CHAPTER SIX
..
They don't really talk about moving in together, but eventually most of her stuff is at his place, and bringing over the rest of it just seems like the sensible thing to do.
Paige actually gets her own room, they're close to the hospital, and Callie and Arizona are across the hall, which proves to be invaluable in emergencies.
It's perfect, really.
..
Derek and Meredith successfully adopt Zola, and Mark can't help but tease his friend about going after what he has. He's never been the one who has it all, and he likes the way it feels.
It has become a habit of his; visiting Paige whenever he has a spare moment during the day, and it isn't exactly a secret. Lexie does the same thing, he knows, because often enough they run into each other.
It's something that he is introducing Derek to, as they sit on chairs far too small for anyone over the age of three, watching Paige and Zola as they play on the carpeted floor in front of them.
"She's just like Lexie," Derek comments, his eyes on Paige, and Mark chuckles.
"Yeah she is," he agrees proudly, as Paige stands up precariously and he tries to stop himself from reaching for her. Lexie keeps complaining that he's stunting her walking ability, because he's so afraid that she's going to fall that he goes to carry her whenever she tries to walk.
"Daddy," she says clearly, walking toward him, and he beams.
"Look at you, princess," he smiles proudly, as she reaches him successfully. Slowly the "dada" has become "daddy" and Lexie has been pretending that she isn't jealous that she is still being called "mama".
He lifts Paige effortlessly onto his lap, completely oblivious to Derek, who has been watching the exchange in awe.
"Look at you," Derek says, unable to keep the shock out of his voice.
"What?" Mark demands, defensive. He's sick of everyone assuming he can't do this; that he isn't a capable father.
Lexie is the only one who has ever had faith in his ability in that aspect, and he isn't about to let her, or Paige down.
"She adores you," Derek notes. "Have you thought this through?"
"Excuse me?" Mark returns, instantly angered by the slight condescension in Derek's tone.
"I know how much you wanted this – a family, and Lexie, but … Have you two talked about it? Because this isn't like it was before. You can't walk away when things get hard."
"I never walked away," he tells Derek quietly, anger percolating through his tone despite his attempt at controlling it. "She did. She walked away and she slept with Karev."
Just the memory makes his blood boil, and the condescending sympathy in Derek's eyes doesn't do anything to ease the anger.
"You slept with Addison," Derek reminds him gently. "I'm just saying, it has to be different now, for Paige. You two have acknowledged that?"
He nods determinedly, because they have. Lexie has been adamant that this is it; that they're either in this or they're out, and the consensus was a very enthusiastic in.
"You've discussed what would happen if you and Lexie were to break up, if Lexie were to walk away?" Derek verifies, unconvinced.
Mark swallows thickly at the thought, because Derek has a point. They haven't discussed it, not really, and he is suddenly flooded with images of Lexie taking Paige and him never seeing either of them again.
He holds Paige a little tighter, ignoring Derek. He hates that his best friend can't just be happy for him, even if his happiness is encased in a protective bubble of ignorance. But even through the denial that he is intent on maintaining, he knows he barely survived losing Lexie the first time around – he couldn't handle losing both of them.
..
They spend two hours together before he convinces himself to simply ask her. They've eaten, Paige is asleep, and they're in the kitchen finishing up the dishes.
His conversation with Derek incited fears that are paralysing; fears that prevent him from thinking clearly, and he knows Lexie would put them to rest.
At least he hopes she would.
There's a part of him that worries that she might actually tell him that the moment he messes up, the moment they're over, she will take Paige, because really, he has no legal claim on the child.
He can't even stomach the thought, because the memory of Lexie walking away the first time still burns in his mind, but he needs to know before his insecurities eat him alive.
"What would happen if we broke up?" He asks softly, turning on his side to face her.
Her mouth drops open and her brows knit together. "Why would you even ask that? You said you were in this," she says, and he knows she was going for angry, but the words come out hurt instead, so he's quick to double back and correct her assumption.
"I am, Lexie, God, it's just… Nothing is certain, and I was all in last time too, but it didn't work, and I just need to know… Would you just walk away; take her from me?"
She blinks at him, and it happens so slowly that it takes him a minute to recognise the change in her features.
She looks betrayed, and even more hurt than before, and this time he doesn't know what to say because he doesn't understand.
"Are you…" She pauses, looking utterly heartbroken. "Do you even want me, anymore? Or is it just that you finally have the life you wanted, that you have a child? I know that you don't want to lose her, but would you even care if you lost me?"
He finally realises that for all he has said, all that he has done, the majority of it has been about proving his dedication to Paige, and less about Lexie, and with that realisation, his insecurities fade into oblivion as he tries to alleviate hers.
"Lex…" he feels guilty that she even has to ask the question; that she even has these doubts.
He is so thrown by the question that he doesn't have immediate words to reassure her, so he merely reaches for her, pulling her body against his swiftly, and kisses her.
He kisses her until there is no doubt in her mind, until she's trembling in his arms, and is leaning against him for support.
"Lexie I love Paige because she's yours, because she's just like you. It's not that I simply want to be a father; it's that I want to be her father. It's that I want to be a part of your family, okay?"
She's still breathless, and she nods slightly, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his.
"I would never take her from you," she whispers. "No matter what. I promise. And I'm not going anywhere."
The words mean more than he initially realises, coupled with the complete faith in her eyes that he isn't going to do anything to hurt her, to hurt them; that he isn't going to screw up, or give her a reason to walk away.
She smiles at him tentatively, and he grins in return momentarily before closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to hers.
"I love you."
..
He had to run to the hospital to check on a patient and left Paige in Arizona's capable hands.
Lexie was on call, as was Callie, and he was only going to be a few minutes.
