A/N: Thank you to all of you who've decided to give this fic a chance, and for the reviews(I have tried to respond to each), and for the overwhelming amount of story alerts and favorites. That being said, smut inbound, as this fic is rated M for a reason.

Disclaimer: Bioware.


After Our Darkest Hour

Chapter Two – Pulling Past Delusions and Making Waves


She was running; her was chest heaving painfully as she desperately tried to keep herself moving forward. The bodies were everywhere, littering the dark hall around her in a grotesque imitation of what she could recall of her time on the Citadel. They had doll-like faces devoid of expression, empty eyes, their skin peeling; reminiscent of husks, yet profoundly more frightening. Suddenly the path opened before her and she covered her eyes with an arm as an explosion of light nearly blinded her. When it dimmed, she found herself standing with her N-7 Eagle aimed at Anderson; she grit her teeth, tried to swing it away to where the Illusive Man stood, his warped face holding his smug smirk. With every piece of her being yelling at her to do the opposite, her index finger tightened on the trigger. Anderson grunted with pain, falling to his knees as the Illusive Man moved to stand just behind him a pistol aimed to finish the job.

Her eyes fell shut as her body trembled; she awaited the sound she knew was only milliseconds away from hitting her ears. When it never came, she hesitantly lifted her lashes, her lips pulling into a tight frown when she found herself standing on the white, almost heavenly, platform. The AI-child stood beside her, grasping her larger hand with his small one, smiling up at her encouragingly.

She nodded and pulled away to start the slow walk toward the control rods, glowing in a blue hue she found almost…comforting. One boot hit the rise of the platform, and then she stopped. Her brows pulled together tightly.

Her dreams; they had warned her of trusting in this child, that saving him would lead to her death, bathed in searing flames. She turned, pale, nearly silver, blue eyes finding the AI-child watching her with unrivaled expectation. 'Move forward' he seemed to say, 'do not stop now'. The buzzing in her head grew too loud and she clutched her hands over her ears; the whispers, she could hear them – Ashley, Mordin, Thane, Legion, and Anderson, telling her 'No not this way, go back! Go back!'.

The AI-child appeared almost frightened as she whirled around, eyes wild, her body half stumbling as she made a break for the opposite platform. N-7 Eagle lifted, pointed at the red-hued barrel at the end; the whispers became roars, and her head felt like it would split open, but she didn't stop. As she pulled the trigger and the explosion enveloped her, she reached out…

…And found herself jerking awake in her own bed, sheet slipping into her lap as she sat up. Her skin was clammy, her chest heaving and head pounding ever so slightly as her eyes took in the room around her. She was in her Quarters on the Normandy SR-2, the glow of the Aquarium bathing the room in subtle light. Her eyes fell to the bed and found Kaidan asleep beside her.

She had been dreaming then. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit she had adapted from her father before he had been murdered on Mindoir with the rest of her family; he did it when he was frustrated, tired, or sometimes when he was stressed. She could relate to all three of those.

It was strange, to have a reoccurring nightmare that felt more real and life-like than actual reality. It had plagued her for well over a week now, since she had awoken buried under the rubble of the Conduit Beam. Her injuries were nearly healed, helped in their process by her cybernetic implants that had been given to her during her reconstruction. Yet even as her body healed, save for a number of scars, her mind refused to follow as smoothly.

She actually began to consider the fact she had cracked under the pressure and was slowly going insane, one night at a time. If it weren't for Kaidan…well, she didn't want to think of that.

"Hey. What's wrong? Did you have that dream again?" Kaidan sat up beside her, sliding an arm around her and pulling her against his side. His lips pressed gently to her forehead, a hand moving soothingly over her bare back in a comforting gesture.

"Nightmare, more like," she sighed against his neck as she turned in his embrace.

"Shepard…" He pulled her tighter against his body.

"I just…I can't help but wonder if there is something to it. It was so real, Kaidan. I could feel everything as if it were happening…" She frowned tightly. "I don't understand."

