Doing my best to ignore the scrapes and cuts that I am receiving on my ankles and calves, and the fact that my once beautiful and elegant ball gown is currently being ripped to shreds, I sprint through the overgrowth of the forest in an attempt to reach that familiar tree stump as fast as possible. I haven't been out here in a while, and it's pretty evident that no one else has either – the thorns and bushes have overgrown, making the clearing a lot harder to find than it used to be. When I finally break through the branches and find the clearing, all of my energy and enthusiasm is suddenly replaced by an almost paralyzing fear. Sitting there on the stump, wearing ripped jeans and a flannel, her hair finally grown back out on the half that was shaved so long ago, and looking directly at me, is none other than Marceline the Vampire Queen.
Unmoving, we stare at each other a moment. A strange combination of anger, relief, frustration and deep confusion are making it impossible for me to speak just yet. A million questions are surging through my mind, the emotions making it difficult for me to decide if I should cry, if I should run across the clearing and slap her across her face, or if I should close the distance between us and pull her close enough to me that she won't be able to leave that way again. Over a year's worth of emotions are running through me, and I'm getting dizzy from it. Marceline, on the other hand, looks blank, her dark eyes expressionless as she takes in what has to be my very, very off putting appearance. My dress shredded, my hair disheveled, cheeks flushed and panting from the run from the castle, I am sure I look lumping awful.
"Nice dress, Bonnibel", she says simply. She keeps her expression blank, eyeing me up and down slowly.
Immediately anger takes over and I stomp across the clearing to jab her in the chest with my finger. Her eyes widen and she instinctively leans back, but surprisingly stays firmly on the ground and does not speak.
"How dare you!," I practically scream at her. "How dare you come here on this, of all days. And how dare you insult me, miscreant. How dare you address me so informally!"
She rolls her eyes, raises a hang to firmly grip the finger digging into her chest, and removes it. She then stands, her eyes drilling holes into me.
"Address you informally? What the glob, princess? First off, you look ridiculous. How do you expect me to take you seriously when you look like you just crawled out of a cave somewhere?"
Even angrier now, I let out a frustrated shriek and turn to pace around the clearing. Marceline begins to hover now, and slowly follows me around in circles. I pace the circle several times before calming myself enough to speak. I feel the vampire behind me with every step, keeping her distance but none the less there to watch me.
"Why are you here, Marceline?", I finally sigh and break the silence. Arms crossed, I wheel around to where Marceline is floating just a few inches off of the ground. There is finally an expression on her face, and even more than that – she's crying. Slowly at first, but quickly the tears begin to fall freely down her face to the ground below, and she is looking at me with sad eyes.
"I left."
She says this quietly, simply, and I am not sure how to respond. I take a small step towards her, arms still crossed and brows knit. She is looking down, avoiding eye contact. A small sniffle escapes.
"I left, and I did a lot of bad stuff."
She lowers herself, hitting the ground with a small thud. Slowly, she sets herself on the ground and sits with her legs crossed before me. Still unsure of how to take all of this, of if I should maintain anger or try to feign understanding, I take a few steps closer and sit a few feet in front of her. I am angry, so angry, I am mad enough at her to hit her, scratch her, to spit in her face, to shove her out into sunlight even if only just for a split second. But I am also curious. I crave an explanation for this, as I do all things I just don't understand. My scientific nature be damned, something tells me I will regret not listening to Peppermint back at the palace.
"Why, Marceline? Why did you leave?"
She looks up at me, her face streaked with tears.
"When you're going to live forever, Bonnibel, the idea of loving someone that's not is unbearable."
She speaks simply, and the comment falls on my ears heavy as lead. Marceline was so short before, she was so quick to leave without explaining her actions and suddenly, everything made sense. Why she ran, and why she ran so quickly. I scoot closer to her and expend a hand to her cheek, cradling her beautiful face in my hand. She signs and leans into the touch, closing her eyes for a second before looking up at me again.
"I'm so sorry, Bonnibel. I was scared, and I'm still scared... but I ran and I did bad things and the whole time all I could think about was your stupid pink room and the way your stupid eyes sparkle and your stupid smile."
She raises her hand and places it over mine on her face. Her hands are soft, as soft as I remember. My head is swimming. But I must maintain my composure. Remember, Bonnie, this girl broke your heart. You had barely even said the word 'love' and she was gone.
"Bonnie, please let me make this up to you."
The words are caught in my throat, the tears are welling, and (surprising even myself) I shake my head no.
"I can't, Marceline. I'm sorry."
"What?", she says, complete disbelief dripping off of the word. "Why? Please tell me you still... lo- well. That you still want me."
Of course I want to. I want to pull her close to me and kiss her, taste the sunset and rainclouds on her lips, look into her dark eyes and tell her how much I missed her, give her parts of me no one else will ever have, finally make the steps we never made before and wake up in the morning still tangled in the sheets and watch her sleep for hours, push stray strands of soft blank-ink tangles from her face and kiss her cheek as she begins to wake up. I want to tell her I love her a thousands times, forever be saying the words to her, making up for the time I lost. I fell for her so hard and she left so quickly that I didn't even have time to begin to process what it was I was feeling – but here she is and all I want to do is explore that feeling I have had to fight so hard to push away. To forget.
"It isn't that, Marceline. It's that I have responsibilities now, and those responsibilities demand sacrifice."
I think of the Candy Kingdom, of the vows I had literally just taken. I think of Peppermint's questioning of me earlier, questioning whether or not I had the kingdom's best interests at heart. Marceline is sobbing now, leaning so hard into my hand that I fear pulling away would cause her to fall to the cold, wet grass. There has been a lot of Marceline running away in our friendship, in our relationship... And keeping my beloved kingdom's best interests at heart means keeping my own interests at heart. And I can't let myself feel the way I do about the vampire queen only to have her run away again. However, I can't imagine my life without her, even if I have to accept nothing more than friendship from her.
"But," I move my other hand up to cup the other side of her face, fighting back the tears that threaten to fall and forcing a gentle smile, "maybe we can hang out sometime?"
