4 A bad conversation

A majority of Rukia's leave was spent in silence as she had been deep in thought most of the time and when she wasn't Orihime offered minor small talk or suggestions as to what might help her with her relationship problem. The only thing she had succeeded in however was getting Rukia to eat more which helped put her mind at ease at least a little bit. On the train ride back they had conversed in much conversation on a variety of topics, each far from what was going on around them.

The two girls had gone their separate ways after Rukia had retrieved her uniform for the next day and she now traveled back to Ichigo's house for a long and painful conversation. It was still unknown to her how she would go about things but had concluded that both she and Ichigo should come up with solutions together. It wasn't a concrete plan but it would be fine if she showed how much effort she was really willing to put in for the sake of their relationship.

As she got to the street Ichigo lived on her soul pager once more rang. She was a little aggravated by it as she just wanted to sort everything out sooner then later so they could begin working things out quicker. Now it had to be delayed for a little bit unless she met up with him at the location of the hollow. With that small hope she swallowed her soul candy and took off for the hollow while her gigai followed lazily behind her at a much slower pace.

She scanned the town for any familiar reiatsu and found that Ichigo was also out and after it as well. That would make things easier as they would have more privacy outdoors then in his room. Her pace was quick even though she wanted to take her time with this and put off their conversation as much as she could. Even now she was still trying to run away from him but she knew she couldn't do that forever and would have to face him eventually and Orihime had been right about how she should have this talk with him and it was better done as soon as possible.

When she got to the hollow she found Ichigo was already slaying it with ease. Her pace slowed with less urgency but she continued over to him as he glanced over at her. When she got closer she called out to him, "Ichigo, how are you feeling now?"

"I'm feeling a lot better now." He replied.

"That's good to hear." Rukia said with a warm smile. "Now I don't have to worry as much."

He let out a sigh as he looked at her with pained eyes once more, "Where did you disappear to earlier?"

"I just had a few things to take care of, don't worry about it." Rukia said reassuringly. "We do need to talk about a few things though."

"Alright," He said and motioned to a nearby building. "Let's go over there then."

He didn't wait for a response before heading over but Rukia was right behind him regardless. They landed on it and went to the center by the radio antenna in a small silence to lean on it for a bit of comfort. It was a moment before Rukia began, "Has anything been bothering you lately?"

"Not really why?" Ichigo responded.

"You've been really distant towards me lately." Rukia stated. "I'm really getting concerned about it."

"It's not necessary." Ichigo said. "It's not like it's your fault."

"That doesn't matter." Rukia said. "The way things are between us makes this my business also so don't keep things like this from me."

Ichigo looked over at her and asked, "Why does it matter anyways?"

"Are you serious?" Rukia asked astounded by his arrogance. "Ichigo, being in a relationship means that your problems are also mine and the same the other way around. If there's something going on let me know so I can do what I can try and help you sort things out."

"Yeah, I know." Ichigo sighed. "It's just not something I think we should really talk about that's all."

"What makes you say that?" Rukia asked a little angrily.

"Because you're happy," Ichigo replied. "And I don't want to take that away from you."

Rukia looked at him astounded, "What do you mean, Ichigo? Tell me what's going on."

He let out another, but longer, sigh as he looked her in the eye, "I'm not happy, Rukia."

Her chest tightened a little as she began to fear the worst, "Ichigo, if there's anything I can do for you just let me know and I'll do it. If it will make you happy then just tell me. I want you to be happy more then anything else."

"You shouldn't have to do that." He said. "That isn't your responsibility."

"Ichigo, if we're in a relationship then it is my responsibility to make sure you're happy." Rukia stressed. "If I can't make you happy then what can?"

He let out another sigh and avoided her eyes making Rukia's heart sink as she too looked away, "Nothing?"

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Rukia." Ichigo said. "I've tried to be happy with you but I just can't. In the end I just don't think I'm ready for this sort of stuff yet."

"I see." Rukia said sadly. "Is that really what you want?"

"I just want you to be happy." Ichigo said.

"If you're happy then I'm happy even if we aren't together anymore." Rukia said sadly as she looked over at him once more.

He met her eyes with a bit of pain and asked, "So what happens now?"

