A/N: So, I appeared to virtually disappear off the planet. Fics became neglected and ideas completely dried up. Is this a sign that I'm back? I'm not sure, not yet. For those who might be reading this and don't read Sympathy for the Devil, I'm recovering from surgery, so... However, after a hiatus lasting some months, my love affair with The Mentalist is back on and that can only be a good sign.
That being said, I want to apologise for leaving stories hanging for so long. I hate doing that and I want to return to certain stories in order to 'fix' them, as such. I also have a couple of things in the pipeline. I just hope that this time, I won't be so awful at updating.
Thank you to: Divinia Serit, LittleMender, In The Name, yaba, Jisbon4ever, fanfic viewer, Ebony10, kate tidly, Famous4it, Viktorija, forthecoast and amarilis24 for reviewing a considerable amount of time ago. I really appreciate it.
x tromana
Part Five
When Jane awoke, he was marginally surprised to find Lisbon curled up by his side.
He wasn't sure what to think either.
They had been getting along a little better lately, something almost resembling a normal relationship, whatever that was. He appreciated that it made things easier, meant that they rubbed alongside one another with less strife. Well, less strife than usual, at any rate. It didn't take a mind reader to work out that their daily spats had been taking their toll and a brief respite was always much appreciated.
Carefully, he extracted himself from Lisbon's cast-iron grip and sauntered to the shower. As the scalding hot water pelted his sensitive skin, he considered themselves, as a couple. Realistically, he knew they were doing a pretty good job at convincing other people they were a happily married couple. There was no missing Van Pelt's wistful gazes and the rest of the team seemed to have swallowed the act pretty well too. The same applied to Lisbon's brothers. James had even asked his sister if there was going to be any signs of the pitter-patter of tiny feet in the near future.
That didn't mean everything was fine though.
If anything, the lack of arguments could almost signify a sense of apathy. That they just didn't care enough anymore to even bother with fighting. Everything they said and did now was just to keep the peace, simply because it was easier that way.
And yet, he knew he was still hurting her.
Why?Because he was still continually pushing her away.
Jane was spending more and more time down the cemetery, talking to his first wife. Of course she never answered back, but somehow, it made him feel closer to her. Made sure that he didn't forget her in favor of focusing on his current relationship. Not that he ever could. Angela had been his first love, his first wife. And she had given him his first child.
Regardless of what society said, Jane still defined himself as a father. Just because the child was dead, it didn't mean that he was automatically separated from the role.
He also knew that Lisbon knew this was where he was spending most of his free time.
She accepted it, smiling gently whenever he spoke politely to her, though it never met her eyes anymore. Not like it had when they first started dating. Their relationship had made her happy then, which was better than now.
If he was right, and he was fairly sure he was, all it succeeded in doing was making them both feel miserable.
And yet, neither one of them felt brave enough to suggest ending it. Moving on. Going back to what they had before.
If they could. After all this.
It would be easier than living in this kind of pseudo-hell anyway.
Then there was still the matter of Red John.
One thing Jane was certain of was that Lisbon had swallowed all of the lies regarding the serial killer. That he would happily hand him over to the authorities and watch him be tried in a court of law. Or maybe, she simply wanted to believe him rather than had accepted what he'd said as truth. However, what he said and what he thought were two entirely different things.
He still wanted to see Red John dead. Preferably, at his own hands.
As far as Jane was concerned, it was small penance for destroying the lives of so many innocent people. The man deserved to suffer, not the relative dignity the courts would provide him with.
That was something Lisbon just couldn't see. She was far too fixated and doing what was right. Behaving by the book.
It wasn't long before they were both ready to leave for work. Lisbon was a little tense for some reason, though for once, Jane couldn't place exactly why. She didn't have any tricky court testimonies to get through, nor uncomfortable meetings with shrinks or the like. It was just an average work day.
Except…
Her meeting with Hightower.
Of course. Special Agent Madeleine Hightower had never approved of their relationship. It was just a simple fact of her not being able to do anything about it that annoyed the woman.
When they arrived, Lisbon kissed him lightly on the cheek before turning on her heels and heading straight to her office. Jane, meanwhile, made straight for the couch and soon sank into its reassuring leather.
"Aw, they're so sweet," Van Pelt breathed, just loud enough for Jane to overhear. "I hope I find someone who loves me like that."
'Oh, if only she knew,' Jane mused and took note of the way Rigsby also avoided her gaze.
000
"Jane?" Lisbon said quietly and Jane's eyes sprang open in response.
"Yes?"
"We're going to go and talk to Mrs Adams again. You want to come with?"
"I think I'll stay behind," he replied, not even bothering to look at her. "If it's all the same to you."
"What? You're not just going to look through the Red John files again, are you?"
Jane's expression told her that, for once, she was completely right. He didn't respond and instead, she watched as he pulled out an all too familiar box. It contained all the reports on Red John to date. Lisbon merely shrugged indifferently and strode away, with Cho falling into step behind her. She wished she could bring herself to care more, but she didn't. If her husband wanted to waste his spare time looking over facts and figures he already knew by heart, it didn't matter to her.
At least, as his boss, she could be pleased that he was actually spending his time constructively rather than winding the hell out of Rigsby.
And truth be told, she didn't mind spending some time apart. What with being married to one another and working together, they practically lived in one another's pockets.
