CHAPTER FIVE

..

Lexie knocks on the door hesitantly, balancing Paige on one hip and her bag on her shoulder, and she smiles nervously when Mark opens the door.

"There she is," he grins, lifting Paige into his arms and pulling funny faces at her.

She giggles happily, and Lexie stalls as she hands him the bag.

"I, uh –" she chuckles to herself, because she really should not be so nervous. "I was wondering if maybe I could stay, we could have dinner?" She asks, and he steps aside to let her into the apartment with a smile.

"I have to warn you, the only thing in the fridge is food for this little one and week old Chinese."

She laughs at that, because he never was the domestic type. (She ignores the fact he apparently shops for food for Paige).

"How does pizza sound?" He asks, and she smiles.

"Sounds great."

..

She has missed this.

She'd tried so hard to forget what it was like, actually spending time with him.

Paige is asleep, and they're sitting comfortably on the couch in front of the television with a pizza box between them.

It's so completely easy with him, and she honestly can't even remember a reason why she ever let him go.

Mark grabs the pizza box and stands when she finishes off the last slice, headed to the kitchen.

"I'd offer you dessert, but I think we've already established the lack of food in my kitchen," he laughs, tossing the box and returning to the couch.

Now's the time, she realises, because they don't have a buffer, and she knows she hasn't exactly been clear as to why she wanted to do this.

Over the last few months, they've fallen into some sort of pseudo-relationship, and she doesn't know how it happened without her even noticing. What she does know is that she can't keep treating him like her daughter's father, placing all this responsibility on his shoulders, when really, he has no reason to accept it.

Except he does, apparently, because he loves her, and he's been biding his time and acting like her boyfriend, waiting for her to come around, while she has been merely trying to get through each day, too exhausted to even notice.

Given a little thought, it really seems ridiculous that she's doing this too him because she's overwhelmed and generally exhausted.

She loves him – she's come to realise she always will, and if the last couple of years have taught her anything, it's that time with the people you love is precious.

She opens her mouth to learn she has no idea how to put all of these thoughts and feelings into semi coherent sentences, so instead she tries to make herself understood through actions.

She stands when he reaches her, and he looks at her, confused.

"Wh-"

She touches his cheek softly before pressing her lips to his, effectively muffling his words.

She knows he's confused, and surprised by her actions, because he doesn't respond to the kiss immediately. When he does he's tentative, and it makes her smile against his lips.

"Wha..." he murmurs, and she smiles at his inability to speak. God (and just about every woman in America) knows it isn't exactly easy to render Mark Sloan speechless.

She just kisses him again, and he doesn't waste any time the second time around, slipping his hands through her hair and kissing her back.

She'd almost forgotten what it was like to be kissed by him; like the rest of the world has melted away.

But it hasn't, because she hears Paige crying through the fog, and she pulls away reluctantly.

She touches a hand to her lips because God, it's been so long since she's been kissed like that that her legs are almost unable to support her.

He is smiling as she steps backwards, heading for Paige and trying desperately to form an articulate sentence.

"I'll, uh, I'll be right back," she says, and he's chuckling at her stammering.

She reaches Paige and successfully soothes her back to sleep, taking a deep breath and trying to get her thoughts straight.

Somehow Mark Sloan has the uncanny ability to render her unable to function.

When she returns to the living room he hasn't moved, he's still standing, waiting for her, smiling.

"She's asleep," Lexie explains and Mark nods, reaching for her when she stops a few feet away from him and drawing her closer.

She smiles at his enthusiasm, because there really was a tiny part of her that was afraid that he would turn her away.

She knows there is a conversation they should be having but when his lips touch hers she really can't bring herself to care.

But then she thinks of Paige, and that it isn't fair to her, because there aren't only two of them in this relationship anymore.

"Mark," she wrenches her lips from his, which is really harder than it should be. "We should talk about this."

He shakes his head, kissing her again.

"Not much to say that hasn't been said before," he adds quickly, before pressing his lips to hers.

"Love you, love Paige. Anything else?" He asks, his lips hovering millimetres from hers.

"I love you too," she offers, and he hesitates for a moment, letting the words sink in, before kissing her again.

..

It's not too long before it gets to the point where she either goes home or they move things to the bedroom, and she's not quite ready for the latter, despite how appealing it sounds in theory.

"I should go," she says softly, and he shakes his head.

"Why don't you stay?" He whispers. "Paige is down for the night, and then we can go in together in the morning."

It's tempting, oh so tempting, but she knows where staying the night is going to lead.

"I don't have any clothes," she chooses as her excuse, and she realises too late it was a poor choice, recognising the smirk on his face.

"You won't need any," he replies instantly, and God, just the tone of his voice makes her want to give in.

"It's a bad idea," she argues.

"It's not," he disagrees, kissing her lazily. "It's a great idea. We don't have to have sex," he tells her plainly, and she looks back at him, embarrassed that she's so transparent.

"I-"

"It's fine," he assures her, although the look on his face makes it clear that he doesn't understand what's going through her head.

"I just… I want to take things slowly, one step at a time."

"Even though we've already taken just about every step in the past?" He verifies and she laughs.

"Yes."

"It doesn't mean you can't stay," he points out, pulling her back down to him, and she rolls her eyes, pretending it's a difficult decision.

"Fine."

..

She wears the same clothes to the hospital the next day, which really isn't a rare event.

Half the time she falls asleep in her clothes and doesn't have time to change, or she hasn't had the time to do laundry.

