A/N: I don't own Glee, its characters, A Christmas Carol, or its characters. This was just for fun.
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Chapter 3 - The Ghost of Christmas Past
Rachel woke up with a start. She felt vaguely unsettled. Steeling a glimpse at the clock on her bedside table, she saw it was midnight. She felt like she had slept 24 hours around the clock, "How could that be?" she thought to herself. She was sure it was after 2am when crazy Sue Sylvester had shown up. The thought of sleeping for 24 hours, which was unheard of to Rachel Berry, so frightened her; she jumped out of bed, and ran to her window. She flung it open, looking down for any trace that Sue Sylvester was actually in her home. A fresh blanket of snow had covered everything in sight. There were no footprints, no sign of chains being drug behind a person, nothing to indicate Sylvester had been anything but a dream. She sighed in relief. She wasn't going crazy; it was just a night of horrible dreams.
Still, everything Sue Sylvester said about her, weighed on Rachel's conscious. She had been horrible to everyone since Winter Break started. She had been so intent on making her last holiday and birthday at home with her family absolutely perfect, she drove everyone away. She was afraid of going so far from home without her Dad and Daddy who always supported her. Maybe she should have just told them that, instead of freaking out about making "perfect" memories. She should have just told them how much she loved them, and how much she would miss them.
She thought of calling Quinn to come snuggle with her, but she remembered they were not together anymore. The feeling of loss that swept over her caused a sudden pain in her chest, and a small sob to unintentionally escape her throat. Rachel thought about what "dream" Sue had said. Quinn had needed her, had run to her, but she had been selfish and self-centered.
"Is that what happened?" Rachel thought back to the fight, and recalled Quinn being at her door unexpectedly. With a flash of guilt, the diva realized she never let her blonde girlfriend say one word. She had cried, moaned, and complained about herself. Looking back, Rachel could see that Quinn was clearly distraught, "How did I miss that?" She knew how. She was only thinking of herself, not Quinn. Her self-sufficient, proud angel had needed her, and she blew her off. It made her want to die. The blonde never asked anyone for anything. On the rare occasion she had turned to Rachel for support, she had been let down. The thought caused Rachel physical pain.
Despite her fear of abandonment, she knew Quinn loved her. Rachel knew she would have to grovel, but she would fix this in the morning. It had gone on long enough. It had taken her and Quinn too long to find each other. She couldn't live without the blonde goddess in her life, nor did she choose too. While there simply wasn't enough time to make a decent PowerPoint presentation of why Quinn needed to forgive her, her plan would suffice. Rachel Barbra Berry could grovel with the best of them, and this time she wasn't acting. She was genuinely contrite. She would beg on her knees if necessary. Quinn would forgive her, and they would live happily ever after.
With that comforting plan firmly in place, Rachel was able to fall back to sleep.
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Rachel thought heard the big oak grandfather's clock downstairs gong once. She was vaguely aware of wondering how she heard that. Her bedroom was soundproof after all. Opening them wearily, she rubbed them with her fists, just as she had as a child.
The moon had cast a shadow across her room. Rachel did a double take when she saw a bright flash of light, "could that be lightening?" she wondered. Looking closer, she saw a person standing just inside her window. She screamed loudly and ducked under the covers.
She looked out again, and sighed in relief, "Holy Moses, Jesse! You scared me half to death! What are you doing in my room? I thought you were in California again?"
"I'm the spirit that Sue Sylvester told you would be arriving," he said in a bored voice.
"That was just a dream, Jesse," Rachel said dismissively as if it were obvious, "what are you wearing?"
Jesse was standing next to her bed wearing a snow-white tunic that was adorned in summer flowers. He had a gold, shimmering belt cinched tightly around his waist. The belt sparkled, shimmered, and shone. He wore leather sandals on his feet. He held a sprig of fresh, green holly in his hands. All of that wasn't even the weirdest part of his outfit; he had a crown on his curly hair. The crown was radiating light. It was that light Rachel had mistaken for lightening.
"Are you sure you're not gay? Even my dad wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit."
"I'm the spirit that Sue Sylvester told you would be arriving," Jesse stated more firmly, "I am the Ghost of Christmas past."
"Whose past?" Rachel asked.
"Your past, Rachel," Jesse the spirit said gently.
"Why are you here tonight, Jesse? You're scaring me."
"I'll show you everything you need to see, Rachel. Take my hand," he held his hand out, and Rachel pulled back.
"Heed my warning, Rachel. You have only tonight to mend your ways. After that, you are beyond our aid. You will live out your selfish, shallow life. Now, rise and take my hand," Jesse said not unkindly.
She quietly took his hand, and they walked towards the closed window, "Jesse….." she started. Rachel froze when they walked through her wall and window, and stood in front of a building that said, "Akron City Hospital".
Turning quickly, she whispered to Jesse, "I was born here."
"Yes, tonight is the night of your birth, eighteen years ago," he intoned, "I need to show you something," He held her hand, and they were suddenly in a private room in the hospital. A very young, very pregnant Shelby Corcoran was holding a woman's hand. Rachel had never met this woman, but knew she was Shelby's older sister, Ann.
