The most he could do was lay there for a while. Eventually he got up. Slowly, at first, resting on the palms of his hands, then up onto his knees, and finally he grabbed one of the scuffed plastic seats and pulled himself onto it and flopped there, letting his head smack the window. The dull thud reminded him it was all real, such as it was. He watched the dull, everywhere and nowhere cityscape flitting by, lit by an unmoving red sun.

"I hate this place," Shinji muttered.

At least there were no chibi Shinjis explaining that they're the image of Shinji Ikari in the mind of Shinji Ikari. Or something.

He pitched forward and rested his face in his hands, then scrubbed his fingers in his hair and got up.

"I have a feeling the train isn't actually going to stop."

He walked to the far end of the car, grasping the overhead handles to keep from losing his balance as the floor rolled and jounced under his feet. With every step he tensed, expecting something to leap out at him from the shadows or appear behind him. He stopped at the door.

"So where the hell am I, exactly?"

The door opened. There was a yellow alien on the other side.

"Not in the spaces you know, but between them. This place is a nexus, another physical manifestation of the in-between of reality. These doors lead to many places."

The door snapped shut.

"Great," Shinji muttered, "Very helpful."

He held up the Metaflux Capacitor, and turned it in his hands. It made his head hurt to look at it, like there was no way the three pointed ovals should be joined, yet they were. He didn't have any pockets. He was going to have to find some pockets.

He happened to glance to his left, and there he saw a faded old bag. He crouched and tugged it out from under the seat. He turned it in his hands, feeling oddly familiar with it. His name was stenciled on the top flap. Of course.

He opened the bag, tucked the Capacitor inside, and shouldered it.

He looked at the door. "Open Sesame."

Nothing.

"Open up."

Nothing.

"I command you to open."

Nothing.

"Shazam."

Nothing.

He sighed, closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd give anything to just get this over with. He wanted to go home, but even thinking about that made it worse. There was no home left to go to.

When he opened his eyes, the door was open. There was a sticky note stuck to the frame.

"Find the door."

He took the note and stepped through.


His foot landed on white sand, and crunched into it. A chill wind whipped over him, tugging at his sweat-slick hair and tearing a shiver out of him as he folded his arms and grasped the straps of the bag. But for the wind, there was no sound. He turned around. There was no door, no train. Water lapped on the beach off to his left, dark blue in the night. The moon overhead was too big and a pale color, not white bone. Spread across her surface was a rust-red streak, an old bloodstain.

He had to find the door.

He started walking.

Off to his right, there was nothing, just sand dunes. Beyond that he saw rising mountains. He didn't recognize any of them. As he turned he stumbled. There was another moon in the sky, a black moon, solid and spherical and smooth, not pockmarked like the white moon. He adjusted the straps on his bag and kept walking, the sand crunching under his feet and the gentle lapping of the waves the only sound.

Far ahead of him was some kind of a structure. He saw an old, discolored shape sticking up from it, and when he tilted his head and followed the lines with his eye, he realized what he saw- the hand of an Eva. It stuck out at an odd angle, the palm open. There were faint remnants of a light pinkish color clinging to it, but the weathered, corroded surface looked like it had been sandblasted of the reflective enamel outer layers. He broke into a run, jogging up the beach towards the hand. As he rounded the dunes, he saw the rest of it.

The Eva could have been Unit One but he wasn't sure. Half of it was underwater- he could see the rusted tips of the foot armor sticking out from the breakers like the broken pilings of a collapsed pier, and make out the underline of the legs under the water. The rest of it lay propped up against the sand, the head turned to the side and crashed against a rock, the armor broken. Shinji stared at it for a while, and then started to climb.

Finding footholds on the machine's flanks was surprisingly easy. He wedged the ends of his feet into the joints of the armor until he managed to roll onto a flatter part and get up on all fours, grasping the edges of the plates to steady himself until he could properly stand up. Around the middle of the Eva's torso it bent sharply upwards, as though its back were broken. The chest armor was heavily damaged.

Sometime in however long it had lain here, the eyepieces had lost their opacity, and he could see a biological eye underneath, tilted up. He stood there for a time, listening to the waves and staring at it.

"Hello?"

The plating under his feet swayed and he nearly lost his balance. The head shifted slightly, and the eye rolled down to meet his gaze. Shinji steadied himself and felt the rhythmic, slow pace of the beast's chest rising and falling.

"Who are you?" said Shinji.

"Who are you?"the Eva rumbled.

"Shinji Ikari."

"This cannot be. I am Shinji Ikari."

"It's complicated."

The eye swiveled up, and the Eva's breathing slowed.

"Wait!" Shinji called.

"What?"

"What happened here?"

"I happened."

"I don't understand."

"I was given a choice. I took it. I set them free."

"Who?"

"Everyone. I was asked what I desired. I said I wanted everyone else to be happy. To be free."

"You mean, Instrumentality."

"Yes. They merged together with Lilith and left his cursed Earth to find hope among the stars."

"Why are you still here, then?" said Shinji, scratching his head. "Why didn't you go?"

"They were better off without me. I siphon hope from the lives of all who know me. I chose to remain here as a marker, a reminder, a warning should others come. Once, we were here."

Shinji nodded. "They're not safe."

"No one is safe. The end is inevitable. Here I will remain until the sun dies, and consumes Earth in her fires. In time the end of all things will find the souls of men, wherever they hide."

"That doesn't give you an excuse to just lay here!" Shinji shouted.

"My back is broken. I have only enough power left to sustain my consciousness. I am only alive because I am afraid to be dead."

"Why? How could it be worse than this?"

"My greatest fear is the knowledge of the soul. I will go on after my death. What if I end and I am drawn inexorably to the Chamber of Guf? What if I am born again? What if the others live in peace under the warmth of an alien star, and in dying I should find them? Why should they suffer my curse again?"

"Why do you think you're cursed?"

The great head of the Eva shifted, and a deep rumble came from the chest. Shinji threw his hands out to balance himself. He realized it was laughing.

"My mother and father loved each other until I was born and I fractured them. Rei was content in her desire to return to nothing until I opened her heart. Asuka was at peace in her delusions until I crushed them by beating her at piloting and my feeble attempts to win her attentions. Should I go on?"

"So you're just going to lay there," said Shinji. "You're going to run away."

"Go away."

"Why should I?" said Shinji. "What are you going to do, be depressed at me?"

"Go away."

"Aren't you even curious how I got here?"

"No."

"Why don't you give yourself another chance? What are you going to gain by just lying there, doing nothing?"

"There is no risk in doing nothing."

"Yes, there is. There's the things you could be doing, but aren't. Maybe the others don't hate you at all. Maybe you just hate yourself."

Shinji turned to leave. "If you're just going to lay there and punish yourself forever, I don't need to bother with you. I have work to do."

The Eva shifted under his feet. It tensed, the upper half lifting. The fingers of the exposed hand swung closed, grating on each other, the ancient joints creaking and popping like an old house in a strong wind. The arm lifted up, streamers of sand tumbling from the joints like water from a leaking roof, and then slammed back down, rolling. The tension went out of it, and the head lolled sharply to the side. Shinji stood there for a minute as it drew a breath, and then went silent.

He sat down and slid across the armor until he found his footing, then slowly started climbing down. When his feet touched the sand he kept on walking, chewing nothing against the tension in his jaw. As he rounded an outcropping of rock, he found a set of doors embedded in it. They opened has he approached, and he stepped through, muttering to himself.


There was no sand here. Shinji took a deep breath and smelled flowers, so many flowers, a medley of sweet scents that became no scent at all. The earth beneath his feet was rich and black, and soft, almost like a carpet. Trees rose up everywhere, full and lush. He took a few exploratory steps, listening. He heard the chirping of birds. A squirrel peeked at him from behind a tree, and then scurried off into some industry, chattering.

He came to a clearing. Rei sat by the water, which was clear and lapping gently at the shore. Little birds flitted all around her, perching on her shoulders and landing on her fingers. Little fish came to her feet, poking at her toes before slipping off into the pond. Shinji approached her slowly, stepping out of the trees. She looked over her shoulder, but said nothing.

He moved down the slope towards her, and sat down. He put his feet in the water. It soaked through his undersuit and chilled his feet. She had something in her hand, a loaf of bread. She pulled at it, picking little pieces of and throwing them into the water.

This was peaceful. He could stay here.

"Why are you here?" Rei said, softly.

"I don't know," said Shinji.

She held out a handful of crumbs, and birds perched on her fingers, singing and pushing at each other to eat from her palm. "No, I mean, why do you exist."

"The Yellow Aliens said I have to fight the Adversary."

"You don't want to."

"No," Shinji sighed. "I want to go home."

"I see," said Rei. The last of the birds took off, and she turned her hand over, dumping the rest of the crumbs into the pond for the little fish. "You are upset."

"Yeah," said Shinji. He drew his knees up and leaned on them. "Is this Instrumentality?"

"Everything is Instrumentality," said Rei. "It is everywhere."

"Thank you, Yoda," Shinji grunted.

Rei giggled. Shinji sat up.

"You're not Rei."

"No. I am Lilith. The person that is Rei Ayanami is part of me."

"What is this place?"

"It was Tokyo-3, but that is not your question. You wish to know what it is. What is its nature?"

"Yes."

"This place is bliss. Come."

She stood up, gathering her white robes around herself.

"I asked Shinji Ikari, what is your wish?" said Lilith. "He wished for everyone to be happy."

Shinji followed her away from the pond. He stumbled a little when he saw his father. Gendo lay on the grass, staring up into space, his uniform jacket spread out beneath him like wings. The dark gray was faded, and he'd taken on a deep tan from lying in the sun. He was chewing on something, leaves hanging out of his mouth. The strange plant grew all around him, choking the grass in every direction.

Walking on, Shinji saw the others. Asuka lay on her side, curling around, whispering softly as she chewed, crumbs of leaf and spittle staining her chin green. She nuzzled into the plants, squeezing the stems with her hands, her eyes pressed tightly shut.

"Baka," she muttered.

Shinji shivered. That word. What did it mean?

Misato lay on the grass, spread eagled, staring up into space. Her jaw moved slowly, chewing a single, long leaf that draped down over her chin. Shinji's heard drummed in his chest. She was wearing her uniform, her short black dress under a red jacket. Her dress was as faded as Gendo's jacket, three holes torn in the fabric under her bust.

There was something wrong. She was too thin, her chest shrunken and flattened. Even through her clothes he could see her hips poking out, and her knees were wider than her calves. Shinji stepped away from Rei, walking through the grass, and knelt beside her.

"Misato," he whispered, "It's Shinji. Can you hear me?"

Her voice was a low rasp, barely audible. "Hey."

He touched her cheek. She was cold, covered in a fine, chilly sweat. "Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh," she murmured, moving her arms. "Hold me."

Slowly, he lowered himself to the ground. He put his arms around her, resting one across her belly while he slid the other under her, lifting her up. She was too light, like a child, less than that, like a bundle of twigs. He could feel her ribs under his arm and her cheek cut his chest like a knife when he leaned her head on his chest, poking into his slight pectoral muscles.

"Misato?"

"Mmm," she murmured, "Don't go."

Lilith knelt beside him, gathering up her skirts. She plucked one of the long leaves from the ground and offered it to him. "Please, eat. You look hungry."

Shinji swallowed against his dry throat. He was hungry. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten. He took a deep breath and his head spun. He fell away, Misato roughly bouncing on the ground, groaning a little before she shifted and settled, chewing harder on her leaf. He felt the way he did the day after they did it on the bathroom floor, when she gave him some wine and they had a little too much and the couch was ruined. He hadn't had a drop to drink since she died.

