Atoning for Life

Nervous, Roark watched as Riley was hiding behind a bush. "What are you doing?" he asked him. "Nothing much. Just gonna be your shoulder to cry on for emergencies..." "Are you in love with me by any chance?" he teased. "Don't be silly. It's just an expression." Riley retorted until he saw the door open. Gardenia wasn't there; rather somebody else opened the door, much to Roark's surprise and chagrin.

"Yes, Roark?" Volkner asked. Roark was crushed- there was no way Gardenia would ever forgive him. "Is this your house?" he asked surprised. "Nah. Gardenia' place. Am I not allowed to be here?" he spat coldly. "Is she here?" he asked him frightened. "Yeah. Wanna talk to her?" he said. "Forget it. I'm out." Roark said and just walked off beckoning to Riley to leave until he heard a voice scream out "Halt there, sir! What business do you have with me?"

"Courier." Roark lied. "Come on, Roarky; you are a terrible liar. What do you want?!" Gardenia screeched. "Gardenia, I just came here to tell you... I'm sorry." Roark admitted. Gardenia sighed and told Volkner to sit inside which he obeyed quietly while Riley stayed hidden and the two walked off to her garden, which was rather an understatement. It was a whole meadow to be frank!

"Are we going to talk here?" he asked her in awe. "Yup, my garden; how do you like it?" she asked him sweetly, albeit coldly. "It's amazing! It's like a whole flower forest in here!" he exclaimed. "Now what did you want to say again? Will you please forgive me?" Gardenia cleared her throat and said "Look, Roark. I know what you are here for and why. You want forgiveness, right? It's obvious; so glaringly obvious. But I don't know; is this really sincere? I mean you'll probably be heroine-worshipping your wife now..."

"She isn't my wife now." Roark replied bluntly. "Why, divorced the very minute you proposed?" she spat bitterly and sardonically. Roark winced and looked at her angrily. "No. We decided to stay away now, not meant for each other." He replied. "Hmm, I thought love was never for you practical kinds..." she said sarcastically. "Well it is for you guys especially, and who am I to interfere? Especially now that you are dating Volkner..." Roark said coldly while walking away in a huff until Gardenia grasped his arm tight which made him shudder and blush. "Look, we are not dating. Don't get any stupid ideas into your head! What did she say to you anyway?" she interjected. Roark sighed- somebody had to know apart from Riley.

"She rejected." He confessed and then broke into a sob "It was a cruel joke played on me by her sister; Luciana was dating me while she was married!" Gardenia was shocked- could people be so heartless? She knew that Roark was a pushover, but he was also a sweetheart. Who would ever want to treat him this way? Just because he had glasses? Or because he loved them too much to do anything? Gardenia was right all along, Luciana and Elisha were just plastic models alone. And yet Roark saw now wrong in them in spite of all his best friends' warnings.

Then again, who said it was as easy to take advice as giving it?

She was contrite, and said nothing for a few seconds until he spoke "So Gardenia, would you ever forgive me?" Gardenia looked into his eyes; they clearly had a lot of anguish on being betrayed so heartlessly. "Would you still be my best friend, or would you be more?" he mouthed softly. Gardenia was shocked- what was he saying? "What do you mean?" she asked him in amazement. "I speak the truth. I think I like you... like a teenage crush kind of thing... but I'll get over it, I promise!" he blurted out blushing like a tomato. Gardenia knew not what to say, but instead, she just stared into his eyes and spoke acidly "I reject. What do you take me for? Somebody who would be used as a backup, a second option? Do you have any respect for women at all? Or are you just more interested in finding hot lovers for life?" This stunned and broke Roark. He had no idea what he just said. Did he just hit on his best friend? That was uncalled for! He was a man, not a luster! "But Gardenia, you saved me from all of that happened! Heaven knows what I would have..." he spoke only for her to cut him short. "I did not save you, Roark. All I did was just warning you. That was something I had to do, as a job of a best friend. But you slapped me... I cannot forgive that." she answered. Then she cried looking at him "Tell me, Roark. What do you take me for? Is all you think of me as just a backup plan? If Luciana were single and you two were married, would you ever accept me back into your life as your best friend? I cannot believe this; I spent so many years as your friend thinking you needed me, you wanted me, you cared for me... you are just like everybody else!" she screamed and walked away. "I give you ten minutes to get out of my house. I want nothing more to do with you ever again! Oh and in case you were wondering what Volkner is doing in here, just remember- he may not be very expressive; but at least he has feelings!"