"That's up to you." Rukia said sadly. "If being with me doesn't make you happy then we should go our separate ways but if you want to keep trying then we can do that."

"I wouldn't want to go separate ways." Ichigo said.

"Then we can try going back to being just friends." Rukia said. "It would just take awhile before there's no more awkwardness and I wouldn't be staying in your closet for awhile either. Once everything's back to normal between us then things will be alright."

"Then I guess we do that." Ichigo said as he walked away from the radio antenna a bit before looking back. "So where are you going to go then?"

"I'll figure something out." Rukia said. "I'll get my stuff tomorrow morning after you leave to avoid any awkwardness."

The two were silent but kept eye contact with the other despite how painful it was for them. After awhile though it became too much and Ichigo looked off in the direction of his house and said, "I should get going. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Yeah," Rukia said distantly as he took off. She slid down to the ground as tears rolled down her cheeks freely. Even if she had prepared for it the action still hurt her and left her heartbroken. She wasn't hesitant in letting all her tears out on that roof. It took her a long time to collect herself enough to leave and try to find another place to stay.

Of all the places she could have considered there was one place that came to mind almost immediately. This thought startled her as it was so sudden and how her feet automatically began to bring her in the appropriate direction even before the decision came to mind as soon as she reentered her gigai. As strange as it was however she continued on almost curious as to why her feet were leading her to that very place. She would only find out when she got there and not a moment sooner but she needed to know why.

When she reached her destination she hesitantly knocked on the door. There was a moment of silence before it was opened and she was given an automatic concerned look from Tatsuki, who immediately moved aside to let her in, "Is everything alright, Rukia?"

"It could be better." Rukia admitted with a hint of sorrow.

Nothing else was said as she was led into the living room while Orihime came in from another room. As soon as she saw Rukia there her concern came back in full, "What happened? I thought you were going to go talk to him."

"We did talk." Rukia said with a bit of a forced smile. "Then we broke up."

She got the immediate attention of the other girls as Orihime hurried over while Tatsuki placed a hand on her shoulder in an attempt in comfort. When it didn't work she was brought to the couch and sat down as the other two sat by her side, each with a hand on her shoulder. "I'm alright, it was mutual between us. It wasn't as bad as it could have been."

"Do you need anything?" Orihime asked delicately.

Rukia was very hesitant in her answer, "I might need a place to stay for awhile but I won't trouble you with that."

"Why would you need a place to stay?" Tatsuki asked. "It's not like you were living with him."

"I may have lied when I said I was in a long distance relationship." Rukia said nervously. "And also when I said you guys don't know him."

"So that's why you kept it a secret." Orihime said slowly as her hand fell away from Rukia's shoulder. "You could have at least told me I knew him."

"I don't get it, who were you dating?" Tatsuki asked in complete confusion.

"I'm not sure I should really say." Rukia said. "Even if we aren't together anymore it has to stay a complete secret just as it had before today."

"That's perfectly fine." Orihime said and Tatsuki nodded in agreement. "You can also stay here as long as you need to."

"I couldn't impose on you like that, Orihime." Rukia said immediately. "I can have other arrangements made by the end of the night."

"But we're the only ones that know about what happened so we can help you through it." Orihime said.

"You won't win with her on this one." Tatsuki said with a slight laugh. "If Orihime can help you then she will."

Rukia let out a sigh as she leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. She knew as soon as it was offered that she wouldn't be able to get out of it but even still she didn't really want to stay here no matter the reason she came here before anywhere else was. Perhaps it was simply because Orihime knew what was going on in her life that she wanted to be here and no other reason then that. If that were the only reason then it certainly explained a lot. One thing she still couldn't quite put her finger on was why she felt good around Orihime. Unless that was simply her happy and good nature that warmed her spirits when she felt down about things.

When she opened her eyes she glanced at Orihime and found her determination on the matter but still couldn't give in just yet, "It's still a no, I'll work something else out."

"Give in before it drags on." Tatsuki said with a smirk. "You can't win on this one so just give up."

"I can't impose like that." Rukia said.

"You did with him." Orihime said.

"That was different." Rukia said. "Even before we were in a relationship I had good reason to be there."

"Which was?" Tatsuki asked in mild amusement.

