I DO NOT OWN GLEE!

"No…" Quinn whispered as she pulled herself away. She had got lost in Santana's eyes and her beautiful, plump, skilled lips too deeply to realise that it wasn't right.

"No?" Santana's eyebrows furrowed into confusion. She could not take anymore of this 'hot and cold' vibe from Quinn.

"I'm sorry. This shouldn't have happened." Quinn stated as she began to walk out.

"Quinn, stop!" Santana grabbed her arm impatiently before it was too late. "I'm so sick and tired of this. You're giving me mixed signals and I'm so damn confused!" Her temper was rapidly rising. Quinn looked at the door and then back at Santana before speaking.

"I'm not ready to forgive you." She whispered. Santana could feel the last few remains of her heart crumble. She tightened her grip on Quinn's arm.

"How many more times can I say I'm sorry? I regret how much I hurt you more than anything and I would do anything to make you see that. I've been trying so hard and when I finally think I've gotten somewhere you knock me back!"

"This isn't some sort of game you have to win, Santana! You can't just sing me a song and expect me to come running back into your arms!" snapped Quinn.

"I never expected that. You wouldn't let me come near you so singing was the only way to make you see how much I care and that I'm still fighting for you," confessed Santana. Quinn didn't say anything. She just looked at the floor in silence. "Please say something,"

"I'm going away for the holidays,"

"What? For how long?"

"Until we go back to school,"

"Wha… where are you going?"

"To my sisters place in Philadelphia. It will give us both some space away from everything… For us to decide what we really want from each other,"

"But how can we decide that if you're in fucking Philly!?"

"I'll see you in January. Please let me go." Santana reluctantly loosened her grip on Quinn and let the girl she loved walk away from her again. She had so much more to say to her but she's gone. Santana was brought out of her depressing thoughts by her ringtone. She was grateful for the distraction.

"Lopez speaking. What do you want?"

"San! Did you hear the good news?" It was Puck.

"What news?" She didn't want to ask as she already knew what he was going to say.

"Quinn and Finn are officially oveeeerrrrr!" She sighed heavily. Half an hour ago she would have been ecstatic but now…. She was just fed up.

"I definitely already know that. In fact, we just had a moment that abruptly came crashing down. And to cut a long story short, she's fucked off to Philadelphia for the holidays so I won't see her for weeks." There was silence on the other end of the line. "Hello?"

"Want a beer?"

"You read my mind. Meet you outside."

Santana explained everything to Puck over a few beers and pizza. There were no tears- she was all cried out. But there was definite hurt in the atmosphere.

"And so now I'm back to square one. I really thought I'd gotten through to her, but I should have known really. Quinn is anything but straightforward." Puck sighed.

"She'll come around eventually. Her stubbornness never lasts. And at least you know she still loves you. I mean… She couldn't resist kissing you when you were close to her," Santana liked the idea of that. She still had some sort of power over Quinn still. It gave her hope.

"Or she'll have a great time away from me and come back to school wondering why she ever bothered with me in the first place," Puck laughed.

"Don't be so stupid! You're a catch, babe. If you were a Jew, we'd totally be getting it on already," Santana choked on her swig of beer.

"HA! Okay hold up, first of all we already did and I've never been a Jew! Second of all, it would never happen again because you have a penis!" Puck chucked a pizza crust at her.

"Hey! Why the hate? Don't pick on Doctor Feel-Good!"

"Oh my God! You named it?!" Santana could not control her laughter. As the two friends joked around and had a good time, Santana realised how lucky she was to have Puck in her life. He makes everything so much better. But she was still missing a huge chunk of her soul. The only person who could fill that hole was probably on her way to Philadelphia by now.