When he's paged to the ER he's ready to find the idiot who paged him and let them know that he's not on call, but apparently that idiot is Arizona.
"What the hell?" He asks angrily, fear creeping into his tone, because there's only one reason why she would be paging him at the hospital when she's supposed to be babysitting his daughter, and the mere thought makes him sick to his stomach.
He's grappling for another possibility, but then he hears her crying, and he knows Paige's cries instantly.
"Where is she?" He demands, but Arizona stands her ground, not letting him move.
"You need to calm down. She's okay, it's appendicitis."
"Appendicitis? I've only been gone…"
He checks his watch, and apparently two minutes turned into three hours fairly quickly.
"What happened?" He asks instead, pulling away the curtain behind Arizona to see Paige with Meredith, who is trying unsuccessfully to soothe her.
"It's okay, baby girl," he says, running a hand across Paige's forehead.
"Did you page Lexie?" He asks, an Arizona nods.
"She hasn't responded."
"Go find her," he tells Meredith, who stands immediately.
"What the hell happened?" He asks Arizona again, who takes Meredith's seat on the other side of Paige.
"It started right after you left, she wouldn't stop crying, she had a slight fever and tenderness over McBurney's point, so I brought her in just to be safe. An ultrasound showed appendicitis, we're just waiting on an OR."
He nods, trying to calm down, because really, Arizona did everything right, and if she hadn't been the one watching Paige it's possible they wouldn't have caught it so quickly.
"Thanks. You'll do the surgery, right?"
"An intern could do it, but yes, I will be performing the surgery."
He smiles appreciatively. "Thanks."
"An OR has opened up," the on call nurse informs them, and he stands, ready to take her to pre op, but Arizona stalls.
"What? Why aren't we moving?" He asks, and Arizona stares at the ground. "Robbins?"
"We need consent," she mumbles, and he nods.
"Where are the papers?"
"We need Lexie's consent," she clarifies, and there it is.
The simple statement lands like a punch to the stomach.
"Because I'm not her father," he says tonelessly.
"You are her father, Mark, you're her father in every way that counts. You're the first one who's been able to get her to stop crying since she got here."
"But really, legally, I'm not. Where the hell is Lexie?" He mutters, angry that they have to wait over a legal technicality.
"Daddy," Paige whines, and turns his attention instead to his daughter, murmuring assurances.
"How is she?" Lexie demands, arriving a few minutes later in a flurry of activity.
"She's okay," Arizona responds immediately. "We have an OR ready, we just need your signature."
..
"Lex?"
They're waiting in silence, and he can't bare it.
"Mmmm?" Her mind is elsewhere; he knows this.
"I want to adopt her. I want a piece of paper that says she's my daughter, because if something like this happens again, I don't want to be waiting while she's in pain for it to become emergent enough that the doctor's consent is sufficient. I want to be her father."
She nods, her head bobbing up and down. "Yes. Yes. Or we could just get married," she suggests as an afterthought, her eyes reaching his as she gauges his reaction.
It's when the smile tugs at his lips that she continues.
"If Paige gets to be a Sloan I don't want to miss out."
The smile becomes a full-fledged grin, and for a moment, for a few seconds, they aren't worried parents waiting impatiently for news. She's in his arms immediately, and he's laughing because finally.
"Mark? Lexie?" Arizona is back, and she's grinning so wide she doesn't even need to say the words.
"Procedure went perfectly. She should be just fine."
..
Mark takes a week off to look after Paige following the surgery, which consists of quality father daughter time in which Paige gets everything she wants.
He can't say no to her.
He thinks it might be a legitimate medical condition.
Lexie calls it weakness.
He doesn't point out that the word no rarely comes out of her mouth when Paige wants something.
He isn't that stupid.
..
He's expecting her to back out of the engagement.
Or at least to say she wants to wait a few years before they get married.
It was in the heat of the moment, they were stressed, and emotional, and not in the right mindset to make life altering choices.
She doesn't.
She comes home saying she thinks she wants a fairly small ceremony, family, close friends, no meeting at city hall but far from the big white wedding.
She isn't even calling his bluff.
He doesn't think he's ever been this happy.
..
He learns quickly that her "fairly small ceremony" idea was subject to change. It becomes increasingly bigger as days pass, because she apparently knows a lot of people, and she keeps adding to the guest list.
It therefore takes much longer to plan the event than he initially foresaw, but he doesn't care, because they're getting married.
It's a month after Paige's third birthday that it actually happens.
Mrs Shepherd comes, and one of Derek's sisters, but they hardly compare to Lexie's father and sister and brother in law and niece, and of course all the aunts and uncles and cousins that go along with it.
Meredith leads Paige down the aisle followed by Molly, while he waits at the alter with Derek.
"Nervous?" Derek teases, but he doesn't even need to respond, for the look on his face says it all.
He isn't nervous, he's certain, and he's ecstatic.
..
He spends more time dancing with Paige on his feet than he does Lexie.
They have their first dance as husband and wife, and then she proceeds to dance with her father, and Derek, and the list goes on, as he caters to a very demanding mini-Lexie, who's having far too much fun to share.
"Can I cut in, miss Paige?" Meredith asks politely, and Paige nods as Derek lifts her in one arm and Zola in the other, promising food.
"Who'd have thought, us dirty mistresses, married, with daughters?" He asks with a smile and Meredith chuckles.
"Not me." She looks over at Lexie, who is dancing with Eric and smiles. "She's happy, you know. You make her happy."
He doesn't have to say that she makes him happy, because it's written all over his face.
..
A/N:
I apologise profusely for the long wait. This chapter was much harder to write than I anticipated – there were numerous huge edits, which are always painful. Anyway, thanks for reading, and if you feel so inclined please leave a review :)