Roark was heavily saddened by this; slapping her was the worst thing he ever did in his life and even worse was that he only thought of her as a backup; that made him think for quite a while. He even remembered something back in high school.

"Hey there, Roark!" that chirpy familiar voice came. "Oh hi, Gardenia." Roark greeted as he went to her side. "I have a really big surprise for you!" she chirped. Roark's eyes widened "Chocolate cake with pink butter cream frosting?" he asked hopefully and excitedly; it was his mother's specialty and Gardenia once promised to make it for him. "Aaww, nah. Sorry Roarky; but I have something even better. I want you to meet somebody." She answered just as gaily. Walking up and twirling round she said "I want you to meet Nando! He's the guy who comes over to Literature class and he's my new boyfriend!" Roark was amazed- how did she find partners despite that sweet as sugar appearance?

He looked at him and offered a handshake. "Hello, Nando. I'm Roark." He said as warmly as possible. He smiled "Hello, Roark. It is a pleasure meeting you; Gardenia was telling so much about you. She just couldn't stop talking about you, you know..."

Roark never understood back then. He was always very protective of Gardenia for some reason, and it wasn't because Camellia was his nurse. As much as Nando often portrayed himself as a nice guy and he was quite sweet, Roark couldn't stand him. He attempted to be polite but he was heavily veiling his contempt for the guy. Why was this so; he was such a good fellow? It couldn't be, could it?

"So, how was it?" Riley asked with open arms. "It failed." He answered. Roark wasted no time in pulling Riley out and leaving. "Why am I such a failure with girls? Am I too perverted or am I just bloodless?" he lamented. Riley smiled. "Roarky, it's nothing like that. You are an angel of a person. Girls are attracted to emotionally and physically strong people. It is an aura of confidence that they radiate." He explained. "You'd obviously know, being a heart throb in school and all." Roark lamented. Riley just smiled sympathetically and put an arm round him. Right now, Roark needed acceptance and that was all he would give. What were best friends for, after all?

While walking Roark spoke "You know, Riley, I often remember... when Gardenia and I were younger, I would often be really possessive of her. Especially when she had that new boyfriend of hers, I never really understood why I couldn't stand him. He was a nice guy, but I don't know- it was just too much for me. I had such an intense contempt for him and I never got why. Even many times while we played together, we often played as a couple while role playing and I liked it, what's more was that I found out that..."

"That?" Riley asked.

"You know, over these days, I found that I find her especially beautiful... It couldn't be... love, could it?" he asked embarrassingly. "I mean, there are many times when I found us uncomfortably close and I was all scarlet." Riley's eyes widened in amazement- Gardenia, his girlfriend? Now that would be amazing! Roark himself was astounded by what he said. "Me, love Gardenia? Impossible! What's happening to me, Riley? Please, help! I don't want to lose the only woman I care about- I don't love her, do I? I shouldn't, I mustn't; I never ever will! Oh Riley, why am I the way I am? I cannot love Gardenia; she deserves so much better!" he cried while walking away faster and faster, hoping to mutilate himself for what he just did. He now figured why he disliked Volkner- even the idea of him as Gardenia's boyfriend was sickening.

Roark regretted everything he just said. He cannot love Gardenia; what would a pretty young grass -freak see in a young coal miner who wore glasses and was addicted to fossils? Nothing, nothing at all! Not now, not ever!

"Roark, wait! I never said you guys can't get together! It's just-?" he was too late. Roark already sped home and Riley sighed. He intended to tell him that the two were perfect for each other. They were young, sweet looking sweethearts who knew each other very well, were on excellent friendship and speaking terms and had something so special in them which would both complement and complete them. It was something special, something unique.

They could never subjugate each other even if their life depended on it. They treated each other as equals, a key ingredient to relationships. That was the secret to their lasting friendship.

Roark on the other hand wasted no time in planning what to do with his life anymore. Wailing in his bed, for the first time in five years, he reflected on everything. Even thinking of Gardenia made him more sorrowful and regretful; what kind of man was he? He probably deserved it anyway. He had lost everything close to him; his father, his girlfriend, his best friend, his lover... what more could be there for him? Writing something in a book, he planned his great escape with him and his pokemon. Once the battle was over, he'd figure out what he was to do. Out and about on his own...