A/N: Hey everyone! i hope that all of you are enjoying this fic. I think it is really different from the other HeYa fics I have read. I don't really know how I have gotten them to this point and where it will lead, but I am encouraged to solider on and see where the inspiration leads me. I know this is very dark and angst-ridden; HeYa are endgame, as are Achele, but part of the beauty lies in the struggles it take to get there. Please bear with me!
Naya slipped out of Heather's loving arms and went to her bathroom.
She knew she shouldn't do it. Wasn't making love to Heather enough to soothe the beast within? Naya had to do something. Snix was threatening re-emerge from dormancy. She told herself, just one last time, as she retrieved the tools of her trade. She sat on the toilet seat, finished off the rest of the Goose, and took the razor to the upper portion of her thigh. Just one long cut will soothe the beast, she reasoned. She closed her eyes and surrendered to the power, feeling the edge of the blade slice open her skin.
"Oh my God! Naya! What are you doing?"
Naya's eyes shoot open as Heather is rushing towards her as Naya completes the cut. The blood oozes out, dripping down the length of her slender thigh.
"NAYA! Baby. Why did you do this? Then, she sees the bandages on Naya's right forearm and she realizes why Naya ended up with her shirt still on as they made love.
She bursts into tears as she looks at Naya with confusion.
Naya is speechless. She doesn't know what to say. What possible explanation could she give? That cutting gives her solace in chaos; it makes her feel vibrant and alive instead of empty and dead; that she can't even remember why she started cutting in the first place; that is has been the one thing that has gotten her through? How could she explain?
She couldn't find the words she needed. She said the only think that made sense:
I am sorry. I am so sorry.
At that, Heather comes towards her, looking at her Naya. She seems so small and lost, her face has a pained expression mixed with a calmness that is unnerving. Naya is clutching gauze to the fresh wound. She just keep saying it over and over:
Sorry. I am so sorry, baby. I am sorry.
Naya collapses into a ball on the tile floor and it gets to be too much. She passes out.
When Naya comes to, she in a hospital room. Heather is by her side, holding her hand and her mom is on the other side. She cannot remember what happened. She tries to get up but something is holding her back. She looks at her wrists and sees restraints on them.
Ohhhh fuck. It's happening again.
She screams at loud: GET ME OUT OF HERE! NOT AGAIN!
Heather is stunned. What does she mean, "Not again?"
Shhhhhhh baby, her mother says gently. you know that this is necessary if you get admitted after cutting.
Heather just sits there as she realizes that Naya has been hospitalized for this before. Her heart breaks in a million little pieces. Naya needed so much help. Help that she could not provide. She never felt more helpless in her life.
Heather, could you go and get Dr. Limjoco, tell her that Naya is awake.
She nods, grateful that she could do this one thing. HeMo returns with Jamie and she smiles at Naya.
Welcome back, Naya.
Naya barely acknowledges Dr. Limjoco. She knows the spiel she will be subjected to.
Before Jaime can start, Naya says it for her:
Now Naya, you know that you have to be in restraints until we are sure you are not a danger to yourself or others. You are on 5150- she says in a sing-song voice, as if singing this information could make it easier to hear. What now Doc? Ohh yeah, you will ask me what caused me to cut, right? You know what I say to that? None of your fucking business.
Yolanda placed a hand on her daughter's should about to scold her when Jaime just responds:
Naya, you are my fucking business when you end up in my hospital, unconscious with six fresh cuts after being in remission for 3 years. You are my fucking business. Now, if you don't want to discuss in the open, we can talk privately. You know how this works, Naya, You give a little, I give a little.
Naya just shut down and remained silent. Until she saw her beautiful Heather run out of the room in tears. Then, seeing the girl she loved cry over something she did, made her weep violently.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM NOW.
Yolanda started to cry and wanted to reach out to her daughter but Dr. Limjoco grabbed her by the arm and ushered her to the door.
Once they left, Naya just cried. I scared her away. How could she love me now?