He took the leaf, stuck it in his mouth, and bit down.

Bliss flowed through him. He kept on chewing, drawing the leaf past his lips like a rabbit munching on cabbage. The ache in his muscles ended, and he lay down in the grass. He shifted until he could rest his head on Misato's bony hip. She was too hard, too thin, but she smelled right, and with the leaf in his mouth nothing really seemed to matter.

Lilith sat down next to him, and brushed the hair out of his eyes with her fingers. She touched his cheek, drawing her finger across it.

"I can be her for a while," she whispered, "if you like."

She leaned down and her pale face was gone, and Misato stared into him. Shinji dared to glance down, following the delicate lines of her neck. He touched her scar, tracing his fingers over the too-smooth flesh that ran right up her midsection.

"Wait," he groaned.

"What is it?"

He blinked. He remembered her. He remembered the taste of that wine on his lips and how the world fuzzed, and when she touched him it was fuzzy too and she was lying on top of him on the couch and there was a woman singing on the television and it was so good just to touch her, and he remembered the way she laughed at his dumb jokes and the orgasmic look on her face the first time she tasted her favorite foods made by his hand and how he wanted to see that look in her eyes forever.

"It wasn't an accident," he murmured. "It wasn't sick. I loved her."

"I'm here," she murmured, resting her head on his chest.

"No, you're not."

He remembered something else. He remembered her pushing him out of the way, the bang as the JSSDF man shot her in the back as she pushed him into the cage. He remembered the red rage as Unit One came to life around him and they became one, more than ever before, and he slammed back through the wall. He'd never taken a human life before that and never did again. He remembered her lifeblood on his hands.

He remembered her funeral, sobbing like a girl into Asuka's chest while she dreamed of lying with him in Misato's place.

"You're not real."

He dragged the leaf out of his mouth, and sat up. Lilith pulled away from him. She looked hurt.

"I know you don't mean to hurt them," he said softly. "Where is he? Shinji."

She stood up and he followed, walking through the clearing. He saw the others. Toji and Hikari were all bound up in each other, lying on their sides holding hands, their legs tangled together, bound by roots. Ritsuko lay face down in the leaves, humming softly to herself.

He found himself lying against a tree. He yanked the leaf out of his own mouth.

"Hey," his counterpart groaned. "What gives?"

"Wake up," he snapped.

"I don't wanna."

He pulled the leaf back into his mouth with his teeth. "Asuka."

Shinji slapped him. "Get up."

"I can't."

He pulled the leaf out again. "Asuka isn't here, you idiot. She's over there. Go find her."

"What are you doing?" Lilith demanded, tugging on his shoulder.

"They're not happy," Shinji snapped, standing up. He waved his arms around. "This isn't happy. Living in a fantasy world is not happy."

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't," Shinji sighed, palming his face. "You can't. Being happy doesn't mean nothing bad ever happens. You can't be happy unless you're sad."

The other Shinji was getting up. He could barely move. "Rei?"

Lilith moved to him, cupping his cheeks with her hands. "It's alright, Shinji. Just lie down for a while."

"No," he croaked, "Asuka. I wanna see…"

"As you wish," said Lilith, lifting him to his feet.

Shinji turned. There was a tree wider than the others, and between huge roots was a set of doors. He walked towards them.


He stepped into an apartment.

No, not an apartment. That apartment. He took a deep breath, squeezed the straps of his bag. He took a few cursory steps. Nothing happened. He glanced around, looking for a clock, for Pen-Pen, anything, wondering what the hell was going to jump out at him next. He froze when he heard a door creaking.

Asuka.

How old was she? Fourteen? She poked her head out of the door. Shinji shook his head with a start. It was the wrong door. He ducked into the living room, peering around the corner. She was dressed in a long t-shirt, oddly modest for her, or for any iteration of her that he'd ever seen. Her hair was disheveled, thick from sleep and puffed up like a crimson dandelion. He felt a pang of regret, looking into the past of the girl he'd spurned. She was so beautiful.

He sighed. He could have at least tried.

She made her way into the kitchen, and he heard the water running. She stepped out, and he wasn't fast enough.

She ducked around the corner, scowling.

"W-who are you?"

Shinji froze. She was pointing a ray-gun at him. A bulbous ray gun with a pointy little doo-dad on the front and a little projector dish, like something out of a cheesy old movie. Slowly, he raised his hands.

"I'm not here to hurt anybody, Asuka. Just relax."

She lowered the gun a little. "Are you from a parallel universe?"

He nodded.

She raised the gun again, squinting. "Why are you wearing all black?"

"It's fashionable," he sighed. "Were you in Shinji's room?"

"That's none of your business."

He closed his eyes. "Listen," he said, "Go back in his room. Don't worry about someone finding you. Do what you need to do."

He opened his eyes. She was staring at him. "Why?"

"Something bad is happening. If I can't fix it, you should enjoy the time you have left."

Shinji stepped out from around the corner. Shinji tensed.

"Hey," he said softly, "what…" he trailed off, his eyes widening.

Shinji sighed. "Long story."

Misato piled out next. "What are you two…"

"Great," Shinji muttered to himself.

"There's an alternate Shinji from a parallel universe in our living room," said Asuka.

"Were you in Shinji's room?" Misato demanded.

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Don't change the subject, young lady!"

Shinji's eyes darted around the room. "Uh, can we stop pointing the weapon at me now?"

Asuka lowered it. "What's in the backpack?"

"An artifact of hypertechnology forged from a broken Lance of Longinus with the Hammer of Thor."

"Cool," said Asuka. "Can I see it?"

"Come in the kitchen," said Misato.

Hesitantly, Shinji moved through the living room. He was trembling as he sat down at the kitchen table. It was all so familiar. He pulled off the pack and put it on the table, and was about to reach inside when Misato touched a very normal and very real gun to the side of his head. He swallowed and slowed in his movements, lifting the flap so she could see the Capacitor before he pulled it out and let it rest on the table.

"What is it?" said Asuka.

"It looks like someone broke your Hula Hoop," said Misato.

"It's a thing."

"What does it do?"

"Whatever it does, it's doing it now."

"Can I…" said Asuka, reaching for it.

Shinji shrugged. She picked it up.

It started to glow. She yelped, and dropped it on the table with a clatter. The metal returned to its usual dull grey, and sat there. Shinji rested his fingers on it. It was cold.

"It glows when you touch it."

"What was that thing you were pointing at me?" said Shinji.

Asuka shrugged. "It's a hyperflux transducer. It makes your molecules vibrate."

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"Until they explode. I invented it." She beamed.

Shinji blinked. "Okay, then. I guess you're putting that bachelor's of yours to use…"

"I have a doctorate," she snapped.

Shinji -the other Shinji- reached under the table and pinched her rump. She rounded on him, gritting her teeth, but there was no heat in it.

"We're with people," Misato sighed.

"How did you get here?" said Shinji.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

He sighed.

Then he told them.

By the time he was done, the sun was up, and they were staring at him. Misato haltingly touched his hand. He pulled it away.

"I… It's better if you don't."

She nodded grimly.

"So you don't know what this thing does," said Misato, picking up the Capacitor. It didn't glow for her. "Maybe it's a weapon."

"If it was, I'd have used it by now."

"I'm sorry to drop all of this on your laps," said Shinji. "It's good to get it all out in the open, though."

Asuka was holding hands with her Shinji under the table. "We could go with you. We've been to parallel universes before."

"You're very brave to offer, but this is my fight, my problem. I won't give him another set of lives to ruin. I should probably get going."

"Wait," said Misato, seizing his arm as he got up. "Eat breakfast with us."

He didn't relax.

"Shinji will cook."

He dropped the bag with the Capacitor on the floor. Shinji cooking turned out to be Asuka cooking with him. They moved together with a steady, easy rhythm, like old lovers despite their age. Shinji was so calm, so confident in her presence. He cracked three eggs between his fingers on either hand, going wild with seasonings while Asuka cooked the meat and made the toast, brushing against him quite on purpose as she passed. In a few minutes there was a steaming plate of eggs and bacon in front of him, and he ate hungrily. Misato cracked open a Yebisu and set it before him and he downed it without complaint, wiping his lips on his arm.

They were so happy.

"I should go," he said as he finished the last triangle of toast. "Thank you."

"Good luck," said Shinji. "I hope the universe doesn't end."

"I'm against that," said Asuka.

Shinji blinked, and then he did the obvious thing. He opened the refrigerator.

Inside was a pair of train doors.

"Wait," said Misato. "Close your eyes."

He did, and just in time for her to take his arm and pull him around. She touched her lips to his in a soft, chaste kiss, but it was a warm kiss and he needed it. His eyes fluttered open and she squeezed his shoulder.

He turned and went through the doors.


He stepped through the doors and into the kitchen. For a moment, he thought he'd somehow stepped back into the same world, but here it was dark. He could hear the television in the living room and moved towards it, carefully. The last thing he needed was for Misato to come barging out of her room and shoot him in the ass. He crept past the bedrooms and stopped.

He recognized the back of his own head. He was getting too good at that, lately. Sitting next to him was a girl with stark white hair, leaning on his shoulder. He crept around, until the boy noticed him and jumped up. Shinji gestured frantically for his silence.

"Who are you?"

"I'm getting sick of people asking me that," said Shinji.

He looked at the girl. Very Rei-ish, milky white skin and red irises, and white hair. There was a faint mark on her forhead, a birth mark in the shame of the bird-faced plague doctor masks the angels all seemed to have somewhere on her body. She had her bangs brushed down over it.

"I'm Sachi," the girl said softly.

"Sachi?" said Shinji.

"Short for Sachiel," said Sachi.

Shinji's jaw dropped. He heard the door slam and he froze. Asuka walked in, followed by Kaworu. No, not Kaworu. He was a little taller, a little more broad-shouldered, though he had that same pale androgyny the boy that had been the final angel had. Asuka folded her arms under her chest.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Who the hell is that?" said Shinji.

"I'm Zeruel. What the hell are you doing in my apartment?"

Shinji screamed and bolted for the kitchen. He yanked the fridge open and ran inside without looking.


His foot hooked under a root and he felt pain lance up his ankle. He landed with a crash in the dirt, blowing out a mouthful of dust. He managed to unhook his foot from the root, only to realize there was a very sharp blade touching his throat.

"Do as I say or you're dead."

Shinji froze.

"Sit up, slowly."

Very gingerly, he rolled onto his backside and sat up. He was in a forest, surrounded by old trees, sitting in the middle of a narrow, overgrown path. Ahead he could see a low fire and a collection of tents, tarps, and old buildings, some kind of a campsite. He traced the gleaming katana up to the gnarled fist that held it.

"Fuyutsuki?" said Shinji.

The sword moved just a hair, tipping his chin up.

"How do you know my name?"

"You're the vice commander of Nerv."

The man gave him a strange look. "Why do you have a banana on your head?"

Shinji slowly reached up and pulled the mashed up banana from his scalp, and tossed it to the ground with a wet slap. Fuyutsuki gave him an appraising look and took a step back, sword held at the ready. Shinji raised his hands in surrender and slowly got up, wincing when he put his weight on his ankle.

"You look like an Ikari, but none I've ever met. Who are you?"

"I'm Shinji Ikari."

"That's not possible. Shinji Ikari is asleep. Over there. He's also a teenager."

He touched the point of the blade to Shinji's throat. "Truth now, or death."