"It will pass with time, Shepard." His hands found her face and lifted it so their eyes could meet; his cautious and caring, hers wary and confused. His lips found hers, gentle at first, his hands sliding into her hair as it deepened. His tongue teased the part in her lips, coaxing them to open for him and, when they did, his tongue slid inside the velvet heat of her mouth to tantalize her. She shuddered against his warm body and moved closer, slowly pushing him to lay back on the mattress as she straddled his hips with her knees. Breathlessly, they broke apart, eyes a mirror of each others now each filled with desire and heat. "Let me take your mind…elsewhere."

She chuckled, the deep baritone of his voice making a shiver skate down her spine. He did have the most delicious voice, she realized. He took her moment of distraction to grip her shoulders, rolling them over so she lay on her back with him settled between her pale thighs. Before she could make a smart ass comment, he leaned down and recaptured her mouth, kissing her until she wasn't able to string together two coherent words. His hands found her breasts, caressing them, rolling the luscious flesh, between index fingers and thumbs tweaked her hardened nipples. She tore her mouth away breathlessly to moan, her hips wantonly arching into his as her center clenched in anticipation.

"Shepard," he groaned her name, kissing down the length of her toned body until he was settled between her legs, her thighs lifted to sit on his shoulders. Their eyes met and with a wicked grin, he dipped his head and stroked his tongue over her sex. She gasped, hands clutching at the bed to hold the sheets in a death grip; encouraged by her reaction, he flicked his tongue over her nub of pleasure, nestled at the top of her nether lips. She moaned and he did it again, before sliding his tongue down between her lips to dip it within her heat. His nose brushed her nub as he stroked her velvet sheath with his tongue, and he didn't stop until she was a writhing, nearly sobbing, wreck on the bed.

He dropped her legs and moved back up, wrenching a hand in her hair and slanting his lips over hers as his hips shot forward, burying his cock deep within her heat. They both gasped, and moaned, bodies shuddering in unison at the feeling of being joined. They hadn't come together since finding her barely alive, he had been worried about hurting her; now that they were joined, he marveled at how it felt to be at home within her and how much willpower he had to have to keep himself from this.

The pace started easy, slow, but was quick to pick up into a delirious, eager one. He had nearly lost her and he couldn't keep himself from her, his cock thrusting into her hard and fast again and again. It wasn't long before he had her spiraling off the cliff into an intense climax; her body arched, the walls of her sheath tightening on him like a vice as she bathed him in her release. He thrust, gasping, and then with a loud groan, he stilled above her as he spilled himself within her(the fact that she was not on any medications for prevent pregnancy or fertility – given her near death experience – didn't occur to him, or her either).

Kaidan fell to her side and wrapped her within his arms, pulling her against his chest. Within moments, she fell back into slumber and he stroked his hand over her dyed hair, smiling slightly at the fact that she had dyed it such an outrageous hue – purple, in fact. He supposed her time under house arrest on Earth must have been more boring than he had originally thought. He nestled his head against hers and let himself doze off.


Two weeks Later


With the Citadel destroyed, galactic civilization was forced to discuss an alternative construct for the home of the Embassies and galactic council. It was Shepard's idea to build a new station and soon, it was under way, in the very heart of where the Citadel had made its home within the Serpent Nebula. They knew it would be nothing like what the Citadel had been, but it would be a start – and a start was what the galaxy needed in the aftermath of the Reaper War.

Shepard being the initial voice behind the idea had Kaidan reasoning that she was so preoccupied, she had been unintentionally withdrawing from him. Since their night two weeks ago, they had one wild tryst in the elevator, but that had been it. Whenever he tried to draw her away, she would mumble an excuse and make a hasty retreat. The Commander spent most her time in the War Room with EDI, or in the med-bay with Chakwas, for varying reasons. Ones she wanted to share with him, but never did.

She was on Earth now, discussing details of reconstruction amongst other things, with Admiral Hackett. Kaidan had caught a shuttle from the Normandy an hour after she left, determined to at last confront her and figure out what was causing her to pull away from him. They had been through too much for him to allow her to distance herself this way. He leaned against the wall of the waiting area in the temporary Alliance Headquarters in London, folding his arms over his chest.

