Naya was frozen. She couldn't speak. Her mind was racing.
This cannot be happening. Heather couldn't be here, not now. Oh my god. What did she hear? Did she hear what I said? FUCK.
She was shaken out of her thoughts as Heather just rocked her back and forth, saying, "I'm sorry," over and over and over again.
Time elapsed...
Slowly, Heather could feel Naya start to pull away from her arms and recoil into a ball on the ground. She tucked her chin under her knees and started to sob, the tears streaming like rivers down her cheeks.
Heather never felt more helpless in her entire life. She watched the person she loved the most pull away from her and just cry, with so much pain and hurt in her eyes. Seeing Naya like this mad her cry even harder, out of sheer frustration that she could not do anything to help Naya.
Jamie let them cry for a couple of minutes: Naya, a ball on the floor and Heather, on her knees, as close to Naya as possible without actually touching her. She figured that they all needed a moment of silence. As she heard Naya's weeping start to slow down and her breath begin to even out, she knew that Heather's would too.
Okay, now. Naya? Heather? Let's take a couple of deep breaths okay?
They both nodded and the three of them took 5 deep, cleansing breaths together.
Great.
She looked at the two of them. Naya looked completely spent. Heather looked heartbroken and forlorn.
Jamie knows that after what transpired, Naya will not talk. So, she directs her focus on Heather.
Heather, can you tell me why you are here?
She looks at Naya first. It almost seems like Naya is asleep with her eyes wide open; she is there physically, but her mind and spirit are not. She has that look in her eye that Heather saw right before she cut her thigh in the bathroom 3 years ago. She shudders at the memory, knowing that that is where Naya's mind is- she has hit rock bottom again. Only this time, Naya has her and James there. There is no Goose and no razor blades. Just mugs of tea and pillows on Naya's bedroom floor. She looks to Jamie and responds:
uhh I- I- I HAD TO COME TO NAYA. I mean, there was this need that I felt... like she needed me to be here. I felt like I was magnet and I was getting pulled here as I drove over here as fast as I could.
Ok, Hemo. What was so important, that you had to go 80 mph thru Hollywood to get here?
Heather needs to take a moment and remember what that thing was.
She closes her eyes to concentrate and the images of the morning replay in her mind: breakfast with Jenna, seeing all the red flags...
I saw them I saw them all, James. They were all right there. Plain as day and I finally put it all together. Fuck, Naya, I am so sorry it took me so long to see it, baby.
Saw what, Heath? I'm a little lost here.
Ohhhh, the red flags you told me about, Doc. This morning, as I was having brunch with Jenna, I had a flashback to when I caught Naya cutting 3 years ago. I remembered all the warning signs you had told me look out for. You told me to be vigilent and I am, err well I was, until all this shit happened and I obviously wasn't as vigilent as I was before because I know. I know that Naya has been cutting and drinking again.
With that admission, Heather starts to cry again. James gets up to console her, knowing that while Naya would want to be the one to hug her, she cannot.
Naya just stares blanky at Heather and James as she sees them embrace. She heard everything that Heather just said.
so you thought you were slick huh. keeping all this on the DL. just another failure to add to list. look at her. she is crying over you. you did that. worthless. you should just get up and go to the bathroom. you know you want to. the goose and blade are there. come on. they won't even notice you. the bathroom is right there. 3 steps and you'll be in heaven. the safe haven...
Naya screams an gutteral moan that stops both of them as they rush over to her.
NO! NO SNIX! NO MORE! I am DONE.
With that, she collapses into Heather's arms, clinging onto her like a liferaft in chaotic sea. Heather holds her up and Naya just keeps saying it over and over again.
Jamie knows what was going on in Naya's head: that Snix came out, cajoling Naya out of her mental haze, trying to get her to go in the bathroom to drink and cut. She knows that Naya needs this- to keep saying NO to Snix. She just rubs Naya and encourages her to continue.
Okay, Naya.
Naya calms at the sound of James' voice. She knows me so well, Naya thinks to herself, almost as well as Heather does. Naya is slowly being brought back into her body, as her mind, body, and spirit are reintegrated. She can feel Jamie's soothing hand rubbing her back. She feel Heather's arms holding her body up. She feel pins-and-needles all over her body, as if all the feeling is coming back to her physical body. The first thing she does, as soon as she feels like she can physically move, is to wrap her arms around Heather and cry.
