A/N: So, it's been a long while since I last updated this thing. This fic really... it's a challenge to write, just because of the tone. Anyway, enough griping about that. I'm determined to get it finished one day. I just need to get myself some new plans for this, as most of them seem to have disappeared along with a part of my brain.
Thank you to: In The Name, Frogster, Famous4it, Divinia Serit (twin- I'm blaming you for inspiring me to work on this again!), Ebony10, Jaimie255, xanderseye, dju and Aeidhryn for reviewing part five over the past nine months or so. I can't say when part seven will be up, but hopefully sooner than that! I have a few ideas for the next bit, at least...
x tromana
Part Six
"Good morning, Teresa."
Lisbon glanced up at the sound of her name. She looked tired, shattered even. It appeared as if she hadn't slept at all the previous night. Considering the circumstances, Jane figured it was highly likely that her appearance was telling the truth.
However, her exhaustion wasn't the first thing that Jane had noticed when he laid eyes on her this morning.
No, the first thing he'd noticed was the conspicuous absence of her engagement ring and wedding band.
"Jane," she answered stiffly and his heart sank.
For a start, it was always a bad sign if Lisbon had reverted back to using surnames.
He took precisely two steps towards her. In that brief second or so, she moved her hands from her computer keyboard and rested them gently on her lap. Obviously, she realized that he had noticed she'd removed them. His Lisbon had always been rather intuitive. Not as much as him, of course, but enough to know something like that.
"Close the door, will you?" she instructed and Jane nodded. "And the blinds."
As he diligently obeyed her instructions, the gnawing in the pit of his stomach intensified. He knew she was angry – beyond that, even. He'd known that from the moment she had told him to 'just, go away' at the hospital last night. Yesterday, he had really screwed up. It wasn't just their personal relationship teetering on the edge now, but their professional one too.
Jane slowly turned to face her and he opened his mouth to say something, to apologize, to plead for her forgiveness. He was even willing to go that far; last night had been a wake-up call. It could so easily have been her being wheeled into hospital for emergency surgery post-shooting instead of Cho. She could have been fighting for her life, and possibly even losing the battle right now, because of him. That was all because he couldn't talk about Red John properly, because he couldn't let her in on that one thing.
Revenge had nearly cost him his second wife.
If it came down to begging, Jane was even willing to go that far. Right now, he couldn't risk not having her in his life anymore. The shooting had been a wake-up call. If only it hadn't needed to go that far. If only he had been able to see just how important she was to him, without her life being put into mortal peril.
However, before he even managed to get a single syllable out, she cut him off.
"I want a divorce," she stated bluntly.
He stared at her, opened his mouth and closed it again. Blinked three times as he tried to comprehend exactly what it was that she had said.
"What?" he eventually said, more than aware that he sounded completely idiotic.
Well, she was one of very few people who knew how to catch him entirely off-guard.
"You heard me."
"But," he started.
Again, and much to his irritation, she didn't allow him to get any further.
"What we have," she said clearly, almost laughing over the word 'have,' as if she couldn't comprehend it as being anything of worth. "It's a farce. You can't seriously believe this is working. I know I don't."
"We can't give up at the first hurdle!" he retorted.
"The first hurdle? Patrick, this is hardly the first hurdle. Since when has anything been right – really right – between us?" she stopped, as the anger and frustration was clearly beginning to reach boiling point. "When it was just us getting hurt, it didn't bother me so much. But now? Cho could have been killed, because you won't even talk to me! How is that a marriage?"
"How is he?" Jane asked, after she had finally stopped.
"He should be fine, thank you for asking."
Jane took the opportunity to shoot one of her patented glares straight back at her. It wasn't as if she had even given him the chance to ask about their coworker. He did care about Cho's well-being; it had been one of the many things clawing at his mind all night.
"You're too busy chasing ghosts to really worry about other people."
"I resent that!" he answered back hotly.
"Least of all me," she continued, stoically ignoring his outburst. Jane shook his head immediately, denying the accusations. "It'll be better for the both of us if we just draw a line under this whole sorry affair."
"But we love-"
"Please," Lisbon interrupted, her face looking as pained as the sound the crack in her voice made. "You're right; I do love you and I guess I always will. But you? You're probably only fond of me, at most."
"If I was only 'fond' of you, then why the hell would I have asked you to marry me?"
"Because you thought it would make me happy," Lisbon answered sadly. "I appreciate the sentiment, really, I do, but it's time we stopped living a lie. Before…"
"Yes?"
"Before somebody gets killed."
"You mean, when Red John gets involved, don't you?"
Lisbon didn't answer him, but she didn't need to. Everything she was thinking was obvious, clear as day in her body language. She immediately averted her eyes and flinched at the moment Jane reached across her desk to gently touch her arm. With a frown, he pulled back. In reality, he knew he should have expected this. It was just a simple case of him hoping for something else. He'd have loved another chance and the opportunity to finally set everything right between them.
He didn't blame her for denying him that, though. Heck, he would have done exactly the same if he were in her shoes.
"Have you finished?" he asked, when the silence grew unbearable.
He hadn't addressed the 'divorce' issue for a reason.
"Not quite," she admitted.
"Well?"
"The PSU have contacted me about yesterday's incident. I've given them my statement-"
"And?"
"And they are suspending you on full pay until they can make a thorough investigation into what the hell happened."