Shelby was sobbing, "I can't do it Annie, go tell them. I won't give my baby away."
Ann Corcoran nodded solemnly, "I will if you want me to do that, Shelby."
"Oh God, I can't raise a baby. I have no money. Mom and Dad aren't speaking to me. I have nothing to offer her. Hiram and LeRoy are wonderful people. Please tell me what to do, Annie?"
"Shelby, honey. I can't tell you what to do. You went into this surrogacy wanting to help those nice men have a family. It was going to provide you with the money to go to New York City and study what you love. I warned you it was not so cut and dried. I've had a baby, sweetie. I know how powerful that bond is. I will do everything in my power to support you, no matter what your decision is, but I can't make it for you," she said as kindly as she could.
"I love her, Annie," Shelby wailed, "I can't just give her away. What if she doesn't understand? What if she thinks I never cared about her? What if she feels abandoned or unloved?"
"Oh, honey. Hiram and LeRoy aren't going to let your daughter believe that. You said yourself they are wonderful men."
Shelby cried as another contraction hit, "Holy fuck that hurts!" she yelled.
"Breathe, Shel, breathe. I'm right here with you," Ann coached her baby sister.
"AAAGGGGGGHHHHH," Shelby screamed in pain, as she grabbed her sister's hand, "Call the nurse, she's coming right now!" Ann looked panic stricken as she nodded, and ran out to get the nurse.
Rachel was standing right next to her mother. Her eyes filled with tears as she turned and looked at Jesse, "She wanted to keep me," she whispered. She turned and watched a young, vulnerable Shelby Corcoran. This woman was nothing like the Coach Corcoran they all knew. Had giving her child away turned her into the no-nonsense, seemingly cold woman Rachel knew today?
Jesse nodded as if he understood her thoughts, "Yes, giving you away was the most unselfish thing your mother ever did. It came at a cost though, it changed her."
"Can we go now?" Rachel said as tears flowed freely, "I hate seeing her so unhappy."
"I have something else to show you, Rachel," Jesse took her hand, and once again they walked through a wall.
"I'm never going to get used to that," Rachel muttered, "Where are we now?"
Jesse the Ghost just pointed.
A jubilant and incredibly young looking Hiram and LeRoy Berry were cradling a screaming, squalling, very red faced, newborn Rachel.
Rachel grinned, "They weren't lying, I did have a set of lungs on me!" She said proudly. Walking over to get a closer look, she saw her fathers were both crying.
"Oh LeRoy, are we sure this stupid contract is the right thing to do? What if Rachel wants to meet her mother?"
"If she does, we'll talk about it with Shelby. This just protects all of us, including Shelby. Don't worry, honey. All of us just want what is best for this gorgeous little girl. But think about it, baby. If we don't have this contract in place saying Shelby can't contact Rachel until she's 18 years old, do you really think she will leave Ohio? She's so talented; she deserves to go to New York. It's her dream! Instead, she'll stay here forever and give up her life, and her future. She gave us the best, most precious gift we could ever ask for; our little girl, a child, our future. We need to give her a gift back; her dreams, and the freedom to achieve her dreams."
Rachel watched sadly as her fathers fussed over her tiny self. She could suddenly see what a gift her mother had given them all. She could also see the gift her fathers had given her mother.
Jesse took her hand and walked her into a dark room where Shelby Corcoran was sobbing into the arms of her crying sister. She was inconsolable. Rachel cried with her for all of them.
"Please," she whispered, "I can't watch her anymore, it's heartbreaking."
"Yes, she made an incredible sacrifice to give you a happy home with two incredible people who loved you. She knew she was incapable of giving you what your fathers could. She signed away her heart the day she signed those adoption papers.
Rachel looked back towards the bed when she heard her mother sob, "Oh God, Annie my heart is breaking. I never even got to hold her."
"I know, honey. You'll see her again. You're allowed to see her again when she's 18 years old. It's not forever, Shelby. I've got you baby, go ahead and cry," Ann held her sister, and rocked her, "I'm so proud of you, Shelb. You gave that couple a healthy, beautiful girl, and you gave your child a wonderful home. You're amazing, and one day that little girl will know what you did for her!"
Rachel felt a pang in her chest, all she had thought about was her own pain. Even after watching Quinn grieve daily over Beth, she never realized the devastation Shelby had felt at giving her away. She was ashamed of herself and her behavior towards her mother.
"Please, can we go now?"
Jesse nodded and took her arm.
"Can we go home, I'm tired. I want to go to bed," she was still crying.
"Not yet, I have more to show you."
They emerged into a rundown apartment. Rachel looked around curiously, "where are we? When are we?"
"We are in Shelby's New York apartment, and it is your 5th birthday."
Rachel flinched as Shelby came running out of the bathroom, toothbrush still in her mouth. She had a towel wrapped around her head and body, "Angie! Get up; I cannot be late to this audition! I will leave your lazy ass here, I swear to God!"
"She can't see or hear you," Jesse reassured Rachel.
Shelby sat down at the kitchen table, and pulled a bag out of her purse. She pulled out a birthday card that had kittens and balloons with a big, pink, number 5 on the front. The woman opened the card and wrote carefully in the card. She wiped a few tears, kissed the card as she sealed it, and quietly sang "Happy Birthday, dear Rachel."
