CHAPTER FOUR
..
She avoids him expertly, for weeks.
She knows her dad is wondering why his time with Paige has increased, but he wisely doesn't mention it, and for that, she's supremely thankful.
She has been choosing the stairs over the elevators because there's less chance of running into him, but she weakens because it's the end of the day, she's exhausted, and she isn't even sure she has the physical capacity to walk from the elevator to the day care centre and to the car park, let alone up a flight of stairs.
So she takes the elevator.
It's a mistake.
He gets in it at the last minute, and when he realises he has her alone he pulls the emergency stop and stands in front of the doors, facing her.
"This is ridiculous. You don't need to avoid me. It doesn't have to be awkward. You're trying to do it all on your own again, and it isn't working. I'm still happy to watch Paige whenever you need it."
She opens her mouth multiple times in an effort to reply, but instead she ends up nodding furiously.
"Okay."
..
They fall into a seamless routine.
Thursdays become Mark's nights with Paige, upon his insistence, because he thinks she needs at least one night of uninterrupted sleep.
Her father still helps out when she's on nights, and if she's running late any other night Mark takes Paige home and waits for her there.
It's kind of perfect.
She feels guilty for all that he does for her, but only ever momentarily, because he makes sure to quash her guilt at every given opportunity.
He says he likes spending time with Paige, which is hard to believe until you see him with her.
It's impossible not to find it charming, that he loves her daughter; that he gets excited when she smiles or laughs or crawls for the first time.
As if he needed to get any sexier.
..
After months of incomprehensible babble, Paige says her first words just shy of eleven months, when they're sitting in the day care centre over their lunch break.
She's ridiculously proud, more proud than she's ever been in her life, when "mama" comes out of Paige's mouth as her little arm reaches for her mother, and Mark grins.
"She's your daughter; did you really think she was going to take her time with talking?" He asks teasingly, and she pokes her tongue out at him before returning to Paige, praising her continuously.
"She's smart," she declares, and Mark smiles.
"She's a chatterbox, just like you. You're gunna wish you could return to the silent days. I look forward to seeing how you deal with the incessant Lexie Grey chatter."
He's grinning playfully, and she has a retort right on the tip of her tongue, but she won't give him the satisfaction.
"Now you're just being petty."
..
It's Thursday night, and she is moments away from collapsing in bed when there's a knock at the door, and she's there in record time because she's petrified it's Mark and something's wrong with Paige.
It's Meredith.
"Oh," she frowns at her sister. "What's up?"
Meredith seems to sense she's alone, inquiring "where's Paige?"
"Mark's watching her," she responds casually, hoping to let it slip by.
"Why?" Meredith's the confused one now, and all Lexie wants to do is slam the door so she can sleep, but she refrains, instead simply shrugging in response to the question.
"Why are you here?" She asks, trying not to sound rude, although it takes almost all of her energy. "I was just about to go to bed."
"I was going to take my niece off your hands for the night and see if I could watch her tomorrow, I have the day off."
Since the pending adoption of Zola, Meredith has been wanting to spend increasing amounts of time with Paige, in an effort to eradicate some of her doubts about becoming a mother, and Lexie can't help but empathise.
She's thankful, really, because she hates how much time Paige spends in day care, and any time she gets to spend with Meredith or Mark or her father is preferable.
So she nods, running a hand through her hair tiredly, trying to sort out the logistics.
"Mark was going to take her straight today care, but I could see if he could drop her off at your place instead?" She offers, and Meredith nods.
"Okay," she agrees easily, smirking. "So McSteamy's back."
"He's just doing something nice for me."
"Yeah, so you'll let him be all McSteamy for you again," Meredith shoots back, still smirking.
"He can't turn it on and off, Mer, he just is," she responds, too tired to filter the words coming out of her mouth.
Meredith just shakes her head. "You're heading into dangerous pretend friend territory, Lexie, trust me, I know. Next thing you know you'll be losing your panties at prom."
Clearly rambling and consequently divulging too much information is a Grey trait.
She's rarely on the other side of it, so she has no clue how to respond.
"Just be careful," Meredith advises, changing her approach.
..
When Lexie calls, he's prepared to endure a lecture on how Paige's favourite toy is the giraffe this week, not the panda.
Instead, he gets a rambling speech that basically boils down to him dropping Paige at Meredith and Derek's in the morning instead of day care because Meredith has the day off.
He knows Lexie feels guilty for using the day care so often, because her mother was a stay at home mom, and it kills her that Paige spends so much time with strangers at day care.
So he agrees easily, before recounting exactly how he's spent the night, concluding with putting Paige down half an hour ago.
"Thanks, Mark."
She always sounds so supremely grateful, and he, as always, brushes it off.
"No problem. Sleep well, Lex."
..
He can feel Meredith's eyes on him as he says goodbye to Paige, and he's never felt more self-conscious in his life.
He almost foregoes the kiss on the forehead that he gives her every time he says goodbye, but the moment he goes to give her to Meredith she clings to him, as if she knows something is missing, and he smirks, conceding.
"Bye, Paige," he murmurs, kissing her on the forehead before handing her to Meredith. "She likes the giraffe, this week," he explains to Meredith, who nods dumbly, apparently shocked by the exchange.
"Lexie will be by to pick her up after work," he adds, putting Paige's bag down and leaving with a wave.
He's half way to his car when she comes after him, Paige still in her arms.
