secrets in my heart

chapter 4

hospital: Beckett's room

Castle woke when the nurse opens the door. "Just coming in..." The nurse, the one at the front desk who told Castle he couldn't go into the room. "Who do you think you are?" her voice rose after seeing Castle in there too.

"Oh, that's my..." Mr. Beckett winks at Castle, "Almost son-in-law."

"Oh, so you were telling the truth."
Mr. Beckett turns his head some and shoots a look at Castle, one with confusion. Castle just shrugs.

He thinks that he has blown it and going to get kicked out for sure.

The nurse writes something in Beckett's chart, then some numbers on the clipboard she was carrying. She smiles at Castle as she leaves.

"You'd do anything for her?" Castle swallows, before answering.

"Yes, I..." Mr. Beckett saw in Castle eyes that he really did love Kate a lot if he's willing to lie just to see her. What else would he do for her...

"I..I'm sorry I lied, they wouldn't let me in. I mean Josh wouldn't."

"where is Josh anyway?"

"I haven't seen him." I know exactly where he is, sleeping handcuffed in that closet.

"It's better that he's not...here. I didn't really like the guy, he was to...I don't know..."

"In control."

"Yeah, exactly." Mr. Beckett still couldn't see any light coming through the blinds of her window so he shifts in the chair so his legs could straighten out, sighs and went back to sleep.

hospital morning time:

"Dad did you sleep here?" was the frist words out of his daughter's mouth when she came in the room hours later. "Gramps said that you didn't come home last night I..."

"Slow down," Castle was waving his hands in a downward motion. "Yes I..."

"You haven't." Martha glances at Castle as he hugs his daughter. "where are you cloths?"

"Oh, I ripped my pants, I had to borrow some."

"Richard don't lie to me." Martha always knew when he was lying to her but why about his cloths?

"shhhh..." Castle points to Mr. Beckett who was now curled up in the chair besides his daughter's bed.

"We brought..."

"Martha," Mr. Beckett starts to stir from his sleep.

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you. I just brought my son.." glances at her son, then to Mr. Beckett. "Coffeee...want some?"

"Yes, that would be good." Martha hands him a cup.

"ut um..." a nurse stares at them.

"Oh, right. Mother. You can't have food in here."

"She'll be fine," Martha states, looking over at her son, Castle smiles. Castle knew that his mother only brought the coffee in the room was to get Mr. Beckett to leave them alone. "Thank you." he whispers.

"I know," Mr. Beckett winks, Castle's direction."She's in good hands." Alexis was confused good hands? After the two left. Alexis glances at Beckett. Seeing her hooked up to all the monitors, didn't look good.

"How is she?" her dad shook his head, "About the same."

"I..." Alexis hugs her dad. "I..." Castle starts to rub Alexis' hair, more to comfort himself.

"I'm not giving up, I can't...she's..." Alexis walks over to the unoccupied seat, and sinks down in it.

"I know that she looks..." he notices that his daughter has already taken Beckett's hand in hers.

"You know that she can hear you. Talk out loud to her," He encourages his daughter.

"Have you?" She glances a smile at her dad, "Have you been talking to her?"

"Yes, yes I have..." She could still see the pain in his lonely helpless eyes.

"What do I say to her?"

"Whatever's on your mind. If that's what you want."
What's on my mind? I don't want you to know...but on the other hand, Beckett won't know either. Should I just say it anyway. Then her Father's voice rings out.

"I'm not giving up on you Kate open your eyes it's your partner..." he wanted to say something more but with his daughter there..."your partner in crime." he tries to joke.
"and Alexis, I..." Alexis added in a soft voice.

Martha comes back to the room, this time without Mr. Beckett.
"Where's?" Castle asks not seeing him with her.

"I sent him home, for a little while, told him that we would stay with her. Now..."
Castle shook his head, before she began.

"I can't."

"Or you wont." his mother says sternly, she knows that her son can be stubborn sometimes when it comes to Beckett.

"I..."