Santana woke up the next morning with a dry mouth and throbbing headache. She was in her own bed but still in yesterday's clothes. How did I manage to get home? She ended up drinking a lot more than originally planned. She remembered Puck and her agreeing to marry each other if they hadn't found 'the one' by the age of 30. Seems fair. Wouldn't be a terrible life I suppose. Then the nights' events got worse. She remembered them walking to Finn's house where they chucked stones at his window and yelled out that he was a 'giant whale' Well… Santana did. Puck dragged her away when neighbours were yelling out of their windows that they were going to call the cops. Then the rest was a blur. She knew something big happened but she could not place what it was, so she got out her phone and texted Puck.

Santana: What the hell happened last night? I remember throwing stones at Finnocence's window and then I forget. Xx She waited a while for a reply. He must be hungover too.

Puck: Shit, San. You don't want to know xx Oh God, what did I do?

Santana: Just tell me! I'm worried now xx

Puck: Can I call you? xx Santana couldn't wait any longer. She called him.

"What happened?!" She demanded.

"You ran off and I couldn't find you for ages but when I did, you were at Quinn's house. On her doorstep actually… talking to her Mom…" Santana stopped breathing momentarily.

"Wait… I did what? What did I say?" Puck was right. She didn't want to know.

"Your exact words were 'Judy, can I call you that? I've just come to ask where your other daughter lives. I need to flind… find Quinn to tell her that I love her. Can you call her and make her take me back?' Babe, you were on your knees. It was really intense," Santana couldn't believe it. She confessed her love to Quinn's Mom and basically outing her without her permission.

"Did… did she take me seriously?" Puck paused. "Puck! Tell me!"

"She was very confused at first and said she didn't think it was right to give you the address. Then she asked what you meant by saying you loved Quinn…"

"And? What else?"

"You then started crying, apologized and ran away… so I intervened. I went up to Judy and explained that you had a little too much to drink and that you always make up stories in your head. I'm not sure if she bought it though. She put on this strained smile and said goodnight and shut the door in my face." Santana felt sick. And it wasn't just from the alcohol.

"Oh my God, Puck. What have I done? I've made everything so much worse!" Santana felt tears forcing their way out of her eyes.

"Babe, calm down. It's alright. You were obviously wasted so she might have thought it was a load of bull. Please… don't worry." Puck tried to reassure her.

"I have to call Quinn," Santana got up off her bed and paced the room.

"No! You'll give it away. Her Mom might not have said anything to Quinn so you might be safe,"

"But what if she tells her everything? Shit, Puck! Look, I have to go and think about what to do next," She hung up before Puck could even reply. She had a plan that would help her figure out if Quinn's Mom had said anything to Quinn yet. She dialled Mercedes number.

"Mercedes? It's San. I need your help. Just listen to me and don't interrupt. I did some stupid stuff whilst I was drunk last night and I ended up telling Quinn's Mom something that is a very sensitive subject. I can't call Quinn as we're not exactly on talking terms right now. Can you call her and see if she is okay?" Santana explained without breathing.

"Yeah sure but only if you tell me what the hell is going on with you two!" demanded Mercedes. Santana agreed to explain everything after she called Quinn. Santana hung up and sat on her bed with her phone sitting in front of her. She stared at the screen and shook with anticipation. So many scenarios and thoughts were racing around her head. Okay, so if Quinn's Mom doesn't tell her, I won't be in even more trouble than I already am. But if she has then… There will be no chance of her ever forgiving me. I had no right to say those things and out her before she was ready. She trembled uncontrollably at the thought of facing the wrath of Quinn. Ten painful minutes later, her phone started to buzz. She hesitantly picked it up and answered.

"So…?" She asked in a shaky voice. Mercedes sighed. Oh no.

"She seems absolutely fine, San. A little distant but she has been for the past few weeks. She says she's having a great time with her sister," Santana laughed hysterically with relief.

"Phew! I'm safe for now. Thanks Mercedes. By-"

"-Hold up! You need to tell me what is going on. I've been stuck in the middle of this mess now so I feel I have a right to know," Santana knew she could trust her.

