A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay in updating, well, anything. I have a couple of things waiting with betas now so hopefully the next update shouldn't take too long. I do however have a (sort of) writer's block, so that is causing a few problems.

Anyway.

Thank you to: BelleLee, Viktorija, yaba, lisbon69, Famous4it, Jisbon4ever, Divinia Serit, 2shy the Shippy, forthecoast and Ebony10 for reviewing part three. Thanks also to boutondor for betaing.

x tromana


Part Four

"I'm sorry, Sir, but this is our last room available for the night."

Jane glanced back at the parking lot. Excepting three other vehicles, one of which was probably the receptionist's and another was his beloved Citroën, it was deserted. The poor girl was probably just trained to tell every single customer who walked through the door that there was a limited supply. Poor soul. One day, she would learn to be more convincing. If he'd had the energy, he would have baited her about it.

Instead, he simply said, "I'll take it."

The room was drafty and not just because of the open window.

Normally, he would complain and Lisbon would classify it as him making a scene, but if people were providing a service, he expected them to provide one they were proud of. This place clearly didn't fit that criteria, but right now, Jane didn't feel as though he deserved any better.

He was a complete and utter bastard.

She didn't deserve this and yet, he couldn't stop himself.

Was he just condemned to constantly hurt the people who cared about him the most? Was it just a compulsion, a knee-jerk reaction, to try and push them away? Or did he actually enjoy seeing other people suffer the way that he was twenty four hours a day, seven days a week?

Without even bothering to slip off his shoes, he sat down, staring into thin air. Eventually, he leaned back on the unforgiving mattress and laced his fingers, resting his hands on his chest. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes as the cool breeze washed over him. Normally, it would be almost blissful. Especially after a long day on the road, driving to nowhere just to avoid seeing other people.

Right now, his mind was far too occupied with other things.

Jane's eyes sprang open again and he followed a crack in the ceiling. He didn't have anything better to do. It wasn't as if he was going to get any sleep any time soon. That kind of thing was the respite of the sensible and the sane and he most certainly wasn't that.

"What would you do?"

Silence filled the room, as it always did whenever he started speaking to her. It was strange how the sound of absolutely nothing could be completely deafening at times

"Do you like her? Should I be doing this? Should I be trying to be a proper husband to her? Would that make you happy? Or would you be disappointed?"

He paused, as if straining to hear for the answers to his many questions. Like always, they never came. Jane wasn't expecting them to, he wasn't one for believing in ghosts or another life. That was a fact he made clear on many occasions.

"What about my wedding vows? Have I broken them to you? What about those I said to her? Should I be doing more to uphold them now? How's our baby girl? Is she proud of what her Daddy's become?" he paused and blinked several times to prevent the tears stinging at the corner of his eyes from falling. "I doubt it. I wouldn't be."

Again, he listened. All he could hear was the echo of blood rushing around his ears. The dead stayed dead, he of all people should have known that one.

"Why am I even bothering to do this anymore? It doesn't work."

He turned onto his side, reached over to the lamp that was filling the room with light and turned it off.

000

"I'm sorry ma'am, but this is the last room."

"That's okay."

Lisbon took hold of the key that the receptionist handed to her and clutched hold of it tightly. It didn't matter that the receptionist was clearly lying, that was her prerogative. Instead, she picked up her small overnight bag before heading towards room 202. It wasn't anything special, nor did she expect it to be. Over the years, she'd spent many nights in similar establishments, usually at the expense of the CBI.

This was not one of those occasions.

She'd gone straight home after that dreadful argument and she had been crying even before she climbed out of her car. When she had eventually pulled herself together, something which took a matter of minutes, Lisbon found herself angry at letting Jane drive her to such a state. It had been years since she had last let a man hurt her so much.

It didn't take her long to realize she couldn't stay at home for the night. Though she was used to staying there without her husband, it felt empty. Probably because of the blazing row they had just had. Besides, he might have wanted to come home and spend some time alone there. Unlikely, but it was always a possibility. The main problem was that every single nook and cranny reminded her of him and it was driving her insane.

Getting away from the house was easy.

Escaping her mind was another challenge altogether.

Lisbon knew she shouldn't have gone to the cemetery, she decided as she rummaged through her belongings for her pajamas. She knew that he had these random occasions when he just had to remember her, his wife. His other wife, that was. They were also the special occasions that upset him that made little to no sense to anyone but him, she remembered. She accidentally broke her toothbrush while scrubbing her teeth slightly too hard in frustration. She should be giving him some more space to grieve, she realized as she tugged the curtains shut and climbed into the bed.

But just how much more space could she give him? She was trying to be sympathetic, to be understanding. However, he never gave anything back and that was the problem. Why did he marry her if he didn't actually love her? Why did he propose at all?Hell, why did they continue with their farce of a relationship for so long in the first place?

