secrets in my heart
chapter 3
hospital
Finally, I can stay with Beckett. Castle takes the jacket, he was wearing off and fixes his hair in the mirror. He was about to enter her room when the nurse stops him.
"Sorry, family only sir."
"So I can't..." the nurse shook her head.
"Sorry if you're not..."
"But I..." Castle had to think quick, tell them you're her husband
she'd kill me but it would be worth it.
what if she does?
I'll risk it. I need to be there.
He took a deep breath. "I'm her fiancé." he says lying through his teeth. The nurse looks over the list, "Sorry sir, no one mentions that."
"Well, why not," his voice creeping higher.
"If it's not on the list then..."
"Then what? I can't see her! Then how the hell do I get on the list."
Another night crew nurse heard his complaints. "Any problems up here." Castle turns to see yet another nurse in another colored scrub, this one was dressed in blue scrubs.
"Why won't they let me in to see my fiancée."
"He's not on the list of visitors only, her dad is. Dr's orders." Damn you Josh.
"I'll show him how to get on the list." THe blond nurse in her light blue cartoonish scrubs took him by the arm. "Hey you were the guy that was causing a ruckus earlier weren't you?"
He grins sheepish. "Guilty,"
"If you are quiet, in 1 hour they do another shift change. Come back then. I'll let you in but if her father wants you to leave..."
"Then I will. I just..." He would do anything just to see her. "I...I just want to see her. To tell her I'm here."
One (painfully) hour later:
The blond nurse kept her promise, She let Castle go by her without stopping him.
"Just remember what I said okay. If Mr. Beckett tells you to leave. I want you gone."
Castle nods, "Thanks," Castle takes a moment at Beckett's door. "I'm finally here..." He sees that her father hasn't left her side yet. Castle slowly opens the door not to scare him. Mr. Beckett glances up, thinking it was another nurse.
"Hey son." he calls shocked to see Castle.
"May I come in?" Castle was hoping that after all the trouble he went thought that her father would allow him to come in.
"So the nurse finally let you in." Castle cracked a smile, only if he knew what I did.
"Yes. Look if you want me to leave...I will." Castle didn't want to, but seeing how things went that morning, he wasn't sure what Mr. Beckett was going to say. Her father might even blame him for all of this, he just didn't know. He kicked Castle out earlier.
Castle was about to turn around and walk away, respecting her dad's unspoken request. "Stay."
Castle's heart jumped for joy. He got what he wanted, to see her. Other then the plastic tube sticking out of her throat she looked peaceful.
Castle automatically reaches out for her hand.
"May I?" he didn't know why he asks that but it was out of his mouth before he could stop it.
Why does he keep asking that. I know that he wants to. Mr. Beckett nods. Castle wraps his hands around hers.
He closes his eyes. Wishing that she would wake up. "Come back to me." he whispers. "I need you..." he intertwines his fingers with hers, with the warmth between them, he knew that she was still in there alive as she had always had been. He would just have to reach in and pull her out. Kate, I'm here. Castle could feel the tears coming. I'm here. Castle swallows, I just want you to know that, that I didn't leave you. He slid his hand down his face. He brought her hand to his face and brushed it against his lips. Please, wake up...
"She can hear you if you talk out loud to her." Mr. Beckett tells Castle who still has his eyes shut crying. But by the time the words reach his brain, he was left alone with her. "what?" Castle looks around to find that Mr. Beckett was not there with him. "Where?" is that true that one can hear...talk to her Castle.
"Kate, I don't really know if you can hear me...your dad thinks that you can but I..." he glances down at her. "I don't know what to say, I'm once again lost for words, that doesn't always happen. I always talk to much, but when I'm with you...I..." he takes a deep breath. "Being without words it's not a good thing for a writer." He blinks trying to get rid of the tears in his eyes. "Kate I just...you're like no other, a fighter a strong fighter stay with me Kate, I love you." He takes her hand and puts it close to his face. "But it might be to late to tell you that," a tear drips from his eyes. He kisses her hand. "Kate come back to me." he sniffed. "I wish that I could kiss you on the lips. oh, what the hell," he leans over her and gently kisses her lips.
"So soft..." he smiles, "I..." He leans over and kisses her again. "Remember this moment."
That's when Mr. Beckett, who was watching Castle from the window of the door, knew that his girl was in good hands. If I don't tell him then he will never know how she feels about him. Kate I know that you might kill me but just look at the way that he cares for you. He has the right to know.
"She loves you, you know." Mr. Beckett enters the room again. "She talks about you all the time."
Castle lefts his head. "When someone does that," he continues on. "Let's just say she doesn't talk about the other partners like that."
Ryan and Esposito Castle thought or her other lovers.
Mr. Beckett sits down in the other chair.
"I even like you," that makes Castle stare over at him. Wanting to hear the rest of what he was going to say. Mr. Beckett continues on. "You...okay your book got my daughter through her mother's death."
"What?" Castle couldn't believe that secret. Why didn't Beckett tell me? Then he got to thinking about that. She was...That's why she's a big fan. "Why...I..." Castle starts then stops, Mr. Beckett shakes his head.
"She read that book, what was it called...something about a storm...anyway she read it till it almost fell apart." So now I know why...
Mr Beckett smiles, at the memory. "I remember the day she got it signed, how happy she was, she admitted to me that she was in line for over an hour but she said that it was well worth it to meet you and have you sign it." Castle tries to remember that book signing in New York but that was over 13 years ago. Secrets that you kept in your heart Beckett, now I know...Castle smiles. "She was really excited to get to work with you."
"I didn't know that, when I was detailing her..." Castle remembers the stern look he received from Beckett then getting arrested for stealing the photos, that was the just the beginning. "She shut me out,"
"Don't give up on her, Mr. Castle, She shut down after her mother's death, and..." Mr. Beckett swallows. "She bottled it all up. She built a wall," he pauses for a second, "One that hasn't come down yet but..."
That wall is finding who killed her mother, if I can help her do that then...
"It is...was starting to come down and now..."
Castle looks up and sees Mr. Beckett with tears in his eyes.
Did he just use past tense when he said that?
She's going to pull through this, she's just got to...Beckett come back to me.
Later on:
Castle sees Mr Beckett asleep in the chair. He walks over, takes the blanket that was on the edge of the bed and places over his shoulders.
"There you go." Castle whispers "And thank you for letting me see your daughter."
Castle sits back down next to Kate, takes her hand in his, "Kate wake for me I need to see those eyes again," he sniffs, "I want to see you smile at me, I can't live without your voice. Please talk to me, even if your mad at me for everything I put you through..." Castle shook his head. "I..." he kisses her hand, placing it on the side of his face. "I..." he lays his head down on the bed near her, almost under her arm. And he closes his eyes. "I love you."
to be continued...
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