Liam just sent her a text that he's left LAX, meaning that he is about half an hour away. To say she's a wreck is an understatement. She had to redo her make-up three times because she was shaking so much, she still is. That's why she's reaching into their liquor cabin to pull out a bottle of Merlot, she pours herself a big glass and takes one large sip, hoping it will help soothe her nerves. She knows it's wrong to resort to alcohol in order to help herself get brave enough to actually go through with what she's planned, but she doesn't want him to see straight away that something is wrong, it isn't as if she can just blurt it out on their patio, that would be incredibly selfish. Also she doesn't want him to know she's planning to leave him for Nick Jonas out of all people, before he even has the time to wind down after a long ten hour flight.
When the front door opens and she hears Liam banter with all their dogs, they're probably jumping at his legs, trying to greet him properly, which in their perspective means a lot of wet and smelly kisses. She walks forward and smiles at the scene and feels a warm familiar flutter in her chest, she does after all have a pretty amazing life. Why ruin it? But all it takes is her imagining a laughing Nick instead, kneeling down to pat Elvis fur and she's sold.
"Hey baby." Liam's voice interrupts her thoughts and she looks up at him and manages a smile, hoping he won't catch that it's a little off.
"Hey to you too, I've missed you." She says, because it's true, maybe not in the same way he's probably missed her, but he has been her best friend for the past two years, being talk maybe once a day if they're lucky, makes her miss him, it's as simply as that.
"I've missed you too, so…what have you been up to while I was gone?" He asks and for nano second she panics, like what if he's heard something or seen something, after all she hasn't checked Perez or Ocean up the last twenty four hours, but oh, well- She swallows and looks up into his face which isn't showing anything else but happiness and curiosity. So he doesn't know that I love Nick, she thinks and gets this horrible feeling in her stomach, selfishness mixed with sorrow.
"Not much…played a little music, wrote a song or two and oh, I had dinner with Demi a few nights ago actually."
"Really?" Liam asks, because he knows that she and Demi used to be really close, but that they haven't talked in a while, not for any particular reason, probably just because they both have different lives now since they split with Disney, really busy lives, that is.
"Yeah, it was really great seeing her actually…" She trails off, thinking back to all the great things Demi said, things that forced her to really think everything through, things that made her realize what she should have a lot sooner. Like pre getting engaged soon.
"That's awesome, babe. I'm happy for you, I know how much you miss your old friends." Liam says grinning and she thinks, right, if only he knew how right he really is. And her stomach wrenches once again.
They talk some more and sit down in the lounge area, eating take out Chinese because both of them are too tired to make anything, when suddenly Liam sighs and puts down his chop sticks.
"Miley…it's just, I can feel there is something going on here that you're not telling me. Have I done something or…? You can tell me." She gulps, knowing it's now or never, she can feel the tears threatening to fall, she doesn't want to have to do this, she have no choice, but she doesn't want to hurt him. She doesn't even know how she's supposed to say it, or which way hurts less.
"Nick was here last week." She blurts out, probably not the finest moment of her life, but done is done, she's afraid to look Liam in the eye, doesn't want to see the furious look she has only seen a couple of times, but all of them equally as scary. Most of all she doesn't want to see him cry, because that's only happened once and that was when his grandmother died and that was absolutely horrible. But nothing happens for a few moments, she isn't sure if he is even breathing anymore.
"Did you sleep with him?" He finally asks, but he doesn't sound angry or devastated, if anything…like he's expecting her to say yes, I cheated on you with the guy I've promised over and over again I'm not in love with anymore.
"No! Of course not." She answers, immediately, because she would never, ever cheat on anyone.
"Then what…?" Liam asks, surprise evident in his voice, eyebrows raised, as if he doesn't why she's even sitting in front of him right now.
"He…he told me he loved me. I told him I didn't love him back." She whispers, voice cracking with shame and the underlying tears burning at her eyes are eager to fall down, because well, Liam knows the Niley history and it isn't hard for him to put two and two together, because she thinks he knows that she always loved Nick a little more than him, even if she always said that all of that was in the past.
"…But you lied?"
"I lied. I'm sorry." She puts her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with dry sobs.