"It is the truth!" Shinji pleaded, "I'm from a parallel universe and my home was destroyed by another me who's an asshole with a god complex and I've been recruited to fight him off and I led a huge army of other mes and other people but we were tricked and they all died and I have to find him or he's going to erase everything because his girlfriend dumped him."

Fuyutsuki considered that for a moment. "You are either mad, or you are telling the truth."

He sheathed his sword. "I have known those conditions not to be mutually exclusive. Follow."

With an ease that seemed out of place with his age, the shirtless old man led Shinji deeper into the forest. He beckoned him sit around the fire.

"The boy sleeps," said Fuyutsuki. "He is tired from his lessons. Why are you here?"

"I don't know," said Shinji. "I just ran and I ended up here."

"Tell me the tale. All of it."

Shinji sighed. "I just-"

Fuyutsuki tossed him a bottle. He barely caught it, and it ended up in his lap. He picked it up. Whiskey. He wasn't much of a drinker but he took a swig, then passed it back.

He told his tale.

Fuyutsuki listened calmly, quietly, occasionally asking a few short, pert questions. He seemed particularly interested in the mad, frothing Gendo. When Shinji finished, the old man offered him the whiskey again and he took a little bit too long of a pull, and coughed, hard. The old man smirked at that.

"Come with me."

Shinji got up and followed, away from the fire. Off to the side was a sort of long hut, converted from some sort of park pavilion, it seemed. The ceiling was low and it had a sepulchral air that Shinji recognized as the smell of old books, something he connected to Fuyutsuki. Inside was a variety of exercise equipment, all of it very heavy looking.

"The story," said Fuyutsuki. "Queen of the Black Coast."

Shinji blinked. The old man drew a book from his shelves, an old, worn paperback. On the cover was a painting of a hypermuscled man surrounded by women, an axe in one hand and a sword in the other. He flipped it open and held it out to Shinji, pointing to the middle of one of the pages.

"Read," said the old man.

Shinji looked at the book, straining by the light of a candle. He skimmed down the page until one passage caught his eye.

He read aloud.

"I have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom's realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer's Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion,"

Shinji realized he was shaking. He drew in a sharp breath.

"…and being thus, the illusion is real to me."

Fuyutsuki nodded and took the book back, carefully folding the creased spine before he put it back on the shelf, wedging it between a volume on particle physics and a book called Warrior Women of Robert E. Howard.

Shinji's hands sank to his side. "There's something I think I should ask you."

"Speak," said Fuyutsuki.

"What is the Riddle of Steel?"

Fuyutsuki's sword flashed out from the scabbard.

"What is steel, without the hand that wields it?"

He held up his withered hand, flexing the tight, arthritic fingers. "Flesh, flesh is stronger than steel, but flesh withers. Flesh grows weak."

Shinji blinked.

"The will," said Fuyutsuki, "is invincible."

"What does it mean?"

"Find your will," said Fuyutsuki, slipping the sword home. "Find it and you will defeat your enemy. The answer is inside you."

Shinji scratched his head.

Fuyutsuki walked out of the cabin and Shinji followed. The Old Man propped his sword up near a net hammock and crawled into it.

"Leave me alone," he rasped. "It's time for me to die."

Shinji backed away from the campsite, and nearly tripped. He bounced into a set of doors, standing in the woods. They opened as he turned, and he stepped inside.

There was a sticky-note on the door. It said simply, "Do you see?"


Shinji stepped onto a busy street. In his skintight jumpsuit, skinned in fine wires that resembled hairs with his undersized school knapsack hanging loosely from his back, he earned a few stares. He heard a jingle-jangle and just barely jumped out of the way in time of a bicycle rolling up the sidewalk. The rider gave him a rude gesture.

Another Shinji walked by.

"Hey," said the other Shinji.

"Uh," said Shinji, "Hi."

He turned to follow his counterpart, weaving through the crowd.

"Excuse me," said Shinji.

His counterpart raised his hand. "Hold on a second. I need to time this just right."

Shinji stopped in his tracks. The other Shinji darted into the intersection ahead, ducking between two oncoming cars. He didn't so much avoid them as step between them, as if he knew exactly where they were going to be. He scooped up a little girl standing on the sidewalk and ran.

"Hey!" her mother shouted, running after him. "Put my-"

A garbage truck came screaming around the corner, running out of control. The crowd on the sidewalk parted as it rolled and started to run sideways on one side before toppling over with a tremendous crash. It skipped up over the sidewalk and slammed into the corner of the building, crumbling it.

Exactly where the girl and her mother had stood, a moment before.

His counterpart walked around the truck, dusting himself off. He didn't even bother looking. He stopped in the middle of the street until a motorcycle flew past him, turned, and skidded to a stop, then casually walked back up onto the sidewalk and up to Shinji.

"How the hell did you do that?"

The other Shinji shrugged. "Practice."

"What? No, look. You must have some kind of power, or something. What is it? Radioactive spider? Alien parent?"

He shrugged. "I said, practice. Come on, we have to be at the convenience store in five minutes. I cooked the last of the eggs this morning."

Shinji fell in beside him as they walked. His counterpart put his hands in his pockets and casually strolled, humming some tune to himself. He stopped, looked around, and then started again, until he reached a little market on the corner. Shinji followed him inside, relieved by the air conditioning. He took a deep breath.

"Hey kid," the clerk said, "What's a five letter word for… who's this guy?"

"My cousin from Okinawa," said the Other Shinji. "Say hi, my cousin from Okinawa."

"Hi, my cousin from Okinawa," said Shinji.

"Is that the best you could come up with?" his counterpart sighed. "It was better yesterday."

"Yesterday? What do you mean?" said Shinji. "We've never met."

"You haven't met me," said the other Shinji.

Shinji scratched his head. "Look, I-"

"You're from a parallel universe. Your world was destroyed by the armies of darkness, you gathered an army of allies, and you guys screwed up and now the Absolute Enemy is loose in the multiverse. I know. Ah, here's the eggs."

He opened the case and pulled out a package of eggs.

"Don't you check to make sure they're not broken?"

"I did it yesterday."

"What does that have to do with anything? And do you really eat a dozen eggs a day?"

"No, the eggs ran out yesterday, before yesterday was today."

Shinji crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you some sort of crazy person, or something?"

"I must seem that way. Come with me."

After paying for his eggs, he whistled his way towards the apartment, the carton tucked under one arm. He stopped at all of the intersections and then continued walking without looking, as though he knew exactly when the cars would roll down the street.

"Look," said Shinji. "Do you think you could just level with me?"

"It's simple," said the other Shinji. "The world is going to end tonight. Probably. When you lose to the Adversary the Ut-Instrumentality will roll through my universe shortly thereafter, and everything I've ever known will be erased."

"You, uh, you don't sound very worried about it."

"I'm not. It's already happened about five hundred times. It's taking you a while to figure this out."

"I don't understand."

"Today is today," said the other Shinji, typing in the code for Misato's apartment. "Tomorrow will also be today, just like yesterday was today. I've already met you, and talked to you, and seen the end of the world hundreds of times."

"How is that possible?"

He shrugged. "How should I know? I stopped caring when the first time I had to go through a bunch of repeats."

"If the world is going to end today, why did you save that kid?"

"Are you saying I shouldn't have saved the kid?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Shhh," said the other Shinji. He was checking the mail. "I don't know why I bother. It's never anything good."

He dumped a bunch of junk mail in the garbage. "I have about three hours until Asuka gets home."

"Then what?"

He shrugged. "She'll be tired from being on duty all day. Her neck hurts, so I'll massage it. She'll wash her hair to get the LCL smell out. It never really goes away, but that's okay. It makes her skin very smooth, and I'll tell her that and she'll feel better. Misato is on duty all night, so we'll end up watching TV. I don't know what she'll watch."

"How do you know all that other stuff, but not what she's going to pick to watch on television?" said Shinji.

He shrugged. "Something something, a butterfly instead of sunshine. I can't say exactly. There are always small changes. I don't care what it is. I'll watch anything if she sits in my lap while we watch it. After it's over she'll be a little worried, like something is coming. I'll tell her she's being silly and we'll play fight and wrestle around on the floor and we'll go from there. When the end comes I'll hold her really close to me and tell her that I love her more than anyone in the world. I'm probably going to call Misato after you leave, just to make sure she hears my voice today."

"Uh," said Shinji. "Isn't that kind of… depressing?"

"Yes, immensely. I spent several cycles robbing banks and going on rampages before I figure out that it wasn't anything that I was doing that was causing the repeats. Then, you started showing up."

"So," said Shinji. "Are you crazy?"

"No. I'm enlightened. They kind of look the same, though, I guess."

He led Shinji into the apartment, which was, as he said, empty. He immediately put the eggs in the refrigerator.

"This has happened to you before?"

"Yes, I had to repeat one day over and over until I got it exactly right. The first time was a pastiche of episode fifteen of the anime."

"The what?"

"Don't ask. Look, you want some coffee."

"Don't you mean, 'do you want some coffee'?"

"Well, you do, don't you?"

Shinji blinked. "I guess."

He sat down, and the other Shinji busied himself at an espresso machine.

"I don't remember Misato having one of those."

"It took me a while to convince her. Especially since I have to convince her every day."

He put the cup in front of Shinji. The cream had the shape of a leaf in it.

"Nice leaf."

"Thanks, it's your favorite."

"If you're so powerful," he took a sip, "Wow, this is great. If you're so powerful, why don't you-"

"Stop the Adversary? I can't. I tried a few times, but there's no point. I'm not the one who beats him. You are."

"I am?"

"You'd better be. I've spent about four months cuddling with Asuka in the last day alone. It gets kind of boring if she wears the same underwear every time and I'd rather that not happen to our relationship. I like to keep things spontaneous, like that time I bought a motorcycle."

"You what?" Shinji sputtered.

"I don't have time to go into the details. You're leaving in a minute. You can read about it on fan fiction dot net, if you want."

"What?"

He shrugged. "Oh, you don't know. It's funny how it works. When you spend enough time seeing the same thing over and over again, like I have, you start to notice it after a while. Bits and pieces, here and there. Then more and more, until you see it all the time. It's like it's hiding behind everything, waiting to be seen. This is why you're here, so I can say the next part. I can see the prose."

Shinji stood up. "How? Tell me how it works."

"I can point to the moon, but my arm is not the moon. You have to see it for yourself."

"Thanks,"

"…Yoda." He finished, taking a sip from his own coffee.

"Do you do that a lot?"

"Only if I feel like a guaranteed repeat. It really pisses Asuka off."

"I can only imagine," Shinji sighed.

"You're leaving in a minute. Quick, ask me what the Metaflux Capacitor does."

Shinji blinked, then unshouldered his bag and pulled the device out. "Do you know what it is?"

"I know what it is," he sighed, "but that isn't the question. The question is, what does it do."

"What does it do?"

"You already know the answer. You've already told someone else."

"That's not cute, Shinji."

He raised his hands in feigned surrender. "Okay, no riddles. It was made with the hammer of Thor, right?"

"I guess," said Shinji.

"It was. You told me last week. How does the Hammer work?"

"I guess you have to be worthy to lift it," Shinji shrugged. "What does that have to do with this thing? I lift it all the time."

"Yeah, but you're missing the critical component. You have to be worthy to make the hammer work. Lifting it is just how you accomplish the second step. It's not the action, it's the concept. How do you make the Capacitor work?"

"How?"

"I don't know. I was hoping you would have an epiphany so I can tell you tomorrow."

