"I can't do it Marius, I can't bury him" Cosette said quietly the day of her fathers funeral.
It had been three days since Cosettes father had died and Cosette still hadn't come to terms with it, Marius had hoped she would be feeling better by now but he had been perhaps a little too naïve in thinking that.
They still hadn't consummated the marriage; they hadn't even shared the same bed since their wedding night in fact. Cosette was still too heartbroken to be with Marius yet and he, even though he loved her deeply, had told her that he understood and would wait until she was ready. He would have been lying if he had told himself that he didn't want Cosette that way, because he knew he did, but he knew it wouldn't be right for her to give herself to him when she was feeling the way she was right now, and there was no way he was ever going to force anything on her, so he waited.
He wanted to be a gentleman, so he let her have the master bedroom to herself while he slept in the spare room, except for the previous night when he wound up falling asleep in his study when he had stayed up late hoping for a way to make things better again.
The truth is though that he missed her. They had been married for less than a week and Marius felt like she was slipping away from him; it was like a light had gone out from his world when Cosette wasn't with him. Cosette had become so distant since her father died and Marius had no idea what to do about any of this, he wanted to reach out to her to comfort her but he also wanted to give her space to grieve on her own, he felt like he was torn apart inside.
Marius had taken care of all the funeral arrangements himself since Cosette had been so overcome with grief that she could barely speak; it was like it was too hard for her to even form words sometimes, most of the time lately she had taken to just staring into the distance, or she would just lie on her bed crying. She had barely eaten over the past three days either and had only joined the whole family once for dinner so far, the previous evening Marius had convinced her that it would do her good to be with the family so she relented, but she still spent the entire time in silence.
And now today was the funeral, and Marius knew it was going to be hard for her all over again.
"It'll be alright Cosette, I'll be right beside you the whole time" Marius told her softly.
"Please Marius, don't make me do this" Cosette said, backing away from him as he tried to comfort her
"Cosette, we have to go". He told her, "You have to say goodbye to him, you know you do. You'll regret it forever if you don't".
Cosette looked at Marius, despite the grief she was feeling she knew she still loved Marius with all her heart and she knew that he only wanted to help her.
She nodded, which she had taken to doing a lot lately instead of actually answering someone, Marius knew it meant that she was ready to go so he took her hand.
When they reached the front door Cosette stopped to take a deep breath before they left, and Marius went to kiss her on the lips, but she turned her face from him, so he just kissed her tenderly on the cheek instead. He looked sadly into her eyes, which looked sad in return.
"It's alright Cosette" he whispered to her dejectedly.
The funeral went by in a haze for Cosette, she couldn't focus on anything at all, she knew there was a priest there, she knew he was saying words, but she couldn't hear what the words were, all she knew was that her father was in the coffin that was in front of her, and it made her feel sick inside.
He shouldn't be in there, she thought, he should be here. Why did he have to leave me? I still need him.
Cosette heard more words and more prayers, her ears weren't hearing anything that was being said and her eyes weren't seeing anything that was being done, she knew she was still holding Marius's hand though, that gave her some comfort at least.
She couldn't bear this feeling inside her anymore, this hollowness, this sick feeling of having someone you love torn away from you, she couldn't bear the fact that she couldn't find the words to tell Marius what she was feeling, he was such a good man and he had been so good to her this past week in regards to taking care of her and her fathers wishes. She wanted to reach out to him and tell him things but she couldn't and she didn't know how she'd ever be able to again.
And then her fathers coffin was lowered into the ground, and her eyes saw that just fine. She began crying again and Marius let her lean on him for support, she felt his hand stroke her arm and him whispering something to her but she didn't hear what he was saying. And after that she didn't see or hear anything at all, because as they turned to walk away from the gravesite it all became too much for her, and she passed out.
When she came to, she was back in her bedroom again. Marius had gotten her home and a doctor had been summoned, she could hear men talking as she awoke slowly.
"Everyone be quiet, she's waking up" Said Marius forcefully, he went over to his wife and stroked her face gently with the backs of his fingers, he pushed the hair that had fallen in front of her eyes out of the way and tucked it behind her ears.
Cosette opened her eyes slowly, she was groggy and her eyes weren't focusing properly yet though, but she heard someone say her name.
"Cosette?" said Marius, trying to bring her out of her slumber
"Marius?" she replied weakly "What happened?"
"I think you fainted, but don't worry about that now, just rest" Marius said to her
"Where's Papa?" She said, still half asleep
Marius didn't know what to say to that, he didn't want to break her heart again but didn't want to lie to her either.
"Marius…wh…" Then she came around properly and remembered what had happened that past week, she remembered that her father wasn't there and never would be again. "Oh...right" she simply said.
Then she looked past Marius and saw his Grandfather and a rather stern looking man in the room with them
"What's going on?" She said shyly, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable with the fact that there was a strange man in her bedroom
"I asked someone to fetch a doctor for you Cosette, we were all worried about you, will you let him take a look at you?" Marius said.
Cosette didn't say anything, she just put a hand over her eyes and began crying softly again
"Cosette, please". Marius said softly. "I want to make sure you're alright, I'll stay with you if you want me too".
Cosette wiped her eyes and nodded, not looking at anyone or anything.
Grandfather left the room and the doctor began his examination of Cosette while Marius kept hold of one of her hands, she wasn't hurt by the fall it appeared and the doctor asked her a series of questions which she tried to answer but like the funeral earlier that day everything seemed to go by in a blur.
When he had finished the doctor asked Marius if he could speak to him alone for a moment
Marius nodded and turned back to his wife for a second, "I'll be right back Cosette" he said, "Try to rest now". Then he kissed her hand, to which she didn't respond to and she turned her head away from him.
The Doctor and Marius stepped out into the hallway where the doctor informed him that there wasn't anything physically wrong with his wife and that it was most likely just severe grief. He told him that Cosette should just rest and for Marius to make sure she eats properly, but that emotional problems weren't his specialty.
He then gave Marius an inane speech about women being "all emotions and no reason" which made Marius angry and he then ordered the doctor to leave his house at once.
When Marius had calmed down again he went back into the bedroom, Cosette was looking towards the wall with the same blank look on her face as before.
Marius touched her face again and began stroking her hair; but she didn't move at all or even react to this gesture.
"How are you feeling?" asked Marius lovingly
"Will it ever stop hurting?" said Cosette, not looking at him
"It will Cosette, I promise it will, but it takes time" replied Marius
"I can't stand it anymore Marius; I can't stand feeling like this." Cosette said quietly
"I know" said Marius sympathetically
"I'm just so tired of crying" said Cosette, turning her head to face him again
Marius looked into her eyes, he was trying to find the light that used to be in there, the one he was desperate to see again, she had the most beautiful eyes but right now they were so red and swollen he could barely see anything in them anymore.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Marius asked
Cosette just looked at him for a moment; she looked like she was desperate to say something to him but she couldn't find the words.
"Please Cosette, I love you. Let me help you" said Marius passionately
But Cosette just broke down into tears again and turned away from him, leaving Marius feeling so alone and heartbroken.