"I'm…I can't say it doesn't hurt like hell, because it does, but I kind of figured with that…song, that uhm, something would happen. Or I mean, if it didn't, I guess I would finally know that you really love me, which I guess…not then." He clears his throat and she can hear him do everything in his power not to let his emotions show, because he's this macho manly guy, which she kind of thinks is a flaw, because there is nothing more beautiful than raw emotions, maybe not in this case, but still.
"I'm so so sorry, Liam I wish I didn't, because god, you've been so good to me and you're one of the kindest people I know…I do love you, but it's just…"
"You love him more." He finishes for her and she shakes her head, mumbling sorry's under her breath.
"I wish I didn't, I don't even know why!" She shouts, bringing her hands out in front of her as an act of frustration. "I…I just can't let him go and it's not fair to you, it's not fair to marry you if I'm going to be thinking about him when I walk down the aisle, I wouldn't want you to have to settle for that."
Liam walks over to her side of the table and sits down beside her, she lifts her head up and looks into his eyes, which are full of sympathy and a flash of hurt passes by, so fast she almost misses it, but it's there none the less.
He offers her a napkin and she takes it gratefully, wiping the black streaks of mascara on her cheeks away, making her look a little less like a sad clown and more like the smiley girl she's known to be. "I guess I understand…I mean, I've never had that first real love, you know? Before I met you I had never been in a long term relationship, or even said I love you to anyone besides my parents. So I guess I can understand it's hard to stop loving someone you've been back and forth with for years…I mean I knew what I was getting myself into back in Georgia, I just didn't think that your love for him would last this long…" She nods, not trusting her voice to say anything else, because she already knows she's probably the most awful human being in the history of mankind and she's baffled by the way Liam isn't screaming at her or hating her at the moment, she doesn't understand why he's being so…forgiving and understanding.
"I'm so sorry…I…don't know what else I can say."
"Well, to be honest…I kind of knew in a way, that maybe it wouldn't work out. It was just something in your eyes, when I asked you to marry me…they were hollow in a way, like your whole face showed happiness and excitement, except your eyes, maybe because they couldn't see the person you were imagining in your head." She wipes away a fresh batch of tears with the back of her hand and looks at Liam, whom shrugs and smiles weakly at her, admitting defeat maybe, knowing there isn't anything he can do and that he can't compete with seven years of love.
"I…I kind of wish you weren't being this nice to me, you should shout and throw things, tell me how selfish and awful I am." She says, searching his eyes for answers as to why he isn't telling her he never wants to see her again or that she should get the hell out of their house, or something that's not so understanding and just…nice, really.
"I can do that if you want." Liam grins and her mouths drops open a little, at the way- like is he…joking right now? She doesn't get it. She doesn't get how he can be like this, this calm and collected, mature human being.
"How can you joke right now? I don't get you!" She huffs, a little frustrated and overwhelmed with feelings, and a quick thought about if this is how being pregnant feels enters her mind, but it vanishes just as quickly.
"Miley, I love you and this sucks, but it's not going to do any good if I start screaming at you or beg you to stay, I just…I don't want this to be harder for you than it have to, because I know it took a lot of strength for you to be honest like this, when you could have like, went behind my back instead. I appreciate it, like...I would prefer if you left me alone for a while now and if you didn't…flaunt him the media for me to see, but well, no, I don't really see a reason to start a fight over this."
"You're amazing, you know that right? Anyone would be lucky to have you." She says, stroking his cheek and reaching forward to press a light kiss against his lips, one last time.
"Yeah well….I try." He jokes, winking at her while he smiles half-heartedly and she knows that it's time for her to leave, to let him be alone with his feelings, to let everything sink in and for him to grieve and actually be sad, but when she isn't there to watch him with sympathy oozing from her body.
"Okay…I, uhm, I guess this is goodbye. I'll see you Liam and just know…you deserve the best, you're truly an amazing person and I'm so sorry for this." He nods while looking down his lap and she rises from her chair and nods curtly before walking away, without looking back. When she reaches their porch, she takes a long deep breathe and just stands there for a while. She tilts her head upwards towards the sun and lets the sharp light warm her face, while a big smile appears on her face, because now she's free to go, free to go find what she's been missing for far too long.
She feels horrible over the fact that she actually feels relieved, like something heavy just left her chest, making it easier to breathe. When she knocks on his door for the second time in less than 48 hours, her legs are jittery and she almost goes for ripping it open herself, when Joe finally answers.