Before long, the doors to the conference room hissed open as Shepard and Hackett strode out in deep conversation. Kaidan couldn't make out what they were discussing until they got closer to him, Shepard's eyes finding him almost warily.

"I will see you at the end of the week, Commander. As we feared, Anderson isn't faring too well. Go see him, if you have the time." Hackett returned Shepard's salute, before turning away; Kaidan saluted the Admiral as he walked by, who nodded in acknowledgement.

"Shepard," Kaidan grabbed Shepard's arm as she tried to move past him. She bit her lip as she turned to look at him, her expression troubled. "Please, stop avoiding me. We need to talk."

"Major I…" She sighed softly.

"Anvi, please; can we dispense of the formalities?" He chuckled and drew his knuckles over her cheek. "We are past them at this point, anyway."

She smiled slightly with a shake of her head. "Alright, Kaidan, what can I do for you?"

"Why have you been avoiding me? And no – don't you say that you haven't been." She frowned and folded her arms across her chest, her teeth nibbling thoughtfully on her lower lip.

"Kaidan…this really isn't the place to discuss it." She sighed softly and dropped her arms. She took his hand and raised it to her lips, brushing soft kisses over his knuckles. "Tonight? Hackett says Anderson isn't doing that well, I would like to go see him. Would you come with me?"

"Of course," he brought her to him and kissed her lips soundly. "But I will be by tonight to get some answers."


"Shepard…good to see you…" Anderson wheezed when they came to stand at his bedside; his face was haggard, tired, and he looked so weak, his wounds appearing as if they refused to heal. Shepard's heart clenched in her chest, looking at him like this – he had been the closest thing to a father she'd had since hers' had been killed by Batarian slavers on Mindoir. "Alenko…"

"Admiral," Kaidan snapped into a stiff salute.

"Please…at ease, Major…rank means nothing to a dying man." Anderson chuckled, before dissolving into a fit of coughs. After a moment, he fell back on the bed with a heavy wheeze.

"Of course, Anderson."

"You're not dying," Shepard finally said, a frown marring her features.

"Ah, child…every soldier has his time. It won't be…long now…" He reached out and took Shepard's hand, squeezing it weakly. "I…I wanted to tell you…you did good…" he seized up, wheezing, before settling back down for a brief moment. "You did good, child...proud of you…" His hand fell from hers, his whole body going limp as the sensory alarms started; doctors rushed in, shoving her out of the way as they tried their damnedest to resuscitate the Admiral. After what felt like forever, Shepard watching in frozen silence, one of the doctors sighed and shook his head.

"Time of death: 1302."


Shepard paced the confines of the Captain's Cabin, emotions whirling through her like a violent storm; pain, anxiety, disbelief, uncertainty – all of it was overwhelming. She was usually so good at keeping herself professional and strong, but watching Anderson die was like watching her nightmares come to life. She had turned and left, ignoring Kaidan, found a shuttle back to the Normandy, and locked herself in her cabin. That was at least five or six hours ago. And she knew Kaidan would be there – again – at any moment to finish their talk.

Why did Anderson's death make her feel like she had failed? Was it because it was reminiscent of her nightmare? The one where she had shot him and sat at his side, his hand on hers? And those words – "You did good, Child. I'm proud of you." – were the exact ones he'd whispered to her before he'd died then too.

With a shudder, she sat on the edge of her bed and scrubbed her hands over her tired face. Anderson was a good man…he hadn't deserved to die. She would gladly trade her life for his…no, would have. She couldn't now, not in good conscious, not when…

"Shepard. Major Alenko is requesting admittance to your cabin. Shall I allow him in?" EDI's voice filtered through the comm and Shepard grimaced; it was now or never. And he needed to know – this wasn't something she could keep to herself.