"I think Alexis wants to be alone with her." she whispers in his ear as she leans to grab his arm. "Let's let her."

"Dad we'll be fine,"

"I..." he starts to protest again.

"Go," Alexis pretends to push him, "Nothing's going to happen, in the little time that you are gone."
Martha takes him by the hand and leads him out. Castle turns to look at Alexis, she smiles. "okay, not to long mother."

Alexis sighs. I can do this.

"Ka...detective Beckett, I don't know if you can hear me or not my dad says that you can...he wouldn't lie to me but this...I don't know." she takes a deep breath. "Don't die on me, don't leave me too." she lowers her head. "I... okay We need you I..." Mr Beckett walks back in, not seeing Alexis in the room, till he enters.

She lefts her head. "Sorry, I just..."

"You're Alexis, Mr. Castle's daughter."

"Yeah," she says shyly, then looks back down.

"Kate told me some about you," Alexis is shocked to hear that.

"She knows you're here, I'll come back let the two of you talk." He sighs, "Listen Kate I'll be back, Alexis your close friend's daughter wants to talk to you. I'll be right outside. I'm not leaving you so you don't leave me. It's hard to see her like this I lost," he sniffs, "Her mother like this, it tore me apart I can't lose my baby... to the same...man...she has so much love to give." Alexis could see that he was hurting too. She remembered that her dad always gave her a hug to make it feel somewhat better.

She walks over to him and hugs him. Mr. Beckett thought she was hugging him cause she was upset. "There there," he tries to comfort her.

"I...don't want her to leave me either...I was..." Mr. Beckett didn't know all that much about Alexis but he could tell that she was looking up to Kate as a friend, maybe even a motherly figure. That's who Kate was, the kind of person who cared about everybody.

Castle, who was staring through the window, sees this. He wants to run into the room and help his daughter.

"No Richard, Don't touch that door knob." his mother yells softly.

"My daughter needs me."

"She...needs this."

"But she's..." he points to the window. "she's hurting."

"She needs this time with Beckett."

"Uh..." Castle walks from the window of the door and faces his mother. "What? Is there something..."

"I didn't want to tell you this," Martha sighes, "Alexis made me promise."

"Promise what?" He steps forward some. "Mother, what did she promise."

"She..."

"Yes," his voice had that stern edgy crisp to it.

"Okay, she was looking up to Beckett as well..."

"I don't..."

"Like a girlfriend," Castle made a face. "Not like that, someone that she could turn to."

"She has me ...and you..." Castle response still not seeing the whole picture.

"Yes, that's true but...it's..."

"You mean..." What do you mean...a mother. He thinks for a second, why would she?

"Yes," Martha saw the thought finally sinking in. now you're getting it. "a motherly figure," Castle's heart stopped.

He didn't know this about Alexis. They never talked about it. Never talk about...Meredith much...she was never...around. No wonder Alexis was...and still is pushing us together, towards each other. She was trying to make me see that maybe Beckett is the woman that can change my life. That she too wanted Beckett to be part of her life, and I... I was hurting both of us.

He looks back towards the window at the two of them still talking. Martha walks up behind her son.
She needs to let it out, just like I did. Why can't we Castle's let it all out earlier instead of waiting till...

"Let her have this time," Martha whispers. "It's what she needs." she swallows. "a time...a time to grieve."
grieve mother, she's not...not yet she's not...Martha wraps her arm around her son. "It's going to be okay,"

"You don't know that." Castle leaves his mother's side and sits in one of the chairs.

moments later:

"Jim, what's wrong?" Martha asks seeing him, come from the room. She worries that something bad has happened.

"Nothing," Jim shakes his head. "I just thought Alexis had a lot more to tell my daughter so I left her in there alone ," he sits down next to Martha. "I hope that that's okay." Castle rushes up to the window.

"Richard, what did I tell you."

"I know mother but..." he turns to face her then back to the window so he can watch his daughter.

"Nothing. Now get back over here and let her be."

to be continued...