A/N: Hey people, I'm excited to be back! School's going good, but i think that teachers take some sinister delight in plaguing us with homework when we just get back, so i haven't been able to update super quick. But i'm here now and i think that you guys should constantly have a post in time for the weekend, that way i'll be sure to get updated for you guys and actually pay attention to real life. Thank you all for your support and it really got me motivated, so i'd appreciate it if you all keep it up so i can add more to this story soon! Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Me+owning= Not the avengers. :( (I've always been bad at math?:1
Pepper had arrived, frantic, but needing some time to rest, and Colonel Rhodes arrived several hours later. Steve could tell that Tony's friend was upset at the news, although the man kept a calm face. He had always been good at reading people's emotions, even Natasha's, but for some reason, his thoughts and predictions about Tony were always wrong. Maybe it was the past distracting him, Tony was Howard's son, and that was always forefront on the captain's mind, but Tony had an impenetrable mask, that hid another mask, and another. Steve was scared what would be at the bottom, or even more horrifying, if there was anything true within Stark.
Over the course of the year, he was starting to understand the billionaire. At first, all Tony had been to Steve was that he was a selfish, arrogant, egoistic man who pretended to be a hero, and the super-soldier had gotten heated about it, saying things he shouldn't have said; because under the sarcastic remarks was a generosity and selflessness, Tony had flown into a space with a missile with no thought of return. But now, everything was confusing. Tony was self-destructive, another well hidden layer, one that Steve couldn't even see. That night, his perspective of Tony changed again. He had never expected the natural cheerfulness and energy and ego to be another front to something more disturbing. Steve had screwed up, and now his teammate was missing, a danger to himself because his captain, his friend had misjudged him yet again. The others were blaming themselves, but Steve knew that he was the reason, that he had led the verbal assault against the already self-criticizing genius.
The Colonel had taken a small break, having flown in from overviewing a base in Florida right away, but the military man had come back out, looking ready to talk, and Steve brushed the pangs of guilt away, he had to focus on fixing his mistake, not reminiscing about it. Clint asked, "Is Pepper asleep?" and Natasha nodded, looking like she could use some rest herself, but Steve already knew she would refuse so he didn't bother. Rhodes looked curious, and, perceptive, to the secrecy in the room, asked, "Is there something else that I should know?" There was silence, and suddenly, Steve realized the team was looking at him to explain the situation, "Well," he started, not sure how to handle such a matter, "we didn't want to worry Ms. Potts unnecessarily, but the reason why we're all anxious is that a couple nights ago," he faltered. How much time had passed? It was all a blur. He took a deep breath to steady himself and continued, "Tony was up on the roof, trying to kill himself." Steve watched as a variety of emotions moved through the Colonel's face, first slight surprise, then remorse, and then the look of someone who had something to say but didn't know whether or how to say it. Steve explained some more, "We got him back inside, and kept watch on him, but he somehow slipped away, and we need to find him before he hurts himself." Steve did not miss the way Clint's eyes darkened at the mention of losing Stark.
"I'm, well, I'm not surprised that much. Did he tell any of you about Afghanistan?" Rhodes asked, and there was a series of no's, mostly conveyed through shaking of the head. "Well, he doesn't like to talk about it, even to people he trusts, but I've had enough patience and openness over the years to get parts of the story, and I've managed to piece it all together. When Tony got back from Afghanistan, he was boisterous and energetic, carefree and sarcastic. On the ride into the city, the first thing he asked for was a cheeseburger and a press conference. He seemed fine, but he really wasn't. I think that he was self-destructive even in his childhood, but being captured and seeing so much death at his hands really brought it out of him. So Tony started to do good things, but even as he got better and better and saved the world, he hated himself more and more for the things he did when he was known as the merchant of death. I tried to help him, but the more I did, the more he pushed me away. What concerns me, is that he hasn't been acting that badly in a long time."
Steve felt uncomfortable, but he still said guiltily, "We may have had something to do with that, there was some arguing…"
"That might or might not have been it; the only person who truly knows is Tony." Rhodes sighed, "What can I do to help?"
"There's a 20 digit code that we think Tony used to leave unnoticed, one that not even Pepper recognizes. We were hoping you might be able to help us find the code." Natasha interjected, and Steve felt relieved to be able to sit back and just listen.
Tony's friend sighed again and rubbed his forehead before sitting up straight again, pulling a piece of paper and a pen towards him, and said, "Well, I have several possible ideas that stand out to me, so we might as well start listing some now."
There were murmurs of assent and the team began writing, their minds wandering to what Tony might think important, what Tony might say, and most of all, where in the world their friend and team-member could be.
DAMNFANFICTIONNONPAGEBREAKSH AVINGTODOTHISISREALLYPISSING MEOFFAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHH
Tony had taken out his Arc Reactor three times already, pausing pensively and examining the machine that kept him alive, sometimes picturing what his teammates would say, how they would react, but every time, sliding it back in with a click. He wondered how they were searching for him, and how far along they were, because he knew they would search. Maybe not very long, but they would try, if only because Fury put them up to it. He couldn't decide whether he took comfort in the knowledge that they were looking, and while some part of him wanted to be found, he ignored the feeling, his brain telling him that it would be a disaster if they did, that he would only damage them in the end.
Honestly, that was all he was good for. His first computer circuit at four, his first engine at seven, he was destined to bring destruction. And sure enough, at only the age of eight, he saw his bombs kill thousands of people. Some pitied him for being brought up like that at such a young age, but Tony appreciated the warning that life gave him, just thought you ought to know you're meant to be a killer, that sort of thing.
Sometimes he tried to catalogue all the weapons he had built and about how many were dead because of each new invention; so that he could keep some tallies on how many more he had to save for the balance to be even, but the scale became so weighed that he always gave up, knowing that even then, some of his still loose weapons were being sold on the black market and being used to injure. Tony found it easier to fight and blame himself for the damage later, because he knew he would never wipe out the red in his ledger. Clint and Natasha, they still had a chance, but he was a lost cause, always was.
Tony studied his reflection in the large glass windows that opened to the veranda, and what he saw made him feel sick. In one swift motion, he stood, picked up the lamp on the side table and smashed it through the window, beating his fists against the large pane until the cracks that ran through it caused the whole thing to shatter. A gust of wind swirled into the living room and Tony collapsed, sobbing violently at the thing that he'd become.
i think this is short, but my definition of short is apparently twisted (or so i've been told). Either way, I hope i can update something longer soon, although i foresee a very busy weekend. Still, reviews really help, and suggestions would be good as well, like who's perspective you would like to read from next, plot suggestions etc. I already have the password, but whoever can figure it out first will get a shoutout from me in the next chapter, and I'll read through their stories and review. Also, a virtual cookie if they get it in before 3 days. Clues: It is 20 places long (there are no spaces), and it is the heart of something very meaningful to Tony. If nobody figures it out in the next three days, I'll give another clue. :) Have a fabulous weekend!