"That doesn't concern you." Rukia said sternly. "Just drop it, I don't want to talk about him right now."

The other two girls fell silent and exchanged a worried glance before bringing their attention right back to Rukia as she hunched over a little with a worsened mood. Orihime began to rub her back to try and calm her down but to no avail as tears began to roll down her cheeks. They were left unattended as they continued to fall in silence. No one made a sound at all and even Rukia seemed pretty calm. If no one saw the tears it would seem as though they weren't even there at all and she wasn't even upset.

Orihime continued to rub her back even if it did nothing it at least showed that she cared but Tatsuki continued to sit there at a complete loss of what she should even do right now. It was a long time before the tears had stopped completely. When they had Rukia tried to smile warmly for them but any smile she had was frail and lifeless. It wasn't long before she abandoned the futile notion of a smile as it would never form properly on her face. She doubted it ever would again, Ichigo meant too much to her.

"Do you need anything right now?" Tatsuki asked delicately.

Rukia shook her head faintly in response but did no more then that as her mind began to wonder on what would even happen now. She still wanted to be around Ichigo but right now it would just be painful for her so she would have to continue avoiding him a little longer but then what would she do about her orders? Rukia couldn't leave him alone for too long without raising suspicion about the two of them. That was something she couldn't afford right now or ever. Once suspicion arises it never truly goes away as a piece of trust is gone.

She wiped away any tears that were still on her face and found just how wet her face was and how sensitive her eyes were from crying so much that day. A sigh escaped her as she glanced at the humans that carried so much concern for her during her hurt mood. She was grateful for their attention even though she only wanted to be alone it was nice to know that someone cared for her but once more these were friends that she should not have. It was only because of her own weakness that she was sitting there in a gigai and so torn up about a relationship that never should have even been possible yet it had happened.

"I should get going." Rukia said and rose to her feet only to be pulled back down by the other two.

"You can stay here as long as you need to." Orihime said once more.

"You can't win with this." Tatsuki said with a slight smirk. "Just give up before it goes on for hours."

"You two can't force me to stay here." Rukia said with a small amount of determination.

She got a testing look from Tatsuki as if trying to provoke her. Before she could do anything she was pulled into Orihime's tight embrace. Rukia was denied the room to try and free herself from the hold as Tatsuki's expression became even more amused, "You're now stuck here."

Rukia continued to struggle against the embrace despite how much she wanted to just relax in its painless warmth and allow all her sorrow to be washed away by Orihime's kindness. After awhile she did give in and try to relax without it being to obvious so she wouldn't get any odd looks when she tried to leave later on in the night. To keep her struggle known to them she asked, "Why are you going so much out of your way to keep me here?"

Orihime's embrace tightened a little as she gently said, "Because you're my friend and I want to do what I can for you when your upset and even when your not."

"I don't like seeing anyone upset." Tatsuki said. "You shouldn't have to go through so much on your own if there are people here willing to help you. Why can't you see that we're just trying to help?"

"I'm not blind, Tatsuki." Rukia said. "I just prefer to work things out for myself."

"Then why did you come here?" Tatsuki asked with a sly smile. "You knew you would be cared for here and you just can't admit that you want that."

Rukia looked away while trying to hold an angered look to fool her though she had wanted to be comforted by Orihime a little before she asked Urahara for a place to stay for a few days. She didn't want anyone else seeing her in tears but Orihime made her feel safe so she found it was okay to cry around her so her tears came out without a fight but she couldn't be anymore vulnerable then that as Tatsuki didn't carry that safe feeling.

The feeling she felt from Orihime may have just been from her spiritual powers since they were meant for healing injuries and she had felt her powers many times before making her feel a little at home near her now. That was the only reasoning she had for the feeling and she didn't want to put anymore thought into it then she already had. If she thought anymore on it then it would just further the complication of her situation with Ichigo and she wouldn't be putting as much concentration into it as she should be doing.

As Rukia began to relax in Orihime's embrace even more she began to feel how tired she was becoming and how much she wanted to just close her eyes and go to sleep. It wasn't even dark outside and she was ready to fall asleep. She once more tried to get out of Orihime's embrace and succeeded at first since the sudden action caught her by surprise but it wasn't long before Rukia was being held tightly once more. Rukia let out a slight sigh and said, "I need to sit up."

