Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. I only own the made up planets and characters in this story.
I gritted my teeth as the hot sun bore down on me. Despite having fought on so many different planets in so many different climates over the past two standard years, yet I still couldn't get used to planets like this. They were so hot and humid, and my heavy uncomfortable armor was definitely not helping the situation. I always felt this way, yet for some reason this campaign felt different from the all the others. I had this looming feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. Like something wasn't right. I couldn't understand why. Really it wasn't the focus of my attention at the moment. All I was really focusing on was the death and destruction around me. Buildings were crumbling to the ground from the weapons on both sides. Smoke filled the air making it hard to breathe. Every time I took off my helmet I'd find myself coughing and gagging, the air quality was so poor. The worst part however was the corpses. Hundreds of human corpses lined the city grounds, all of them fallen brothers.
Just as I shot down another droid out of the corner of my eye I saw General Fey surrounded by battle droids, defending herself with ease. She was easily deflecting their blaster bolts and slashing them down. I couldn't tell how many battle droids there were, but I knew that many would easily kill me or any other clone. In that single moment as I watched the General swing her bright blue light saber around her swiftly and gracefully, beheading a battle droid behind her, as I heard the light saber's satisfied hum as it cut clean through solid metal I felt something I had never felt before. Jealousy. Never before had I felt jealous of my commanding officer. Elegant, intelligent, strong. She was indeed a remarkable woman there was no denying but she had an advantage all of her men lacked. She was a Jedi. Jedi always easily survived those kinds of battles.
I knew full well I shouldn't have been thinking such terrible thoughts but I found I was unable to stop myself. I didn't know why I was thinking of such things. I knew I should push these feelings down and turn my attention back to the battle where it belonged. I was a solider after all. Yet as I glanced at all the death and destruction around me I began to wonder, what did it mean to be a solider? I feared that I would never know.
I remained fully unaware of the situation, lost in my own thoughts until I heard the shouting of the General.
"Retreat!" she shouted at the long of her lungs. The sound of her powerful voice filled my head practically forcing me to obey. I always found it very hard to argue with her. General Fey was a very intelligent woman after all. I was sure she knew what she was doing. I watched as General Fey screamed the message into her communicator and I turned to see all of her men, all of my brothers blindly following her orders. I didn't question it, not even once. My mindset was the same as theirs. Receive orders and obey without question. That's what I was created to do, what we were all created to do.
I turned around half because of my own will and half because of the little voice in my head telling me to mindlessly obey. As we fled from the enemy I saw more and more fall the farther away we got. I turned my head to see the burning city, bright red flames reaching to lick the sky with a certain evil. I couldn't explain it but the sight of it filled me with dread. What was once a big, bustling, lively community had fallen into ruin. It was then for the first time, despite all the battles I'd seen and every single wound I'd survived, I felt doubt settle on my chest. Deep down no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise I knew the Republic had lost the battle.
We fled as fast as we could through the ruined city. I tried my best not to look at the collapsed buildings and the bodies of my brothers lining the streets. Even though I'd seen such things far more times than I could count, I preferred not to think of the painful memories. Yet I could not stop the sudden rush of memories. I could feel the excitement of passing basic training, the fear of my first battle, the horror and grief of losing a brother. I could not stop this mental rush of painful memories and I nearly broke down. I than found myself mentally beating myself up. I was strong. I was a clone captain. This is what I was bred for. Yet, if this was true, why did it feel so wrong? I couldn't explain but I could feel a certain unease in my stomach. There was more to this battle than I knew. I just didn't know what it was yet. I reminded myself that only time would tell. I just had to be patient.
A/N: Oh my gosh I am sorry for not updating. I've been busy with school. That and the fact that I've had massive writer's block. I'm sorry if this chapter bores any of you. The first two chapters are kind of mental musings or inner monologues if you will. BTW the chapters will be alternating between Dodge's and Atan's POV's. So the next chapter will be entirely from Atan's POV. Thanks for reading and please review.