If their relationship was anything like it was meant to be, she would probably have been thrilled by the concept. Instead, she found it a little draining. She lost count of the number of occasions in just one day that they ran out of things to say to each other.
Mrs Adams, it turned out, had little of use to say on their second meeting. However, she had been able to dig out her husband's old address book, full of contacts from work. Lisbon thanked her for her consideration as they left.
Just before she got into the van, her cell phone rang. Grumbling, she dug it out of her pocket and answered it swiftly. She wasn't surprised that it was Jane.
"What do you want?" she snapped, sounding a little more angry than she intended.
Normally, she would have expected a cheeky comment. Something along the lines of 'what happened to hello?' However, it never came.
"Patrick?" she muttered tentatively, growing concerned at his lack of response.
"I... kind of… need help."
"What have you done? Why didn't you call first? Where are you?"
He ignored her first two questions and quickly gave her an address before hanging up.
It irritated her, the way he did that. Lisbon always asked Jane questions for a reason. If she hadn't wanted to know what was going on, then she wouldn't have said a thing. While she put the car into drive, she explained to Cho what was going on. As expected, her second-in-command didn't batter an eyelid.
Lisbon liked that about Cho.
He was honest, reliable. Got the job done with little to no fuss.
The journey was silent and tense. All Lisbon could think about was the different scenarios Jane had got himself caught up in, each one worse than the previous one.
While their marriage was uncomfortable, to phrase it politely, she wasn't ready to be a widow. Given the option, she would much prefer to be a divorcee. And that was something that was growing more tempting day by day.
Their marriage wasn't getting any easier as time marched on. If anything, it was getting harder, more unpleasant.
When they eventually arrived at the address Jane had supplied her with, Lisbon almost found it a relief. At least now she would get some answers.
Barely seconds after she got out of the car, she heard the crack of a gunshot.
Swiftly, her gun was drawn. Cho was moving onwards.
Then, another shot.
She didn't have time to react. They had already scattered before she could fire a shot back in their direction.
And Kimball Cho was lying face down, on the ground.
000
Jane wanted to hold her hand all the way to the hospital.
She wouldn't let him; why would she?
He should have known. Should have realized that members of the gang would ambush Lisbon and Cho the moment they arrived on scene.
They were cops.
Enemy number one.
Really, he knew he should never have bothered visiting them in the first place. Not without Lisbon, Cho or someone. A professional trained in mediating with dangerous people. But no, he had to wander in, as if he knew exactly what he was doing and let everything spiral spectacularly out of control.
Simply because he'd noticed a tiny detail in one report stating that this specific gang had gotten embroiled in one of Red John's plans.
Or rather, the serial killer had used them as a means to an end. Once.
And they'd, for the most part, survived unharmed.
Naturally, that meant Jane was aching to know what they did about Red John. He couldn't quite believe that he had left it so long to research into it. Really, it was a clue that he should have investigated years ago.
As he drove to their hideout, he'd thought it was better late than never.
Now, he was beginning to regret ever considering going at all.
It could easily have been his wife fighting for her life, rather than Cho. Not that he didn't regret Cho's situation almost as much as he would have done if their roles were reversed.
But of course there was something different about seeing a co-worker at death's door compared to your own wife. There always had been and always would be.
The reason he'd neglected to tell Lisbon his plan was mostly because he knew she would entirely disapprove of it. Besides, he wanted to get one step ahead of her in his quest to find Red John. That was something else he would prefer to keep quiet. She didn't know his real plans when it came to Red John and the less she knew, the better.
He'd already seen enough of her hurt expression to last for a lifetime.
Briefly, he glanced over at her. Her eyes were entirely focused on Cho; she seemed completely unaware of his presence. Cho's eyes were tightly shut, his chest still rising and falling. All good signs. Excepting the IV line attached to his left elbow and the fact they were riding in a hospital, he could have been simply been sleeping.
Tentatively, Jane lifted his right hand and attempted to tuck a stray tendril of hair behind Lisbon's ear. Irritated, she batted it away, just as he expected she would. The action itself was something he'd done on occasion, when she was sleeping. Previously, it was always accompanied by a nagging sense of guilt. How dare he feel some affection for a woman who wasn't Angela?
Angela wasn't perfect, far from it, in fact. And of course they'd argued and there were little things about her that annoyed him, but she was the first, only, woman he'd loved. There had never been anyone but her.
Because he hadn't been able to shut up on television, she was dead. Their precious daughter was too.
This time, however, though he still felt guilty, Angela didn't even cross his mind. All he could feel was the hurt at the fact she had rejected him, the same way he had spurned her time and time again since the start of their relationship.
His thoughts were broken as they pulled to a stop. Seconds later, the doors were flung open and bright light invaded the previously darkened space. Briefly he was grateful; the two of them, plus a paramedic stuffed together in such a tiny space had made the air somewhat stifling.
Jane watched as Cho was swiftly wheeled away to surgery and Lisbon stormed inside, without a second glance for her husband. He remained rooted to the spot as he realized that, yet again, he could lose everything.
He did have an underlying affection for her, he decided. Maybe even the beginnings of love. That was something Jane had been convinced he would never feel again. In a way, he was still grateful it was Cho lying on that gurney and not her. But he also knew she was furious.
Furious enough to leave him?
Quite possibly.
And nobody would have blamed her if she did.
He had probably put her through hell and back.
If she left him, she would be the second wife he'd lost in under a decade.
And it would be his fault.
Again.
TBC…