Orihime was hesitant in releasing her as Rukia continued to try and pull away from her. When she was up properly she rubbed her hands on her face to try and chase away her tire. The other two were clearly still worried about her as their hands were on her shoulders once more. She just shook her head and said, "I'm just tired, there's no need for your concern."

Tatsuki glanced over at Orihime before they helped Rukia to her feet and brought her out of the room and into Orihime's bedroom where they sat her down. Orihime left the room as Tatsuki sat beside her and rubbed her back. There was no form of warmth in her actions for Rukia but it was helpful all the same but not as much as anything Orihime did to help her. After a short moment she spoke, "Do you want to talk about anything?"

"No thanks." Rukia replied. "It's a bit soon for that."

"Whenever you need to talk about anything just let me know." Tatsuki said. "But I'm not the only one here for you when you're upset."

"I know." Rukia said with a bit of a smile. "Thank you for this."

Tatsuki smiled warmly as Orihime returned with a futon and a blanket. She laid it out on the floor for Rukia to sleep on. A sigh escaped her at all the attention she was getting. It was abnormal for her to be so tended to even with her upset mood. Tatsuki stood with a bit of a stretch and said, "I'll be in the living room."

"Alright," Orihime said with a warm smile. When the two were alone in the room Orihime sat next to Rukia and placed her hand on her shoulder with a warm smile, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright." Rukia said with a weak smile. "I just need to rest for a bit."

"If you need anything just let me know and I'll do what I can for you." Orihime said with a smile.

"You don't have to keep telling me that." Rukia said. "I already know you will, you're very kind."

Orihime smiled warmly, "Try to get some rest. When you wake up I'll make you something to eat and if you're ready to talk about it then I'll listen."

"You're doing too much, Orihime." Rukia said. "You shouldn't have to go out of your way so much for me."

"But I want to." She said happily. "You mean a lot to me and I don't want to see you upset about anything."

Rukia gave her a bit of weary look and said, "You're too kind."

Orihime smiled brightly, "Get some rest. I'll be in the living room if you need anything."

"Alright," Rukia said.

They shared a smile before Orihime rose and left the bedroom. Rukia let out another sigh and looked at the futon on the floor for her. She was no longer tired as it had faded shortly after she left Orihime's embrace. Now her mind was going over what had happened between her and Ichigo once more and all the pain she was in as it almost intensified. A part of her wanted to go back into the living room since she found it to be easier to forget the intensity of the pain of her breakup with Ichigo.

Regardless of how unlikely it would be for her to find sleep she went to the futon and laid down on it. She stared up at the ceiling as she tried to distract herself from Ichigo to no avail. As much as she wanted to just forget about it the scene was still playing repetitively in her head and kept her awake and constantly thinking about it. What had happened was exactly what she feared would if she ever brought up the distance between them which was why she hadn't spoken of it even long after she first noticed it.

After lying there for half an hour with her eyes closed she managed to find some sleep but her dreams were relieving for her as Ichigo was absent in them and she instead was going about her duties as she had before she had met him. Every human she encountered on her duty wasn't recognizable even in the slightest and that saddened her as she had grown fond having human friends. As it became too much for her to handle she recognized one and it brought a warm smile to her face as she went to greet the human girl only to be ignored. She persisted in trying to get the girl's attention only to realize that without Ichigo's interference with her duties none of the humans that she knew could see her with the exception of two.

Her eyes opened and she sat up slowly as she felt the pain of her dream. Even now she was grateful for Ichigo's interference as it allowed her to meet some extraordinary humans and even become their friend. It didn't matter what she went through because of Ichigo's interference she was grateful to have those human friends. Without them she would still be living for her duty as a soul reaper and no more then that and she never would have had those few months to live a human life. It was a life of lies but she enjoyed it all the same.

She rose from the futon no longer wanting to sleep as even that seemed to bring her pain. As she walked for the bedroom door she tried to wipe the sleep out of her eyes only to find tears. The dream had bothered her so much she had cried in her sleep. She stood by the door not wanting to leave and risk having the two humans jump to the conclusion that she was crying over Ichigo and bring that up once more. To have the pain of that along with the pain of thinking about losing all her human friends was too much for her to bear so she removed any evidence of her tears on her face before leaving the room.

