CHAPTER THREE

..

She's sitting alone in the cafeteria, practically inhaling her food in an effort to drop in on Paige before her lunch break ends, when he slides into the seat beside her.

She can't supress a confused frown at his presence, because they've barely spoken over the last few months unless it was about work, and he hasn't even met Paige.

"You need someone," he starts, only furthering her confusion. "You need someone to look after Paige when surgery runs long, or when you're called to the hospital in an emergency, or when you need a full night's sleep. I can help you."

"Mark-" she tries to stop him but he puts a finger over her lips, and she tries to ignore the flood of memories that come with the simple gesture.

"So whenever you need someone to watch her, call me, even if it's the middle of the night."

She nods, knowing full well she won't be calling him anytime soon. She can do this by herself.

It hasn't been easy, and she's been running on approximately four hours of interrupted sleep a night, and she's fairly certain she has permanent bags under her eyes, but she's surviving.

She has her father, who has been amazing, even though it took a little while for her to fully trust him with Paige, and he watches her when her shifts exceed the hours of the hospital's day care, and it works, for the most part.

But there are nights when she needs to stay with a patient, or scrub in on a surgery, but can't because she has to pick up Paige and then take her to her father's and by the time she returns it's usually been a huge waste of time because the surgery's over or someone else has ended up monitoring the patient.

"If you don't call me at least once in the next week I'll make sure you get put on every procedure that exceeds seven hours for the next month," he says before walking away and her mouth drops.

Rude.

..

She knows Derek's testing her, when she's scrubbing out and he tells her the patient will need to be woken up every hour to ensure there are no side effects from the surgery. She's about to nod and make an excuse, but instead she turns to him with a smile.

"Will do."

She finds Mark in the lobby, on his way home.

"Mark!"

He stops at the sound of her voice, turning around.

"I have to stay at the hospital tonight, so I was wondering, could you…" she can't actually say the words, because she'd much rather be going home with her daughter than staying up for twelve hours to wake a patient who would also rather be sleeping.

"You want me to watch Paige?" He asks with a smile.

"Yes, please. If it's not too much trouble."

"I'd love to," he says genuinely, following her to the day care.

..

He watches her with Paige and he shouldn't be, but he really is surprised at how she's such a natural mother.

"If you take her to my place," she says, handing him a key, "she usually goes down pretty well, there's breast milk in bottles in the fridge, and –"

"Lexie," he stops her. "We're going to be fine. We're going to have a great time. So why don't you go back to work, and I'll bring her back here tomorrow morning."

"Okay," she sighs, kissing Paige's forehead before transferring her into Mark's waiting arms. "Call me if you need anything."

"We'll be fine," he repeats.

..

It's when he gets to Lexie's place that he realises he should have let her ramble on and give him the good advice he clearly needs. Paige is crying, wailing, actually, by the time he gets inside Lexie's apartment, and he tries everything, but she won't stop. He changes her, he feeds her, and he puts her in her crib.

Usually goes down pretty well my ass, he thinks as he stands in Lexie's room cradling a screaming infant.

Lexie's kid hates him.

It's the only rational conclusion.

He calls Derek to inform him of the fact, and Derek laughs at him.

"She doesn't hate you. She doesn't know you," he amends and Mark rolls his eyes.

"Same difference. Can you hear her screaming in the background?"

"I can," Derek chuckles. "She probably just misses Lexie. Hang in there," he says, before hanging up.

"Hang in there," Mark scowls, "that's not helpful."

Paige just continues to cry, as he realises that maybe some of Derek's words were useful.

"You miss your mom?" He asks Paige, his voice an octave higher than normal.

He searches Lexie's room for anything that smells like her, but she's still a neat freak, apparently, because there are no clothes to be seen in the room, so he takes the pillowcase off her pillow and wraps it around Paige.

She starts to quieten down slowly and he can finally think clearly.

"Thank God," he mumbles, as her eyes close, and he lowers her into her crib.

He momentarily considers that the couch would be preferable to Lexie's bed, but he looks at Paige and realises he has no idea if Lexie has a baby monitor (although he's almost positive Paige's cries would wake him from anywhere in the apartment), and he isn't exactly fond of the thought of leaving her alone, so he drops on the bed, trying to ignore the awkwardness.

Apparently the smell of Lexie helps him sleep too.

..

He is woken two hours later to the sound of a very unhappy baby, and he is mentally unprepared for doing this all over again. He never realised how debilitating it is to listen to a baby cry for what feels like hours on end.

But when he finally gets her back to sleep it's worth it, and he collapses on Lexie's bed, praying he'll get a little longer than two hours this time.

..

In the rare moment that Paige's awake and not crying, he's struck by how much she looks like Lexie. Her once blue eyes are now the same colour as Lexie's, and her dark hair is more prominent. She has Lexie's nose and mouth, and he really wonders whether Lexie somehow perfected cloning in her spare time, because he can't see one feature that this baby didn't get from her.

It makes it almost impossible not to love her.

He takes her to work with him, and he's still in the clothes he wore yesterday, and he hasn't showered in forty eight hours.

After bathing Paige he didn't have it in him to shower himself, and he was too nervous to leave her alone.

So he arrives at the hospital completely exhausted, and he's pretty sure, giving off a stench. He texts Lexie when he gets there, and she practically materialises before his eyes she arrives so quickly.