Shinji grabbed two handfuls of his own hair and groaned. "Whatever."

He shoved the Capacitor in the bag. "Where's the damned door?"

"Misato's room," said the other Shinji. "Mind the beer cans."

Shinji got up and walked out of the kitchen. He stopped to look over his shoulder. The other Shinji was on the phone.

"No," he was saying, "No, no, Rei, I think opening your own chain of donut shops is a fantastic idea. Call Dad, see if you can get him to sign off on it."

He looked up from the phone, covering it with his hand. "Oh, watch out. The next universe is going to be kind of weird. What's that? Oh, no, Rei. I was just talking to myself."

Shinji stepped through the door.


Shinji stumbled, as though he'd missed a step, and walked face-first into a tree. He caught himself in time to pull back and avoid breaking his noise, but ended up standing in front of it, blinking. It looked… flat. He touched the bark, and found it perfectly smooth, perfectly uniform in color. He reached up and plucked down one of the leaves. It was flat, and had shading drawn on it. He let it flutter to the ground.

"Who are you?"

He spun on his heels.

There was a pony. Sort of. It was about waist high, maybe the size of a large dog, and… wrong. It didn't have any fur, its skin was a pale yellow, and its face was too human, eyes too large, forehead too pronounced. It had a long crimson mane, held back by Asuka's nerve clips.

Shinji's jaw dropped.

"Everypony!" she shouted. "There's somebody new here!"

More of them. They moved with an alien, languid precision. One of them was taller than the others, and was, apparently, a unicorn. She had pale white skin and purple hair and… had a whiskey bottle tattooed on her ass.

"Princess Misato," the first pony said, "What is it?"

Shinji screamed and bolted. He vaulted a weird technicolor fence made of posts and slabs and ran as fast as he legs would carry him. He passed a ghostly pale pony with a blue mane who looked up from a book as he ran past.

"Door," he shouted, "where's the bleeping door!"

He skidded to a stop. "What the bleep? Bleep!"

"Stop using such harsh language!"

He turned around. There was a Gendopony.

He broke into a run again. He ran into something hard, some kind of invisible wall, and bounced off of it. He quickly leapt to his feet and ran his hands over it, until he spotted the outline of the door and bolted for it. He nearly tripped over his own feet when a half-penguin half-dragon walked out in front of him and looked up.

"Pen Pen?"

It spoke in a rich baritone. "This is indeed a strange and disturbing universe."

Shinji ran through the door.


He nearly ran into a locker. He tried to stop, mashed his hands into the steel, and his feet slid out from under him. He managed to land gracefully, without hitting his head on the wooden bench behind him. He knew this place. It was the locker room at Nerv. Slowly he got up, leaning on the wooden plank, and got up on his feet. He checked the straps on his bag and listened.

"Get away from me!"

Asuka.

"I just want to make sure you're okay!"

He blinked at his own voice, still not quite used to hearing it. Did he really sound that whiny?

"Fuck off, Shinji. Do I look like I'm okay?"

Shinji crept through the lockers until he saw himself walk inside, the swinging door slapping shut behind him. He walked through the room to the first row of lockers and pounded his fists on them, sobbing as he fell against them. He turned around and slid down to the floor. Shinji stood up and walked out.

"Hello."

The other Shinji looked up at him. His eyes widened.

"Who…"

Shinji sat down on the bench. "What's your deal?"

"My deal?"

"There's something going on here," Shinji sighed. "There's always something going on."

He shuddered.

Little Shinji looked around nervously. "Are you from the future too?"

"Sort of," said Shinji. "I guess. I don't know. What do you mean, from the future? Too?"

Little Shinji hugged himself nervously. "I, um, I came back."

"From where?"

"The future."

Shinji nodded. Great. "How?"

"I don't know. Everything went wrong," he sniffed, "Asuka died and everybody died," he blurted, "I just wanted to fix it and all of a sudden I was standing in the street holding the phone."

"I see," said Shinji.

He blinked. There was a thin line of red twine curled around the boy's finger. It looked like it was cutting off his circulation. It ran along the floor, and out of the room. Shinji blinked again.

"Do you see that?"

"See what?"

He plucked the string from the floor and lifted it up. He gave it a little tug. Little Shinji yelped and pulled his hand back.

"How did you do that?"

Shinji gathered up some of the string and gave it a little tug.

"You seriously can't see this?"

Little Shinji shook his head. "Are you crazy?"

"No, I'm not crazy. Well, I probably am, but not the dangerous kind. Not dangerous to you. Whatever. You know what? Shut up."

"Okay," said Little Shinji.

"Come with me."

Without waiting, Shinji seized the string and looped it around and around his hand, just in case. He followed it, veering along its path out of the locker room and into the cage. He got a few odd stares from the technicians and waved them off. He glanced behind him. No matter how far they traveled, the string never seemed to bunch up. Shinji stopped, half expecting it to run into the girl's locker room. It didn't.

Asuka walked out in her school uniform. She had a red string, too. It moved even as she stood still. Rei walked out of the locker room. The other end was looped around her pinky.

Shinji blinked. He turned to Little Shinji.

"Kid, it's a lost cause."

"What?"

"Never mind, just follow me."

He didn't give him a choice. He pulled him along by the red string following it through Nerv. He stopped. Misato and Ritsuko were in front of one of the Evas, arguing with each other. A red string tied their hands together, looped and around and around, a length of it running off somewhere else. Shinji held firmly onto the red string in his hand and pulled Little Shinji along.

It led him out of the cages. It ran into the elevator, and when he walked inside, it led back out of the elevator, but he had to take it up three floors to catch it. He dragged Little Shinji along, following the string. He passed Fuyutsuki in the hall. He had a red string, too. He had to duck under the string that connected Hyuga and Aoba, but it passed right through little Shinji as if it weren't there.

"Are you kidnapping me?"

"I said shut up," Shinji sighed.

"Okay."

The string led up the tramway to the surface. Shinji took it, tapping his toes on the floor. It led through the turnstiles and up to the surface. The easiest way to follow it was to take a bus, so he hopped on. The passengers were all coated in red strings, running everywhere in some kind of invisible network, dragging them along with them as the bus moved. Shinji got up, crawled through the tangle, and followed the string, ignoring the driver's demands for payments.

The string led up to a little house. Shinji grabbed little Shinji and pushed him up to the door, then knocked.

Hikari opened the door.

Shinji let go of the string. Suddenly, it was only a foot long, and it tied little Shinji and Hikari's hands together.

"Uh, hi," she blinked. "Can I help you?"

Shinji grabbed Little Shinji by the shoulders and pushed him forward. "Look at him."

"Okay…" Hikari trailed off, looking him up and down. She blushed deeply. "What are you wearing, Shinji?"

Little Shinji turned beet red. "I, uh, I have to wear this to fight angles, I mean angels, and I wear it in the plug so it's called a plugsuit but they don't plug anything into it which is kind of weird."

Hikari looked at him oddly, then broke out into a soft smile. "You stink."

"Sorry," he muttered.

Shinji clapped them both on the shoulder. "Listen, I want to try an experiment."

He pushed them closer together. "Hold still."

Grabbing the red string, he gave it a sharp yank. It tugged on their hands and they both yelped. Shinji looped it, and then pulled on the loop; it got longer. He pulled until he had enough, and then wrapped it around and around the two of them. The string snapped, twanged, and they both froze. Their heads turned. Their eyes locked. Shinji took two steps forward and gingerly rested his hands on Hikari's hips. She drifted into his embrace, and their lips touched.

The red string thrummed, like a guitar. All the others did, too, an alien symphony that rang in Shinji's ears. He backed away.

Hikari broke from the kiss. "What was that? Why did we-"

Little Shinji blinked. "I don't know, but… can we do it again?"

"Sure," said Hikari.

Shinji trembled. He swallowed, his throat dry. All he could taste was coffee. He looked down. There was a red string knotted around his pinky too, and it led through a door. The door. He gathered it up in his hand just to be sure, and he followed it through.


He walked out onto a sidewalk. Another Shinji, Asuka, and Rei were walking down the street, the two girls clinging to his arm. Shinji ducked behind a corner and watched them. Asuka tugged at the boy's sleeve.

"So, you were planning to ask me to the dance, right?"

"I believe Ikari intends to ask me," said Rei.

"I could take you both," said Shini.

"Baka!"* Asuka shouted, slapping him.

[*Idiot]

Shinji blinked. What the hell?

He ran out onto the sidewalk. "Hey, you! Asuka!"

The trio stopped and looked at him. "Who are you?" said the other Shinji.

"It doesn't matter. Listen, say that word again."

"What word?" Asuka snapped, planting her fists on her hips. "Anta baka?"*

[*Are you an idiot/What are you, stupid?]

Shinji stared at it. "I see it," he said softly. "I can see it."

"See what?" said Asuka.

"When you say those funny words, it… it translates them. I can see it!"

"Let's go," Asuka huffed. "He's just some old hentai* that wants to look at our butts and think ecchi* things."

[*pervert, *perverted, from the letter H]

Shinji stared at the words.

"I can see them. I can see it!"

He threw his hands up and leapt in the air, bouncing in a circle, shouting madly. "I can see the prose!"

"I'm calling the cops," said Rei.

"Don't worry about it," Shinji shouted, and ran past them. He clenched a fistful of the red string.

The door was up ahead, standing in the middle of the road. He ran towards it, following the string, then he stopped. This was taking forever. The door opened and sure enough, there was something on the other side of it. A creature poked her head around. He knew Asuka when he saw her, but her face was wrong. She was covered in fur and she had a snout. She was a fox.

"Is this somebody's idea of a joke?" Shinji laughed.

"Screw you too, pal," she snapped, and pulled her head back through the door.

"This is taking forever," said Shinji. "I don't have time for this."

He put both hands on the frame of the door, still wrapped up and the red string, and picked it up. A sharp tug and it came loose, and he tossed it aside. The air rushed past him into the howling void, and he stepped into it.

He fell through space, gasping for air.

"I don't need to breathe," he gasped.

He threw his arms out and they tangled in the red strings. He bounced to a stop, hanging from the crimson tangle, and pulled himself up, like a fly struggling in a spiderweb, until he was sitting on them. The strings went everywhere, trailing through an infinite void, linking tiny points of light to one another. They bounced as he shifted his weight, got his feet under himself and stood up. His string ran off into the dark. There was a ball of strings moving through the inky blackness, towards a single, glowing star.

Shinji grabbed some of the stings over his head, looped his arms around them, and lifted his feet. He slid down, the strings running under his arms as he picked up speed, heading towards the great rolling ball of twine. He let go, pulling on the string looped around his own hand, and closed his eyes.

He tumbled through the air. He opened his eyes in time to see white sand rushing up to meet him, crossed his arms over his face, and hit, hard. He rolled with it, skidding to a stop in the sand. He put his hands out, drawing it between his fingers as he stood up.

The Adversary stood on the beach in front of him, his eyes wide with surprise. He shrugged. As Shinji stood up, the Adversary casually raised his hand, and held out his finger. It shifted, the white flesh turning to hard crystal, and a straight blade of it lanced out and rammed through the center of Shinji's chest.

"Oh," said Shinji.

The Adversary drew the blade back, flicked it to clean off the blood, and retracted it into his finger.

"That was anticlimactic," he shrugged, and walked down the beach.

Shinji fell to his knees. He touched his chest and his hand came back soaked in rich, dark blood. He could feel it spilling out over his stomach and down his legs, hear it pattering down on the sand. He fell forward and pitched on to his side, each beat of his heart a ragged shock of white-hot pain through his chest.


