A/N: Anvi Shepard is Paragon Colonist/Sole Survivor; she's tough and has had it rough, but I like the depth of character a hard life can provide – I also like that I gave her such a hard going, but she is Paragon, and endeavors to do the right thing. I don't see a lot of fics myself with Shepard's past, so to me it is nice to expand upon it so much later in the series.

Again, thanks for all your lovely reviews. I love every one of them! (And I am sorry I don't get time to personally respond to each).

Disclaimer: Don't own it.


After Our Darkest Hour

Chapter Six – The Ashes of Home


"Shepard, I really don't think this is a good idea," Kaidan sighed and rubbed his temples where he sat on the edge of their bed. Shepard worried that he had another migraine starting. It was something he suffered from regularly due to his L2 implants.

"I have every right to go." She frowned; okay, so he was worried, she got that, but she had already told him she was going to go and, usually, he never second guessed her. This was one of those times that being together could put her at a disadvantage when it came to her duties, or what she saw as her duties. She didn't like butting heads with him, though she had been known to throw a few well-placed head-butts whenever she happened to be around her Krogan friends. Something that had Wrex seeing her as an honorary Krogan, as odd as that picture was. "It should be me, Kaidan."

"Don't 'Kaidan' me," he mumbled, making Shepard's frown more set; she hadn't heard him say that since Mars. That probably wasn't a good thing.

"Don't you start that 'this is business' speech with me, again, Kaidan." She stood from her spot on the sofa, pacing over to the stairs and walking up them to stare at the assortment of fish that adorned her rather massive aquarium. "Even if this was about business, it's not just that." She folded her arms. "This is personal, you know that."

"Which is why this is a bad idea." She turned to look at him and found that he wasn't just irritated, but hurt; a mixed expression she had seen a multitude of times before their dinner date on the Citadel. "It's not just personal for you. You have a baby to think about. Your health is the most important thing right now, Shepard and going on this mission…it could affect you in ways we don't even know." He pressed his hands to his knees, his face stern; he was worried, but he was refusing to back down about this.

Damnit, she was a soldier! She knew better than to think that she could sit around and play housewife until the baby came; he should have known her better than to think that, too! She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Kaidan, I will be fine. We beat the Reapers and lived to tell the tale and – "

"Barely!" He snapped out, causing her to raise her gaze to hear him speak like that. It wasn't often she heard Kaidan's emotions get the better of him.

"And," she sighed, "I am certain we can handle checking out a colony."

The silence stretched for a very long, tense moment, before he sighed, nearly all the fight seeping out of him by the way his shoulders dropped as he shook his head. "It's not just some colony, Shepard. It's your colony, your home…"

Slowly she approached him, kneeling in front of him and placing a gloved hand on his cheek. His hand came up immediately to cover hers', holding it there, his amber eyes moving over her face. "Kaidan, I get that you're worried, but that's why it has to be me…it is my home. If something has happened to the colony, I can't turn my back on them." She held his gaze, steady, though she was worried he wouldn't understand – he hadn't understood about Cerberus, and the last thing she wanted was for something to come between them again. They had lost years already, she wasn't about to let that happen again, not if she could help it.

His hand came up, his knuckles brushing over her cheek before he tucked her hair behind her ear. "I do understand, Shepard, I just…" He sighed and his hand moved to the back of her neck, gently pulling her as he leaned down to kiss her lips softly. "I worry, not only about your safety, but our baby's safety now too…I know you probably get sick of hearing this but it's just how I am…having lost you once already…"

"I know, Kaidan, I know." She held his face in both hands now and kissed him deeply, putting her love and emotions into the way their mouths melded together and caressed. "I am not leaving you again, not ever, I promise," she breathed the words over his lips, and he groaned, wrapping his arms around her to pull her to him and kiss her until they both couldn't think straight enough to talk any further.


"Commander, ETA 5 minutes."