"How'd it go?" She asks, reaching for Paige, and he's torn between telling her the truth and telling her it went great.

He settles for some sort of mid ground.

"Pretty well, once I got the hang of it. She cried pretty solidly for a while when she realised she was stuck with me," he chuckles, and she winces.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. It was great. She's great. I just don't know how you do it every night, I'm exhausted," he says, and she shrugs as if it's no big deal, but he recognises the exhaustion etched in her every feature.

"I'm happy to do it again anytime," he offers, hoping she believes him, because he really thinks she could use a full night's sleep every once in a while.

"Okay. Thank you, Mark," she says, and he can see the gratefulness in her eyes.

"No worries."

At least she didn't comment on the stench.

..

When Lexie doesn't ask him to watch Paige again after two weeks, he goes to her.

He knows it is only because she's stubborn and unwilling to be an imposition – even though he doesn't see it that way, and he has made that quite clear.

He knocks on her door and she answers it in sweats and a t-shirt, Paige in her arms.

"Hey," she looks confused by his presence but steps aside to let him in anyway. "What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to see you," he answers vaguely, as he gestures to Paige. "Can I hold her?"

She nods and transfers Paige into his arms, smiling when Paige gurgles happily.

"You need a full night's sleep," he tells her. "So while you do that, I'm gunna hang out with Paige here," he says, and she rolls her eyes.

"You don't need to do that. She's almost consistently sleeping through the night now," Lexie says proudly, but Mark rolls his eyes.

"Yet you still have bags under your eyes. So, you get some sleep, and if she wakes up, I will be the one to get her, understand?"

"Mark that's really sweet," she starts, approaching him and taking Paige from his arms. "But it's ridiculous. This apartment is tiny. If she's up, I'll be up."

"Right," he realises, reaching into his pocket and grabbing his keys and putting them in her free hand. "You go sleep at my place, or Meredith's, or wherever, and you can come by tomorrow on your way to work. Paige and I will be fine."

She remains defiant, but he isn't above playing dirty.

He puts a hand on her cheek and watches her breath catch.

His lips hover millimetres from hers, and her eyes are widening by the second; an expression he hasn't seen in far too long, and he almost falters at the sight of it.

She doesn't even notice his hands moving until she feels Paige's absence.

The baby is smiling at him and he focuses on that instead of Lexie's glare.

"I hate you."

"Go get some sleep, Lex."

He knows she only refrains from slamming the door because she doesn't want to upset Paige.

..

She catches on.

Every couple of weeks, or when something comes up she'll ask him, as if it's some huge favour, if he would watch Paige for a few hours, or occasionally the night.

He kind of likes (loves) the child.

She has the same kind of innocence Lexie used to exude, and he'd do anything to make sure she keeps it.

Her laugh makes something explode in his chest, something he's hesitant to call love but he doesn't know any other word to describe it.

He doesn't exactly find looking after her a chore.

He enjoys it.

Which is foreign to him and completely surprising.

Getting to see Lexie is just the icing on the cake.

..

It doesn't take him long to come to the conclusion that he wants this, all of it, with Lexie.

She asked him to pick up Paige from day care and take her home, promising to be not too far behind.

He's laying Paige in her crib as her eyes blink sleepily, and her hand refuses to let go of his fingers when it hits him, really hits him.

He could do this for the rest of his life.

He has always been insecure about his ability to be a father, an insecurity born out of being denied the opportunity time and time again.

But every time he is able to soothe Paige back to sleep or make her laugh, his fears and insecurities evaporate and are replaced with the realisation that he might actually be able to do this, and nothing would make him happier than doing it with Lexie.

He hears her in the hall long before she unlocks the door.

"Hey," she smiles, "is Paige –"

"Asleep," he answers, and she nods, dropping onto the couch.

"Thanks for doing that," she says gratefully, and he shrugs it off.

"It's no trouble," he tells her honestly, sitting beside her.

"Lexie, I –" he pauses, trying desperately to make sure he doesn't say the wrong thing. "I love you, and I love Paige and I want to be there for you, I want to be in your life," he's rambling, and he thinks it might be contagious because he sure as hell never rambled before he met Lexie Grey.

"Mark…"

The look on her face isn't promising, and the rejection hurts more than it should.

"I love you too," she starts, but he knows it isn't the end because she looks too regretful to leave it at that. "But…"

Here it is.

"Looking after Paige, and working… It's all I can handle at the moment. I can't… It's too much right now."

She's sorry; he can see it in her eyes even with the tears blocking her vision.

"It's okay," he says, even though he disagrees. He doesn't just want to be her boyfriend, he wants to be her daughter's father, and surely that would decrease the stress she's under, not add to it?

His fears float to the surface momentarily, and all he can think is that she doesn't want him sliding into the role of Paige's father.

But all it takes is one look at her, and the regret in her eyes silences his apparently inescapable self-doubt.

She's always so open, and free with her emotions, displaying them proudly on her face, and he's never been more grateful for it. She looks so completely overwhelmed and exhausted, and he can't even find it in himself to be angry with her because it's clear that this is breaking her heart too.

"I guess, I'll, uh," he gestures to the door awkwardly. "If you need anything…" he adds, trying to express that he understands, even if he hates it, and she nods.

"I'll see you around."