"Where is he?" She says, urgency and excitement evident in her voice before Joe gets to greeting her. His grin stretches wide across his face like the Cheshire cat and he points with his finger towards the hall with the bedrooms. She knows he's relived and glad that she is here, because it means that his brother is getting the happiness he deserves. The happiness they both deserve. She halts in front of the dark wooden door, not knowing if she is allowed to just barge in, or if she's supposed to knock first. She goes with knocking, knowing Nick can be quite nit-picking with his privacy, remembering how he would take out his frustration in a non-pleasant way on anyone who walked in and disturbed him when he trying to write a song.
"Joe, go away! I've already told you, just because I don't want to go chick hunting doesn't mean I'm dying, I'm fucking depressed, leave me alone!" Nick's muffled voice travels through the thick wood and she puts her hand over her mouth, so he won't hear her laugh. She turns the knob around instead and much to her satisfaction, it's unlocked.
"Just because it's unlocked doesn't mean you can…Miley?" She stares at the lump lying on the bed, wrapped up in blankets like a cocoon. A pathetic sad little lump, that hopefully will be hers soon enough, meaning that the extraordinary person under there probably won't look the way he does now, with loopy curls and dark rings under his eyes. Her stomach hurts when she sees the redness in his eyes, obviously from crying. Demi was right, he does look worse than she has done the past week or like, ever, she realizes, horrified.
"…Hi." She manages, thrown off from the way he looks so small and vulnerable, clearly in a state so bad that…well, she doesn't want to see him look like this ever again. He looks barely alive, which makes tears build up behind her eyes, she hates herself because she's the reason that the most beautiful person on this planet looks like this, suffers like this.
"Miley?" He says again, blinking twice, as if he isn't sure she really is there. She laughs and sits down at the end of his bed, making his eyes widen even more.
"Yeah, it's me, or at least my name was Miley the last time I checked, though sometimes I go by Destiny Hope but-"
"…What are you doing here?" He asks, voice strained and unsure, like maybe she is going to say something that he won't like.
"Well…can you keep a secret?" He raises his eyebrows, looking a little weirded out, but when she doesn't say anything else, he bites on his bottom lip, like he usually does when he's uncomfortable and nods.
"…I guess?"
"I broke off the engagement." He furrows his eyebrows at her words, as if he has a hard time comprehending them and after a few seconds, he sits up straighter and narrows his eyes at her, looking angry, not happy, like she would have guessed, over the fact that they can finally be together.
"Stop it." He spits out harshly.
"What?"
"This is low, even for you…you can't come in here and get my hopes up over something that will never happen." He says, sounding so hurt over the fact that she would do this to him, it makes her want to jump into his arm and kiss him until neither of them can't breathe properly. But she can't do that. Not yet.
She holds up her left hand and wiggles her fingers, showing him that where a golden band used to encircle her ring finger, nothing but her own skin is there. "What do you see?"
He swallows, looking back and forth between her hand and her eyes, looking so terribly confused and adorable that she can barely contain herself.
"But why…why would you do that?"
"Because well, it's kind of a long story but when I was thirteen, on June 11th 2006 to be exact, I met this great guy…that day we talked on the phone until our voices got sore and our eyes couldn't stay open anymore. Anyway, after a while we fell in love with each other, which was inevitable, because we had so much in common and well, this guy was the cutest guy I had ever seen and he would write me the most romantic songs and sing them for the whole world to hear…I didn't think any other girl on the planet could be as lucky, as I was. But we fought a lot and it didn't work out so we forced ourselves to meet other people, even though it hurt because all we wanted to do was be with each other…anyway, the thing with this guy is that I'm never going to be able to forget him or stop loving him the most, because no other guy can ever compare, that's why I broke off the engagement."
"You…you love me?" He asks quietly, bewildered. She almost starts laughing, because it's so typical Nick, to not even listen to her speech about him being the most amazing person on the whole planet, but instead just get flabbergasted by the fact that he loves him, which he really should have already known.
"I love you more than anything else. I'm sorry I lied before, but I was scared and stupid and I didn't want to get hurt again, because you know exactly what to say or do to hurt me the most and it scares the hell out of me that you have that ability." Her voice gets a little shaky and she looks down into her lap, afraid she'll start crying and ruin everything.