"Thanks Joker, we're headed down to the shuttle now. Keep in stealth 'til we know what's going on," Shepard ordered as she finished strapping herself into her N7 armor. She checked her weapons, going over the mods and securing them as Kaidan and Vega went about doing the same.

"Aye aye, Commander."

"Let's move people." They moved from the CIC to the elevator, taking the short ride down to the shuttle bay. She glanced at Vega. "Since Cortez is still in the ICU, you'll be piloting the shuttle, but please no head on collisions if you can help it."

The LT had the nerve to grin, as if proud of himself. "No promises, Commander, but I can try."

Shepard caught Kaidan's half glare and chuckled softly, nodding. "Let's go." They climbed into the Kodiak, Shepard and Kaidan seating themselves in the back while Vega took the pilot's seat and fired up the shuttle. The Normandy shuttle bay door opened and before long they were making their way out of it, the shuttle making easy way into the atmosphere around the planet of Mindoir, the winds subtle and the ride surprisingly calm. Something that made Shepard nervous; it felt eerie, like something Joker had said – the eye of the hurricane. Deceptively peaceful, before all hell broke loose.

She must have been showing some sort of unease, because Kaidan placed a hand on her armored leg. "Are you alright?" He whispered the words softly, so only she could hear him as the shuttle descended toward the planet.

"It's…quiet. It feels too…quiet." She pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh. "Something doesn't feel right."

"Are you sure about this? Vega can take you back to the ship."

She dropped her hand and looked at him, trying not to glare with how much irritation those words caused in her. "And let you go in alone? No way! Don't you even suggest it."

He smiled faintly and nodded. "Aye aye, ma'am."

"Touch down, Commander." Vega set the Kodiak down on the planet's surface, just outside the main colony, jostling them just a bit as they came to their feet. The lieutenant joined them as Shepard did one last check of her weapons and armor.

"Alright, listen up people. We have no idea what's going on here. So, keep it quiet, keep low, and watch for possible hostiles. All we know is the colony stopped reporting in well over a day ago. We go in, find whatever data we can, sweep for survivors, and then we're out. Is that understood?" They both nodded and Shepard hit the console to let the shuttle doors open; at once she was hit with nostalgia, and an almost overwhelming sense of déjà vu, but she pressed her lips tightly together and signaled them to follow her. "Let's move."

She hefted up her N7 Valkyrie and hopped down off the shuttle, keeping low as they pressed forward. It was…strangely the same, yet felt utterly different; the buildings lay out before them, an almost exact mirror what they had been when Shepard had lived here. Not that it was out of the ordinary. They hadn't built from the ground up but had rebuilt from the decimated remains. They came to a stack of storage crates and she signaled for them to stop, dropping low and sliding out from behind the cover to move to the door of the closest building. She pressed her back to the door and signaled to Alenko to have them move up and flank the door, should hostiles be present inside. Once in position, she turned and hit the console controls, letting the door hiss open, their fingers ready on the triggers of their guns. It was empty, curiously quiet, not a single corpse yet. She frowned, moved into the room, and motioned for the others to follow her. A data pad lay on the desk of terminals and she picked it up, scanning over it quickly, wondering if it would shed any light on what exactly had occurred here.

Do we even know why he's here? I mean, we have had some Alliance soldiers stationed after what happened to the original settlement, but he…he seems off. I don't like it. I feel like something is very wrong. Hopefully it's just me; Mindoir has been through enough. Maybe I am just paranoid.

"Find anything?" Kaidan came to stand next to her as Vega kept a look out.

"Nothing concrete. Correspondence between colonists. Something about an Alliance soldier stationed here, but one that this colonist got a bad feeling from." Shepard frowned, read over the message again, before setting the data pad back onto the desk.

"Why would a stationed Alliance officer make them uneasy?" Vega asked, though he didn't turn, keeping his line of sight over the top of his assault rifle.

"No idea, yet. Let's keep moving."