More often than not, she showers at the hospital.

So it's not as if it's obvious that she's doing the walk of shame.

Which is why Meredith doesn't comment on it – because they've been through this before.

It's Alex who is apparently the clueless one, or the one who knows the look on her face too well. (She refuses to acknowledge that it's probably the latter.)

"Someone got laid," he says as he passes her in the locker room, and she scoffs and rambles and stammers, and apparently that is what gives it away.

"Lexie!" Meredith shrieks, turning to her and giving her the once over as she opens her locker.

"You left Paige with Mark so you could go out with some other guy?" Meredith verifies, slightly dubious, and Lexie snorts.

"No."

"Lexie!" Meredith repeats, because she knows what this means.

Lexie doesn't know why her sister is so scandalised.

"It's no big deal," she mumbles, trying to avoid the sudden focus of everyone in the locker room.

"What's no big deal?" Cristina asks Meredith, suddenly interested.

"Lexie and Mark."

"Not again?" Cristina groans. "Seriously, you two are worse than Derek and Mer."

She doesn't know whether or not to be offended so she stays silent instead, and is informed by Bailey that she is on Sloan's service.

"You requested me?" she asks Mark when she sees him, and he grins.

"Yes. Yes I did."

..

Apparently her daughter calling Mark "dada" wasn't an occasional occurrence.

She thinks it might be a habit.

It's already happened five times that she knows about, and she's almost positive that it's happened when she hasn't been around.

"This is bad," she tells Mark after it happens the sixth time.

Paige has finally fallen asleep in her crib in the spare room, and Lexie turns the baby monitor on before putting the receiver in her back pocket and turning to Mark, who just shrugs.

"I don't mind," he says, and it makes her start to hyperventilate.

"It's okay, Lex," he says, confused by her reaction. "Don't worry."

When his words don't put her at ease, he speaks again, so softly she can barely make out the words.

"Is it that you don't want me to be a father to her?" He questions, and the anguish in his eyes makes her heart break.

"No," she's quick to assure him, shaking her head for emphasis, because she knows he thinks he'll never be good enough. "It's just; you're not her father, Mark. I wish you were, but you're not, and she can't grow up thinking you're her dad because if this … between us … if it ends she'll be devastated, and I won't do that to her. It's… It's different now, Mark, it's not just you and me, it's you and me and her, and I can't do this, I can't do the whole back and forth anymore."

"Lexie," he silences her with the single word, and she sighs, a pained expression on her face. "I'm in this. I'm in this for the long haul, and I don't know what else I can do to prove it to you. I love her like she's my daughter, and I don't want to hurt her either. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure, okay?"

She's powerless, really, because he always knows just what to say.

The kiss is insistent, and a kind of desperate that she hasn't allowed herself to initiate because they said they would take things slowly.

"I thought you said-"

She puts a finger on his lips and smiles. "I know what I said," she replies, kissing him again roughly, and she feels his resolve break the moment he gives in. His hands go to her waist, pulling her against him, and it's humiliating, how much she wants him.

She moans into the kiss, wrapping her arms around him.

"It's been a while," she murmurs, embarrassed, because it feels like pertinent knowledge.

"For me too," he admits, and she doesn't push it because she can't help it, she's surprised, and she knows he's embarrassed. He shouldn't be, not even a little bit, because she hasn't had sex since Paige was conceived, and that is embarrassing.

He goes for her shirt and she stops him, because that's another thing to be self-conscious about.

"Things are different now," she says. She used to pride herself on her body but she doesn't anymore, because it really hasn't been on the top of her priorities.

"I know," he says, and she tries to distract him but fails. "Don't be like this. You're beautiful," he murmurs resolutely, slipping her shirt off and kissing her. "Beautiful," he repeats, and she blushes because she's not. Since the last time they did this she's gained weight in just about every possible way, and stretch marks mar her stomach and breasts.

His hands go to her ass as he lifts her, carrying her towards the bedroom. "Even if it takes all night, I'll convince you," he vows, and the mere thought sends a shiver up her spine.

..

"Lex?" He asks, as she wakes in his arms.

God, she's missed this.

"Mmmm?" She asks, smiling contentedly.

"Is it okay if she calls me dad? We never got to the end of it. Is it okay?"

She smiles at the look on his face, the unbridled hope. "If you want to be her dad, she really should call you dad, don't you think?"

His grin is so wide it splits his face in two, as he wraps his arms around her, kissing her desperately.

"I want to be her father until the day I die," he says, and tears spring to her eyes at the statement.

"She's so lucky to have you," she replies, kissing him. "We both are."

..

Paige's first birthday is a big event that they have at Mark's apartment because just the thought of fitting more than ten people in her apartment is laughable.

Mark goes overboard with everything, from gifts to decorations to food, and Meredith can't believe that her little sister managed to turn Mark Sloan, man whore, into Mark Sloan proud father.

Derek just smiles knowingly at him throughout the party.

"I'm glad you're happy," he tells his friend sincerely, and Mark beams.

"Ecstatic," he corrects.

He has everything he ever wanted.

..

A/N:

Okay, I have tried to keep the author's notes to a minimum, because really, no one reads a story for the author's notes, however, I have to say, that I have never before received such wonderful reviews and feedback for a story. You guys are really the greatest readers, and I so very much appreciate it. Now that I am officially done with exams and have a very long summer holiday ahead of me, I'm hoping to be able to update more frequently than once a week :)

Thank you all, once again.