3 A long talk

They rode the train until the second stop where they decided to get off since it seemed to be mostly farm lands though that limited where they could go since the area was mostly owned by farmers and they wouldn't like people wandering around their fields. They walked along the side of the tracks and a field but stayed out of it. In the distance was a pretty big hill that they had passed on the train and what had peeked Rukia interest as that would be a nice spot to sit around and sort out her thoughts.

There was still little to no conversation between them and each chat was started by Orihime only to be ended shortly after it started by Rukia. After that single tear had fallen she seemed partial to any conversation no matter the topic as the night she wanted to forget was clearly on her mind and now on top of her other problems she was trying to sort out. Orihime felt horrible for bringing it up and was trying to keep it off Rukia's mind but to no avail as it continued to torment her further.

As they reached the hill Rukia stopped and looked over at Orihime, who's attention was already on her, so she could say, "I shouldn't have asked you to come with me but I'm grateful all the same."

Orihime smiled warmly at her, "Rukia, you're my friend and you need someone so even if you didn't want me to come along I still would have been here for you even if you completely ignored me. If all I can offer you is silent company then that's what I'll give you but if I can do more for you then I will."

"That really means a lot, Orihime." Rukia said kindly with a smile. "Thank you for all this."

They started up the hill with a bit of conversation though it was away from unhappy topics, "Are you hungry at all, Rukia? I brought enough food for a couple of meals since I didn't know if you'd be hungry or how long we'd be here."

"I'm fine." Rukia replied. "To be honest my appetite has escaped me recently. I know it's not healthy but a lot has been on my mind."

"If that's the case then you have to eat." Orihime said with a nod. "After that we'll start sorting out everything that's bothering you even if it has nothing to do with your relationship."

The last part was hinting towards that night and Rukia knew it just as well as Orihime did. For Orihime seeing a friend cry was something that she hated to see so if she could she would prevent it from happening even if it caused a bit of pain for one of them. If talking it out made it better in the long run then she was partially willing to have a painful conversation but it would never be a forced one. Right now a conversation about what Rukia had referenced was very unlikely to happen but the invitation had been given already so it was a welcome conversation.

"I don't know if I'm all that willing to have that conversation at this time." Rukia said. "I have enough to deal with right now so maybe another time."

"I'm here for you whenever you need to talk about anything." Orihime replied with a kind smile.

"I'm very grateful to you." Rukia said warmly as they neared the top.

They stopped once more as Rukia glanced back at the surrounding countryside, "That's some view."

"Yeah," Orihime said. "I wish there was a place like this in Karakura even though the view wouldn't be the same."

"If it were on the edge of town it would be." Rukia said. "You would just have to go to the other side and look out over the land there."

"I guess that would work." Orihime said with a laugh before hurrying up the hill to get to the top.

Rukia followed after her a little curious to her actions only to find her looking over the other side with a bit of a pout. She approached Orihime with a bit of concern, "Orihime?"

She looked over and said, "I was hoping we could see Karakura from here."

Rukia chuckled at the thought before saying, "If we could then we would be able to walk back. But then I'm not sure if we would have gone far enough away from Karakura."

Orihime's pout turned to concern as she placed a hand on the other girl's shoulder, "Why are you so desperate to get away from Karakura? It's like you're avoiding someone that's there not Soul Society."

"It's just people in general, Orihime." Rukia assured. "I don't want to be around many happy people especially happy couples and for the record, he knows that I'm assigned there."

"I suppose that makes sense." Orihime agreed. "But I'm considered a very happy person too, you know."

"I'm well aware of that, Orihime." Rukia chuckled. "But your cheerful attitude never fails to cheer me up so out of everyone I know you're the person that I would want to be around at a time like this."