They moved into the next room, Shepard's eyes quickly picking up on each detail as they moved; the empty sofa's, cans of soda and water placed about, papers on the tables – it was like they had been in the middle of their day and had simply vanished. God, it was like Horizon and Freedom's Progress all over again, though she knew it couldn't be. She had personally destroyed the Collector base, there was no way they could have abducted the colonists. The data pad had her wondering. Even after the Reapers were destroyed, was it possible to have indoctrinated agents? Her thoughts fled as they moved across the small bridge into the next building; a couple of bodies lay on the floor, blood splattered around the room from the multitude of gunshot wounds each body presented. Shepard's stomach lurched as they stilled. "Unlikely, but check for pulses," she ordered and they did as she said, though the sad shakes of their heads confirmed no pulse.

"Joker," Shepard fired up the comm. "This is Shepard. We have two males and one female. All dead. Be prepared for a quick drop if we have to make a dash back to the shuttle."

"Aye aye, Commander."

"See anything else?" She then asked Kaidan. He turned and handed her a data pad stained in blood. Her hand shook as she took it and, by the look he gave her, she knew he'd caught it. Her fingers wiped the blood from the screen so that she could make out the message.

Something is really off about this Alliance officer. I catch him skulking around, looking into files of the old Mindoir, before we rebuilt. I saw him even looking over files of Shepard and her parents. I need to get a message to the Alliance; I think he is after Shepard. I need to –

"What is it?" Kaidan's voice caught her off guard and she jerked, eyes finding him now standing just beside her, trying to get a look at the data pad. "You look pale."

"She thought he was after me…the message cut off. My guess is he found her." She sighed, straightening her spine; it was happening again. People even remotely connected her were dying. These people suffered because she had been raised here. Kaidan had almost died on Mars. Her squad on Akuze had died. Ashley had died. Thane…too many. She frowned tightly; this was going to stop, one way or another. She was not some bad luck magnet that would result in everyone around her suffering – she refused to allow that.

"You just saved the entire galaxy from the Reapers! Who would have the cojones to come after you?" Vega sounded pissed that someone would even consider harming her and that made her smile a little; it was always good to know that her friends would defend her, no questions asked.

"I don't think it's about that…this Alliance officer must have something against me." Shepard tried to think of anyone in the remnants of the Alliance who would be out to get her. If anything, she expected Batarians, not fellow soldiers, to be after her life.

"You just saved the Alliance, not to mention the human race, from extinction…why would – "

"I don't know, Kaidan, I don't know." She set the data pad down and then moved between the bodies, sliding their eyes closed. "But if this is to piss me off, it's definitely working."

"Shepard, I'm sorry – "

"Don't. It's okay, let's get moving. Who knows what else he's done. If there are any survivors, we have to get to them," she motioned for them to follow as she spoke. They moved through the building, continuing through what she recognized as the holding chamber; she vaguely wondered if the kept the hidden room below. As they moved through the small, surprising empty, room, she found her thoughts flashing back to that day when she had lost everything. The day she had curled into a ball and cried herself to sleep, waking determined to be stronger, to be the strongest, so that she could protect the people she cared about.

No – don't think about it, just stay focused and keep moving.

As they moved through the other homes, they found more bodies, all riddled with bullet holes. Whoever had done this had been angry. It angered her to think their anger at her had been taken out on innocents like these colonists. They reached the center of the colony, the main comm hub, and she signaled them to flank the doors as she opened them. She went in first; the office was tossed, terminals broken and bullet holes shattering the windows. More bodied lay about on the floor, abused as all the others that had come before them. Blood was everywhere and Shepard had to swallow to stave off the urge to vomit; such useless, misguided violence. This had to stop and it had to stop now. She wasn't about to let this Alliance officer off the hook, not if he had done all this just to get to her. A motion had the others following her in and they took in the grim scene around her, tight frowns on both of their faces.