"You love her," she says, as if this fact is suddenly dawning, and he turns around to face her, his face impassive.
"You love them both," she realises, and he nods slightly.
"Yes."
"Then what the hell are you doing?" She demands angrily.
He sighs, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Lexie… She's –"
"She's a Grey," Meredith interrupts knowingly, and his eyes narrow.
"I was going to say overwhelmed."
"She's a Grey," Meredith repeats, as it explains everything, and maybe to her it does. "Don't give up on her," she adds softly, giving him a smile before returning to the house.
..
It's a month later, when Mark has offered to babysit Paige when she's on call, and she's putting Paige in his arms that it happens.
"Dada," she says, smiling, and Mark almost drops her out of shock.
Lexie looks embarrassed, and she's having second thoughts about leaving her with him, because she's getting too attached.
Mark just ignores it, because he doesn't really see any other option, and smiles.
"You want me to drop her at day care in the morning?" he asks, and she nods.
"If you could, that'd be great," she manages, still in shock.
"No problem. Say bye-bye to mommy, kiddo," Mark says to Paige, waving her hand at Lexie. "Have a good night."
He knows she's surprised, and embarrassed, but he can't help but think it was inevitable.
He spends more time with Paige than any other man in Lexie's life, so really, what were they expecting?
"You're a smart kid, Paige," he coos, because she didn't really do anything wrong, and to discourage her verbal development would be a mistake.
"One day your mom's going to come to her senses and you'll be able to call me dada as much as you like."
..
The next thing she knows Tara from day care starts referring to Mark as her boyfriend, and she awkwardly has to correct her.
"Oh, I'm sorry, he's just always dropping Paige off, I just assumed…"
"It's fine," Lexie replies, realising for the first time just how often she pawns Paige off on Mark. Somehow the frequency has increased over time, and she's barely noticed it. She has a demanding job and he gets that, and he seems honestly happy to do it. He always says he likes being her go-to person, and she likes it too, because it's easy and they know each other, and they get on so well. She didn't realise she was taking advantage of his friendship.
..
"I'll see you Thursday, Paige," Mark says, and Lexie pauses. He takes Paige every Thursday night, and it really seems like a huge imposition with a bit of perspective.
"I was thinking of taking her to see my dad on Thursday," she lies, and his eyes snap up to meet hers.
"Oh," he looks disappointed, and she can't help but wonder if he does it intentionally, so she doesn't feel guilty for all that he does for her. "We could do it Friday night instead, then?" He offers.
"You don't have to do this, okay? You don't have to watch her every Thursday night, or every Tuesday of Sunday, for that matter," she says, because she's being thinking it over, and this has been happening far more than once a week. Mark Sloan has a crib in his apartment for God's sake.
"Is this about last night? Because it's fine, I –"
"It's not about last night! It's just, I'm always pawning her off on you, and I'm treating you like her father, or my boyfriend and I can't do it anymore."
He looks so hurt that she doesn't know what to say, so she just reaches for Paige, but he resists, pressing a kiss to the child's forehead.
Somehow it feels like a goodbye, and he hates it.
"See you soon, princess," he says pointedly, giving her one last kiss before handing her to Lexie, who promptly turns to leave.
"Dada."
..
She doesn't know what ass-hat decided assigning her to plastics for the day would be a good idea, but she'd really love to give them a piece of her mind.
"I'm on your service today," she informs Mark quietly, and he nods, putting a chart in her arms.
"Prep her for surgery. You can scrub in if you want," he says before walking away, and she really wishes she'd picked a better night to bite his head off, because now she has to decide between missing a once in a life time surgery or spending hours in the OR with Mark.
..
It was Derek's voice in her head that made the decision for her. Since she had Paige he's been constantly reminding her that when she's at the hospital she needs to put her learning first, so she decides she can endure hours beside Mark in an OR.
She can.
He's mostly silent throughout the procedure, only speaking to her to ask her a question about the surgery, and she's thankful that he's able to put aside the personal in favour of the professional.
It's when they're scrubbing out that he snaps.
"What the hell happened last night, Lexie?" He demands, scrubbing his hands with a fervour that surely must hurt.
"I-" she begins, unsuccessfully trying to respond.
"I don't understand," he adds softly, and she swallows, trying to be clear.
"This isn't fair to you, you don't deserve it," she says quietly. "You never go out, you never have women over, because I'm always asking you to watch my daughter, and you shouldn't have to. You should be able to live your life the way you want."
"Don't you get it?" he asks, honestly shocked. "I love you, Lex, and I love Paige, and I don't want anyone else. If that's too much for you to handle right now, that's fine, but I'm not going anywhere, and I really hope you don't take her away from me because of it."
Her mouth drops open, and she doesn't know what to say to that, because he's acting like Paige's father, he's talking as if he's her father, and while she wishes that were the case, it's not, and he doesn't have to do this.
But the emotion on his face is clear, it's self-doubt, as if he thinks he isn't good enough, or something equally ridiculous, and she knows she has to silence it, even if she's too shocked to respond with more than a few words.
"I'll bring her by Thursday, then?" She manages to press out, and a grin breaks across his face.
"Yeah. That would be great."
..
By the time Thursday rolls around, she has made a decision.
She's been mistreating him, she knows this.
She's been leaning on him, and depending on him in ways she has no right to, and she has been unknowingly taking advantage of the fact that he apparently still loves her.
It has to stop.
..
