and that was all.
"You do look like him," Scorpius murmured.
Albus twisted his shirt frantically. His heart was racing and his palms were clammy. He just wanted Scorpius to understand, not misunderstand. "I… I-"
Scorpius interrupted the shaky words by reaching out and tipping the spectacles off of Albus' nose, pushing it up so it sat against thick locks of black hair. He slid the back of his hand over Albus' neck.
Albus felt his mouth go dry and his stomach churn unpleasantly.
Scorpius brushed his thumb against the younger man's skin. Is this what Albus meant? Before he could help himself, he leaned in and inhaled slowly. The scent that wafted around Albus wasn't the same as Harry, but it was similar. It was faintly sweet and young, but the musty smell of ink and books seemed to have become embedded into Al.
It reminded him of timelessness.
"I should go," he faltered as he reached around Albus to turn the doorknob.
Albus leaned against the door and shook his head stubbornly.
"Al."
"You can kiss me."
Scorpius turned the doorknob with equal stubbornness. "You aren't letting me think straight," he muttered while attempting to open the door.
"I said I don't mind if you kiss me," Albus said as he clutched the hem of Scorpius' shirt and pulled at him. "Really."
"I'd mind." Scorpius gently pulled Al's hand away. "You aren't being fair."
Albus knitted his brows in confusion.
Scorpius clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth and glanced away. On one hand, his heart was racing. But, on the other hand, why was he doing this?
"I look like him, so it's okay."
Scorpius laughed humorlessly. "You've never done this before, have you?"
Albus blushed brighter. Was it that obvious? "Now you aren't being fair either," he mumbled as his fingers wound together timidly once again.
Scorpius conceded with a weak sigh. "Right, I know." He reached up and nudged Al's spectacles back down. Albus shoved it firmly against his nose. "You do look like him," Scorpius whispered while sweeping the hair away from Al's forehead. "Except here." He pressed his fingers against the unmarred skin.
Albus flinched internally. The scar was his father's identity, not his. "Sorry," he mumbled.
Scorpius smiled in defeat as he trailed his fingers down and hooked them under Albus' chin, prompting him to look up. "What for?" he asked.
Albus shrugged.
"What are you thinking right now, Albus?"
"Nothing."
"Tell me."
"I'm not thinking anything."
"Then…" Scorpius looked over Al's shoulder, at the door, "I should go."
"Mhm." Albus moved to the side quietly. Scorpius eyed him for a moment before opening the door and leaving the room.
Al dropped his head in his hands and stifled his groan. He had thought that being a substitute for his father would be fine, but right now he was feeling boiling anger. He didn't want to be a stand-in. He wanted Scorpius to look at him and see him, not Harry. He leaned against the door and slid down it, raking his fingers through his hair to stop his mind from running away on him.
The next day, when Scorpius came over with Teddy, Al was home. Teddy was the only one who noticed the change. The rest of the Potters seemed oblivious. Albus never looked up at them or mumbled more than a few words. He even sat as far away from the two as possible. But he was still present at dinner.
And, the fact that Scorpius was hardly looking at him didn't go unnoticed either. Teddy wanted to kick his cousin after seeing Albus' expression. He knew something had happened and he couldn't help thinking that 'something' had be somewhat awful. But Scorpius acted like nothing was wrong. He still had eyes for Harry and he still laughed with Lily and he still talked with James and he still complimented Ginny's cooking. Everyone was pretending like Albus didn't exist because… well, he wasn't really existing at that moment.
While Albus would previously have shrugged it off, that night for the first time he felt rather inadequate. He lost his appetite a little ways into dinner and then he lost his interest. He ate mechanically. He couldn't wait to be excused. He just wished he could read Scorpius' mind.
He had been thinking a lot about his feelings. He had tried to put himself in Scorpius' shoes. Unfortunately that only made him envy his father. The young man always brightened up when Harry was around. He spoke more, he stumbled over his words, and he laughed. All he did when he was around Albus was smile and make small talk. Albus knew he wasn't like his father. At least not yet. But he could try. He could try to engage more, to be more present. Maybe then…
He shook his head as he stood in front of his beloved books and let his eyes drift from one spine to the next. What was he even thinking? He crossed his arms against his chest as he felt anger stir in him. He was being unreasonably childish. He was supposed to be the mature one, wasn't he? He exhaled in a controlled manner to relieve his tension. He needed to get his mind off of his adolescent thoughts.
He reached up to grab a book, going up on his toes. He almost got his hands on the book too before he started teetering to the side.