His eyes opened. The world was a dull white fuzz. He smelled fresh linen and a warm breeze played over his cheek. His hand was resting on soft cotton, but there was something else, gossamer strands curled around his fingers. He blinked away the fuzz until he could see. Raven black hair draped over his hand, spread out over the bed like a fan.

Misato lay half on her side, twisted the way she did in her sleep so her legs were pointed at him but her shoulders were flat. He always thought it looked uncomfortable but she would end up that way most every night. Her ragged t-shirt, little more than a loose cloth covering her modesty, had ridden up her stomach and was bunched under her chest. The bottom of the meandering scar that marred her midsection was visible, tugging at her skin and making it go white around it as she breathed in and out, in and out, softly snoring.

Her eyes fluttered open, her long lashes batting at him.

It had to be a trick.

She was the right age, younger than most of the others. She'd be about twenty-six or seven now, only a few years older than he was, close enough that it didn't really matter now that they were both adults. She made a soft sound and rolled on to her side, facing him. Her big brown eyes locked on his and she smiled softly, that sort of I just woke up and I'm glad to see you smile that he missed every morning he woke up and he wasn't there.

"Is it really you?"

She nodded.

He had to be sure. He lifted up his hand. The red string was wound around his pinky so tight it cut off his circulation, making a little white band at the base of his finger before the rest turned dark. The other end was tied tightly to hers. He picked her hand up in his, weaving their fingers together, and the string thrummed.

"How are you here?"

She shrugged.

"Where are we?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "I'm tired. Let's go to bed."

"We're already in bed."

"Then let's stay up for a while."

She moved closer to him, her soft skin on the cotton whispering in his ears. The bed soaked up her warmth and he was drawn into it and in a moment his arm was around her waist.

She sighed a deep, sharp sigh, her breath coming out in little spurts. Her eyes were tearing up.

"You have to go."

"I know," he said. "I know."

"Wake up, Shinji."

"I don't want to."

Pain lanced through his chest. He touched his flesh, felt the wound, ragged and open on his chest. A red stain was spreading out around him.

"I love you," he whispered.

Her smile widened. She squeezed his hand, hard. "I know."

He opened his eyes. He was face first in a reddening patch of damp white sand. He could feel it between his fingers, feel each grain as they scraped over the tiny grooves and lands on the pads of his fingertips. He blew out a breath, cratering the sand in front of his mouth. It didn't hurt anymore. He just felt immensely cold, and tired. He was in shock, and he was bleeding out. He could feel his heart pumping a little weaker each time as there wasn't enough of a return coming back in to keep it going. A black fuzz formed around the edges of the world.

"No," he said.

He moved his arms, until he firmly planted his palms in the sand, and pushed. He stood up, willing his heard to beat faster, willing his limbs to grow lighter, willing the warmth of his lifeblood to return. He put his hand on his chest above the wound and swept it down. He found unbroken skin, because there was no wound.

"Sticks and stones," he gasped.

The Adversary stopped. Slowly, he half-turned, gazing over his shoulder, gaping.

His voice cracked with anger, and something else, something alien to his haughty voice.

"How?"

Shinji lifted his head up. He understood. The knowledge was just there, part of his mind as though it had always been there. He looked the Adversary in the eye, and a small smile formed on his lips.

"He is the One," said Shinji.

The Adversary bolted.

Shinji ran after him, legs pumping, arms whipping furiously.

"You can't run faster than I can."

"I don't have to!" the Adversary screamed, "You can't stop me!"

They crested a tall dune. The Adversary ran through a patch of driftwood, stuck in the sands like grave markers. He kicked one of them, the wood splintering as he ran through it. A rusted cross of pale metal bounced across the sand and came to a stop.

They were on the beach.

"I feel sick," Asuka's voice, a harsh whisper like a gunshot.

The boy bent double on top of her, sobbing.

She lay there for a moment, and then pushed on his shoulder with her good arm, the one not covered in bandages. His sobs changed tempo, shifted, and he sniffed one sharply back before it escaped.

"Look out," she said weakly.

"What?"

More strenuously, nudging his shoulder. "Look out. I have to puke!"

He sat down in the sand and he she rolled onto her stomach, coughing, her body shaking as she retched. She got up on her hands in knees, and made a hideous coughing sound, a deathly scraping in her throat. The boy crawled to her side, slipping in the sand, and gathered her hair up in his hands, drawing it behind her head. Her slender form convulsed and a thick wet slap of vomit hit the sand, just in time for a gentle wave of LCL-tinged water to lap over it. He slipped his arm under her without thinking as a second round hit the first, and was followed a moment later by sharp, painful dry heaves. She clawed at her throat and gasped sharply for breath between them, choking back sobs, trying to still herself.

"Are you okay?"

"Do I look like I'm fucking okay?"

"I'm sorr-"

She reared up and seized the collar of his shirt in her free hand. "Don't say that! Don't you ever say that to me again!"

The Adversary skidded to a stop just in front of them. He raised his hand and if shifted, the pale flesh warping like rubber, twisting into a spiral point. The tip glowed, furious energies building within it as his core dumped energy into the oncoming blast.

"At last," he roared, "At long last."

The boy moved without thought, on pure instinct. He grabbed Asuka around her wounded ribs and pulled her behind him, turning his back, hunching up as he gritted his teeth and flattened himself, spreading his back to shield her.

The Adversary smiled. "Now you have a backbone?"

Shinji screamed as he shoulder checked into him. The blast went wide, the beam arcing up over the beach, melting the glass to sand in a flash. It hit the petrified image of a Mass Production Eva and shattered it. As if it had suddenly regained all its mass, the pale, headless not-stone tumbled back to Earth, throwing up a splash as it hit the ocean.

Shinji grabbed the Adversary's arm with his bare hand, ignoring the all-consuming heat, and pushed it up and away from the kids.

He looked over his shoulder. "He wants to kill you! Run! Run!"

The boy dragged Asuka to her feet but she made an agonized sound and grabbed her midsection. She could only limp down the beach, the smooth soles of her plugsuit slipping in the sand. The boy half carried her, and then straight out picked her up, slipping her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

"You can't beat me!" the Adversary roared, his core spinning up, glowing through his chest. "I'll kill you and I'll kill them, and the universe is mine."

Shinji rammed the heel of his hand into the Adversary's chin. His head snapped back and he stumbled, sliding across the sands, leaving a small wake.

His eyes flashed open, green spheres with tiny black dots for pupils. He grinned with sharp teeth, his fingers elongating, his nails cracking as they grew into talons.

"You don't see yourself, do you?" Shinji panted.

"Shut up," the Adversary snapped, leaping to his feet.

Shinji dodged out of the way. He had to keep him busy, give the kids a chance. His claws raked over Shiniji's chest and snapped the straps holding his knapsack. It tumbled to the sand, and the Capacitor spilled out, sliding across it.

"What is the Riddle of Steel?" said Shinji.

"I said shut up!"

"What is best in life?"

"To crush my enemies! To see them driven before me, and hear-"

"And hear what?" said Shinji. "Is that really the best? Or is it Rei that is best in life? The way her hair looks when it spreads out as she lies down, the way her armpits smell after she's been asleep all night, the way her skin drinks up the heat from your touch after she's been asleep for a while. I know these things, Shinji. You know them to. It's why you started this. You just forgot."

The Adversary charged him, arms spread wide to slash with his claws. Shinji ducked, twisted, deflected his blows. He spun his opponent around trapping his elbow, and the momentum forced it out of joint with a loud, sharp crack, and the Adversary screamed as he stumbled to the sand.

"You think you're Conan the Barbarian," said Shinji, bending to pick up the Capacitor. "You're just a little boy with a cardboard sword."

"I'll show you cardboard," the Adversary snapped.

"No, you won't."

He'd never looked at the Capacitor before, really looked at it. The confusing way it was shaped, three pointed ovals that crossed over each other without really touching, yet were all somehow the same piece, made it hard to do. He picked up and really looked at it, and he understood it. He turned it in his hand, and saw how it was a spiral. Turned it another way, and saw it was an eye in a pyramid. Tipped it back, and it was ten spheres joined by a grid of lines. He understood exactly what it was.

There were no words to describe it, because it was beyond words. It came from a world beyond words, where things take shape and gain syllables to be. Hikari didn't make it, she summoned it, forged a shape it could occupy to exist in Shinji's idea space.

It was whatever he wanted it to be.

It was a conduit.

He pulled on it, expanding it, and it snapped into being around him, a mobile suit of gold with a high crested helm and tall pylons over his shoulders, and it sank into his skin, entering him. He felt like he was made of gold. Raw knowledge thundered through him.

He punched the Adversary right in his face and knocked him backwards.

"What?" he snapped, "How-"

"Now, we end this."

The Adversary's face twisted into a snarl. His hair fell out, sluicing down his neck, and his nose sank into his face, becoming a pair of holes. His mouth twisted, distorting his voice.

"I will not be stopped."

Winding up, the Adversary threw a punch. His knuckles plowed into Shinji's face, and shattered. Shinji swung his head around, deflecting the blow, and shoved him back into the dirt.

He rested his hand on his chest, and drew it down. As it passed over the black surface of his undersuit, an inverted red triangle formed, the corners cut off. A second triangle of yellow appeared, an S winding through it.

"Kryptonian genes."

He took a step forward, raised his fist, and glanced at the chunk of emerald wound around his middle finger.

"Green Lantern Ring."

He swung his other hand around, and the blocky head of Mjolnir clipped the Adversary in the face, spinning him around.

"I can call upon whatever I need to defeat you."

The Adversary put his hand on his chest. "Stop. I'll kill them. I'll turn them into undifferentiated energy. Take a look at that string on your hand."

Shinji swallowed and looked down. The string ran straight into the Adversary's core.

"You would do that to me," he said, "you know what the string means. You know I feel for her the way you feel for Rei."

"That's not true, you're not real, you're not-"

"If life is an illusion, I am part of that illusion, and being part of it, the illusion is real to me."

He lifted Mjolnir and closed his hands around it. The hammer folded, and he spread his hands again. He was holding a mirror with a gilt frame, pointing it at the Adversary's twisted visage.

"You're not Conan," Shinji.

"Shut up!"

"You're Thulsa Doom."

"No!" the Adversary bellowed, "What do you know? What do you…" His hands trembled. He stared at them, flexing the claws. "No, that's not right. I… I won. I want my prize."

"Rei isn't a prize, Shinji. She's a person."

"Stop calling me that! She betrayed me, she left me behind, she-"

"She loves you. After all you did, she asked me to save you. Is that you talking, or that thing?"

"Shut up!"

"Let him go, Shogoki."

The Adversary trembled. "I… I just wanted her to be happy…"

"She's sitting in a cold room, crying her eyes out while the universe burns down in front of her. Does that sound happy to you?"

"I…" he clutched his head. "No, listen to me!" he shouted at himself, twisting and nearly falling to the sand. "We can't, I can…" he trailed off.

The Adversary stopped. His arms fell down to his side. He looked up, those green eyes full of hate.

"You lose."

"I don't think so," said Shinji.

He clapped his hands together and when he drew them apart, there was a Lance between them. He grasped the haft and turned it, lifting it up for an overhand throw.

The Adversary reared up.

"I am of the First Ones. I am the Forbidden Union of Adam and Lilith," said the Adversary. "I am invincible."

"No, you're not," said Shinji. "Last time I checked, you left Lilith upstairs. If I remember correctly, Shinji asked the Author to pull her out of him."