Orihime smiled brightly at this compliment and pulled Rukia into a hug. Rukia was completely taken aback by this action then even more so as nothing happened. There was no thought of confusion and no twinge of pain telling her that something was wrong. The embrace didn't last long and soon they were separated from one another. Orihime pulled a small blanket out from her bag and spread it out for them to sit on while Rukia stood stunned at the difference in the embrace. The feel of that was completely different from any embrace she had felt from Ichigo. There was no pain when Orihime had held her.

After the blanket was laid out Orihime went through her bag once more and pulled out some snacks for them since she wanted Rukia to eat something but when she finished she found that the other girl hadn't even moved an inch and her face held an almost grave expression. She immediately rose to her feet to tend to her friend but as she did so Rukia glanced over at her and took a step back as if frightened by the action. Orihime gave her a look of pure concern as Rukia seemed to snap out of it a bit. She smiled faintly, "Everything's fine, don't worry. I was just little startled that's all."

"Did I do something wrong?" Orihime asked nervously.

"Not at all, Orihime." Rukia said quickly. "I just wasn't expecting the hug, that's all. It was nothing more then that."

Orihime continued to give her a nervous look until she looked away completely ashamed of herself. Rukia quickly got into reaching distance and placed her hands on the girls shoulders with a comforting look as she said, "I was just a bit startled and nothing more then that. I just wasn't expecting it that's all."

"Are you sure that's all it was?" Orihime asked clearly still upset at Rukia's reaction.

"I'm positive." Rukia said as she pulled Orihime into an embrace. "I'm not freaked out by these interactions it was just a bit sudden so I wasn't expecting it."

Orihime smiled as she wrapped her hands around Rukia's back. Once more there was nothing wrong with this embrace and it terrified Rukia as she felt that this embrace should feel wrong not Ichigo's. But maybe the only reason this didn't feel wrong was because they were both girl's and there could never be anything between them other then a friendship that shouldn't even exist between a human and a soul reaper. Rukia let out a sigh as tears formed in her eyes while her thoughts were clouded on the pain she felt in Ichigo's embrace that was absent in Orihime's.

Not long after her tears started Orihime's embrace became tighter as if she had realized their decent. It seemed to be the case as Orihime rubbed her back soothingly with one hand while the other refused to let her go. Rukia's tears intensified at all the attention yet there was still no pain in her chest to tell her something was wrong with this. Questions circled her mind frantically along the lines of; is this only happening because I never held any form of love towards her, and why is her embrace so warm and Ichigo's so cold, and her least favorite, does this mean I don't love Ichigo as I did when we first became lovers?

The more persistent these questions became the more intense her tears were and there was likely already a large wet mark on Orihime's shirt from all the tears alone. As the minutes went by Orihime's grip tightened and she began to voice her deep concern by making a small shushing sound and repeating the phrase 'everything will be alright'. When that proved useless she switched tactics and began shifting her weight from one foot to the other to create a rocking affect to try and calm Rukia's tears as much as possible but even that seemed useless as the tears continued.

At a last attempt at quieting the tears Orihime placed a kiss on Rukia's head and delicately said, "I'm here for you so you don't have to worry so much."

To her surprise Rukia's sob stopped but then she tried to back away only to be denied by Orihime's strong embrace. Even more surprising Rukia gave up her struggle quickly without anything being said at all. The two remained still for a moment before Rukia said, "Why is it that when you hold me I don't feel any pain in my chest but when he holds me that's all I feel?"

Orihime's embrace tightened for a moment as she thought the pain Rukia felt called for this but then she released her realizing that with the questions she had asked meant that there should be no interactions like that between them until that part gets figured out at least. She took Rukia's hands as they fell away from her and led her over to the blanket before sitting her down. Her cheeks were covered in tears so Orihime reaching into her bag once more and pulled out a handkerchief for her. It was accepted gratefully as Rukia wiped away her tears.

When they were gone Orihime decided it was safe to respond to Rukia's question even though she didn't have a definite answer, "Maybe it's because we're only friends and you know that I'm here to support you and since you know that this doesn't hurt you."

Rukia just shook her head, "That doesn't explain why it hurts when he holds me."