Just as Kaidan moved closer to her, possibly to say something, the large screen over the main lobby desk lit up. There, on that screen, was someone she thought she never would have come across again, though his message when she had been with Cerberus should have made her think otherwise. Funny, how good actions could come back to bite you in the ass later.

"Good to see you have finally shown yourself, Admiral Shepard," the man spat.

"Is that…?"

"Yes, Kaidan; that is Corporal Toombs, the only other survivor from Akuze." Shepard narrowed her eyes, lowering her N7 Valkyrie as she moved toward the screen. "What have you done, Toombs?"

"You joined Cerberus knowing what they did to us, to our squad, Shepard. Whatever has happened, you brought on yourself," the man spat, his face twisted with cruelty; she had barely managed to keep him from killing a Cerberus scientist and convinced him to get help, but it did little good it seemed.

"I gave you a chance to walk away, Toombs, but what you have done here has to redemption. And you know, as well as the entire Alliance, that I no longer have ties with Cerberus, and I killed the Illusive Man." Shepard snapped out, her trigger finger twitching; the imbalance of her hormones was creating problems in keeping control over her emotions. She wanted to kill him, kill him dead, for the atrocities he'd done. For the countless number of bodies behind them he'd shot in cold blood. "These people were innocent!"

"They stopped being innocent the moment you joined Cerberus, Shepard!" Obviously the man was out of his mind.

"He's lost it," Kaidan echoed her thoughts quite accurately.

"Definitely loco," Vega mumbled.

"Toombs, you have one chance to surrender yourself, or by the Gods, I will kill you. I will come for you and you won't escape me. You attacked my home, my people, simply over some vendetta you have with me. I am not Cerberus." She nearly growled the words. "Cerberus is dead, over, finished. This was pointless!"

He stared at her, from the other side of the screen, wherever he was, as if he were contemplating her words. Then he smirked and shook his head. "It wasn't pointless. You're here now and this won't be finished until one of us is dead." With that, the comm feed cut and the screen went blank.

Shepard's eyes dropped to the floor and she seemed to study it in silence for what felt like eternity.

"You're better than this, Toombs. You're not like them."

The man snarled at her, but she kept her ground, not moving an inch. "Don't tell me who I am." He kept the gun leveled with the doctor, not budging. "You got away with a few scratches and scary reputation. The rest of the unit died. I was tortured for years, Shepard. You can't judge me." His eyes narrowed at her through the visor of his helmet. "You don't have the right."

Shepard knew all too well how the man felt; sure, she hadn't been tortured, but she had mandatory counseling after she had returned from Akuze as the only survivor of her squad. She had what the therapist had called – Survivor's guilt. There was no use denying it to herself, especially as she stood here, with another survivor, but one who had been captured and tortured. She should have saved them. Saved him. "If I had known, Toombs, I would have helped. I want to help now," she lowered her gun and reached out to him. "Let me help you."

Toombs stared her down for a long moment before he finally sighed heavily, lowering his gun from the frightened Cerberus doctor. "Alright, Shepard. I'm no murderer. They couldn't make me one," he spat in the direction of the man, not her. "As long as he goes to trial…Maybe the screaming will stop now…I don't know."

She had thought that was the end of it, but after her resurrection, she had heard over the news terminals the Cerberus doctor had been cleared of all charges. She had contemplated bringing it up with the Illusive Man, but had been on the Citadel for more…pressing matters. Then, Toombs threatening message had come to her personal terminal – why Miranda had decided to let it through was beyond her, but it was a clear threat. 'I have my own merc squad now, Shepard. If I come across you, I've saving you a bullet.'

Finally, Kaidan's hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present. Once, Toombs hadn't been such a bad man, but now…now he had crossed a line that had no return. "Let's move," was all she said, signaling them to follow her.


A/N: Thanks for all the favorites, alerts, and reviews, they mean so much! Continued support is, and always would be, appreciated!