Curling up in the fetal position, Lisbon pulled the scratchy sheets tightly around her body. She hoped she'd get at least a little sleep, otherwise she would be even more grouchy at work than usual.

While she did eventually drift off, not once did she notice Jane's car parked just off to one side in the parking lot.

000

He had no intention of going to work again.

After all, why should he?

Well, apart from the fact that it'd make him a good employee. He had never particularly aimed to be one before, so what was the point of changing the habit of a lifetime?

Especially when his wife would be there. His hot-headed wife who would inevitably need more time to cool down before she would be able to talk to him civilly. The same woman who also happened to be his boss.

She'd already be there, poring over open case files, double checking forms and looking over formal complaints (about him). As soon as the others made an appearance, Lisbon would probably snap their heads off for little to no reason and they'd wonder what the hell happened last night.

Poor things.

If he even dared set foot in the CBI headquarters, he was doomed. Besides, regardless of the fact they'd married and that everyone at work knew, it didn't stop her from being voraciously private when it came to their relationship. Lisbon wouldn't want all their problems to be dragged into work and set the rumor mills off. The last thing either of them wanted was people hinting that they may get divorced in the near future.

Though, who knew?

Maybe divorce would be better for all those concerned? After all, he wasn't exactly upholding his vows.

It wasn't as if they'd even consummated their relationship yet. Despite the fact she'd hinted several times, on the rare occasions when they did share a bed, they merely slept. Whether it was because they were simply too tired for more energetic activities or due to the fact he rejected her advances, it just hadn't been on the cards thus far.

But then again, if they were to divorce, it would probably break her heart. Jane knew he had been responsible for far too much heartbreak in his time. Did he really want to be the cause of even more? Of someone he genuinely cared about, despite how things appeared to be?

Whatever they did, whatever way he turned, he couldn't win. It was like standing between a rock and a hard place.

As the receptionist, the same bored girl whom he'd dealt with the night before*, asked him if he enjoyed his, he nodded congenially and handed over the key. Making a mental note not to bother staying at that particular motel again, he headed out of the doors only to see a very familiar SUV right before him.

His heart warmed slightly. He knew why she'd done it; she hated being reminded of things that upset her. It also meant that he could have gone home, had he wanted to. Saint Teresa always thought of others before herself.

Maybe he would head into work, then. He needed to stop running away from the problem, even if it was painful to fix it. What was it that the baboon said in 'The Lion King'? You can either run from it or learn from it.

Or something like that, anyway.

000

Lisbon slept fitfully, quickly remembering why she hated sleeping in foreign beds during out of town cases. When she awoke, she knew that she was tired and therefore, she wouldn't be in the best of moods all day. Also, the water for the shower had been freezing cold. On top of that, the kettle was broken so she hadn't been able to drink any of the complimentary instant coffee rubbish the motel had been 'kind' enough to supply.

Needless to say, when she was finally ready to leave for work, she was rather abrupt with the staff when leaving the motel. It didn't help that she was running late and that as lead agent, she hated running late. She was the boss and therefore, Lisbon believed she was meant to lead by example. The rest of her journey went at least relatively smoothly, something which was a blessed relief and that she succeeded in reaching her office undisturbed.

All she needed was that fix of caffeine and then…

"Jane! You scared the crap out of me," she hissed as she pushed her door closed. "I wish you wouldn't do that."

"Do what?"

"Hide in my office, you son of a..."

"Is that really the kind of language to use when talking to your husband?"

"Yes," she answered with a glowering stare. "I'm annoyed."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

Jane paused. Sometimes it was easy to forget that she could be quite perceptive as well. Besides, they had been living together for quite some time and known each other for even longer than that. It was only natural that something rubbed off on her. Lisbon was right though; he wasn't sorry for being angry with her for turning up yesterday. He was sorry, for upsetting her, however.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't like it when you're angry."

Lisbon raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Oh really? Then why do I have a pile of complaints that is as high as the pile of case files?"

"That's different. That's work related."

"Yes, because that's so obvious."

"Are you going to let me apologize or not?" When she remained mute, he continued, "I'm sorry."

"Me too. I should have known."

"No, you shouldn't. Not even I can read minds, Teresa." He stood and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, burying his nose into her hair. "I've missed you. And I brought you coffee."

"My hero," she quipped back sarcastically and Jane grinned. "Now if only you could magic away my paperwork and then we could get out of here."

"Failing that, I could magic myself out of here and give you some peace and quiet?"

"That'd work too."

He headed towards the door before pausing.

"How does spaghetti sound tonight?"

"Great," she answered, not really caring what they ate. Instead, it was the confirmation that Jane would be home for dinner that made her smile.

TBC…