"Well, maybe Chizuru was right and you don't really love him." Orihime said. "But it could also be all the secrets surrounding your relationship and a part of you doesn't like that so it hurts to only do those things in secret."

Rukia looked at her as that last thought had never even occurred to her before. Their eyes were on each to her for only a moment before Rukia looked out over the fields once more but now deep in thought as she tried to trace the feeling to try and link it to what Orihime had suggested. They were silent for awhile as Rukia thought but as she let out a long sigh Orihime knew that her suggestion wasn't right in the end so she too let out a small sigh but it wasn't loud enough for it to be heard.

Once more she thought up other possibilities for their problems as Rukia sat quietly doing the same thing. Eventually she looked over at Rukia and asked, "Why not just ask him why he's being so distant?"

"I'd like to have a bit of an idea before hand so I can plan how to go about it instead of sitting their awkwardly while trying to come up with solutions." Rukia said. "With the way things are with us right now having a plan would show how much I want things to work out so going in empty handed doesn't look to good and might be the last thing he needs to end it."

"Do you really think he'll end it with you?" Orihime asked with clear worry.

"The way things are going and with what Chizuru said it's better to start preparing for it." Rukia said sadly. "I don't want to be crushed by him if it does come to that."

"Well, if it does then he clearly doesn't know how much of a mistake he's making." Orihime said confidently. "I'll be the first to give him a piece of my mind for making you cry like this."

"That might be a bit much, Orihime." Rukia said.

"If he hurts you he deserves to get an earful." Orihime confirmed.

Rukia smiled awkwardly before letting it fade away as she looked over the fields once more. The sun was still high in the sky and they still had a long time before she would have to return to her duty. Even at this time of day she could tell that where they sat would have the perfect view of the sunset and for the sunrise all they would have to do was sit on the other side of the hill. If she had a chance she would like to come here again but with her lover and with better circumstances and higher moods. Out of the two girls sitting there Orihime was the only one able to smile happily.

They sat quietly as Rukia tried to clear her mind of all her uncertainties to just enjoy the moment of peace and quiet. As she sat there a smile slowly began to form on her face. Its presence wasn't noticed right away but after a few minutes Orihime did notice it was there and she too began to smile even though she was clueless to what Rukia was smiling about. She was just glad that Rukia had found a smile here that didn't need to be brought out by words or interactions. This was a natural and warm smile that Orihime liked to see. If possible she would like to see it more often.

After awhile Rukia commented on the scenery, "If the sun were setting right now this would be the perfect spot for a date. Maybe I could come here with him sometime and enjoy the scenery. After the sunset though…"

She trailed off not wanting to put Orihime in an awkward spot by talking about her intimacy with Ichigo but she didn't even seem to be overly concerned with the way she had stopped talking. Instead Orihime was giving her a saddened look as she asked, "He really means a lot to you doesn't he?"

"He does but lately I'm not sure how much I mean to him." Rukia replied sadly. "Every time he looks at me there's just distance and sadness in his eyes. That might be why intimacy hurts so much with him like a part of me knows it's not what he wants anymore."

"It sounds like he doesn't know how great you really are." Orihime said as she placed a hand on Rukia's shoulder.

The two shared a smile at the comfort before Rukia said, "I'm sure he knows. It's just something else that's bothering him."

"Then what else could it be?" Orihime asked as she went back into thought in hopes of coming up with a probable suggestion. After awhile she found another suggestion, "What if he's not actually interested in girls?"

Rukia snapped her attention to Orihime as her face paled a little, "There's no way that is even close to it. He likes the intimacy between us a bit too much to not be interested in women."

"Then what if he was only interested in older women?" Orihime asked getting even further then any possible reason for him to have."

"I think I would fit into the category of 'older women'." Rukia said a little bitterly. "I'm not exactly young."

"Maybe he likes younger women then." Orihime concluded.

