this feeling is just radiatong in my chest like a heater, except it doesnt make you feel good...i feel so...unhappy. i'm so unhappy. is this apart of grieving? what is this? i dont know. lately, that's been my thing. "I dont know" because i just dont know...i honestly dont know. i cant even cry. i feel like i try to get attention when i cry. i feel BAD for feeling this way, like, geeze i should stop. that's how i feel and i know i shouldnt feel and i know this stuff takes time but all i feel is it just buidling up inside me. inside my fingers, my toes, up my arms and my legs, filling every single blood cell, clogging every vein...i cant even think straight. i dont feel right. i feel unhappy. i feel disconnected. i just want to go somewhere. i cant go to mcqueeney because it holds way too many memories. just thinking about it right now makes me sad. makes me want to cry, but i cant cry. i cant. everyone is coming to me with all their issues and that' fine but i feel like...i dont know. i feel like i need time too but then i feel selfish for even feeling that. i'm forgetful. i'm rude. i feel rude. i want to be happy. i sigh alot hoping that it will leave or i'd feel some release like i usually feel when i sigh but it's just becoming an expression for how i feel. unhappy. i am so unhappy.