"But I won't. I know I've treated you horribly, sometimes, in the past but I was stupid and wrong and well…just a kid. But I'm not anymore. And I love you more because of it. Now when I know how it feels like to think I've lost you forever, I'm never ever going to give you a reason to leave me again. I might mess up or hurt you sometimes, but I will always love you and I will always try my best to make it up to you. You're…you're my destiny." His response is eager and his voice is laced with honesty and this begging undertone, but she doesn't want to her him beg or submit himself to her, she just wants him to accept her love.
She sniffles a little, touched by his words and quickly wipes away tear making its way down her cheeks in hopes he wouldn't catch her crying. Even if they are happy tears. "I wish I could be the one to wipe away your tears. But I've kind of built me a little fort of blankets here, so that's why I'm not. But I would if you weren't sitting so far away…" He says, grinning a little while he motions with his hands over his body, that's mostly covered by blankets and bed spreads.
She scrunches her nose up and bites down her bottom lip to prevent herself from laughing. "Well, have long have you been in this bed? You kind of…smell." At her words, he looks horrified at first, wide-eyed and with pinked up cheeks, before he starts laughing loudly, bobbing his head back and forth. She likes how they are almost never uncomfortable around one another and how they can just go from being…Cinderella and Prince Charming with love coated words and tears to Nick and Miley, goofy and a laughing mess most of the time.
"Oh, well, yes, hygiene hasn't exactly been on the top of my list of priorities. Besides, it keeps Joe away." He grins mischievously and wiggles his eyebrows in that utterly ridiculous way he used to do when he was like fourteen and was way more outgoing than the reserved, manly twenty year old Nick Jonas he is now.
She laughs and shakes her head and raises her eyebrows at him. He does nothing but smirk and shrug, like he is some kind of genius.
"Okaay…well as I recall, I'm not Joe, don't you want me close?" At that he tears the covers away and bolts up, leaving him in nothing but a white v-neck and black boxers. She happily ogles him and the more defined body he has gotten since she has last since him this dressed down. He follows her eyes and looks down on himself, ducking his head and scratching his neck, in true embarrassed Nick fashion.
"So uhm, I'm gonna…shower, you can lie down if you want or…you know, on the clean side." He says, blushing modestly at his choice of clothes, even if she's seen him in far less than that, plenty of times in the past. She burst out laughing at his suggestive type of words, which she know he didn't mean like that, but come on, She's Miley, she's going to take anything that sounds dirty as an sexual innuendo.
"I didn't mean it like that! I don't, I mean well…uh. Shower." He quickly defends himself but realizes that he's just digging a deeper grave for himself and slips with his tail behind his legs into the bathroom. She looks around his room, trying to see if anything has changed since she's last been here and when she gets tired of that, not really finding anything new because Nick is an anal person who doesn't like change, she lies down on the bed. On his side. It does after all smell like him and that makes her feel safe, so safe that in a matter of minutes she's asleep.
Okay, don't hate me :P seriously, this chapter, just...ugh. I had a really hard time writing this EPIC LOVE! scene and it felt too awkward to go from him lying in bed and she sitting on the bed to them kissing and all that so yeah...it didn't happen! but I promise you, the next and final chapter will be MUSHY and CUTE and all other fluffy things you can think of!
Also, I kept thinking of me and my ex while writing this, like if it would have been us and it grossed me out, so that's why it took time for this to finally be posted. With that said, all of your reviews are lovely, I welcome them all and just squeal when I see them, I'll answer any questions or anything you might have here, if that's the case.
I saw that someone asked me if I wanted to do a collab, but the answer would have to be no at the moment, because I'm busy and would probably get stressed and I don't really have any awesome ideas for stories yet.
BUT! I have one kind of lame cliche idea of a multiple chapter story, the first chapter is almost done, but I just got to figure out more about the storyline before I can post anything.
So thank you to all you lovely people that has reviewed, favorited and followed this story. I'm amazed by all the nice things that all of you have had to say and just...thank you for keeping me inspired and making me write so I can get better and write nice things that you'll hopefully enjoy. :)
Goodnight/good day, depending on where you are. xx :)