"That's unlikely." Rukia denied coolly despite how likely it actually was. Ichigo was a human of 15 years while Rukia was dead and had been for much longer then that. If age was a factor then there was nothing she could really do about it but it had never bothered him before and he was the one to ask her out as well and that knowledge was already known to him so if it really did bother him he never would have asked her out at all. It was definitely something else that she couldn't think of.

"Well if age has nothing to do with it what else stands between you?" Orihime asked. "That's most likely going to be it."

Rukia fell silent to think about it properly. She went over all the differences between them, age, life and death, worlds, strength, duties. There were so many things that made them different from the other that it could be any one of them and even when it was narrowed down she could still be wrong about it as she may have overlooked the smallest of factors that ruled out what it might actually be. A sigh escaped her as she said, "There's too many to accurately list."

"Maybe writing it all down might help." Orihime suggested.

"That's possible but if he were to come across it…" Rukia trailed off. "I don't even want to think of that possibility."

Orihime watched her sadly before placing her hand on the other girl's shoulder once more in comfort. Her actions got her a grateful smile but no more then that was given as Rukia once more looked away. Orihime eventually let her hand fall away and she brought her attention to some of the food she had brought. Since it was a last minute decision to leave she hadn't had any time to make anything so she only brought small packaged snacks. She picked up a sweet bun and opened the package with a slight sigh, "I didn't have time to make anything for this so there's nothing here homemade. Help yourself to anything I brought though."

Rukia glanced over at her once more and said, "This is fine, I'm not really hungry anyways."

"When was the last time you ate?" Orihime asked recalling that she hadn't even had a lunch that day.

"I think it was last night." Rukia said with a slight shrug. "I'm not exactly able to just go get food whenever I want to."

"You should eat something then." Orihime said with an almost stern look.

Rukia looked at the food that was already out with a bit of a distant look before she took a bun but was hesitant in opening the package and eating. She really wasn't hungry but she didn't feel the urge to upset Orihime any further then she already was with everything. Orihime was the type of person that would gladly help out a friend in need and she knew that asking her to stay in Karakura would have been a waste of time since she would have persisted in following anyways. However, Rukia's earlier compliment was true and she had wanted the girl to accompany her on this small trip.

She hesitantly ate the food while hoping that this one bun would be enough for Orihime and she wouldn't be forced to eat anything more then this. When she finished the bun she put the garbage aside while Orihime continued to eat some more of the snacks. They sat in silence for awhile longer as they just enjoyed the view. As time went by however Rukia began to wonder what it would be like to sit here with Ichigo instead of Orihime. It was unlikely that they would have just sat around watching the scenery for very long before bringing their attention to the other.

"You don't want to eat anything else, Rukia?" Orihime asked bringing the other girls attention away from Ichigo.

"No I'm alright." Rukia said. "My mind's still a bit clouded at the moment so I'm not in the mood to eat."

"You should still try to eat." Orihime said.

"I'm content with just the bun." Rukia assured.

She was given another concerned look but no more then that as Orihime packed up the rest of the untouched food so they could have it for later. Rukia watched her with a bit of a smile as she found how dedicated the girl was to other's needs and problems. Orihime was very attentive to those she cared for and it was unlikely that she would ever ignore another's problems if they were concerning. Even when Rukia had first entered a gigai and the two first exchanged words Orihime was well attentive towards her though she wasn't as open about it as she was now but now the two were close friends and it was very easy for her to notice.

Rukia smiled warmly at the girl as their eyes met. The smile was returned without hesitation and Rukia felt happy about the lack of hesitation in the girl. Spending time with her was different then spending time with Ichigo as there was less attention with him. Lately when she spent time with Ichigo there wasn't really much interactions between them other then necessary conversations and intimacy but with Orihime they were just spending time with one another and there was no need to be intimate and there were no necessary conversations as they spoke what was on their mind, though it did have a main focus, there was more comfort in this situation then any other with Ichigo.

"I think I need to spend more time with friends." Rukia said. "I can't have this sort of thing with him anymore."