"Okay… Quinn and I hooked up at Rachel's party. We started to see each other in secret and feelings got deep. Then I got hurt because she didn't want to make our relationship public and so I stupidly… Oh God I was so fucking stupid, Cedes!"

"Woah, calm down. What did you do?" Santana felt ashamed to say it out loud. "It's okay. I won't judge you."

"I was just so angry and I felt rejected which is a feeling I'm not used to… so I kissed Brittany. Just once and I stopped it. She was there and Quinn wasn't and my stupid hormones took over. I told Quinn straight away but ever since then, she's been ice cold towards me and it hurts. It really hurts." Santana was crying again. This has to stop. She's turned me so weak!

"Has she spoken to you at all since then?" Mercedes hadn't said anything to show she was appalled or ashamed with Santana. It made her feel slightly better that she had another friend to confide in.

"Briefly. And it wasn't pleasant. We just argued. But yesterday she kissed me. I finally thought she'd forgiven me but she ran off to her sisters and said it shouldn't have happened… just to add salt to the wound," Mercedes was silent for a while. "Cedes?"

"Yeah I'm here. It's just a lot to take in. I'm shocked." Santana laughed though her tears.

"Didn't think you'd ever be faced with an agony aunt problem like this, huh?" Mercedes laughed too.

"Never! But seriously though… I think you need to call her. And if she doesn't pick up, leave a voicemail. Explain again and again how you feel. Make her feel special. That's all she wants. Trust me." Santana knew she was right, but she was worried she was fighting a lost battle. No harm in trying I guess.

"Hold up! She was with Finn up until now. Don't tell me that was revenge?" Santana tensed up with the reminder of their phoney relationship.

"Yep. All fake. For her obviously. He didn't know and still doesn't," Mercedes laughed. "Why is this funny!?"

"You've got to give it to her- she's good. That must have taught you a lesson!" Santana sighed with a smile. Mercedes may be joking around with a sensitive subject but she does make problems seem less huge.

"Yeah I'm going to hang up now. Thanks for doing that for me though." They said their goodbyes and Santana began to pace her room again. Right, so I have to call Quinn. I have to make her see how much I care for her. Make her feel really special and wanted. Shouldn't be too difficult- I think about stuff like that every single day.

Santana showered away her hangover and ate a sandwich to build up her energy before hesitantly calling Quinn. She knew she wouldn't answer so she waited for the beep for voicemail.

"Hi, Quinn. I knew you wouldn't pick up and you have a right not to, but I need to tell you some things. Things that I'm too shy to say to your face. You're probably thinking 'when is Santana ever shy?' but you make me that way." She paused before continuing. "Because when you feel the way I do about someone, you start to worry about doing things that could make you look like an idiot. Do you remember when we had spaghetti for dinner and I tried to eat it all seductively and it ended up getting all over my face and you laughed for hours? I wanted the ground to swallow me up whole. And now I feel stupid for reminding you of that horrible date." Santana laughed at the memory. "But anyway… I just… wanted to say again how sorry I am for hurting you. It kills me knowing that I made you feel that way and I will pay for it every single day. I promise that if you choose to forgive me, I will spend every day of my life trying to make it up to you… or until you get sick of me," Santana winced at her babbling. "This thing will probably cut me out in a minute so I better go. I hope you are having fun in Philly."

Santana hung up and slid down her wall until she was hugging her knees on the floor. She sat there for about 30 minutes just thinking. Thinking about how long it would take Quinn to forgive her. Thinking about how much she hated being alone. Thinking about how miserable Christmas would be this year.

Oh dear… doesn't seem to be getting any better does it? It might though. Maybe. Christmas spirit and all that? I hope Santana and Quinn still being apart is not bringing you down too much! Keep reading! Thank you again for the reviews! You guys really are great! For those who have given me some constructive criticism- I agree with you, but I just let my fingers take over on the keyboard and that's what I came up with. But for my next stories, I'll be careful not to rush anything.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.