iii. phone call


"Hey Bruce, how's it going?"

"Who is this and how did you get my number?"

"What, you don't recognize my voice? That's kind of hurtful. I really thought we had something special. You know, like mad science buddies or something. Don't deny it – I felt the vibes."

"Tony?"

"At your service."

"Have you been keeping tabs on me?"

"No, but SHIELD has."

"I only bought this phone yesterday!"

"Uh…it's SHIELD."

"Right. Of course."

"If it's any comfort, they don't plan on tapping it until tomorrow."

"That doesn't really help, but thanks for trying, I guess. What do you want?"

"I can't call up an old war buddy for a chat? We have the vibes! How's it going in Belize, by the way?"

"Fine."

"I hear the beaches are fantastic. And the women, too. Wow. Better keep a check on your heart rate, you naughty boy."

"Tony, what do you want?"

"…Uh, okay, this is going to sound weird and possibly a tad deranged but I want you to stick with me here. I've been having these dreams."

"Hold on, hold on. Are you seriously telling me that you hacked into SHIELD, –"

"Yes, I did."

" – the most secure database in the world, –"

"Debatable."

" – to look up the telephone number of a man on the FBI's most wanted list –"

"Are you really on their most wanted list? What number are you?"

"– so you could tell him about a dream you had?"

"Two dreams, Bruce. It was two dreams."

"Why don't you talk to Pepper about this?"

"I did. She told me to talk to a doctor. So here I am. Talking to a doctor. I get patient-doctor confidentiality, right?"

"She meant a therapist, Tony."

"Did she? It was a little vague."

A long-suffering sigh.

"I suppose if I hang up now you'll just call me back."

"And I'll keep calling, too."

"Fine. Tell me about these dreams of yours."

"Yeah, okay, right. They're about Loki. But not really about him. It's more like he's there and I'm there and there's stuff happening, but it's not because of either of us. Maybe. You know?"

"No, I don't know."

"Uh…it's hard to – forget it, that's not the point. The point is that Loki's there and I'm seriously beginning to doubt that these are actually dreams at all."

"What, you mean like astral projection or something? That sounds dangerously Harry Potter, Tony."

"Not astral projection and not magic either. Maybe it's some weird Asgardian laws-of-the-universe-defying technology."

"That…is basically the definition of magic."

"Shut up and listen, Grumpy. It was like he was in my dream but didn't mean to be. Or the other way around. He said something to that effect. He was kind of rude about it, actually, and it seemed like he wasn't expecting me. The second time, anyway. The first time was…different. Weird. He wasn't, uh…all there, if you know what I mean."

"So now you think you and a crazed, megalomaniac god have been…what, mind-melding?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know. What do you think?"

"I have no idea, Tony. This isn't exactly my area of expertise. To be honest, if you're that worried about it, you should probably talk to SHIELD."

"Okay that's only slightly worse than Pepper's insinuation that I need psychological help. I'm not turning myself in to be poked and prodded and experimented on by those people, especially if there's a chance this is just some weird brain thing."

"But what if it's not? As much as I hate to take anything you're saying right now seriously, Loki isn't the sort of person you gamble with. We're talking about a guy who only two months ago tried to enslave the earth and very nearly succeeded. If there's trouble, it's going to be big. Do you really want to take that risk?"

"It's not that simple. Turning this over to SHIELD could also put my arc reactor in their hands. And that's not something I trust them with. You're my last resort, Banner. With Thor up in his floating castle or whatever, there's no one I can talk to who has even the tiniest understanding of what we're dealing with that won't immediately turn around and run to Fury. Except, of course, for you."

"Well…that's not quite true…"

"What do you mean?"

"There's always, you know…Loki."

Silence.

"Oh no. I was afraid of this. You've been drinking the water. Have the hallucinations begun yet? This is what you get for running around third world countries in nothing but your shorts!"

"I'm not crazy, Tony. And I'm not the one freaking out about a couple of dreams. Just listen to what I'm saying for a second – if this is real, then Loki's the one who's going to know what's going on. It's only logical that you should talk to him about it. If it's not real, then you'll just be chatting away with a figment of your imagination."

"Uh, so let's see, my options are: A, an insane trickster god of untold powers is slumming around in my brain, or B, I've officially lost my nut. That's not exactly comforting. I was hoping for a more, you know, curative solution."

"Take it or leave it, Stark. Like you said, I'm your last resort."

"What am I supposed to do? Drink some warm milk, have Pepper tuck me in, and hope Loki pops up with the sandman? And then what? I ask him to pretty please tell me what the hell is happening and how to make it stop? If this is just some crazy plan of his, he's not going to just stand there and start monologue-ing."

"It's just a suggestion. Tell you what. Sleep on it, and call me back in the morning."

"Oh, ha, ha, ha. You're a real riot, Banner. Just for that, you're paying for this phone call."

"Yeah, just forward the bill to SHIELD. It'll drive Fury crazy."

"That's tempting. Very tempting, actually. You have a devious mind, my friend."

A pause.

"Okay, I guess I'll give it a shot. This is the weirdest thing I've ever done, and I'm including that thing with the Siamese twins. Thanks for not calling the guys in the white jackets to come take me away."

"They'd come for me first."

"Ha. True. Give my regards to the other guy."

"I will. And, Tony?"

"Yes, Bruce?"

"Sweet dreams."