"Why can't you?" Orihime asked.

"Because all we have now that isn't awkward is intimacy but even that doesn't feel right for me anymore." Rukia said sadly. "Maybe we really should just end things."

"But I thought you really loved this guy." Orihime said confused.

"I do but it's just not working out between us anymore." Rukia said.

Orihime watched her sadly before standing up and walking over to her and sat behind her to hold her comfortably. Rukia held Orihime's arms once more feeling the absence of a sharp twinge to tell her that this was wrong. This felt nice for her as she sank into the embrace a little. She let out a nice sigh as she said, "This really would be the perfect spot for a date. It's a shame I'll never be able to come back here for a date."

"I'm sure you'll get that chance." Orihime said kindly as her grip tightened a little around her. "This guy would be a fool if he were to leave you."

Rukia's grip tightened on Orihime's arms a little in response but said nothing at all. A small sob formed in her throat but the embrace denied it to come out as it comforted her. This embrace was a little different then the ones preceding it as it felt warmer. It even felt warmer then any embrace she had ever had before even with Ichigo and this was concerning for her. Rukia felt welcome in this embrace and that was something she had never known before. She felt like she could stay in this embrace for a long time and not have a care about anything in the world. If she could feel this in an embrace with her lover then she wouldn't need anything more then that.

She let out a warm sigh but failed to do anything to hide it from Orihime prompting her to question, "Is everything alright, Rukia?"

"Yes, I was just thinking that's all." Rukia said.

"It sounded pleasant." Orihime said with a smile.

Rukia thought about it for a moment before a warm smile formed on her face, "I suppose it was rather pleasant."

"That's a relief." Orihime said happily. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

"It's only because I'm not thinking about the things that are concerning right now." Rukia said. "I just want to take a break from it all."

There was a bit of a silence before Orihime hesitantly asked, "And not go back?"

Rukia let out a sad sigh and said, "Possibly, I feel better with this situation then any I have with him."

"It sounds like you're starting to move on without even trying to work things out." Orihime said sadly.

Rukia lowered her head a little, "I suppose I am."

Orihime released her and said, "I think you should have a talk with him about what's happening in your relationship before you move on. It's pretty obvious that you really love him even now."

"That would be for the best but what could I even say to him?" Rukia asked sadly.

"Tell him how much he means to you and that you don't want to lose him." Orihime replied. "Then try to work things out for the best. Don't just give up and try to run away. You'll live with that regret for the rest of your life."

"I know I will but it doesn't exactly look good between us so I don't want to get my hopes up." Rukia said.

"But what if things do work out for you and things get better between you two but you've already moved on." Orihime said sadly. "It would really hurt him if he puts a lot of effort into your relationship just to find out that you don't love him anymore."

"I know it would." Rukia said sadly. "That's the last thing that I want but at the same time I want the pain to go away and I only have that with him."

Orihime let out a small sigh as she got up and went back to where she sat before to think about the situation once more. Rukia was saddened that she had moved away but at the same time was grateful since she found it almost impossible to think about anything properly when she was held by Orihime. It was as if nothing else mattered anymore. The feeling was completely unknown to her almost to the point where it surpassed alien. She tried to place it or even compare it to something she did know but to no avail as it remained unknown to her in almost every way. All she knew was that it wasn't painful.

"Then maybe you should think about what matters more." Orihime said. "Could you continue to endure everything for the sake of not hurting him or is it too much for your love for him to take? This is something you should really think about."

They fell into a very long silence as Rukia did just as Orihime had said and contemplated how strong her love was and how much pain she could endure for Ichigo's sake. Orihime's attention was on and off her friend as to give her the privacy of making this decision but to make sure she was alright on her own. There was no conversation on any topic even after half an hour had passed and Orihime tried to make Rukia eat once more. Her silent offer had been waved off without much acknowledgement so further attempts were halted in the knowledge that it wasn't even registering to Rukia completely.