She had been avoiding him and this wasn't something she should be allowed to keep from him, not when it was piled high on top of so much guilt, so much emotion, she already felt for being alive while so many others around them perished. All her life she had survived. This would just have to be one more thing the soldier in her would have to survive…though she inwardly sighed for thinking of it like that.

"Shepard? Is something amiss? Should I send the Major away?"

"Ah, no, sorry EDI. Go ahead and let him in." Shepard leaned back on the bed on her hands, her body tight and wound as her nerves started the get the better of her. Her heart pounded like a jackhammer within her chest as the doors hissed, sliding open, allowing Kaidan to enter her quarters. He looked around for a moment, before he came down the three steps into the main room and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Shepard? Are you okay? You wouldn't let me in earlier after…" he trailed off and she knew he was worried.

"I know…I'm sorry."

He sighed and smiled slightly. "Stop apologizing, Shepard. I think you've done enough of that for a good long while."

"Maybe you're right…" She sighed and leaned her head back, looking out through the skylight window to see the stars twinkling in the vast amount of space around them. "We need to talk Kaidan."

He sighed and folded his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the column beside the sofa. "Great, it's never a good thing when a woman says 'we need to talk'…" he grumbled the words, looking almost sullen.

Shepard's eyes widened – Good going, Shep. Now he thinks you're breaking up with him. Nice start.

She stood and came toward him, cupping his face in her hands. "It's nothing like that," she chuckled with a soft smile. She brought his head down and kissed his lips, reassuring him that what she had to tell him wouldn't end their relationship.

"You know…" he started as she pulled away, his hands sliding through the dyed strands of her shoulder length, layered hair. "I never did ask why you dyed your hair. And purple of all colors."

She blinked, and then laughed softly, turning her head to press a kiss to the palm of his hand, much like he had on the Citadel when they had decided to start a relationship again. "I was bored – mostly. Even Anderson said I was getting soft around the edges." Her expression fell slightly at the mention of Anderson, his death still so fresh in both of their minds.

"Bored?" He chuckled and shook his head softly, avoiding the topic of their old friend for the moment; it seemed Shepard had enough to think about besides that. "You were always such an odd one when you weren't Commander Shepard."

She smirked, "is that such a bad thing?"

"Of course not, I love you, Anvi. For everything that you are, have been, and will be." They kissed again, sweetly, softly, but she pulled away before it became more than that.

"Kaidan…"

"Well, you said we needed to talk. What is it, Anvi? Why have you been avoiding me?" He wrapped her up in his arms and she listened to his heart beating beneath her ear; strong, rapid…alive. He was alive. She was alive. It was more than she could have ever hoped for, but she had no idea how he would react to this.

"Kaidan, I love you. I never stopped. I longed for you every moment we were separated and even after Horizon, I couldn't let you go." She sighed softly and lifted her head, putting her fingertips against his lips when he moved to say something. "I…we just figured things out. After all these years, we are finally…well, you know. I wasn't sure how you would react…so I have avoided telling you…or well, avoided you."

"Anvi?" He was staring at her, almost confused now.

"That night two weeks ago, Kaidan…" She blushed slightly and bit her lip, looking away. Again her heart was beginning a frantic pace as anxiety worked its way through her, pumping adrenaline into her blood; it was strange how a moment like this was almost akin to battle, her body trembling but her blood pumping and mind racing with all the possible outcomes. "I wasn't feeling well after that…I thought it had something to do with my injuries…that maybe, we hadn't waited long enough…so I went to see Dr. Chakwas…and well, she told me…"

"Told you what?" His brows dropped and he gripped her hands tightly now. "Is something wrong?"

She was quiet for what seemed like forever. Eyes intently looking into his own as if to predict his reaction; the feeling felt much like when she practiced sniping – anxious yet excited, and nervous, all at the same time. The last thing she wanted was to push him away; never again. "Kaidan…I'm pregnant."


A/N: Parts of this chapter and the last scene were taken from the original, though it was reworked and redone to fit the new plot layout/changes. Reviews are by far appreciated! ^_^