Its eyes widened. "That's… it doesn't matter, I have the others. I have all of them within my core, I just need to-"

"You hold them prisoner. You think they'll merge with you?"

"I tire of this form, of these games. Time to die, little man."

Its core became a sun. The moon, the white moon, darkened the light fleeing from it. The sky itself changed, the night become a true, deep darkness, and turned the color of blood. He looked over his shoulder and saw the boy and the girl. She was curled against him as he feebly attempted to shield her with his arms. He would lose the integrity of his physical form, again. Once those two were struck down the wave would build, spread, leap from point to point, and wither the remaining leaves on the Tree. Everything would fall.

Shinji turned, in a panic. He could see it, see the anti-AT Field ramping up in Shogoki's core, increasing in strength as the beast contained it. There were more cores inside it, all the cores it had already absorbed. Infinity times infinity times infinity over and over again. Any moment, it would burst.

He raised the spear.

"My AT-Field cannot be breached," the beast snarled, "the light of my soul is inviolate."

Shinji stared into the core. He looked at the spear. He opened his hand, and it vanished.

"What are you doing?" Shogoki demanded. It sounded almost worried.

"Steel can break. Flesh withers. The will is invincible."

His body was only a construct. It was only words. There was never a Tree. There was never a door. It was only a construct.

He went into the core.

At the heart of all things, the beast cried hate.


He didn't pitch forward, or trip, or fall down this time. He couldn't have been said to move. Shinji simply appeared, and his perceptions gave the theoretical space around him shape. He'd abandoned his body, given it away before the Adversary, before Shogoki, could steal it from him with the AT-Field. The Capacitor thrummed, surrounding him, part of him, a lifeline beaming from his brain straight up at angle he couldn't see. He took a breath.

He was, of course, surrounded by crystal. He stood in a valley of red rock, gleaming and transparent, like very clear, very pure quartz, tinted with blood. The sky was red, and whether it was more of the same material far distant on the inner curve of an immense (relative to him) sphere or a reflection in the sky, he didn't know, or care. He could feel the souls around him, the power they contained.

He started to walk, starting to search.

"That doesn't make any sense," he said out loud, "I'm not in a physical place. Why would I need to look?"

He turned to his left. He was just there.

A column of the red stone ran from the floor to… wherever. He wiped away a residue on the surface -it seemed to sweat, for some reason- and flicked it away. He saw his own face inside layered under the red rock, twisted into a tormented mask of grief. He pounded it on with his fist, crashing the gold mail around his hand into the surface, but it was unmarred.

"Stupid," he said to himself, "Stupid, stupid. If I'm going to break a concept I have to do it with another concept."

He closed his hand around the hammer of Thor. It didn't appear, or form, or come from somewhere, it was just there. He gave it an easy, gentle swing, and the hard, sharp edge of the block head crashed into the crystal and shattered it. LCL rushed out, spilling around his feet, followed by a sharp cough. The Shinji inside thrust his hands out, pushed the crystal away, and stumbled out. He fell onto his hands and knees, coughing, his red cape draped over him.

Shinji blinked. He forgot the hammer in his hand and it ceased to be there. It was hard to concentrate, seeing him as he really was, especially as he stood up.

"You don't even know what you are, do you?"

Superman stood up. As he moved, he flashed. For a moment, he had Shinji's face, and the next he was older, squarer, taller. Gray appeared at his temples, vanished. He settled back into being another Shinji again.

"You don't spread hope, or represent hope, or make hope. You are hope."

He scratched his head. "If you say so. Where are we?"

"We're in the Adversary's core."

He looked around. "I suppose that's about right. What happened to you?"

Shinji glanced down at himself. "I had to put on my power suit. Hurry. We have to free the others."

Shinji moved, moving from column to column, crashing them open with hammer blows while Superman did the same, but pried them apart with his bare hands. When he found Asuka, his Asuka, and she emerged, she started screaming, clutching her flat stomach, her gloved hand sliding over her plugsuit.

"Where's my baby?"

"Be not afraid," said Shinji.

She looked at him. "What?"

"You exist here as you imagine yourself in your own heart."

"What?"

"You have conceptualized being skinny."

"I'm not skinny!"

"Asuka," said Superman, resting his hands on her shoulders.

"I just, I… is she okay?"

Shinji nodded. "Only if we accomplish our mission. We have to get everyone out."

"That's going to take forever."

He looked around. She was right. The same problem that once held Shogoki in check now captured him. There were infinite Shinjis to free, a task that had no conclusion, like a box contained inside an infinite number of boxes.

"Don't move."

He lifted the hammer, and turned his palm up. It floated over it, light as a feather. He closed his eyes. He had to concentrate for this one.

Then there were lots of hammers.

They flew around like motes of dust, like flakes in a snowstorm, like stars in a galaxy. The hammer was everywhere at once, crashing through crystal, bouncing from one column to another. LCL rushed between his feet in a wave, the sound of the souls being freed thundering in his ears like the tide in a seaside cave.

"This idea space is no longer necessary. You can't hide, Shogoki. You can't have him, either."

It was like a hall of mirrors. Everyone was him, or Asuka, or Misato. He was tempted to cry out, to find her, but he had to put everyone else first. The other Shinjis were all around him. Super-Shinjis, Spider-Shinjis, mad doctors and mad scientists, a Shinji who was a thousand feet tall, a Shinji in golden armor bedecked in eagles, a halo on his head. Good and evil, alive and dead, vampires, zombies, Shinjis whose physical form defied description.

Only one was missing.

"Everyone," he said, calmly. "I need you to be me."

There was only him.

He looked around. "I'm not wasting my time in a maze. Come out."

The red crystal was gone. He stood in ankle deep mud, choking out brown grass in thin tufts here and there.

A castle. Its curtain wall stretched off into either direction, from horizon to horizon. Its towers were taller than the tallest skyscrapers, its stones, boulders, its halls a maze. It would take a seasoned army a thousand years to besiege it.

Shinji stepped over the wall.

"You can't fool me with your illusions, monster."

It changed again. He walked through a rock tunnel, lit by torches set in the wall. He could smell decay in the distance.

He stopped.

"Quit looking for him," he muttered to himself.

He took a deep breath. He opened his eyes.

"Take him to the Tree of Woe," said Shinji. "Crucify him."

The Adversary was hanging from the tree, vultures perched on the branches around him, milling around on the ground. Bound to it by ropes about his wrists and ankles, he was settled in a crook in the fork of the tree, barely breathing, his body covered in scratch marks and tiny weeping wounds. His head lolled onto his chest.

"I know you're here."

The entire world shook. "You can't have him. He's mine."

"I know why," said Shinji. "You have no soul. I take him back, and you're done. Inert. Motionless."

"I will not permit it."

Shinji clenched his teeth. He knew it was coming. The Beast rose up, rising behind the Tree of Woe. It was like an ambulatory mountain, lifting out of the ground. Free of its armor, free of the restraint of being an Eva, Shogoki was an abomination, a thing that could not be, all alien proportions and misjointed limbs, the core gleaming in its midsection. Shinji didn't think about he could be in the core while it was right in front of him.

"Shinji!" Shinji shouted, "Wake up!"

The Beast moved, walking on all fours, dragging its long claws in the earth, digging valleys in the soft soil as it approached.

"You can't wake him," said the Beast. "I have stilled him. Now I will tear you apart, little man. Forever. You walk in the light of my soul and still you fail," it rasped, grinning madly. "You lose. You cannot save him."

"You're right, I can't. If there was a way, I would know. I also know who can."

Shinji breathed.

"Rei," he said, and she was there.

She ran to the tree and climbed up, pressing her body to the Adversary. Somehow, she was clad in… a chainmail bikini. There were no other terms to describe it. None were necessary. She shook him, pulled at his arms.

"She cannot wake him. The false Lilith will die the same as the rest of you. She is abomination," the Beast rasped, moving like a cat, its shoulders hunching as it stole around the tree, ready to pounce. "She perverts the holy mother with the false image of the Lilim. She is not meant to be of her children. She is more. Now I have her again and she will be only me. I will devour her, eat her bones."

The Adversary's eyes flew open and fixed on the Beast in a furious glare.

The Beast's gaze snapped to him. "No, little soul. You are mine now. Our compact is sealed."

The Adversary's face twisted into a sneer. Rei clung to him, pressing her face into his neck, whispering something Shinji could not hear.

"I once warned Zerougoki. Do her no harm, or I will tear you to pieces."

"Only with my strength to back it, only with the fear of my wrath. I am the world ender, the world eater, I am the death of all things. I am the Fruit of Wisdom who tears asunder the Fruit of Life."

"I follow Crom," said the Adversary, "He is strong. When I die, I will go before him, and he will ask me, 'what is the riddle of steel?'"

He reared up, his chest bulging, and flexed his arms. The ropes binding his wrists snapped like brittle twigs. He kicked his legs free and landed on the ground in a crouch, panther quick, agile as a cat, Rei following behind him. There was an axe in his hand as if he was born with it. The Beast recoiled even before it was struck. The chipped blade of the axe sunk into the gray, bloodless flesh of the creature and sheared off its arm, and it screamed.

"Now!" the Adversary bellowed, "While it's distracted!"

The Spear was in Shinji's hand as he sprinted, taking rapid, lunging steps. He had a vision in his mind as he raised it, of Unit Zero bounding through rain, the Lancea Longinus in her hand, ready to hurl it into the heavens to strike down the Angel of Birds. Not one Unit Zero, but all of them, all that ever could and would be, great and small, towering over skyscrapers and running down streets, Rei in chainmail in a forest, Rei firing a sniper rifle. He ground his teeth and he hurled the spear, whose head was three pointed ovals linked in a non-shape, the Metaflux Capacitor itself.

The Beast tried to raise its AT-Field, to deflect the Spear with the light of its soul.

"It is my soul you seek to command," the Adversary bellowed, clinging to Rei. "It is not yours. It is hers. I deny you. I give you up."

The Spear sank deep into the core, and the Beast twisted. Shogoki wailed, rearing up, contorting as light burst forth from within it. It clutched its skull with its hand, its mouth tearing open too wide, ragged teeth cracking from the fury of its own death scream.

It exploded. There are no words to speak of such a sound, for it was beyond sound. It was being, it was light and life and the fire of creation.

Shinji was alone on a beach. There was an acorn in his hand. He reached down and parted the sand with his fingers, and sank the seed into the soil and closed it again.

He was in the Great Atrium. All was dark, all was cold. There was no tree, nothing but Shinji, and behold there was a great earthquake. Born again the Tree erupted from the ground. It did not grow, it did not expand, it shredded nothingness and tore its way into being, bursting out like fireworks, like caged lightning bombarding through the air in every direction, raw force, raw life. Branches piled upon branches, reaching out like great golden fingers to seize the immaterial chaos of nothingness and take shape from it, leaf after leaf, world after world unfurling strong and fresh and new, born in the dew-fresh all-consuming glory of life.

The world lived again, all worlds lived again.

Shinji stood in his golden armor, shoulder pylons standing over his head. He flipped up his visor and pulled of his helmet, and his hair spilled down over his shoulders. He turned around, helmet under one arm, the Spear in his other hand.

Before him stood three yellow aliens.

"What now?"

"Our time is ended," said the first alien. "I am what was, now what may have been."

"I am what is, now what might be."

"I am what was yet to be, now come what may."

He looked over his shoulder.

"Someone must stand guard. There are other threats, secret hates whose names may not be spoken. It is your station," said the first alien, "if you wish it. You will stand apart from Iron Shinji. You are Cosmic Shinji."

