Hey everyone! Okay, don't expect this to be a chapter full of mind boggling turns and twists. It's just collection of Santana's voicemails to Quinn. It's honest and quite intense, but I hope you enjoy it nevertheless. As always, your reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for everything.
I DO NOT OWN GLEE!
20th December-
"Hey, Q. Me again. Still not picking up, huh? Well I guess I still haven't said enough. I'm starting to wonder if it will ever be enough… but I'm going to keep trying because I know deep down beyond your cold front you put on when you're hurting, that you still love me. I know that because when you kissed me… as much as you may regret it now, it felt like it used to. I can read your kisses like a book. The sweet, short ones with a little smile after mean you're content and happy with me, and the forceful, fast kisses mean you're just damn right horny! Haha… But despite the reputation I seem to have, my favourite Quinn kisses are the slow gentle ones when you run your fingers through my hair and I cling onto you because I never want you to go… They're the kisses that make my knees go weak and my insides go all… and I can't believe I'm actually saying this… fuzzy. See? This is what you do to me! You've turned me into one of those dorky people who brag about how perfect their girlfriend is, haha. It's a welcomed change. You've tamed me, Quinn Fabray. I'd do anything to get that feeling back, and it can't happen with anyone else but you… Listen, I've got to go now and finish off my Christmas shopping. I sorted out your present a while ago now and I hope I can still give it to you one day and the look on your face will be what I imagined. I hope you're listening to these messages. I love you, Q. Always."
21st December-
"Hi… Just calling to let you know that I dropped off your present at your house today. I left it on the doorstep because I couldn't face any questions from your mom. So it should be waiting for you when you get home… which I hope is soon. I miss you, like a lot. And I know that we haven't seen each other properly for weeks now, but even just catching a glimpse of your face everyday was better than nothing... Do you know what I miss the most? Just sitting on my bed and watching you walk around in your pyjamas, with your pants tucked into your cute pink socks, tidying away my floordrobe. Now my room is a mess again- it could do with a good Quinn spring clean… I didn't know that simple things like that could make me smile so much. It made me realise that I didn't understand what it's like to love someone until we started to be… well… more than friends. It's the little things I guess. But anyway, I'll leave it at that. I love you. Please remember that. Bye."
22nd December-
"I don't even need to say who it is anymore. I'm sure you're starting to expect these messages everyday. They have started to become a sort of verbal blog or something just for you. But hi anyway. I didn't sleep very well last night because my brain would just not stop thinking. It went all the way back to when we first met in Junior High. I knew straight away that I liked you because you threw your sneaker at that douchebag who wolf whistled at you… I thought 'that's my kinda girl'. But… I guess that I was shocked at the thoughts I was having about you… I couldn't understand at the time what they meant, so I basically did a 'classic Santana' and was mean to you so I could hide how I truly felt. It didn't work on you obviously… I mean, we became really good friends. I think we bonded over our bitchiness actually. I don't know if you felt it that long ago, but I always have. I managed to deal with it and put it into the back of my mind until I started to get vibes from you… especially the day of Rachel's party… that night I will never, ever forget. I hope you won't either. I still get butterflies when I think about it now. Oh God, that must sound so lame. And on that note… I'm going to go. I'll erm… call you tomorrow. Bye."
23rd December-
"One thing I've been scared to bring up is the day I messed up. I don't mean to dredge up that horrible time, but I just want to stress how sorry I really am. I know I explained to you why I did what I did, but I've realised that I really have no excuse. I've done stupid things in my time but doing that to you? That is, and always will be, the biggest regret of my life. I've never been so angry at myself... I would never do that to you again, Quinn. I know you probably don't trust me anymore, but I promise. I don't blame you if you want to keep punishing me for it, but I really am sorry. And I want you back so much. I don't care if you aren't ready to come out yet. It was selfish of me to expect that of you after all you've been through- I can't even begin to imagine how tough that rejection from your parents must have been. When I think about it, I hate myself for asking such a huge thing of you. And for that, I'm sorry. I will wait for you, Q. Even if it takes years… hell, even if you never decide to come out! It's not worth losing you over- I've learnt that being apart from you is more painful that hiding our relationship from everyone… I guess I wanted to rush the announcement of us being together because I wanted to show you off. I wanted people to know that you were my girlfriend so they could be as amazed as I was. I am so lucky to even know you, let alone be able to call you something more than a friend… Okay, I'm going to go now. Bye."
24th December-
"Christmas eve! Are you excited? I hope you are. I remember you telling me that Christmas is your favourite time of the year because you love the atmosphere when you go out for a walk in the morning when everybody is happy and all of the horrible things in the world seem to have been forgotten just for that one day… I hope we can walk together on Christmas day at some point in our lives. I'd love to share that moment with you. My Christmas will no doubt consist of my parents getting too drunk to cook so we end up eating whatever candy we have in our stockings to keep us going. I don't think I'll be able to forget all the bad things tomorrow though… Anyway, I have to go and get some last minute things for tomorrow. Goodbye, Q. Sleep well. I love you."
25th December-
"Merry Christmas, Q. I bet you've already been for your walk. Was it nice?... I am running out of things to say to you now. I know now that if none of this has made you warm to me a bit more, then maybe nothing will. But I just want you to know that everything I have said the past few days has been completely honest. I will never lie to you. Even though I won't be calling you anymore, I want you to know that I am waiting. If you do decide to talk to me again, as just friends or more if I'm incredibly lucky, then I'll be here for you. Nothing would make me happier than to see just a glimmer of hope for us. I know that this wasn't a brief fling. There is more to it than that, because why else would my whole body and mind ache to see you? I'd kill to just hear your voice right now… I love you more than anything, Quinn. I don't care if I'm coming on too strong. I'm tired of hiding how I feel… I hope the rest of your holiday is good and I guess I'll maybe see you at school…Bye."
Santana put her phone down on the bed and fell back onto it. She was mentally drained. She felt raw. She'd never poured out her heart to anyone like that before. But mainly because she'd never had feelings like this before. Quinn brought out a whole new side of her that she didn't know existed. Her hard outer shell just seemed to melt when she was with her and when she thought of her. She was freaked out about it at first, but now she didn't care. Now all she longed for was for Quinn to take her back.
Santana's Christmas had been miserable. She'd barely said a word to her family all day and she sloped upstairs to her room once dinner was over. She lay back onto her bed and almost immediately fell asleep- for the first time in a week she could stay asleep all night because she knew she'd told Quinn everything she could to change her mind. And if she never forgave Santana, at least she knew she'd tried her hardest. Time would soon tell.