Jane turned on his heels, not bothering to address what she had said. As he strode away, he rummaged in his vest pocket. It didn't take him long to find his CBI identification card. Slowly, he pulled it out and gave it a brief glance. Then, he dropped it just outside of office. He wasn't in the mood to fight for it, not right now,
His wife – possibly, probably ex-wife – had just delivered him not one, but two almighty blows.
xxx
"Cho," Lisbon said, a small smile of relief escaping from her lips. "It's good to see you awake."
"You look like crap," Cho answered back, taking her by surprise. "When did you last get some sleep?"
She ignored his statement, and instead, grinned. "So do you."
After closing the door to Cho's private room, Lisbon took a seat beside his hospital bed. As she did so, she felt the exhaustion finally hit her. It wasn't surprising given the fact she literally hadn't slept for over thirty-six hours, spending much of that time anguishing over various dilemmas. It was at times like this when she swore blind that stress would be the thing to kill her. A tear threatened to break out from the corner of her left, but she blinked it back furiously. Now wasn't the time to let her emotions get the better of her.
"Well, you know, been shot," Cho said, his voice hoarse from the medication keeping the pain at bay, and most likely, the tubes that had been shoved down his throat barely an hour earlier. "What's your excuse?"
"It doesn't matter," she replied but Cho continued staring at her. "I was worried about you, okay?"
It wasn't a lie. Instead, it was just half the truth. Unfortunately for Lisbon, Cho wasn't out of it enough not to notice. Instead, he furrowed his brow ever so slightly. Just because he'd been seriously injured, it didn't mean he couldn't show concern for others too.
"And?" he pressed.
She could confide in Cho, she knew that. Heck, she had always been able to trust him more than her own husband. Theoretically, that wasn't all that much of a surprise, given the fact that she was married to Patrick Jane, but that was beside the point. It also didn't change the fact that half of her was unsure about even wanting to vocalize it, because that made her decision all the more real.
It didn't help that she had come here to see Cho and offer him a shred of comfort, rather than vice versa.
Even so, what was the use of just telling Jane and keeping it secret from everybody else? They'd all find out sooner, or later. It was best to get it out in the open, she considered. From personal experience, she knew there was nothing worse than people trying to protect you from hurt, just because you'd been injured.
"I left Jane," she eventually answered.
If Cho was surprised, he had the decency to not show it.
"Good," he said, his tone still gruff. "He wasn't treating you right."
"It's just a shame I was too stupid not to notice before now."
"I didn't say that, boss."
"Kimball, please," she said, clearly pained.
"More blinkered," he considered out loud. "What are you going to do now?"
"I don't know. Go home, pack my things, and get a room at a motel…"
Cho's frowned deepened and somehow, that made Lisbon feel all the more uncomfortable. Though he had confirmed that her decision to separate from Jane was the right one, the whole situation still made her feel uncomfortable. More than that, really. It was the look in his eyes, one of pity. She loathed it whenever people felt sorry for her, it just wasn't right.
And besides, it was her own fault for getting herself into this sorry mess.
"You can't stay at a motel."
"Why not?" she retorted irritably. "It gets me away from Jane. It gives him some space. Let's me…"
She trailed off. Though she had come to a decision, it didn't mean that she had actually come to terms with it. Catholic guilt, years of beliefs still held fast. As a consequence, she had always believed that marriage was meant to be for life, not until you couldn't stand the sight of your husband.
But she had been trying and trying. Everything about their union has been just getting to her and she'd had enough. How much more could she have given to a man who she simply had to accept was not interested?
She needed space, time to adjust to the sense of shame creeping over her. Who knew how long that would take?
"You don't know how long it'll take for you to get on your own two feet," Cho continued, almost as if he were reading her mind. "Stay at my place."
"Cho, I can't do that."
"You can and you will," he asserted. "Besides, having you around to look after me might encourage the doctors to release me sooner."
"You sure?" she asked dubiously.
"Wouldn't have offered if I wasn't, boss. My spare room is all yours."
"Teresa," she corrected immediately. "Come on, Kimball, you've known me long enough and if we're going to be living together…"
He yawned. "You have a point."
Lisbon felt as though a heavy weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Though she had savings, they wouldn't have lasted long if she had thrown them all away on rooms to stay for the night. Even though she already had little intention of putting Cho out for very long, she was grateful that he had offered her a comfortable alternative. Realistically, she knew that she would have to discuss rent, paying for the bills and the like as soon as possible, but right now was not that moment. They were both shattered and in need of a good, long sleep.
"I should leave you to it."
"My spare keys are in my desk drawer at work," he informed her, obviously fighting to keep sleep at bay.
"You keep you spare keys at work?" Lisbon questioned, almost surprised.
"Where else would I keep them?"
Lisbon shrugged. Personally, she left hers next door with her elderly neighbor, Marjorie. Even before Jane had moved in with her, she had gotten along well with the woman. She was one of the many things she'd miss about her old place. But still, she didn't mind being the one to move out. After all, she was the one to leave Jane, not vice versa. It wasn't fair to kick him out of their home when she was the one who had decided to end it all.
"Get some sleep," he added as she stood. "You look like you need it."
"Only if you do too," Cho answered.
She nodded. But first, she had to gather together at least a few of her belongings and head to Cho's. As tempting as his spare bed was, she couldn't live without a few essentials.
TBC…