He nodded. "Is my world still there?"

"It could be," said the second alien, "if you but perceive it, and collapse it into being. You can be in many places."

"You cannot stand alone. Always, there are three," said the second alien. "Always. Asuka, Shinji, Rei. Misato, Kaji, Ritsuko. Gendo, Naoko, Yui. Fuyutsuki, Gendo, Yui. Shinji, Toji, Kensuke. Toji, Hikari, Asuka. Always three. Past. Present. Future. Maid. Matron. Crone."

"It is for you to choose, for them to accept," said the third alien.

"You already know what I'm going to say. I can't leave this behind."

"That is why it must be you."

"I still don't understand. There had to be someone better, someone wiser than me."

The aliens looked at each other.

"One who is wise enough to ask, is wise enough."

"Great," he muttered.

He heard a yawn. He turned around. Rei was lying curled at the base of the tree.

"Is that…"

"Yes," said the aliens.

"What happens to her?"

"It has not happened yet. She has been kept here. There is something that needs to be said."

"By who?"

"Him."

Shinji turned.

"You."

Hello, said the Author.

"You know, I could stab you right now."

I know. I'm not here to see you. You already know what I would say to you.

"That's what the Capacitor is, isn't it? It's a direct line from me to you."

That's right.

"Somebody has a high opinion of himself," said Shinji.

The Author walked over to Rei. He offered her a hand and she took it. She stood up, and studied him for a moment.

She slapped him.

Ow! That hurt.

"Tell me about it," said Shinji.

"Why?" she shrieked, standing on her tip-toes to seize the collar of his shirt. "Why did you do that to him? Why did you leave him to that monster?"

I didn't.

"Why didn't you save him?"

I did. I sent him you.

She released his collar.

"May I ask you something?"

Certainly, Rei.

She stood on her toes again and cupped her hand around his ear, and whispered a request.

"Of course."

She smiled.

She vanished.

"What's happening to her?"

We'll see in a minute.

"You said there would be three," said Shinji. "What happens, do I get cloned or something?"

"No," said the aliens. "It is for you to choose, and for them to accept."

"Great, I choose-"

Misato stood next to him.

He blinked. It was her. It was really her. The red string proved it. She was standing there blinking, dressed in a pale purple gown of silk, something that looked sort of Greek, hanging off one shoulder. Bands of gold ringed her arms and a fine tiara held her hair from her eyes.

"Is… is this how she sees herself?"

"No," said the aliens.

It's how you see her, said the Author.

She slowly turned to face Shinji, her eyes wide. She touched her midsection, just below her chest. "They shot me," she murmured. "I died."

"I-"

Shinji didn't manage to get a syllable out before she leapt into his arms, throwing her arms around his neck and clamping down on his waist with her legs. She kissed him furiously, nearly bowling over and he dropped the damned spear, and he didn't care.

When she finally released him, or released him from the leg lock, anyway, she rocked back and forth in his arms, not speaking.

"Another," said the aliens. "There must be one more."

Hikari appeared beside him. Not the mighty Thor, not the Cyborg, not a vampire. His Hikari. She was wreathed in golden armor that matched his, but for the sword at her hip, and the golden laurel leaves that adorned her hair.

"You don't have to stay," said Shinji. "It's up to you."

She looked at her hands. "I was dead."

"Yes," said Shinji.

Her hands sank to her sides. "Toji is with Asuka now."

Shinji nodded.

"Are they happy?"

"You may see for yourself," said the aliens.

Hikari glanced at the tree. "I'll stay."

"The mantle is passed. Our task is completed."

The aliens vanished.

Then they reappeared.

"There is a bedroom. Do not have sex on the tree."

"How did they-" Misato started, but they vanished again and she trailed off.

"Wait," said Shinji. "We still don't know what happens."

We have to watch, said the Author.

He was seated in front of the tree. Next to him was a bag of tortilla chips.

Chip?

"No, thanks," said Shinji, sitting down. Misato and Hikari sat down beside him.

We watched.


Hikari ticked the name off on her clipboard. Shinji Ikari.

She froze.

"What the hell?" she whispered, looking around.

Toji gave her a glance as he walked past, if only because he heard her profanity, or maybe not. She tried, hard, to remember. Something important had just happened, but she didn't know what it was. She remembered waking up that morning, preparing for school, conducting the morning routine, loading onto the reserved car on the train for the field trip, all of it, but there was something in between, like a half remember dream, lost as she woke up.

She looked at the name she just ticked off. Shinji Ikari. She knew about him, he was the new transfer. Something about him was important. Something she needed to do, or say.

It was hard to remember. Particularly as she looked at him, because he was very, very cute. Hikari was startled when she realized she was blushing. She was the Class Representative. She was taking down names. It was what she did.

For some reason, some reason she did not quite understand she reached out, and curled her middle and ring finger to her palm. Nothing happened, not that she expected it to, but her heart sank. Something was missing, she was sure of it. It was like a nail in her mind, prodding her each time she moved. It was like the nagging feeling that she may have left the stove on.

Worse, the more she concentrated, the harder it became to remember. Whatever it was, it was slipping away.

Ikari was standing in front of her. "Class Rep?" he said, softly. "You're staring at me."

She blinked. She was staring at him. Worse, her mouth had suddenly decided to ruin her life.

"You're cute," she blurted.

He blushed, his eyebrows shooting up and, and scratched the back of his head. It was the most adorable little gesture. He was really cute.

Something about that made her very sad.

"I am?"

"I didn't mean-"

"You didn't?" he said, wilting.

"No! I mean yes! I mean I did, but I didn't mean to say it! I don't know. Let's go on the dumb field trip."

She clutched her clipboard to her chest and followed him in. He drifted away from her, but his whole demeanor changed. He went from nervously ignoring her to nervously pretending to ignore her while he was checking her out. She was sure of it. He kept looking at her legs, in particular. She didn't know why, since they were bony and awkward, just like the rest of her.

She stopped. There was a splotch mark on the floor. Someone had stepped on a particularly large, hairy spider. She stepped around it and went into the exhibition.

It droned on. The Akagi woman sounded bored, like she was reading it all off of cards, and passed the students off to a subordinate as quick as possible. Hikari took it as a time to relax, not worry about how the others were behaving. They were mostly in line, so there was little point in doing anything but letting her mind drift.

The rest of the day was uneventful. When they boarded the train to head back to school, the Ayanami girl sat next to Shinji and eyed daggers at Hikari the entire time, and the pressure of her gaze pushed her to the other side of the car. Toji ignored her, too, chatting up some girl Hikari only knew as a name on her roster.

By the time they got back, the school day was over. She collected her things, and headed home. She wasn't paying attention, which is how she was nearly killed. She looked up to see a big sedan skidding to a stop. The bumper actually nudged her hip and she nearly fell over.

She hopped out of the way and glared at the driver. He was an old man, so she felt bad, paradoxically, for being angry at him for nearly killing her. He had a long beard and wore a dark coat and hat despite the heat, and had an eyepatch over his left eye. He grinned wolfishly as he drove past, gunned the engine, and the car swerved around the corner.

Hikari shrugged, and headed home.

"Welcome home!" Kodama called out as Hikari walked into the house.

"Whatever," she said, sighing.

"Dad's going to be late. I'm making dinner."

Hikari shuddered a little. "I'm taking a nap. I had a long day."

"Fine," Kodama said, cheerily.

She slipped into her small bedroom and pushed the door shut. She dumped her things in the corner, uncharacteristically unconcerned for neatness. She had homework, but if she caught a few hours of sleep now, she could stay up late and finish it.

She flopped on the bed.

"Ow!" she shouted.

There was something hard under her top sheet. She pulled it back, rubbing at the tender spot on her back where the corner of it had dug into her. She expected a box or something, probably some kind of practical joke by Kodama.

She didn't know what it was. She picked it up, curious. It almost looked like a hammer, but no hammer she'd ever seen was this big. The head was a solid block of dull metal that looked almost like stone, fixed to a heavy haft that was wrapped in leather, one coil hanging from the bottom as a kind of strap. She turned it in her hand. There was writing on the other side, not etched into it, just there, leaving the surface unmarred. She tilted the head so she could read it.

"Whosoever lifts this hammer…"


There was a moment of dull shock when Shinji realized what he was doing. There was a small creature swathed in blankets cradled in the crook of his arm, squeezing his fingertip. He was in his uniform, mud up to his knees from an earthquake in Bolivia, cradling his daughter in his arms.

He wasn't there a moment ago, but that wasn't important.

Asuka was lying on the bed, half awake and half asleep. The unfortunate truth of the situation was that anesthetic simply wouldn't work on her. She had to do it the old fashioned way. It was for the best. Ritsuko insisted there was great danger, no reason to assume the baby was invulnerable and Asuka's superhuman strength might harm her.

That is, until Ritsuko tried to take a blood sample from the infant, and the needle snapped off rather than pierce her skin.

She had pale blue eyes, more Asuka's than his, and her hair was a lighter shade than Shinji's, closer to Yui's. She was tiny and just barely able to open her eyes, and perfect.

Asuka was still shiny with sweat, looking more tired than he'd seen her in years, maybe ever. She slowly rolled her head towards him.

"You know," he said, "I don't think I've ever seen you more beautiful than you are now."

Her eyes narrowed. "If you do this to me again, I will murder you."

Shinji looked up.

Lilith.

Asuka looked over and sat bolt upright, putting herself between Lilith and Shinji, and their child. "What are you doing here?"

Lilith raised her hands in surrender. "I'm not come to take your child, Asuka. Be not afraid."

Shinji relaxed, letting out a slow breath. "Then…"

"She is, in a way, my niece. I am aware of a certain custom among humans. A protector is chosen, an additional parent."

"A godmother?" said Asuka.

"Precisely."

"You… you want to be her godmother?"

"Yes. Have you chosen a name?"

"Mari," said Asuka.

"That is a good name," said Lilith. "Do you know where souls come from?"

Asuka shook her head. Shinji was too busy staring at his child.

"From me, all of them, even yours, though you don't remember. Someone asked me for a favor and so I chose a very special one for your child, to enter her when I delivered the breath of life. It is an old soul, long abused. I could think of no better place for her than with you."

"She'll be safe with us," said Shinji. "She'll know wonders even we can't imagine."

Asuka looked at Lilith, hard. "Do you know the future?"

"Of course. I'm already there."

"Will we have more? More children."

Lilith smirked. "What are you, stupid?"

Asuka's eyes narrowed. Lilith vanished.

"She does that," said Shinji.

"It was all real," said Asuka. "It all really happened."

"Do you think anyone else remembers?"

Shinji shrugged, only slightly. "I don't know how much I remember. Sometimes I feel like I was watching it all from outside my own body, like a dream."

"Is it true?" said Asuka. "That we're being watched?"

"You mean? Oh. Yeah. I couldn't always see them."

"Are they… always there? I mean, when we…"

"No," he sighed. "I don't think they mean us any harm."

She looked around the room. "Are they watching now?"

He nodded. "I think they want to make sure they baby is okay."

Rei knocked on the door frame and stepped into the room. Shinji glanced down and saw the emerald ring on her right hand.

"May I?"

Shinji nodded and very slowly and carefully, passed little Mari into her arms. Her entire expression changed, her usual reserve fading as an unconscious, open-mouthed smile spread across her lips. She didn't say anything for quite a while, and finally returned the baby to Asuka.

"I… I have to go," she murmured.

She stumbled into the hallway, where Kensuke was waiting.

"Uh," he said.