When Rukia entered the living room she was surprised to find only Orihime sitting there and Tatsuki was nowhere to be seen. She glanced around expecting to see her elsewhere in the apartment but found it empty so she continued to the couch where Orihime sat watching tv. "Tatsuki left?"

Orihime jumped as the sudden voice startled her. She looked over at Rukia and found how defeated she looked now. It was even worse then when she had arrived with the news of the breakup. Orihime immediately wanted to ask her if everything was alright but decided to remain silent on her concern for the time being to let Rukia think about other things so instead she only said, "Yeah, she had to go help her mom with something so she went home."

"I see." Rukia said as she went to join the girl on the couch. "How long was I asleep for?"

"It was just a couple of hours." Orihime said with a smile. "Are you hungry?"

"I'm fine right now." Rukia said. "I just need to find something to occupy myself."

"What do you want to do then?" Orihime asked happily. "We can do whatever you want to."

"I don't care what we do as long as it takes my mind off of things for awhile." Rukia said sadly. "Anything you want to do is fine with me."

"Even if I make you eat?" Orihime asked.

Rukia chuckled a little and replied, "I suppose."

Orihime didn't waste any time in going to the kitchen to make something for her. Rukia got up and followed her in the kitchen so she wouldn't be sitting there alone with her sad thoughts. She got to the kitchen and found Orihime already going through her cupboards to find something to make. Once more a smile formed on her face at Orihime's attentiveness towards her. Rukia went to the table and sat down on a chair so she was facing Orihime. As she watched the girl she couldn't help but think how much she enjoyed the life she lived now even with all the troubles it held for her.

As Orihime went about making food Rukia carefully eyed the ingredients she planned on using with vast skepticism on how it would turn out. Eventually she recalled her strange taste in foods and found she had to stop her from cooking something too outrageous, "Orihime, what exactly do you plan on making?"

She looked over with a smile and said, "I'm making rice."

"With all that?" Rukia asked shocked at the amount of food that was on the counter. With everything there she never would have guessed that Orihime was making rice.

"That's to add some taste." Orihime said brightly as if all that were actually necessary to add 'some' taste.

"I think that would add just a bit more then 'some' taste, Orihime." Rukia said with a look of disbelief. "I think all that would be too much for my taste buds to handle."

Orihime frowned as she looked over at all the things she had taken out, "Then what should I add to it?"

"I'm fine with just plain rice." Rukia said in hopes of having a normal meal.

"But that's so boring." Orihime complained looking back at her.

Rukia smiled and went over to her and said, "Aright then, let's experiment a little and add another ingredient."

Orihime beamed at Rukia while she examined the food that had been brought out. After a minute they met eyes once more as Orihime awaited a new idea for a recipe only to be quickly disappointed as Rukia said, "I don't think any of this would really compliment a rice dish."

"Then I'll make something else that we could use this for." Orihime said.

"That could work if you didn't already start the rice." Rukia said with a slight smile. "How about we just widen the selection a little? What else could we use?"

Orihime thought about it for a moment before going through one of the cupboards in silence. As she did Rukia glanced back at the other ingredients that Orihime wanted to use with a mixed look of disbelief and horror. She tried to imagine what the meals Orihime usually ate were like and came to a horrible thought that made her shudder. She forced her mind onto other things as Orihime looked over at her with a few other things in her hands.

Rukia was mildly amazed that one of the things would actually go good with rice and decided to try and persuade Orihime into using that and little to nothing else then that or there would be no telling what it would taste like. There was no way Rukia was willing to find out either though she couldn't deny that she'd prefer an awful taste in her mouth then talking about what had happened between her and Ichigo. She was nowhere near ready to discus it and thankfully Orihime had noticed that.

It was surprising for Rukia as she began her argument only to be agreed with almost immediately as Orihime added the normal ingredient to the ones she was already going to use. By the time all the proper ingredients were assembled and the rest were put away the rice had finished cooking and all that was left were the other ingredients. They scrambled to get it all ready before the rice overcooked and somehow managed to make a decent dish which they ate in a bit of silence at the kitchen table.