A/N: Yes, yes, I know. No need to tell me. I'm pretty sure it makes me an awful human being to not update for almost a year and a half (literally!). But chapter 3 is finally here, and ready to be read!

Percy Weasley's day was already off to a hideous start. After waking up late (again!), he ended up running out the door of his flat with one shoe untied, his hair rumpled, and half a bagel in his mouth. And if that wasn't bad enough, he slipped on the icy spot outside his flat and just about killed his tailbone. Then he dropped his coffee all over a Muggle woman's purse, and had to hastily apologize as he dashed away, yelling that he was late for work. The woman seemed very displeased, so Percy had to make a quick dash into the tube station to get away. Of course, at the tube station, he ended up getting run over by a bunch of Ukrainian tourists, crushed by the closing doors, and stuffed under a sweaty American man's armpit (seriously, who sweats that much in February?). By the time he finally got to the Ministry, he felt like he'd been trampled by a dragon.

He stumbled in to the Atrium, breathing hard and shivering, his hair like a bird's nest and a huge coffee stain on his new robes. Ah well, he thought. At least I'm safe now.

He had barely finished the thought when a snide voice came from behind him.

"Percy Weasley," the woman said. "Hero or Hypocrite?"

Percy wheeled around and saw none other than Rita Skeeter.

"We all have heard the story of the rebel Weasley who chose his work over his family," said Skeeter, her quill magically suspended, ready to write. "And, of course, we all know about the mysterious circumstances when he joined the Battle of Hogwarts – in which the Minister of Magic escaped with only a mild hex, but entrepreneur and twin brother Fred Weasley died horribly. Coincidence? That's what I'm here to find out. I am Rita Skeeter, reporting for the…"

Percy didn't hear any more. His vision tunneled. Yes, he wanted to say. Yes to all. It's my fault. It's my- "You horrible woman," he hissed. "You conniving little serpent. How dare you speak of my brother? How dare you mention his name? You are not worthy to clean the mud off his shoes. How dare-"

"Percy!" Percy quickly straightened up, realizing that he had backed Skeeter into a wall.

"Hermione," he breathed.

"Is she bothering you?" said Hermione worriedly. "Because I'm sure she'll stop right now – won't you, Rita?"

"Um, I'm all right," stammered Percy. "Thanks, Hermione."

"You know, why don't you take a walk?" said Hermione. "The fresh air will do you good."

"I'll do that, I guess," said Percy, slowly backing away from the two witches. Then he turned tail and got out of that building as fast as he could.

Sure enough, the air did do him good. The cold stung his cheeks and his flush began to subside. He took a few deep breaths. Maybe he'd go get another coffee – it would be sure to help.

Decisive now, Percy headed off towards the nearest coffee shop – but not before he was careful to follow Ministry regulation and change his work robes into casual Muggle attire.

As he got farther and farther away from the incident, Percy started to cheer up. He was out of work early – Hermione was sure to explain his absence – and even better, nobody here knew the truth about him.

Yes, he thought, rounding a corner. Nothing can go wrong now-

Then, three things happened at once. One, he collided suddenly with a very solid and very human object. Two, his red Converses slipped on a patch of ice. Three, he threw his arms instinctively around the solid human object. So he ended up flat on his back in the snow, with a blue-eyed blonde-haired person on top of him.

Wait.

He knew those blue eyes.

"Well, shit," said Percy.

"Percy!" crowed Audrey Sharpe from on top of him. "My ginger best friend!"

"Sorry for running into you," said Percy. "Will you get off of me?"

"Ugh, fine," said Audrey, rolling sideways and landing next to him on the ground.

Percy sat up slowly, hoping nothing was broken and cursing his awful luck.

Well, bye then, said his brain.

"Coffee?" said his mouth.

Audrey's small face lit up in a radiant smile.

"Thought you'd never ask," she said.

Shit, thought Percy.

"…And then he said to me, I didn't say gateau, I said chateau! So I was sitting there in French class, holding a freaking cake, while it turns out the project had been on castles!" Audrey's peal of laughter rung through the little coffee shop.

"Hold on, you really did that?" said Percy, smiling despite himself.

"I really did!" exclaimed Audrey. "It was sooooooo embarrassing! People called me Gateau Audrey for months afterward."

"Better than Weatherby," commented Percy. "My old boss never learned my name once. Called me Weatherby instead of Weasley the whole time I worked for him!"

"No way," gasped Audrey. "How long?"

"Ten whole months," said Percy grimly.

"And what an impression you made," said Audrey completely deadpan. They both held that for a second or two before bursting out laughing.

"Percy Weatherby!" said Audrey, almost choking with laughter. "Ten months!"

"Gateau Audrey," Percy shot back. This made Audrey laugh even harder.

"I can't believe it. Any other embarrassing stories?"

"Well," said Percy. "My brothers slipped dra- uh, horse dung in my inbox once. They said it was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!"

Audrey gave a very unladylike snort as she pictured Percy's expression in that situation.

"What did you do with it?" she asked.

Percy leaned in conspiratorially. "I gave it to my boss because I didn't get that it was a joke!"

Audrey started laughing at this – again.

I like making her laugh, thought Percy. Wait. No, I don't. Yes, I do. Yes or no? No or yes? Coffee or work? Audrey Sharpe or Rita Skeeter? Laughter or pain? Friendship or hiding? Which do I choose?

"You gonna pay?" asked Audrey.

Percy looked down. Sure enough, sitting in front of him was the check.

"Um," he said.

Audrey leaned forward and rested her chin in her palms. She batted her eyes and let her blue streak of hair fall forward.

"Please?" she said, sticking out her bottom lip slightly.

"Fine," grumbled Percy, pulling out a ten-pound note, thankful he remembered to stock up on his Muggle money.

"Yay!" squealed Audrey. "Don't worry – next one's on me."

"Next – one –?" stammered Percy.

"We're doing this again next Wednesday."

"We are?" said Percy, dumbfounded.

Audrey scribbled something on a pad of paper.

"This is my phone number. Do call me if you have to cancel. But preferably, don't cancel. See you in a week, Percy Weasley."

With that, she stood up, grabbed her coat, and swept out of the shop. Percy half-wondered why she didn't try to attack-kiss him again.

Before the thought finished forming, he had leapt out of his seat and dashed out the door after Audrey.

"Audrey Sharpe, wait up!" he called.

Audrey turned, smiling to see him again.

"Percy! I didn't expect-"

She was cut off when Percy drew her towards him and planted a kiss right on her lips.

It lasted a good long second or two, and Audrey's eyes were shining when he pulled away.

"See you next week!" he yelled over his shoulder as he dashed away.

Audrey almost giggled girlishly as she turned to leave when she caught sight of another redheaded boy standing in shock a couple of feet away.

"You know him?" Audrey laughed.

"That's my brother," said the redhead, sounding traumatized.

"Is he?" said Audrey. "Well, he's a great kisser."

"I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!" shouted Ron Weasley as the mysterious Muggle girl skipped away. Oh, Ginny was so going to hear about this.