She turned to him, very slowly, a manic grin on her face. She seized his hand and dragged him down the hall until she found an unoccupied room, and shoved him inside. The door slammed and locked, and the blinds on the window dropped down with a clatter.

Shinji turned, and looked out an angle only he can see…

"Hey. Get lost."

…and winked.


Shinji was breathing hard. It wasn't from his workout, he'd finished hours ago and had already showered and changed. It was from the prospect of meeting Rei.

He'd seen her a few times, going in and out of the locker room. Something about her strange appearance drew him to her, but he hadn't worked up the confidence to talk to her. For some reason, she'd been invited to his house, to eat dinner. Ritsuko was in the kitchen, cooking. Dad was in his study, going over something important for work, like he always was. Shinji lingered by his door, and was about to turn away when his father spoke.

"Come in."

Shinji stepped inside.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

He leaned back from his desk, strewn with papers. In his slacks and turtleneck, he looked eminently casual. He hadn't shave in a day, and Shinji almost wondered what he'd look like with a beard. He'd never seen it. As if he could sense the attention, Gendo scratched his chin.

"Well, come on. Come in."

Gendo's home study was the opposite of his office at work. Shinji had been there a few times and it was scary, a big empty space with a weird thing etched on the ceiling. At home he was much more informal. He laughed, he joked, he told stories. He scraped at the bowl of his pipe while Shinji worked up the courage, looking around the room at the books of shelves and papers, at the diploma on the wall and the black belt draped over one of the side chairs, casually left out.

"How do I, um, talk to girls?"

"With your mouth," Gendo said, wryly.

"No, I mean, what do I say?"

"Talk to her."

Shinji blinked. "That's what I mean, what do I talk about?"

Gendo sighed and leaned forward, folding his hands in front of himself. "Girls aren't aliens, Shinji. You talk to them about things you're interested in, and if you're lucky, they're interested in the same things. The best part is when you share interests with each other, and each of you learn new likes you never knew you had."

Shinji scratched the back of his head. "That's it?"

He nodded and smiled. "That's it."

"What do you do if you, um, like her?"

"Oh," said Gendo. "That's different. You beat the shit out of her boyfriend."

"I heard that!" Ritsuko shouted from the kitchen. "Gendo, you stop filling that boy's head with nonsense."

He leaned close. "It works, or you wouldn't be here."

Shinji nodded, as if he'd been imparted with some great secret.

He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Did you beat up Ritsuko's boyfriend?"

"No. She didn't have one. I won her over with my wit and charm."

"What wit and charm?" she called.

Gendo rolled his eyes. "You're worried because Ayanami is coming over tonight."

Shinji nodded.

"You have a crush on her."

His jaw dropped. "I, uh, that is, I-"

Gendo clapped his shoulder. "She lives with Captain Katsuragi. You know that. She could use a change of pace, I think."

Shinji nodded.

Gendo leaned forward. "She's a little strange. She could use your help, I think. Be nice to her."

Shinji nodded enthusiastically.

He scurried back to his room, all but slammed the door, and changed his clothes. He didn't have anything that was formal other than his school uniform, so he pulled on a white shirt and slacks. He left the shirt unbuttoned at the top. Wearing his tie would be a little weird.

He had homework to do. It was tough to concentrate on it, and it was difficult. He'd already advanced two years in school. He'd heard that the German pilot was actually taking college courses while she trained to pilot, against advice not to. Dad had even called her on the phone. He listened to them chatting in German a few times in the middle of the night, wondering what they might be saying. He never worked up the nerve to ask. He found himself unable to concentrate, and ended up pacing the room, walking back and forth beside his bed.

"Shinji!" Dad called, "Get down here!"

Shinji nearly bolted down the steps, careening into the living room. Rei had just stepped inside. His jaw dropped.

He'd seen her in her school uniform and her plugsuit, which was kind of weird, but only glimpses. She stood in the living room in full form, in a surprisingly tight black t-shirt that only came down to her belly button, and dark jeans that hugged her hips rather tightly. She had on pink socks, and canvas sneakers. The tips of her hair were dyed, sort of dusted with a metallic frost blue that stood out against the rest of it, and she was obviously wearing makeup, very light shades that made it look like she was always blushing.

Ritsuko was giving her the eye. She leaned over to Dad.

"What the hell did Katsuragi to do her?" she mumbled.

"Shinji!" Dad called again.

Sheepishly, Shinji walked out into the room. As much as he wanted to look at Rei, and her image was something he definitely wanted to commit to memory, the floor was suddenly an eyeball magnet. He scratched the back of his head and he felt his father tense, ready to slap his hand down.

"Rei, this is my son, Shinji."

"Hello, Ikari," said Rei.

"You can call me Shinji," he said, quickly.

"Shinji," she repeated, studying the word, somehow. Evaluating it.

"Why don't you take her upstairs?" Dad said, sharply. "You two can talk while we finish up dinner."

"Gendo, is that-" Ritsuko started.

He shushed her. "Go on."

Rei started walking, almost brushing past him. Shinji choked back a yelp and followed after her. She stopped at the top of the stairs and he had to squeeze past her, oh how he had to squeeze past her, almost touching the pale skin of her arm. She looked back at his father, and the two shared a brief, almost knowing glance.

"In here," he said, pushing in the door.

A sudden wave of irrational panic thundered through him. All the posters, the toys! She was going to think he was a nerd.

She walked into his room before he even realized she'd passed him and stood there, taking it all in with a slow turn of her head.

"What are these things?"

"Uh, presents and stuff. I keep them for sentimental value. I don't, ah, play with toys."

"I see," said Rei.

She picked up a red truck from the shelf over his desk. "What is this?"

"That's Optimus Prime. He's a transformer."

Rei turned the toy in her hands. "What does it do?"

Shinji gingerly took it from her grasp, and unfolded it. He successfully contained the urge to make the noise in the process, but only just barely. He handed the unfolded robot back to her.

"I see," Rei said again, returning it to the shelf. "These others are the same?"

Shinji nodded. "I have a whole collection. This is Ironhide, and this is Megatron. He's evil."

"Because he is a gun?"

"I guess. I never put much thought into it."

He glanced at his display case of Chaos Space Marines, but decided against explaining that to her just yet.

Rei moved around the room, studying his things. She stopped at the vintage poster on the wall. It was framed, another birthday gift from Dad, after Shinji liked the movie. It was just the logo and a red, yellow, and blue streak, kind of subtle, if you think about it.

"What does this say?" said Rei, touching the glass over the logo.

"Superman: The Movie."

"And here," she said, tapping the bottom.

"You will believe a man can fly."

Shinji shook his head. "Wow. Well, um, I've seen you with books," he said, remembering his father's advice. "Do you like to read?"

"Those are for school," said Rei, "but I enjoy reading. I enjoy it more than the television shows that Misato makes me watch."

"Like what?"

Rei shrugged, a tiny gesture that was absolutely hypnotic, especially as she stared absently at another shelf of toys. The way her hair was fringed was… it was cool. He liked it. Quite a bit.

"She enjoys shows about people becoming angry and shouting at each other because they are in love, and other shows about Americans consuming too much alcohol and puking."

Shinji snorted. "What do you like to watch?"

"I don't know."

He started to panic. Didn't he ask her something a minute ago? Talk to her about herself. That was it.

"Um, I like your shoes."

She looked down. "I chose these."

Jackpot!

"Misato chose the rest of my clothes. She insisted I wear this shirt and these pants for some reason. She referred to the shoes she chose as 'eff me shoes'. They were uncomfortable, so I wore these instead."

"Oh, well they look good, too."

Rei looked at him very oddly. "Thank you?"

He wasn't sure if it was a question.

"So," he said, scratching at his head again. "I guess we're going to be up here for a while."

Rei sat on the bed. For some reason, his heart pounded in his chest.

"We should do something," he added.

"Such as?"

Oh, shit.

He needed something, anything. "We could watch a movie."

She looked at the poster. "That one?"

"Sure."

He fished the DVD out and stuck it in the player, and clicked on the television.

"Some of the effects are kind of lame," he said, "but it's a classic. I only have the dub, though."

"Dub?"

"Well, it's in English. This is dubbed."

"Oh."

Shinji sat down on the opposite side of the bed, no reason to crowd her. He glanced at her a few times and lay down, as close to the edge as he could manage. Rei's eyes flicked from him to the television, and she did the same, except she claimed much more bed real estate than he did. A thousand thoughts flared in his mind as she settled, relaxing on the mattress. Most of them aligned to a few simple facts.

There was a girl in his bed.

And she was touching him.

"Are you alright?"

He blinked. She was also talking to him.

"Yeah," he said.

"Why are you on the edge of the bed? It looks uncomfortable."

He shimmied a little closer. He was straight up touching her now, their arms sort of resting on each other. She shifted her weight, and the springy give of the mattress ended up with her resting against him, her head inches away from his on the pillow, but not touching.

She rolled a little more onto her side, but hesitated before she touched him.

"So, you're a pilot too, huh?"

She nodded.

He turned away from the television a little. "Do you ever think about when it starts. I mean, if the angels come. We have to fight."

"Sometimes," said Rei.

"Are you scared?"

"Yes," she said, "but you are a pilot, too. You will defend me, won't you?"

He blinked. "Of course. We'll protect each other."

"May I ask you something?" she said.

"Yeah," said Shinji.

"What is the Riddle of Steel?"

He blinked. "Huh?"

"Never mind," she said, softly, smiling at her left hand. "Forget it."

The movie had already started.

Shinji froze, like a rabbit in a snare, as Rei put her head on his shoulder, and draped her arm over his chest.

"I'm cold."

He blinked. There was a blanket folded up at the bottom of the bed. He kicked his feet under it and pulled it up with his legs, and drew it over her. She was asleep in a few minutes, snoring lightly into his shoulder. There was a girl sleeping in his bed.

Suddenly, the movie was a lot less interesting. It droned in the background.

It is for this reason above all, their capacity for good, that I have sent them you…


You have been reading

The Crisis of Infinite Shinjis

Chapter Six: The Riddle of Steel

And the beast was taken, and with him the false prophet that wrought miracles before him, with which he deceived them that had received the mark of the beast, and them that worshipped his image. These both were cast alive into a lake of fire burning with brimstone.


The Crisis incorporates characters and concepts from…

Neon Genesis Evangelion/Rebuild of Evangelion created by Hideaki Anno and Studio Gainax/Khara with character designs by Yoshiyuki Sadomoto

The Marvel Universe and characters created by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko, Larry Leiber, Don Heck, and too many others to list.

The DC Comics Universe including Jerry Seigel and Joe Schuster's Superman, Bob Kane and Bill Finger's Batman, Willam Moulton Martin's Wonder Woman, and many others.

The Evil Dead and Army of Darkness, created by Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell

The grim, dark future of Warhammer 40,000, specifically creations and concepts lifted from Dan Abnett and Graham McNeill, Aaron Dembski-Bowden and others

Conan the Cimmerian, created by Robert E. Howard, and the Riddle of Steel by John Milius

…and The Transformers, the Ghostbusters, and Battlestar Galactica

The Crisis was of course inspired by the Ur-Crisis, The Crisis on Infinite Earths, the brainchild of Marv Wolfman and George Perez, and Final Crisis by Grant Morrison.


My special thanks to everybody who participated in the SpaceBattles thread, without which this story might never have gotten off the ground.


Well, there it is. It's far from perfect, and I'll probably have to take drugs and go on a penitent march to keep myself from rewriting it, but it's done!

Or is it?