An arm wrapped around his waist and gently tugged him in the opposite direction so he could catch his balance. Instead, he twisted around with a sudden gasp and stumbled back into the bookshelf while looking up at Scorpius with wide eyes. Scorpius smiled in surprise, his brows knitting ever so slightly. "What?" he asked. Albus was too stunned to say a word. Scorpius got the book down for him but didn't hand it over. He held it up between them instead. Albus snapped out of his fright and quickly grabbed the book out of Scorpius' hand. Then he tucked his chin to his chest and opened the worn cover to start reading despite the position he was in at the moment.
Scorpius found him amusing. He tilted his head down as well so his forehead was pressed against Al's. He could feel the younger man's anxiety by the way his body was tensed up. He read the title of the book upside down, arching a brow as he did so. "Rise and Fall of Egypt?" he murmured. "Seriously?"
Albus looked up sharply. "It's an interesting read."
Scorpius saw so many qualities of Harry in Albus that it was somewhat disorienting. All he could do was chuckle breathlessly while staring at Al's defiant eyes. "You're so confusing, man," he said. He let his arms fall to his sides and stepped back. "Shall I go?"
Albus blinked at him in puzzlement. "Mhm."
Scorpius nodded as he walked back a few steps before turning to leave.
Al's face fell when sudden realization struck. "W-wait!" he stammered before he could stop himself.
Scorpius glanced back at him.
"You're going back?" Albus asked quietly.
"Yes."
"I… But… Aren't you going to stay?"
Scorpius shook his head.
Albus swallowed his trepidation. "I… didn't know."
"I know you didn't know," Scorpius said. "You're always in your own world, aren't you?"
"Why are you going back?"
"School. I've got to start soon."
"Is that all?"
Scorpius assured Albus with a firm nod. "That's all. And… you should come visit. Alright?"
"Okay."
Lily leaned against the wall beside Albus and watched Harry say goodbye to the Malfoys in the crowded terminal. Teddy was animatedly talking with Scorpius at a mile a minute. "It's kind of sad, huh?" she told her brother. "I don't like goodbyes."
He didn't say anything.
Once Harry had turned away from Draco and Astoria, he was struck by a case of déjà vu when Scorpius smiled sadly at him. "Oh, come on," he sighed before wrapping his arms around the young man and hugging him tight. "Don't look like that."
"Sorry," Scorpius mumbled. "I'll miss you."
"What for? You can visit anytime you like now."
"I know. Thank you for everything."
Teddy was next in line to squeeze the breath out of Scorpius. "Make sure you don't get eaten alive out there," he whispered.
"I'll try," Scorpius chuckled. "I'll talk to you soon."
"Yeah. Firecall me when you land." Then Teddy glanced back at the two young Potters who were sulking in the corner. "Go say bye to them."
Scorpius was hesitant but figured it would be poor form to just leave without proper goodbyes. Lily pushed off the wall when she saw him approach, her face brightening with a smile. She threw her arms around him before he could even say a word. "It was great meeting you," she said.
"Uh… Um, you too, Lily," Scorpius faltered. "You've been awesome."
She pulled back slightly and reached up on her toes to press a kiss against Scorpius' cheek. "So have you," she said before walking towards her father nonchalantly.
When Scorpius glanced at Albus, he found the boy gawking. Al snapped his mouth shut when he realized the face he was making. He quickly rearranged his expression and folded his arms against his chest. Scorpius looked back at Lily and then at Albus. "Guess you weren't kidding about her," he remarked uncomfortably.
"I never said I was," Albus muttered under his breath.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know."
"Are you mad at me?"
"No."
"Then?"
"I said I don't know."
"Mad at yourself?"
"Yes."
Scorpius smiled at him. "You are too honest."
"Have fun at your university."
"Al…"
"What?"
"At least give me a hug, will you?"
Albus looked ready to refuse, but he was way too softhearted to do anything so mean. He grumbled to himself as he shuffled forward and let Scorpius hug him. All he wanted to do was cry. He hid his face against Scorpius' shoulder. He was going to feel very sad now.
Scorpius patted Al's back. "It's been nice getting to know you, Albus. Keep writing, okay?" he whispered.
"I will."
Scorpius pulled back. "I'll see you some time?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Bye."
"Bye…"
Now Albus understood how young adolescents felt after a summer of love – over before it even began. He never thought he could be like the characters in those books. He never imagined that he could be this emotional. He had always been much too practical, too shut in for any sort of interaction that could lead to this gnawing ache at the pit of his stomach and unbearable itch at the back of his throat. As soon as he got home, he locked himself in his room and crawled into bed. So this was what heartache felt like. Who knew… He burrowed under his pillows and parchment as he sobbed quietly. He hated Scorpius. He hated him so much.