Rachel was so moved. She really had believed that her mother had given her away and didn't think about it again until she got back to Ohio. How wrong she had been.
"She did this every year, on December 18th. There is a pile of unopened birthday cards tied in ribbon, in a box under her bed still today," Jesse the spirit smiled sadly.
Rachel nodded, and smiled. She took Jesse's hand and they were back in Lima, Ohio. It was her first day of Kindergarten. She recognized the dress she wore.
She watched as she shyly stood to the side. Smiling softly, she watched as an adorable Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, and Quinn Fabray walked up to her and asked her to play. Watching them get along that day, she couldn't believe how sweet and cute Quinn looked. That was what her daughter was going to look like one day. She could see it was what Beth would look like as well.
They had all shared their lunches, and Quinn had shared her gummy bears with her. She watched as Finn Hudson pushed her, and the three girls yelled at him. She knew what was coming though, the very next day it was Quinn who pushed her down. Santana and Brittany looked at her sadly but followed Quinn's lead. Rachel never did understand what had happened, and Quinn had never said. Even now, she had no idea what happened.
Just as she thought it, she was in the Fabray foyer. A very excited Quinn was chattering to her mother about her first day of school, "I met some friends, mommy. They was so nice. We had music class and my new friend Rachel Berry sang. It was so pretty. I love her mommy. I'm going to marry her."
Rachel watched as Judy shushed her daughter, and pulled the door shut, "Quinnie, girls can't marry girls. Don't let Daddy hear you say that."
The diva saw her love's hazel eyes fill with sad tears, "I really love her mommy. She's my girlfriend. We had lunch. I gave her my gummy bears. I can to marry her!"
Judy grabbed Quinn's arm roughly, "NO you can't! Girls don't marry girls. It's a sin. IF you say such a thing to me ever again, I will spank you black and blue. Do you understand me, young lady?"
"No mommy, I don't understand. I really, really love her."
Rachel watched in horrified shock when Judy slapped Quinn across the face.
"This conversation is over. Rachel Berry has two queer fathers. They live in sin, and are going to hell. They are also Jewish. You can NEVER be her friend, ever! Fabrays do not associate with those kinds of people. Now go to your room, I don't think you need dinner tonight. You are far too willful and disobedient."
Rachel sobbed as she watched a young Quinn Fabray have her innocence torn from her. No wonder she spent years terrorizing Rachel. She was being terrorized at home. It should be criminal to be so cruel to a young child.
Jesse took her hand, and they were in her living room. She was covered in mud, and crying into her Daddy's chest.
"I don't understand, Daddy. Quinn Fabray was my friend yesterday. Why does she hate me today?"
Adult Rachel saw the look of anguish that passed between her fathers at the mention of the name Fabray.
"Oh baby girl, some people are so unhappy and filled with ignorance and hate they can't understand love when they see it. It's not you sweetie. You are so sweet and special. One day everyone will see it, even Quinn Fabray."
She watched as her fathers both cried when she fell asleep in his arms. They had always been there for her. Rachel sniffled loudly.
Jesse turned to her, "What is it?"
"Nothing," she shook her head, "It's nothing."
"It's something, I think!"
"I just want to tell them how happy they made my childhood, and how I always knew I was loved. It was hard being the daughter of the only gay couple in Lima, Ohio. It made me who I am today. I think they suffered a lot when I came home not understanding why people hated me. I get it now."
She watched as Jesse the spirit nodded in understanding, "We are the product of all our experiences."
"Now I believe you are a spirit and not Jesse. He isn't that deep."
Jesse's glow began to dim, "We are running short on time," He said to no one in particular, "I have something else to show you."
"Please no more," Rachel cried, "This is so overwhelming. I can't stand to see anymore."
Jesse took Rachel's hand. They were back in the Fabray kitchen. Russell was drinking coffee smugly. Judy was standing in the dining room addressing a furious Quinn. Not only was she furious, but only Rachel could tell she was hurting.
"You said you were the Ghost of the past. When was this? It can't be the past."
"It was the day of your breakup. Judy is telling Quinn her father is spending Christmas with the family. It is in your past."
"That's why she came over to my house?" Rachel started crying, "Oh what have I done. Judy promised he would never be allowed back. She swore to always protect Quinn from him."
"She meant it when she said it, but she is weak," Jesse stated without judgment, "Quinn came to you for comfort, but instead…."
"Yes, I know what I did!" Rachel sobbed, "I let her down, just like everyone else in her life has done all her life. Jesse please take me from this horrible place. I can't stand to see anymore. I hate you, take me home."
"I told you these were the moments from your past. They are but shadows of the past. They are neither good nor bad, they just are! Don't blame me for showing you what lies behind your own deeds."
"Take me home," she sobbed brokenly. Rachel watched as that blinding white light flashed brightly again. She looked and she was alone in her bedroom once again. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she crawled into bed. She was overcome by sadness, and exhaustion. Pulling the covers over her, she fell into a deep sleep.
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The Ghost of Christmas present is next…. So what did you think?
